by Lynsey James
‘Wait here,’ I said, ‘I’ll be right back.’
‘Not going anywhere,’ Frank replied with a throaty chuckle.
I raced off to the back of the store, found what I was looking for and dashed back to Frank after I’d paid for it.
‘Here,’ I said, holding my carrier bag out to him. ‘Merry Christmas.’
He looked inside and I saw his eyes widen as he took in its contents. His hand reached in and pulled out a sketchpad, along with a collection of posh sketching and watercolour pencils.
‘This is too much.’ He stumbled over his words as he tried to take it all in. ‘Y-You really didn’t have to do this.’
I shook my head and waved a hand. ‘If it’s not too late for me to do what I love, then it’s not too late for you. I know you said you did painting, not sketching, but I thought you could start off by doing a few sketches and move back to painting when you feel ready. Plus the box for the easel was way too big for me to lug down here!’
He got up and enveloped me in a hug. ‘You don’t know how much I appreciate this, Alice. Some man’s going to be really lucky to have you one of these days.’
I felt a little pang of sadness, but styled it out with a smile. ‘Oh I don’t know about that!’
‘Looks like you’ve got yourself an admirer already; there’s a bloke looking at you right now!’ Frank gestured over my shoulder.
I looked to where he was pointing and saw Ethan standing a few feet away, looking like he didn’t know where to put himself. He flashed me an awkward smile and rubbed the back of his neck.
‘I’d better go and see what he wants,’ I said with a smile. ‘It was lovely seeing you. Oh, if you’re not too busy you should pop along to the pantomime. It’s at the Silver Bells Theatre in Luna Bay and we open on the thirteenth at seven p.m. I’d love to see you there.’
‘Wouldn’t miss it for the world.’ Frank smiled and looked down at his new art supplies fondly.
I approached Ethan with caution. I hoped we wouldn’t have another bust-up like we’d had the day I’d lost the pantomime, or a petty squabble like when we’d been sardined into the donkey costume together.
‘Hey,’ I said, bundling my hands into my jumper sleeves.
‘All right?’ He looked everywhere but at me and dug his hands into his pockets. I was sure I even heard him gulp.
I was grateful when he broke the uneasy silence that was developing between us. ‘What do you think of the store? Looks pretty great doesn’t it?’
I nodded. ‘Yeah, the stalls are amazing! And look at the amount of people coming in through the doors! It was like a ghost town the last time I was here.’
He cleared his throat. ‘Yeah, well it’s all down to you actually. You made this happen.’
He waved a hand, indicating that “this” was the store’s dramatic makeover.
‘What do you mean?’ I frowned. ‘I didn’t do any of this.’
‘Well when we had that argument, you said I’d washed my hands of this place because I didn’t want to play Mr Selfridge. That stuck with me as much as everything else you said did, and I decided to do something about it. I spoke to my dad and although I’m still not taking over the running of things, I did agree to give the store some cash to get it back on its feet. You were right; I’d totally given up on it, even though it’s been in my family for years, and I shouldn’t have.’
My mouth fell open and I gasped in surprise. ‘Ethan, that’s an incredible gesture! Your dad must be over the moon.’
He waved his head from side to side. ‘He’s pretty pleased, yeah. He still wishes I’d give up the acting and come here to run Fox’s, but he’s happy he’s not going to lose it. Oh and he’s finally going to watch one of my films as well. He’s picked the Pride and Prejudice reboot, so that should be fun!’
We exchanged smiles that lingered just a second too long, then we broke eye contact.
‘That’s amazing,’ I said. ‘You’ve done a really great thing for him. And for what it’s worth, I reckon he’ll love your Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice.’
‘I hope so,’ he admitted. ‘Are you looking forward to the panto’s opening night? It’s a shame Christabel didn’t stick with your musical idea; I reckon that would’ve been a massive hit.’
My heart sank as I remembered Emily, Lucy, Ethan and I dancing round my living room like lunatics, hairbrushes in our hands, as we tested out my song choices.
‘Yeah, me too, but it obviously wasn’t meant to be. Maybe I’ll get another chance to do Cinderella eighties-style one day.’
He nodded and looked at me from beneath those eyelashes of his. ‘You definitely will. The world needs to hear Cinderella the Musical. Listen, about that talk you wanted us to have… It’ll have to be sometime before opening night because I fly out to LA the next day.’
‘Oh!’ I felt like someone had just poured cold water over me. ‘But who’s going to play the other half of the donkey in the other shows? I don’t want just anyone’s nose prodding me in the bum, you know.’
Yeah, Alice, because that’s what’s important here.
‘Christabel said she’d sort it; I’m not sure what she’s got planned yet.’ Ethan shrugged and let his arms fall down by his sides. ‘I wouldn’t worry too much though, I’m sure she’ll get someone with a nose worthy of prodding your bum.’
There was a sad tinge to his voice, but I didn’t draw him up on it. Instead, I just stood there and nodded.
Just then, from nowhere, out it popped.
‘Well, I’ll miss you.’
Fuck!
Ethan looked startled and his mouth moved up and down for a few seconds without any sound coming out.
‘Really?’ he spluttered. ‘I-I thought you’d be glad to see the back of me!’
I shook my head and kept my eyes on the carpet under my feet. ‘No… I mean, I won’t miss you trying to steal my Haribo, but I’ll miss, you know, everything else.’
I took a couple of steps back towards the food hall then turned round, remembering something I had to say to him.
‘You were right, by the way. I wouldn’t let anyone else compare to Jamie. For the record though, I didn’t use him as a yardstick with you. You were in a class of your own.’
He swallowed hard and pursed his lips. ‘Well I’ll miss you too, Alice. I won’t be forgetting you in a hurry, that’s for sure.’
Before I could make a bigger fool of myself than I already had, I beat a hasty retreat back to Emily and Lucy, mumbling a goodbye to Ethan on the way.
It was safe to say things would be very awkward the next time we got into the donkey costume.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Before I knew it, the big night was upon us. That’s right, it was the panto’s opening night.
With just eight hours to go until my first time on a stage in three years, I ran around in an uncontrollable flap and mentally quit the show at least four times.
‘Calm down, love!’ Mum proffered a tray of tea and biscuits in a bid to get me to sit down for more than five minutes. ‘You’ll be amazing; besides, you’re only playing a donkey! What could go wrong with that?’
‘Have you met me?!’ I shrieked. ‘There’s bloody plenty that could go wrong!’ I collapsed onto the sofa and thrust my head into my hands. My heart was pounding ten to the dozen and I could feel the world around me begin to spin. ‘Plus Christabel’s directing; something always goes wrong with her shows! Right that’s it, I’m going to phone her and tell her I’m not feeling well.’
I snatched up my phone before Mum could stop me and made a mad dash for the bathroom, locking myself in.
‘Alice, don’t be so stupid!’ she yelled from the other side of the door. ‘It’s only a bit of fun, for goodness’ sake!’
With shaking hands, I went to dial Christabel’s number, but my phone started ringing before I could. I almost dropped it in the toilet when I saw it was Ethan calling.
‘H-hello?’ I cursed myself for tripping over my words.
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‘Hi, Alice, it’s me. Listen, I know tonight’s opening night but I was wondering if you were free to meet up for a bit beforehand? We’ve been so busy with rehearsals that we didn’t get a chance to have that chat we talked about when we were at Fox’s.’
I froze for a moment, my mouth open and poised to make words that didn’t come. My first instinct was to come up with some excuse or other; we both had too many things to say sorry for and it would probably all end in tears (most likely mine).
‘Sure,’ was what I ended up saying, ‘what time’s good for you?’
We arranged to meet in the Purple Partridge just after lunchtime. Although we both did our best to sound enthusiastic about it, I could tell we were both dreading it. Nevertheless, it had to be done. I had to close the book on Ethan Fox for good.
*
Luckily for me, I had plenty of sources for advice: namely Emily, Lucy and Mum. Once I broke the news to Mum that I was meeting Ethan later, she’d insisted I called them over for an emergency conflab. Apparently, I had “all the social skills of a goose” and couldn’t be trusted to go into something as important as this without a hefty dose of advice.
Cheeky bugger.
‘You need to have a clear plan of what you’re going to say,’ Emily declared. ‘If you prepare for every possible situation, you’re laughing. What was it they used to say at work, proper planning and preparation prevents a piss-poor performance?’
‘Try saying that five times fast!’ Lucy giggled. ‘I reckon you should just play it by ear. Don’t go in there looking for a fight or that’s what’ll happen. I know it’ll hurt going over who said what, but at least you’ll get to clear the air. Who knows, maybe you can even stay friends?’
Emily nudged her in the ribs and hissed at her not to mention the F word.
‘It’s OK,’ I said, ‘I’m not going over there thinking he’s going to take me in his arms and tell me he loves me. The best I can hope for is we’re able to be friends.’
My stomach sank to my shoes at the thought of us being reduced to something as simple as “friends”. We’d shared so much for knowing each other so little a time.
‘Here’s what I think.’ It was Mum’s turn to put her two pence in. ‘You like him and he clearly likes you; you should just drop all the nonsense and give him a chance. I know it’s been hard for you since Jamie died, but, darling, you are allowed to move on and be happy again.’
‘He’s got that audition in LA though, Mum. Even if we Skyped each other every day, I don’t think we could make it work. LA to Luna Bay’s a bit too long-distance!’ I said with a sad chuckle.
Mum rolled her eyes. ‘I bet if you asked him to drop it, he’d do it in a heartbeat. You could even go with him and try your luck in LA. What have I always said your trouble is, Alice? You can’t see yourself the way other people do. That day in the pub, he was looking at you like you were the best thing in the world and he couldn’t believe his luck. So drop the bullshit and go over there and tell him how you feel!’
Emily and Lucy broke into a round of applause. They whooped and cheered and shouted, ‘GO ON, MRS WOODS!’
A cautious optimism began to build inside me. I felt like I was at that point in a romantic comedy film where the heroine realises exactly what she has to do to be happy.
‘You know what, I think I’ll give it a go!’ I said with a bright smile.
It was official: Operation Feelings was on!
*
There was a whole swarm of butterflies in my stomach as I approached the Purple Partridge. Lucy had her arm linked with mine for moral support, but I could tell she was just as nervous as I was.
‘Just think,’ she said, doing her best to sound positive, ‘this time next week we’ll be wasted and singing Like a Virgin at the tops of our lungs on my hen night!’
‘That reminds me, I’ve still got to get my pink tutu,’ I fretted. ‘Christ, where am I going to get one at such short notice?!’
Lucy stepped in front of me and flapped her hands. ‘Don’t worry about that now; I’ll get you one if push comes to shove! Just go in there and have that talk with Ethan.’
She stepped aside and I saw the pub looming large in front of me. When I walked through that door, things would change for either better or worse. It was time to find out which it would be. Lucy and I took the final few steps and swung the door open.
‘Good luck, shout if you need me,’ she murmured before scurrying off behind the bar.
I scanned the pub; Ethan hadn’t arrived yet so I grabbed a free table near the front door. At least this way, I’d see him come in and be able to brace myself. As I waited, I drummed my fingers on the table and wondered how our “chat” would pan out. For some reason, I couldn’t quite envisage the fairy-tale ending that Mum seemed totally sold on. I could see one or both of us getting angry, saying more things we didn’t mean and us storming off in separate directions.
Just as my nerves began to grip me and as I weighed up the pros and cons of taking refuge with Lucy behind the bar, in he walked. He looked amazing in a casual T-shirt with a band slogan on the front and a pair of jeans. He had a black backpack slung over his shoulder. His brown waves were sleekly styled and there was a smattering of stubble on his chin. He looked around him for a few seconds before his eyes found me.
‘Hey,’ he said as he sat down, ‘sorry I’m late.’
‘It’s OK, I haven’t been here long.’
‘Can I get you a drink?’ He gestured helplessly at the empty table. ‘A glass of wine or…?’
I shook my head. ‘Nothing for me, thanks.’
Ethan looked gutted that he’d missed an opportunity to leave the table for five minutes. He was like a caged animal; I’d never seen him so tense.
‘So…’ he said, smiling awkwardly.
‘So…’ I tucked some hair behind my ear and thought about gesturing to Lucy for help. My earlier suspicions had been right; this was going to be a total disaster.
‘Nervous for opening night?’ I was glad he’d spoken first, but he’d chosen the worst topic in the world. The last thing I wanted to think about was going on stage in a stuffy donkey costume.
‘No, not really,’ I lied. ‘Quite looking forward to it actually.’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘Oh, that’s good. I thought you might’ve been nervous because you haven’t been on stage for a long time. You’ll be brilliant anyway; I know you will.’
‘We’ll be brilliant,’ I corrected him. ‘We’re going to be the best donkey Luna Bay has ever seen.’
‘About that…’ He laced his fingers together and looked down at them. ‘I’m not going to be able to make opening night tonight. The casting people for the rom com want to see me earlier than I thought, so my agent’s booked me on a flight that leaves tonight.’
My shoulders sagged and my heart sank. ‘Oh. That’s a shame, but I guess I’ll be sticking my bum in some other poor sod’s face!’
I tried for a laugh, but it came out as more of a braying sound. Much like the donkey I’d be playing shortly with God only knew who.
‘Listen, Alice, I’ll be straight with you. I didn’t come here to talk about the panto or donkeys; I came here to talk about us. Like it or not, I’ll be out of here in a few hours and I’d like to see if we can salvage something before I go.’
‘Me too,’ I agreed as my stomach lurched forward. ‘You can go first if you like.’
‘OK. I guess I should start by saying how sorry I am for what I said about Jamie. I know I apologised at the time, but that didn’t even nearly cover it. It was in the heat of the moment, I was angry and it just came out. I really didn’t mean to hurt you and I never should’ve said it. I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been for you to lose Jamie like that. I just wish you’d bloody listened to me when I told you nothing happened between me and Sarah. You were so quick to believe I’d done something that it made me think you’d been waiting for it so you could use it as an excuse to push me away.’
&n
bsp; I nodded. ‘Like I said when I saw you at Fox’s, you were right in what you said. For ages after Jamie died, I used him to keep people away. I guess I just couldn’t take losing anyone else after I lost him, and it seemed easier to just shut everyone out. I stand by what I said though: I never used him as a yardstick to measure you against. When I saw you in bed with Sarah, I… I don’t know, I just assumed the worst. I couldn’t see how it could be anything other than what I thought it was.’
‘It must’ve looked horrific from where you were standing.’ Ethan laughed and raked a hand through his hair. ‘If I were you, I’d probably have thought the same thing. When you wouldn’t listen to me, I thought I’d well and truly ballsed everything up. Then we got into that stupid argument. You’ll be happy to know Sarah will be on her way back to London – and my best friend – later on tonight. She’s decided to give things a go with him.’
I noticed he didn’t sound remotely gutted or sad. It was becoming more apparent that Sarah was a very fickle person who had no real idea what she wanted.
‘I shouldn’t have stormed off like that,’ I agreed, ‘at least not without giving you a proper chance to explain. And I’m sorry for saying all those horrible things to you; I don’t regret letting you get involved with the panto or cleaning your face up when you lost that fight with the revolving door. Quite the opposite actually; I’m really glad you came into my life, Ethan.’
We exchanged smiles and I felt a little ray of hope inside me. Maybe I could do what my mum said I was capable of and tell him how I felt?
‘You should see this movie I’m auditioning for,’ he said. He reached into his backpack and pulled out a thick wedge of paper. ‘This is the script; it’s so funny and the romance in it’s really well developed. Here, take a look.’
He slid it across the table and I flicked through the first few pages, laughing in places at how clever it was.
‘The character I’m auditioning for is called Brad. He’s this suave English doctor who moves to America after his fiancée dies in a car accident. He doesn’t think he’ll ever love again until this actress comes into his surgery one day. She’s had an accident before her really important audition and he helps patch her up. Although he’s scared of falling in love, he eventually comes to see that he can let someone in again.’