In one quick movement Emily pulled herself from the bed and stripped out of her pajamas facing a sight she’d been ignoring for a while. Braving the mirror she found that it was as she’d feared. Her usually fit body was becoming jiggley. “Too many Irish sausages,” she said aloud. And suddenly she was yearning to go for a run in a way she never had.
Emily rummaged through their closet, it was full of things she’d barely taken notice of while unpacking, and pulled out a pair of sweatpants that had been cut into shorts, an old t-shirt, a sweatshirt, and a pair of runners as she was learning to call them. “Rain or no rain this must be done.”
She did her stretches in the hallway feeling how tight her muscles were. When she was at her best she was running four miles three times a week. But that had been months ago. She knew better than to expect that from her body.
“We’ll just see how far we get,” she thought as she opened the door to a misty Irish morning.
She headed in the same direction she’d gone on her first walk, instinctively seeking out the flat road. Cork had too many hills and Emily had no intention of testing herself that much. She set a slow comfortable pace and enjoyed the feeling of her muscles at work. Instantly she felt more independent, more in control.
She used to love her runs in Chicago. She lived near the lake and ran on the path parallel to Lake Shore Drive. In the summer it was beautiful with the sun shining down and the breeze off the lake. It felt removed from the city, something more peaceful. But her favorite time of year was fall when the leaves were changing. Sometimes she’d go past Lincoln Park Zoo and stop in to have a quick peek at the elephants and the lions. Or sometimes she’d run down the quieter side streets with the beautiful brownstone buildings. She used to dream about eventually buying one and settling in.
Emily felt the frown on her face and picked up her pace that bit more, pushing herself. But her thoughts remained in Chicago. She didn’t like to admit to Collin how much she missed her friends and the easy flow of conversation with people who knew her. She had established a life there in a way she’d never done in Michigan or Minnesota. She had her favorite restaurants and bars, her favorite stores for clothes, and her favorite stores for food. She hated feeling helpless, having to learn it all again. But it was her own fault. She was behaving like a victim, someone who had had a great tragedy happen, instead of reveling in the new experiences.
Emily’s legs strived to move that bit faster, trying to outrun her emotions. But she wasn’t in the shape she used to be and soon breathing became difficult. It was then that she took in her surroundings and realized how far she’d gone. “Shit.”
She’d never be able to make it all the way back. She turned around, making a point of slowing down, and continued to run for another five minutes. Then she gave it up all together and started walking. She’d worn herself out. But it still felt good. She was a bit wobbly but her body felt alive. She could feel her heart pumping at an accelerated rate, pushing the blood through her, waking every part of her.
A car pulled up next to her slowing down. Emily turned expecting to find some unfortunate soul foolishly singling her out for directions. Instead she found Joni.
“What the hell are you doing?”
Emily smiled at her stricken face. “Running. Or I was before I got tired.”
Joni turned her head craning back behind them. “Is somebody chasing you?”
Emily couldn’t help but laugh. “No.”
“Come on and get in the car then. I’ll give you a spin back home.”
Emily thought about refusing. She wasn’t sure she was in the mood for company. But then again she wasn’t sure she could make it home either.
“I thought that was you,” Joni continued as Emily climbed in. “But I didn’t think you’d be so cruel as to abuse your body that way.”
“Joni I like running.”
Again Joni gave her a comically stricken face.
“It feels good. It gives me a chance to think and it gets out my frustration. It makes me feel more alive.” Emily realized she was sounding like one of those annoying guru figures and cut herself off.
“That’s enough of that crazy talk now, girl. We’ll get you home safe and sound and get a nice cup of tea into you and you’ll feel much better.” Joni managed to say it with a straight face then winked teasingly.
“Where’re the kids?” Emily asked when a glance into the backseat showed they weren’t there.
“They’re with Laura. It’s Wednesday. Remember?”
“Oh right.”
“I think she considers them practice for when she has her own.”
Emily felt a stab of guilt. Here she was jobless with all the time in the world on her hands and she hadn’t offered to help Joni once.
Joni noticed her look. “Don’t worry. I’m working you in slowly. You’ll get your turn.”
That was all it took for the guilt to vanish, replaced by fear. “How ‘bout working me in really slowly?”
Joni gave her a playful up and down glance. “With habits like this I don’t know if you’d be such a good influence on them anyway.”
When they got back to the house Joni settled into the kitchen while Emily took a quick shower and changed. She was embarrassed by the bright red color of her face and how out of shape it proved she was.
Emily arrived back downstairs to find Joni listening to one of her David Bowie cds while putting a snack together for them.
“Sorry, I know it’s your refrigerator but old habits die hard.”
“But it’s your day without the kids. Your day off. I can’t have you spending it making food for me.”
Joni shrugged. “It’s not a bother really.”
“But-.”
Joni fell into her chair throwing her arms up in the air and words began exploding from her mouth. “I can’t help it. That’s the problem. I don’t know how to spend it. I have a whole day off and I love the freedom, but I don’t know what to do with it. I went for a spin, got my hair colored, which you didn’t notice thank you very much, ran a couple errands, and then found myself completely at a loss. I feel like a kid with no one to play with.”
Emily looked pointedly to one side and then the other as if really trying to figure something out. “Uhmm, am I invisible or something?”
“Well, I didn’t want to force myself on you like I did last week.”
“Because I’m so busy and all. Yeah, I can really see the problem there.”
Joni laughed. “I didn’t know you did sarcastic so well. Very good.”
Emily felt Joni’s tension ease and seated herself in front of the cut up fruit, sandwiches, and crisps set out on the table. Her stomach growled and she realized how hungry she was. “So, and don’t take this the wrong way, how come you don’t have anyone else to do things with? I thought you had loads of friends.”
Joni shrugged. “We’re all so busy these days that when one of us does have some time it doesn’t usually coincide with anyone else. Louise is busier than ever, she just got another promotion and goes to work in lovely suits and expensive shoes these days. Sharon just had twin boys, and she already has two girls. Need I explain more there? And Heather moved to Galway. Those were my closest friends.”
“Oh,” Emily couldn’t help sounding glum for her.
“Don’t say it that way. It makes me sound pathetic.”
“Please Joni, you’re anything but,” Emily disagreed, meaning it.
“I just want to have some fun, do something exciting. Something different. And you being here doesn’t help. Ever since you arrived, the girl from Chicago, I keep looking at myself wondering how boring I must seem. Especially after talking about London the other day. I feel incredibly dull.”
Emily was surprised that her presence could have any kind of effect on Joni. She seemed like such a force, such a self-contained person, the kind who didn’t need reassurance.
“Okay.” It came out of her mouth before she realized she’d spoken. But this was exactly wh
at she needed as well.
“What?” Joni looked extremely insulted and half rose to leave.
“No. Sit down, sit down. I’m not calling you dull. And I’m not saying I’m some city girl who thinks you’re pathetic. But I’m not going to sit here and try to say things to make you feel better either. I don’t think you’d respect me as much if I did. I’m saying okay, let’s do something. Something exciting, something fun. Honestly it’s probably what I need too.”
“Oh.” Joni looked at her warily, as if she didn’t believe what she was hearing. “Really?”
“Really.” Emily was starting to feel excited. “I spent all last week wandering around this city and didn’t really have any fun. I’m just not the type of person who enjoys doing things like that on my own. I definitely need my own time and space, but not for things like that. Besides my afternoon, uhm week, er month is free. I think I could schedule you in.”
Joni laughed a schoolgirls laugh. “This is good. This is just what I need. So what do we do?”
Emily screwed up her face thinking hard. She wanted to come up with something good. Then her features broke into a smile. The answer was easy. “Shopping.”
“Shopping,” Joni repeated.
“Yes, for fun stuff. Nothing you’d wear just around the house, something that would definitely be for a night out.”
Joni was soon sharing Emily’s smile.
“But you’ll have to help me,” Emily confessed more quietly. “Styles here are different from home. I’m having a hard time getting a handle on them. I might need some advice.”
Joni took a look at the jeans and sweater that Emily had changed into and nodded. “Yes. I can see that.”
Two hours later Emily was missing the GAP more than she ever would have thought possible. She had had a wonderful love affair with her own special GAP on the corner of Broadway and Aldine just a three-block walk from her apartment in Chicago. They had her size, they had her taste, and she felt at home as soon as she walked in the door there. Shopping in Cork was something all together different.
Joni held five different tops in her hand and was pushing Emily in the direction of the dressing rooms.
“But they’re flouncy,” Emily whined.
“Yes,” Joni agreed.
“But I don’t do flouncy.”
“Well you’re going to try it because we’re not leaving until you do.”
Emily shot Joni a dirty look but dutifully headed off with the clothes in hand. She grumbled her way through them until she had the third one on. It was a dark brown with long flowing sleeves but it fit snugly around her midsection in a flattering way. She poked her head out to show Joni and found her standing in front of a full-length mirror. Emily’s mouth dropped open.
“Joni, you look amazing!”
Joni was wearing a long tight black skirt and a black top similar to the one Emily had on except that it revealed her shoulders as well. Emily could see her smiling in the mirror. “I don’t look too bad do I?”
“You’re buying that outfit,” Emily insisted.
A frown appeared. “But where would I wear it?”
“Out,” Emily answered easily. “Wasn’t that the whole point of this trip, to find something to wear out?”
“But with who? I can’t even remember the last time Robert and I went out. He’s always too tired.”
Emily stepped out a little bit further from her dressing room. “Well if he sees you going out in that he might wake up. Why don’t we do it tonight? That’ll get him interested when he sees you heading out without him. We’ll just have a drink or two, stay out long enough to make him miss you. Let him deal with the kids when Laura drops them off.”
Joni perked up at the idea. “Well then I’ll have to get shoes too. I’d have to complete the outfit. And we still need to find a skirt for you.”
-
Joni rifled through her bags again wondering if she was doing the right thing. She had known from a distance that it was Emily running ahead of her and had seriously considered driving on past. It was only on impulse that she’d stopped. And when Emily’d suggested shopping she’d had her doubts. The girl seemed to have very little style and she’d been afraid of the results to come. But she was lonely. She hated admitting it but she was.
And then Emily had surprised her. She’d been open to trying new things on, well, most things. She’d been fun and girly and not so full of serious talk like she normally was. It had actually been enjoyable. But going out for drinks. Was that pushing the whole thing too far? Was Emily just waiting to get her drunk and have a go at another probing conversation? Or could she actually loosen up and remain fun?
-
“What do you mean you already have plans for tonight? I thought we could go see a movie? Get some popcorn. You love popcorn.”
Emily smiled at Collin’s attempt to woo her.
“Not tonight.”
“But where’re you going?”
Emily thought about it for a minute before shaking her head. “I forget. It’s a cocktail bar though, very trendy, with lots of martini drinks. I like those as much as I like popcorn.”
“With who?” Collin’s forehead was creased with curiosity.
“Your sister, okay? She’ll make sure I’m well supervised.”
“But why can’t I come?”
Emily stopped in the middle of brushing her hair and moved over to where Collin was sitting on the bed. She couldn’t resist kissing his pouting lips. He was cute when he was like this. “Because she needs a girls night out,” Emily explained. “She wants to feel attractive and flirtatious and it’s not as easy to do that with her little brother tagging along.”
“But you aren’t going out to be flirtatious.”
“No. I’m going out to have some fun and keep your sister company.”
Collin looked confused. “I know I should be delighted that you and Joni are starting to hit it off and I am, but I’m beginning to think she might not be such a good influence on you.”
Emily kissed him again. It was nice to see the twinkle of jealousy in his eyes. It was a side of him she’d never seen before and it made her feel more attractive. “Instead of getting upset why don’t you call up some of your school friends and have a boys night out. I know you haven’t been out with them lately because you hate leaving me on my own at home.”
“Hmm,” Collin brightened. “Good idea. Unsupervised drinking.”
Emily felt concerned for a minute and then worked to erase the look from her face. “Just make sure you make it home safely to your own bed.”
Collin pulled her into his arms and rolled over so that they were both lying on the bed. It had been too long since Emily had been this way. The mischievous side of her was definitely beginning to reemerge. “What time are you going out?”
Emily snuggled into his arms. “Not for another two hours.”
“Plenty of time for me to remind you why you don’t need to be flirting with other men.”
“Plenty,” Emily agreed with a shiver of delight.
“You should have seen the look on his face,” Joni said when the two of them were seated with cosmopolitans in front of them.
“Huh?”
“When he saw me going out in this outfit. His jaw dropped. I haven’t gotten that kind of reaction out of him in years.”
Emily shared in her delighted smile. “The plan worked.”
Joni rubbed her belly self-consciously. “I just wish I was still in the same shape I used to be.”
“Nonsense, you’re in great shape.”
Joni’s eyes narrowed. “Not sitting next to you little miss runner.”
“Yeah, but no matter how fit I am I’ll never have long sexy legs like yours.”
Joni feigned commiseration. “That’s very true.”
Emily snorted, “You’re great for the ego.”
“Aren’t I?”
Emily looked around checking the place out. It reminded her of bars at home with the tall round tables
and shiny chairs to go with them. The lights were artistic and dimmed to set the mood. The bar boasted at least five different types of vodka, gin, and whiskey. And the paintings on the wall were colorful and fun. It was still early and only a few of the tables were full.
“So when was the last time you and Robert went out?” Emily sipped at her drink, still casually checking out the place. She wasn’t sure how touchy the subject was.
“Went out, went out?”
“Well, yeah.”
Joni shrugged. “Eons ago.”
“And you’re okay with that?” Emily looked up. She didn’t mean to sound so shocked. But she couldn’t help the image that popped into her head of her and Collin five years down the line in the same position and it scared the shit out of her.
“No. Obviously not.”
“Then why don’t you change it?”
Joni’s eyes darkened. “This is exactly what I was afraid of. You and your deep probing conversations all the time.”
Emily snapped her mouth shut and silently berated herself. Why did she always have to push things?
Joni looked away and Emily thought the whole night was ruined.
“It’s not that easy,” Joni said when she looked back.
Emily remained quiet; afraid she’d say the wrong thing again.
“I don’t know how to change things anymore. We used to laugh things off but these days it seems jokes turn into fights. It’s like we don’t even know how to talk to each other anymore.
“Do you still love him?”
“Yes,” Joni answered without hesitation.
“And he still loves you?”
“He better.”
“Well that’s something.”
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