by Lynsey James
The bit that really stung the most though was the section all about Jamie. Whoever had written the article had taken the time to find out everything about him, including how he’d died. Some “sources” claiming to be close to us said we’d had a tempestuous relationship and had regularly broken up. Nothing could be further from the truth. I felt sick looking at it, like every private detail of my life had been laid bare for the world to see. The worst part of it was, most of it was an utter lie!
‘I can’t believe it.’ The newspaper fell out of my hands and onto the floor, the pages fanning out and going in different directions. ‘How the hell has this happened?’
My throat burned and my eyes stung with tears. I wasn’t sure whether I was going to burst out crying or be sick. Despite my best attempts to live under the radar, the whole world now knew everything about me.
Mum picked up the newspaper and shuffled it back into order. She put an arm round me and led me to the sofa to sit down.
‘I’m so sorry, love.’ She pulled me into her for a hug. ‘I couldn’t believe he’d say something like that either.’
My head snapped up. ‘What do you mean?’
All the colour drained from her face and she put a hand to her mouth. ‘Oh no… You must’ve missed it. Right at the end, they had a quote from Ethan.’
I picked the paper up again, dreading what I was about to be confronted with. My eyes quickly scanned the article, until I spotted what Mum had been referring to.
Alice Woods is an acquaintance, nothing more. Following a lot of soul-searching, I’ve made some important decisions about my life that do not include her.
My blood ran cold. Those words had been attributed to Ethan Fox, but it couldn’t be the man whose company I’d enjoyed so much over the last month. It just couldn’t.
‘No, no, he wouldn’t say something like this,’ I insisted. ‘This isn’t him.’
I waited for the tears to start flowing, but they didn’t. Instead, my legs seemed to take on lives of their own. I got up from the sofa and pulled my coat on.
‘Where are you going?’ Mum asked.
‘I’m going to see him and find out what the hell this is all about. It could all just be a massive mistake, couldn’t it?’
‘Well do you want me to come with you?’ Her forehead was creased with worry. ‘In case things…you know…’
‘No, Mum, I can handle this myself,’ I insisted. ‘You’ve done enough for me these last three years since Jamie died. It’s time for me to take control for a change.’
I threw the door open and took off down the hill towards the B&B. Time to get Ethan’s side of the story.
*
I tried my best to keep an open mind, but as I reached Sunflower Cottage, the feeling that something was really wrong had overtaken every positive thought. My stomach was jumping as I opened the front door: would I go in all guns blazing or would I take the calm and reasonable approach?
‘Hey!’ Emily greeted me with a smile as she took some breakfasts through to the dining room. Her face fell as soon as she saw me. ‘Oh no, what’s up? Has something happened?’
‘You’ve not seen the morning papers today then?’ I said with a wry smile. ‘Is Ethan about?’
‘He’s up in his room.’
I stomped past her towards the staircase before she could elaborate any further. I heard her ask what was wrong with me, but I ignored her. I was too focused on finding Ethan and finding out what on earth was going on. With my heart sounding like a thunderstorm in my chest, I approached Ethan’s room: number seven. I lifted a hand to knock on the door, but my instincts told me not to for some reason. Instead, I twisted the handle and walked right in.
What I saw next made my blood run cold and froze me to the spot.
Ethan and Sarah were in bed together!
Ethan and Sarah. In bed. Together.
I stood there, rooted to the spot, just looking at them. I wasn’t sure why; it wasn’t like the longer I stared at it, the less it would hurt or that it would somehow change what was in front of me.
‘Well,’ I said, making my voice loud enough to stir him awake. ‘At least I know what you meant when you said you’d made decisions in your life that didn’t involve me!’
Ethan’s eyes slowly peeled open and he made some snuffly grunting sounds as he took in his surroundings. When his gaze fell on the beautiful blonde woman sleeping soundly next to him, his mouth dropped open and his eyes widened in horror.
‘Oh my God!’ His head turned from me to Sarah then back again. ‘Alice, this isn’t what you think! I-I don’t even know what’s going on here!’
I folded my arms. ‘Really? So how come you know it isn’t what I think?’
He spluttered out some barely intelligible replies as he scrambled out of bed, grabbing the duvet to cover his modesty. As it slid off Sarah’s body, it revealed she was totally and completely naked. Not a bloody stitch on her. She woke up, stared wildly around her and had the nerve to blush when she saw me. She used her hands to cover herself and scurried off into the bathroom.
‘Oh look,’ I said, gesturing at her retreating form. ‘Looks like it is what I think.’
I stormed off down the upstairs landing and ran downstairs as quickly as I could. Ethan was quick to catch up with me. The zip on his jeans was down and he’d buttoned his shirt up skew-whiff.
‘Alice, please believe me, that wasn’t how it looked! When I went to sleep last night, I was on my own; when I woke up, Sarah was there. Honestly, I wouldn’t lie about something like this!’
I scoffed in disgust. ‘Don’t sweat it, Ethan; you’ve already made it pretty damn clear that I’m not part of the plans for your future. I’ll see myself out.’
I headed towards the door, but Ethan was too quick for me. He leapt in front of me and blocked my path.
‘Get out of my way!’
‘Not until you give me a chance to explain things. Surely you can’t think that I’d go there with Sarah, after everything I told you about her?’
I tried to move past him, but he put his hands on my shoulders. I could see the hurt in his eyes, but I couldn’t afford to let that weaken me. I had to be strong, like I’d been so many times in the past.
‘Please just listen to me.’ His voice crackled and crumbled as he tried to hold himself together.
‘Ethan, don’t, I’ve got a rehearsal to get to.’
‘Alice, come on, you know this isn’t me! Since I met you, there’s been no-one else. I know Sarah’s been here trying to mess with my head, but I haven’t let her and do you know why? Because when I’m with you, I feel like the world is just that bit better somehow. When I’m with you, it doesn’t matter which roles I do or don’t get or which critics thought my performance was a load of old rubbish. I’ve felt something for you since the moment that revolving door whacked me in the face and when you kissed me that night in the theatre, I thought you felt it too.’
I flinched and dropped my gaze to the floor. ‘I did, you know I did. It took a lot for me to let you in after everything that happened with Jamie. If it wasn’t how it looked, then what the hell was she doing in your bed?!’
He shrugged and sighed in defeat. ‘I know this’ll sound completely unbelievable, but I don’t know. I had no idea she was there until I woke up a few minutes ago. I was as shocked as you were!’
As if on cue, Sarah came marching down the stairs dressed in one of Ethan’s checked shirts. Her blonde curls were sexily mussed and her skin had that glow about it that only came from a very heavy night of passion.
‘You were amazing last night, big boy.’ She sashayed up to him, put her hand on his cheek and pulled his towards her for a passionate kiss. After breaking away from him, she turned her attentions to me. ‘Sorry. I know you were a little distraction for him, but he’s come to his senses now.’
There are many ways I could’ve reacted to this situation: shouted, cried, flown into a frenzied rage or even given her a piece of mind. Instead, I broke into
a smile. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, I smiled. Oh and laughed. A lot.
‘Sarah, what the hell are you talking about?!’ Ethan stared wildly around him, like he was looking for cameras to prove he was on a TV prank show. ‘I’ve told you time and again that nothing’s going to happen between us!’
‘Listen,’ I said, holding my hands up and skirting round him, ‘I’m going to leave you two to your freaky little love story. Ethan, thank you very much for that lovely comment in the article in today’s paper. It’s really put things in perspective for me. Sarah, you’re welcome to him.’
Because Ethan had moved a little when Sarah had come down the stairs, I had a clear path to the door. I wrenched it open and walked out into the frosty December morning. Ethan ran after me yelling, ‘What bloody comment? I don’t know what you’re talking about!’ but I kept walking. Tears threatened but didn’t come. Instead I kept my head held high against the wind and even managed a smile.
As Freddie Mercury once said, the show must go on.
Chapter Twenty
As my crap luck would have it, the scenes we were focusing on at that day’s rehearsal were the romantic ones between Cinderella and the prince.
Oh and just for good measure, Christabel had turned up too. Marvellous.
‘Yes, I thought I’d see how much of a shambles it’s become in my absence,’ she said, sweeping an edge of her royal blue pashmina over her shoulder.
‘Well you’re in for a shock,’ I replied. ‘We’re actually doing pretty well! Take a seat and see for yourself.’
She took a look round and her nose crinkled like she could smell something unpleasant. ‘You’re a bit behind with things aren’t you? By this time, I’d have all the sets ready and the costumes sorted.’
I bit my tongue and willed myself not to explode. After the day I’d had, the last thing I needed was a full-blown argument with Christabel. The one saving grace was that nobody seemed to have seen the huge double-page spread about me in the paper. Or if they had, they weren’t asking me any tricky questions.
‘Everything’s in hand.’ I plastered a tight smile to my face. ‘Now if you wouldn’t mind, could you sit down?’
Before I knock you down, I mentally added. It was all I could do not to say it out loud. Christabel did as she was told and swanned into my usual seat in the front row.
‘Make yourself at home, why don’t you?’ I murmured, taking the seat next to her. She shot me a sideways glance and I did a little innocent shrug, hoping to make her think she was hearing things. ‘Um, so we’re doing the romantic scenes between Cinderella and the prince today. They’re the two main characters in the panto, so we need to make sure Lauren and Callum are really nailing the scenes. Are you ready, guys?’
They both nodded, although Callum punctuated his with a seductive smile and a raise of his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes; I’d just caught the man I’d become quite crazy about in bed with the woman he’d chased for years and now Callum was up to his usual tricks.
‘Right let’s take it from when Cinderella runs down the stairs, shall we? The prince wants her to stay but she has to get back to her pumpkin before midnight.’
Lauren did that floaty wafting thing with her arms that made her look like she should be part of a Disney World parade and pretended to be running away from Callum. There wouldn’t be any acting involved if I was playing Cinderella, I said to myself.
‘Tell me your name,’ said Callum. ‘I can’t let you leave tonight without knowing who you are.’
There wasn’t quite as much raw emotion as there had been from Ethan, but Callum still did a pretty good job. There was a slightly artificial quality to his performance though; you could tell he was acting, whereas you couldn’t with Ethan. I pushed thoughts of Ethan to the back of my mind. He didn’t deserve my time or attention any more.
‘I can’t, I have to get back to my pump—I mean my carriage!’ She went to run off into the wings, but Callum reached his hand out and grabbed hers.
‘Wait, don’t leave like this.’ He stared into her eyes and lifted a hand to touch her cheek. I winced a little; his words and gestures were so forced and it really showed. ‘We’ve just spent an amazing night together; at least tell me your name. Even if this is the first and last time we see each other, I want to know the name of the amazing girl who stole my heart.’
I squirmed in my seat as my brain wandered back to Ethan again. I remembered the look in his eyes as he’d been delivering his lines and the expression on Lauren’s face. She certainly didn’t look like she was falling in love now – that was for sure.
She was about to say her next line when the doors to the auditorium burst open and in walked Ethan. He had a dark look on his face as he marched up the aisle towards me.
‘Is this the comment you were talking about?!’ He slammed a copy of that morning’s paper down on one of the seats near me, crumpling it as he gripped it tightly. It was open at the double-page spread detailing my “tragic past”. ‘Alice, I didn’t say anything of the sort! Think about it, why would I talk to the papers about us? I came down here to get away from them after everything that happened with Sarah! Plus, I’d never want to do anything to hurt you, especially not like this. I know how hard it is for you to talk about what happened to Jamie and I’d never put it out there for the whole bloody world to see.’
I felt everyone’s eyes turn to me; I guessed the gossip mill had started up again, just like it had when I’d first come home. Why has she come home? What happened in New York? Why does she look so sad? I got up and tugged on Ethan’s arm.
‘Outside,’ I hissed, dragging him behind me.
When we were away from prying eyes and ears, I rounded on him. ‘If you didn’t go to the press about me, then who the hell did?! You’re the only one I’ve told about Jamie except my mum and I doubt she’s been off blabbing to any journalists! When I came back, everyone wanted to know what had happened and thought they had a right to know my private business. Do you know how horrible it is to see it splashed all over the newspapers?’
He made some spluttering sounds and did some wild gesticulating with his arms. He reminded me a bit of a cartoon character; all he needed was some steam coming out of his ears.
‘Alice, I have no bloody idea who told them! Believe me, if I did, they’d know all about it. I certainly didn’t say to anyone that you were an acquaintance or that I’d made any plans that didn’t involve you. I wouldn’t say that because it’s not bloody true and even if it was, a journalist wouldn’t be top of my list of people to tell.’
I stayed silent and bit my lip. I didn’t trust myself to open my mouth in case all the wrong words came spilling out.
‘Although…’ He paused for a second and walked in a circle as he pondered how to continue. ‘My agent did call me about a role she wants me to audition for in LA just after the New Year. I haven’t made any decisions about it yet though.’
I felt my shoulders tense up. ‘What’s the role?’
‘The lead in a romantic comedy, believe it or not.’ He let out a hollow chuckle. ‘I don’t think I’m really the best person for it, given how much I’ve managed to screw things up!’
‘You should go for it,’ I said, my voice like ice cutting through the foyer. ‘It’ll get you out of Luna Bay, after all. Why not take Sarah with you? I bet she’d love LA.’
Ethan sighed and screwed his eyes shut. ‘For fuck’s sake, I don’t even want to go to the Welcome to Luna Bay sign with Sarah! How many times do I have to tell you that nothing happened between us?’
‘Then why was she in your bed with no clothes on?!’
Ethan covered his face with his hands and raked his fingers down it. ‘I asked her and she said she “just fancied it” and that she was only having a laugh when she called me big boy in front of you. Some joke eh?’
I took a few steps back towards the auditorium door. ‘Look if there’s nothing else, I’m really busy, so…’
‘You don’t believe me, do y
ou?’ His shoulders sagged and I could see him deflate. ‘I’m telling the bloody truth, Alice. What do I have to do to get you to believe me?’
I bit my lip and turned away from him for a moment. As I screwed my eyes shut to stop myself from crying, a realisation crept up on me. This argument was a sign, a sign that I wasn’t ready to give my heart away to anyone. I wasn’t sure I ever would be again; I’d had such an amazing relationship with Jamie and it had been cruelly snatched away from me. I couldn’t face going through that again. Whatever was going on between me and Ethan, it had to end now before one of us got hurt.
‘Ethan, do you honestly expect me to buy that you didn’t know Sarah was in your bed and that the whole “big boy” comment was a joke? Of course it bloody wasn’t! Why don’t you just admit that something happened between you two last night? It’d be a lot less effort than lying.’
I turned to walk back into the auditorium, hating myself for how angry I felt. Why was I wasting feelings on someone who’d clearly had no regard for mine?
‘You know, I might’ve known this would happen!’ His voice made me spin back round to face him. ‘I bet you were just waiting for something to go wrong, weren’t you? That way, you could say you’d at least tried to give someone else a chance but it hadn’t worked out. Because of course, nobody can measure up to Jamie, can they? You won’t let them because you keep using him as an excuse to push people away. At least now you can go back to shutting everyone out like you used to.’
My blood began to boil; how dare he accuse me of hiding behind Jamie’s death and using it to keep people at bay? Guilt gnawed at the back of my mind because I knew deep down he was right, but I was so furious with him for picking up on it.
‘Excuse me?’
Ethan’s face turned pale as he realised what he’d just said. ‘Alice, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that; I was just angry because you wouldn’t believe me about Sarah—’