by TT Kove
Tyler was always so nice.
Damian and he shared another mute nod and then Tyler was gone and Damian and I were alone in the room.
‘You really didn’t have to rush,’ I told him, but I was secretly glad he was back. ‘It’s not been long since Ty arrived.’
He sat down on the bed, grabbing my hand in his and squeezing.
‘I wanted to be here when he left. You get anxious when you’re left alone here, no matter what you say.’
Well, yeah, but… yeah, okay, he’s right.
‘Look, Josh, I’ve been thinking.’ He stared down at out hands. ‘If you get out of hospital before my holiday’s over, we should go somewhere. Just the two of us.’
‘Go where?’ I perked up because this was interesting.
He shrugged.
‘We could go visit your grandmother in Bristol, maybe? Or somewhere else. You decide.’
‘Bristol,’ I said immediately. ‘That’s like a holiday in an of itself, except we actually get to be alone. Well, grandma too, but—she’s got an indoor pool.’ Grandma was sort of rich, or she’d inherited lots of money from her husband anyway—and she lived in a pretty big house. With a pool in the basement.
‘You want to go to Bristol for your grandmother’s pool?’
I nodded.
‘I love swimming, but I don’t like going to public pools because of my arms. But there we can swim as much as we want to and no one disrupts us.’
He chuckled.
‘Okay.’ He leaned in and brushed his cheek against mine. ‘Bristol it is, then.’
I tangled our fingers together properly and moved my head to the side so I could brush my lips over his.
Getting away sounded perfect—no more thinking about Andrew, no more being stalked by him. Until I got back, anyway, but I’d deal with that then… For now I was stuck in hospital, and I didn’t think he’d ever come in here even if that was what I was anxious about whenever I was alone… and then I’d be off with Damian.
He’d been to Bristol with me before, but never alone. Mum had been with us then. This would be our first trip alone together.
I can’t wait.
Now I really have to get out of hospital soon.
‘Our own little holiday.’
He chuckled again, his head turning too to align perfectly with mine.
‘I just want to spend time with you, Josh. I don’t care where we are. As long as you’re comfortable, and preferably happy, that’s good enough for me.’
Why was he so understanding?
I was a mess most of the time. Good days were few and far between. Today was the first good day I’d had since I woke up. Since I learned Andrew was back out on the streets.
I looped my free arm around his neck and leant in for a proper kiss.
I’m so grateful I didn’t die. I don’t want to lose this, I don’t want to hurt him. I want to spend all my time with him. I love him so much.
And the best thing of all?
He loved me just as much too.
Damian
I sat on our bed, watching Josh pack his bag. I’d already finished mine, but he kept fretting about what to bring or not.
‘Just bring whatever makes you feel comfortable,’ I said, trying to be of some help.
‘But what if we decide to go out? Then I have to bring something nicer.’
‘I highly doubt we’ll go out clubbing.’ That’s what I assumed he meant anyway. That’s what he’d used to do when he visited Cooper—before he moved to London.
‘But what if Grandma wants to go out for dinner? Can’t wear joggers to a restaurant.’ He chewed on his bottom lip.
‘Then bring a set of trousers. I did. And a nice shirt. T-shirt. That should be perfectly okay, it’s summer after all.’ I rested my elbows on my knees, chin buried in my hands. I was trying to work up the courage to suggest something else, but it was bloody embarrassing.
‘Okay, okay.’ Josh finally packed a pair of finer clothes that would be acceptable in a posh, fancy restaurant like the ones his family liked to eat in. ‘That’s in then. I think. Clothes, toiletries, laptop, chargers… Oh!’ He turned to the bedside table and rummaged around in it, coming up with his journal… and the bottle of lube we had stashed down there.
‘You should bring that,’ I said.
‘Yeah, that’s what I was planning on.’ He put the lube back and clutched the leather journal close. ‘I always need this with me, just in case.’
‘No, that’s not—I meant the lube. You should pack the lube.’
He froze, then turned slowly to blink at me.
‘Are you for real?’
I nodded, averting my gaze as I could already feel the flush creep up my neck and into my cheeks.
‘Should I bring the dildo too?’ he asked then, almost carefully.
‘No.’ That was not what I had in mind. ‘You can definitely leave that behind.’
Since I was looking the other way, I didn’t see him come up to me, so when he wrapped both arms around me in a hug and pressed a kiss to the top of my head, I started.
‘You sure about this?’ He asked this carefully again, as if he was worried about me. ‘We don’t have to—’
‘I want to,’ I interrupted. ‘Really. I do. With you. So pack the damn lube.’ I must be entirely red by now.
‘Okay.’ He threw said lube into his open bag, then put the journal more carefully down on top of his folded clothes. ‘All packed. Wait, don’t you need—’ He turned back to the still open drawer.
‘Already packed it,’ I admitted in a murmur.
He stared at me now.
‘You’ve been thinking about this.’
I only nodded, unwilling to say anything else on the matter.
He had the lube in his bag, I had that damn cock ring in mine. It was a useful tool for sex. Since I wasn’t all that interested in it, it helped keep me erect for a longer period of time. If I didn’t wear it, I couldn’t stay erect for long.
Sex was just so uninteresting to me—but I liked making Josh happy, I liked seeing how pleasurable he found sex. That made me happy, not the sex itself. And that was why I had sex with him… because it made him feel good. Making him feel good made me feel good, even if sex wasn’t my thing.
Compromises.
That’s what it’s all about.
That was something Chad had said to me once. I’d fretted over it, then taken it to heart. I couldn’t expect Josh to give up sex completely. And I wasn’t repulsed by it… so I could do this for him.
After three weeks in hospital—and after the scare of maybe losing him forever… I was more than ready to have sex with him again. We hadn’t done it in eight months—not since his birthday.
It was about time we did something about that.
It wasn’t like it was a chore, even if I could go for the rest of my life without it. It was good, it felt nice and all—it was just that I could think of a dozen other more practical things to do with my time.
Making him feel good though… yeah, that was definitely proper use of my time.
Josh
‘You’re going to have to take that off.’ I pointed at Damian’s tee.
‘Yeah, I know.’ He didn’t seem like he wanted to do that at all though.
‘It’s just the two of us here. No one’ll see your chest. Except me—and I’ve already seen it.’
He sighed.
‘What if your grandmother comes down here?’
‘She was going out to lunch with my aunt. Even if she was home, she wouldn’t. Now come on.’ I’d already dropped my tee and my towel to the side and now I jumped right into the deep side of the pool.
I came up for air and shook my head, water flying everywhere. My hair plastered back to my skin and the fringe reached into my eyes.
I really have to go get it cut now.
Damian still stood on the floor, looking down at me.
I stared up, treading water as I waited for him.
He fi
nally pulled his tee off, threw it to the side atop his towel, and then he dove into the water too.
I swam over to him when he resurfaced.
‘Feels good, doesn’t it?’
‘You’re chipper today,’ he said instead.
‘Yeah.’ I floated on my back and kicked my legs a little so I floated past him. ‘We’re away from London. It’s just the two of us. No school, no therapy, no nothing to take away from our time together. We’re in a pool. It’s great.’
‘Just getting away from London has you in this good a mood?’ He swam after me. ‘We should’ve done this ages ago then.’
I was at the edge of the pool now and I went back to treading water.
‘He can’t follow me here. He doesn’t know I am here. But back home… he knows where I live.’
Damian swam in close, crowding me into the corner. ‘How can you be so sure he knows that?’
‘I just know.’
He shook his head. I wasn’t sure if it was to get water out of his head or because he didn’t believe what I was saying though.
‘Let’s forget about him for now,’ I said. ‘I don’t want to think about him. Don’t want to remember. All I want is to be here and have some fun with you.’ I’d worry when I was back home. Until then I’d push everything Andrew away.
‘What kind of fun?’ We were chest to chest now. He reached up with one arm to grab hold of the edge, keeping himself above water, while the other cupped my cheek.
I could only stare at him and true enough… he leant in for a kiss. When I deepened it he opened willingly and I took that as permission to hook my arms around his neck. My legs tangled in his too and then I went full out and wrapped them around his thighs.
He pressed me against the tiles—or wall or whatever it was called the pool was in.
When I first started kissing him like this, I couldn’t stop. We didn’t do this often. Even though he didn’t mind kissing, snogging like this for an extended period of time was usually a waste of time for him. Not today it seemed. Today he kissed me back with the same fervour I kissed him.
‘Want to take this up on solid ground?’ I asked when we broke apart for air.
He nodded and we swam over to the ladder and got out of the water.
I grabbed him the minute he was up and kissed him again. It wasn’t often he allowed it quite like this, so I better take advantage of it while I could.
We somehow ended up on the floor. Me on my back and him on top of me. My legs were back around his hips and my hands hooked around his neck. It was wonderful. I loved this, feeling his weight on me, his tongue in my mouth. The one thing that would make this better was if we were naked and his dick was buried in me… but I didn’t think he’d let us go that far in the pool.
Like he said, Grandma could come in. I didn’t think she would, but she could. Sex was better proposed in our bedroom anyway, where we could take our time. Where we didn’t have to worry about anyone walking in.
That didn’t mean I didn’t want more though.
I did.
My cock was hard and ready and trapped under my swim shorts. He was trapping it too, lying on top of it like that. He had to feel it. He had to know I was hard.
‘Josh,’ he murmured, nipping at my lower lip before diving into a deep kiss again. His lower body lifted off me a little… and then his hand fumbled with the waistband of my shorts, sliding under and—yes.
He ran his palm along the length of my dick, then wrapped his fingers around the girth and started stroking me.
I made a mewling sound in the back of my throat because shit, yes!
We did this—him stroking me off—more often than actual sex. The first few times he’d been embarrassed and a little fumbling and unsure, but now… now he knew exactly what to do to get me off.
The kiss got harder to maintain the closer I came to climaxing and we ended up cheek-to-cheek instead.
My eyes were closed as I enjoyed the pleasure he gave me, and I clutched at his neck now instead of loosely embracing him. My hips bucked as much as they were able, what with most of his weight still on me.
He had one thigh pressed to the floor, while I spread the other a little more, giving more space.
‘Oh, ahh, Damian—’ And I came, shivering against him, still clutching, still clinging to him.
His forehead came down to rest against mine.
When I’d calmed down a little from the high, I finally managed to blink my eyes open so I could look into his. He’d been staring at me and our gazed locked now… and we kissed again.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I whispered after. ‘I’m so sorry I worried you. That I worried everyone.’ Because this never would’ve happened if I hadn’t done what I’d done.
He never would’ve suggested we go away for a trip if I hadn’t tried to kill myself, if I wasn’t such a wreck over Andrew being back out on the streets. And he definitely would’ve never told me in plain speech to pack the lube even if we had decided to take a trip together.
‘It’s okay. You’re here, you’re fine, no lasting damage. Please, just don’t—try not to do that again.’ He hugged me tight.
‘I promise. I promise I’ll try my best.’ I couldn’t give more than that. I didn’t want to make a promise I couldn’t keep—but I could promise to do my very best. And I would. I didn’t ever want to make him worry like that again.
‘I can’t ask for more than that.’ And he kissed me again.
I gave myself over to it, ignoring the sticky mess on my stomach for now. It seemed even he ignored it—and he so wasn’t a fan of bodily fluids—because he was lying fully on top of me now, his stomach pressed against mine. My semen getting smeared on his skin, in his treasure trail, on his shorts.
We were lined up so perfectly now. I could feel all of him. His heat, his hard, male body… but there was one thing I couldn’t feel. He wasn’t hard, not even after what we’d just done—but that was nothing new.
Such was life with an asexual boyfriend.
Damian
‘I don’t want to go back.’
Josh sat on the bed, knees drawn up and arms wrapped around them.
‘We have to go back,’ I reminded him gently. ‘I’ve got school. But you can stay longer if you want.’
He started shaking his head before I even finished speaking.
‘I don’t want to stay here without you.’
‘Then you have to come back with me.’ I packed the last of my stuff and zipped my bag shut. ‘We can’t stay away forever.’
‘I wish we could,’ he murmured to his kneecaps.
‘Josh.’ I put my bag on the floor and sat down next to him. ‘He’s not coming near you again. Your mum’s not seeing him again. He might be out of prison, but that doesn’t mean he can come waltzing back into your life. If he does, he have to serve his entire sentence in prison. You really think he wants that? Or do you think he’ll want to move on with his life?’
Josh looked at me with sad eyes.
‘No one knows him the way I do. He’s not going to forget what I did.’
‘What you did?’ I stared at him incredulously. ‘He’s the one who’s done something wrong. If he knows what’s best for him, he’ll stay far away.’
‘He’s vindictive.’ He crept further together, shoulders hunching. ‘You’ve got school and Silver and Kian have work, and then I’ll be all alone. What if he comes then—I can’t—’
‘How about you stay with Ray and Claire for a while?’ I asked then, remembering how Ray had offered a few weeks ago. ‘He doesn’t know who they are or where they live.’
Josh was silent for a while, simply staring at his kneecaps.
For a while I didn’t think he’d answer at all.
‘Okay,’ he whispered eventually. ‘I’ll try staying with they for a bit.’
I pressed a kiss to his temple.
‘It’ll be okay. They live outside the city. He can’t possibly find you there.’
He leant in, head com
ing to rest on my shoulder.
‘You’ll stay there with me, right?’
‘Yeah, of course. When I’m not at school, I’ll be with you.’ It would mean more travel time back and forth for me, but if it helped Josh, I’d do it. In heartbeat, as it were.
He’d been so happy the past week.
We’d spent it not doing much at all—chilling in his grandmother’s house, swimming in the pool, going out to a few dinners and lunches with his family. We’d spent a lot of time in our room, messing around in the bed. That was something I’d never thought I’d do—but it made Josh happy.
We’d had a great time. I was sad it was ending because it also meant it ended Josh’s good mood. It meant he started fretting again about Andrew and his emotions were again all over the place.
‘I’ll stay with you.’ I enveloped him in my arms, holding him tight. ‘Don’t worry. We’re all here for you.’
He buried his face against my neck, nose nuzzling lightly against my skin.
‘He’s not going to hurt you, Josh.’ I’d make sure of that. Not that I thought he would. Angie didn’t either—which was why I believed it too. Paranoia was a symptom of his BPD, especially under stress. And Andrew being back out was stressful for him.
Besides, that psycho couldn’t track Josh if he stayed with Ray and Claire. He didn’t know them. He had no idea they were related to Josh in any sort of way because he didn’t know me. It was just… We could stay with them for a while, until Josh calmed down a little, and then we’d go back home to our flat.
Just for a little while…
I’d deal with longer travel time for that.
32
Losing Grip
Josh
Ray and Claire’s hallway was usually so bright and welcoming whenever we were over. It didn’t seem that way now. It hadn’t changed or anything, but it was me. Everything seemed so dark.
Damian led me down to what had been his bedroom when he’d still lived with them. It was still his bedroom because it wasn’t like they’d done anything to it. It was just that he never stayed over anymore.