Ulla's Courage

by Agnes Alexander

  “I love you, too, Mama. Do I have to love you more than I love Daddy?”

  “No, Becky. Don’t ever let such a thought enter your head. You should never have to choose between your father and me because we both love you. I know I’m your new mother and it makes me happy that you love me already. Just love us both and that will always make me happy and I’m sure it will make your daddy happy, too.”

  She was right. It did make him happy. Moving quietly, he decided he’d not interrupt them. He walked to the front of the wagon to unhitch the mules. He knew he shouldn’t have eavesdropped on the conversation, but he couldn’t help being glad he had. Though they still had to consummate their marriage, from what Ulla had said, he knew that she did plan to have children with him someday. In spite of the sadness that had hit the train, he couldn’t help feeling a little happy, knowing she would be his in the future, instead of him only hoping this to be so.

  Chapter Nine

  Charlene Mahoney and her son walked up while Ulla had her hands in the big wooden bowl making biscuit dough. Ivy was stirring the stew in the big pot hanging over the fire. “Hello, ladies,” she greeted them.

  “Hello, Charlene.” Ulla looked up. She could tell from the woman’s look that she had something on her mind. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

  “I just made a fresh pot,” Ivy said. “The men said they’d want some when they got back.”

  “No, thank you. I just came back to your wagon with Carney. He said he wanted to play with Joe and I thought I’d visit with you and Ivy for a tad.”

  From Charlene’s well-chosen words, Ulla knew that she didn’t want Carney coming alone to their wagon and used visiting them as an excuse to come with him. She knew she’d have done the same thing if it had been Becky.

  “You can look over there and see that Joe and Becky are under our wagon playing with Springer,” Ivy said. “Why don’t you go join them, Carney?”

  His face lit up. “Can I, Mama?”

  “Of course.”

  As soon as he moved to the Nettleton wagon, Charlene added, “Where’s the baby?”

  “Will couldn’t stay awake any longer. He’s taking a nap in that tent beside the wagon. I didn’t put him inside the wagon because I was afraid he’d try to climb out when my back was turned. I have the tent in my view all the time.” Ulla smiled at her.

  “I’m sorry, Ulla. I know you wouldn’t let him out of your sight. I guess I’m just jittery because I was there when the Kingston boy fell from the wagon. It’s left me pretty upset.”

  “I’m sure.” Ivy smiled at her. “As soon as Ulla gets those biscuits in the Dutch oven, why don’t I make us a cup of tea instead of the coffee? I could use one and I bet you and Ulla could, too.”

  “I sure would. We have no idea how long the men will be gone, so we might as well relax while we can.” Ulla began wadding up rounds of dough and placing them in the Dutch oven.

  “I do think it was smart of them to decide to go on a hunting excursion since we had to stop so early today. I hope they bring back a deer or at least a turkey or two. It would taste good.”

  After the biscuits were under the coals and the tea was made, the three women sat so all the children were in their sights. Ulla broke the silence. “I’m sure it was a shock to see the Kingston child hurt, Charlene. Could you tell us what happened?”

  “I was walking with Mrs. Kingston and we were slightly behind her two children. I’m not sure what made him do it, but his sister said he was taunting her and saying he could ride on the rim of the tailgate without falling off. She said she told him he better not because his mother would get mad. He laughed and went running up behind the wagon and tried to pull himself up, but he couldn’t get a tight hold and he was slung to the side. His left leg was caught under the wagon wheel and it was practically cut off.”

  “Oh my!” Ivy gasped. “Do you think the doctor will be able to save the leg?”

  Charlene shook her head. “All the bones in the leg were not only broken, but most of the flesh was severed and there was nothing the doctor could do but finish amputating it.”

  “That is so tragic.” Ulla took a deep breath. “Cord and Pete told us it was bad, but I guess they didn’t want to tell us how bad until everything was certain.”

  “Probably. Liam said he wished he could have shielded me from it, but there was no way since I was right there.”

  “How old is the Kingston boy?”

  “He’s twelve, Ivy. Much too old to try something so foolish, but sometimes I wonder if the male of the species ever grows up.”

  “You’re right. I think it was great of Mr. Pruitt to insist some of the men leave the train and hunt while we’re camped. Cord took him up on it right away. Of course, before he left he gave me all kinds of instructions about watching the children.” She shook her head. “I don’t think most men know how protective a woman can be over her sons and daughters.”

  “Pete did the same thing.”

  Charlene chuckled. “So did Liam, and that man has never been hunting more than a half dozen times in his life. We lived in Chicago. He’s been a lawyer all his career and he’s never known anything about such things as hunting.”

  Ivy frowned. “I’m surprised you decided to come on this trip.”

  Charlene gave her a half smile. “Things didn’t go well in Chicago and Liam said we needed to come to a new part of the country and start a new life.” She offered no more explanation.

  Ulla didn’t want to ask because she sensed it was something Charlene didn’t want to talk about. She changed the subject. “Do you have any idea how much longer it’ll be before we move on?”

  “Naomi told me the Kingstons have decided they’ll return to Independence. It seems they don’t have the heart to go on with the train. Besides, they think their son can get better medical care there.”

  Ivy shuddered. “I can understand that. If it were Joe, I wouldn’t want to go on either.”

  Ulla frowned. “Is the boy able to stand the trip back to Independence?”

  “Saul said he could probably stand it better than going forward. The first of the trail is the easiest part. It gets rougher the closer to the mountains we get. Of course that’ll be a while yet.”

  “Mama!” Becky came running up.

  “What’s the matter, Becky?”

  She came to Ulla’s side. Sobbing, she managed to say, “Joe and Carney are going to slip off and they won’t let me go.”

  Ivy came to her feet. “We’ll just see about that.” She headed to her wagon with Charlene on her heels.

  Becky’s eyes got big. “I didn’t mean to get them in trouble.”

  “You did the right thing, honey.” A whimper came from the tent beside the wagon. “Sounds like your brother is waking up.”

  “I didn’t mean to wake him up.”

  “That’s fine, honey. It’s time he got up anyway.” She stood and took Becky’s hand. “Want to help me get him up?”

  “I want to go with Carney and Joe.”

  “Don’t worry about that. I’m sure Joe and Carney won’t be going anywhere. Their mothers will see to that.”

  Ulla was right. The boys didn’t go anywhere.

  ~ * ~

  After the Dermontts went to bed in the wagon, it didn’t take the children long to go to sleep. Will was cuddled against Ulla and Becky was between him and her father. Ulla was having a hard time going to sleep and she wondered if Cord was also. Though his back was turned to them, his breathing hadn’t become slow and steady as it usually did. The nights he’d spent in the wagon, Ulla had always known when he drifted off.

  Wondering why he was having trouble tonight, she whispered, “Can’t you sleep, Cord?”

  “Sorry if I’m keeping you awake.”

  “You’re not. I can’t get that Kingston boy off my mind.”

  He turned over. “It was a horrible thing for all of us, but especially for his parents.”

  “Charlene Maloney told Ivy and me they’v
e decided to go back to Independence.”

  “They did. Saul Guggenheim went with them to make sure the boy is cared for on the trip back to town.”

  “I understand, but I hate to see them go. Naomi is such a good friend.”

  “Naomi and their boys didn’t go, because Saul’s not going to stay in town. Their daughter did go with them because he needed the help and didn’t think Mrs. Kingston could hold up to do it. He and Esther plan to return to the train as soon as he sees the boy is taken care of.”

  “But won’t we be so far from town?”

  “You’re right, if you’re talking about a wagon, Ulla, but they are going to come back on horses. It won’t take them that long to catch up with us. I even offered him my horse for one of them to ride back and they took me up on it.”

  “That was nice of you, Cord.”

  “I wasn’t just being nice. I wanted Saul to come back and travel with us. Besides liking the man, I thought it was a good idea to have a doctor on this train.”

  “You’re right about that.”

  There was a moment of silence, then Cord whispered, “Can I ask you something, Ulla?”

  “Of course.”

  “Do you really believe in love?”

  She was stunned by his question, but she knew she had to respond. “Of course I do. Don’t you?”

  “I believe in certain kinds of love.”

  “For instance?”

  “I believe in a love between a parent and a child. I also believe in love between brothers.”

  When he said nothing more, she asked, “What about love between a husband and a wife?”

  “I can’t name a couple who I ever met who really loved each other.”

  Ulla’s heart fell to her stomach. Did this mean there was no hope of him ever falling in love with her even though she realized she was beginning to fall for him? She took a deep breath. “You’re wrong, Cord Dermott. I know for a fact that my mother and father were very much in love with each other. They showed it in the way they reacted to each other and to others.”

  “Maybe they kept their real feelings hidden from you. Parents tend to do that to spare their children’s feelings. I know mine did. Oh, they cared for each other, but about deep abiding love between them wasn’t something I thought they had.”

  Ulla was ready to argue with him when Becky stirred. She kind of sat up and muttered, “What are you saying to me?”

  Ulla reached over Will and patted her. “It’s nothing, sweetheart. Go back to sleep. There won’t be any more talking.”

  Becky settled down and Cord said nothing further. Neither did Ulla, though she wasn’t sure when either of them went to sleep.

  ~ * ~

  Nothing was said about the conversation the next day, but Ulla had it on her mind. She tried her best to act as if nothing had happened, though she noticed Cord was quieter than usual. She decided the best thing she could do was try not to let him see how hurt she’d been by his ideas about love.

  When they stopped for the nooning, she and Ivy decided to roast some of the meat from the deer the men had killed and dressed the day before. Everyone in the camp seemed to be doing the same. Nobody wanted the meat to go to waste. They knew they could dry some of it, or cure it by covering it in salt, but mostly it needed to be cooked and eaten in the next couple of days.

  When the men returned from settling the animals, they were ready to eat. Pete said, “I sure hope your wife made some of her biscuits to eat with this, Cord.”

  “I know you do because you bet she would make them.”

  Ivy laughed. “You men sure find the craziest things to bet on.”

  When Ulla said nothing, Cord chuckled. “I assure you there’s nothing crazy about my wife’s biscuits.”

  “I didn’t mean to imply there was.” Ivy looked contrite.

  “Don’t worry, Ivy. I know you didn’t,” Ulla said. “I agree with you. They do bet on crazy things and my making biscuits doesn’t seem strange when you consider the other bets they’ve made.”

  “Well,” Pete looked at them. “Are you going to tell us what we’re going to eat with our meat?”

  “No.” Ivy shook her head. “You’re going to have to wait and see.”

  They did have biscuits and Pete said he was going to enjoy the cigar Cord would supply that night.

  After eating, Ulla felt she needed to get away from the others. Or maybe she wanted to get away from Cord. Either way she decided she was going to take a nap until the wagon train started again. “Will is nodding here in my lap and making me sleepy. If nobody minds, I think I’ll take a nap with the children.”

  Becky crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not sleepy, Mama. I don’t want to take a nap.”

  “If you don’t want to sleep, will you come in the wagon with Will and me and read a book?”

  She thought a minute. “I guess I could do that since Joe don’t want to play with me.”

  Joe eyed her. “Mama said she’d take me to play with Carney. We don’t want no girls because we’re going to play ball. Girls don’t know how.”

  “See Mama, he don’t want to play with me.”

  Ulla ignored the remark about Joe not wanting to play with her. “I still want you in the wagon with me. I don’t know if I can nap if you’re not there.”

  Cord spoke up. “Listen to your Mama, honey. I’d feel better if you were here with her, too. Besides, I know you enjoy your books.”

  “Oh, all right.” Becky moved toward the wagon.

  Ulla stood and carried Will with her. She didn’t know Cord had followed until he moved beside her and lifted Becky inside. “I’ll hand you Will, Becky, then I’ll help your Mama inside.”

  “I can get in.”

  “I’m sure you can, but I’m going to help you.”

  Ulla sighed. “Whatever you say, Cord.”

  When she was inside, he said, “Have a nice nap, Ulla.”

  “Wake me when it’s time to pull out again.”

  He nodded and walked away.

  Ulla cuddled down beside Will. It was all she could do to keep from crying, but she knew she couldn’t do that. Not only would it upset Becky, but it would show she was still upset about Cord’s feelings on the subject of love. And she didn’t want him or anyone else to know that his take on the subject was breaking her heart.

  ~ * ~

  Three days later, Cord walked up as Ulla finished the evening milking. He reached for the cow’s tether. “It looks like it’s coming up a storm so I’ll take her to the grazing area and hobble her for the night.”

  She muttered a thank you and he watched as she walked over to the chairs where Ivy sat with Will on her lap. As she took a seat beside her friend, he heard her say, “Thanks for watching Will. Ivy. I’ll take him now.”

  “Mama,” Will muttered. “Cow.”

  Ivy laughed. “He’s been saying those two words as he watched you attend to the cow. I’m not sure which is more exciting to him, seeing the cow, or waiting for his mama to come and take him.”

  Ulla reached toward him and said, “Come on, big boy. Mama’s ready to hold you.”

  Cord bit his lip as he stepped far enough away that he could no longer hear the conversation. He wondered how Ulla could have changed so quickly. Though she was polite and kind and never said anything harsh to him, he felt a strain between them. She was still her sweet self—open and gentle with Will and Becky, but noticeably distant with him. He figured he’d done or said something that had offended her, but for the life of him, he couldn’t imagine what it was. Nothing had changed with him. He was still glad he married the woman and brought her along as a mother to Will and Becky. He was sure she understood this, so it couldn’t be that she questioned his motives about the wedding.

  He wondered if it could be that she questioned her own motives concerning the situation. Maybe she regretted marrying him or maybe she regretted leaving her home in Independence to come on this arduous trip. Or both. He shook his head. I sure wish I could f
igure it out, then I could apologize to her and things could go back to what they were before. I want it that way because I honestly hadn’t felt as contented in years as I have since I met her. I want that feeling around Ulla again.

  “Hello there, Dermott,” a voice pulled him from his thoughts.

  Cord nodded. “Doctor Guggenheim. When did you get back to the train?”

  “Just a little while ago. I was trying to beat the gathering storm.”

  “How’s the Kingston boy?”

  “Got him settled in the hospital and under a doctor’s care. I think when he and his family can cope with the fact he’ll be a cripple for the rest of his life, he’ll be all right.”

  “It was a tragic thing, but I’m sure they’re happy he’s alive.” Cord staked the cow. “I’m also sure Naomi and your boys are glad to have you and your daughter back.”

  Saul chuckled. “Said they were.”

  “We’re sure glad you’ve returned. Never know when you’re going to need a good doctor.”

  “Not feeling poorly, are you?”

  Cord chuckled. “Not me, but there are several children on this train and you know how they are. The sniffles can crop up at any time.”

  “That’s a fact, but most of the mamas I know can handle them without my help.”

  “I better get back to the family. See you later, Cord.” He started off.

  Cord watched him walk away. He couldn’t help wondering if the man had some medical cure for the way Ulla had been acting. He then laughed at himself for such a crazy notion and because he’d felt the first raindrop hurried toward his wagon.

  Chapter Ten

  The wind began to pick up and Ulla tucked Will on one hip and carried her chair to hang on the side of the wagon. When she turned, she called, “Come here, Becky.”

  Becky looked out from the Nettleton’s wagon. “Why, Mama?”