I finished putting away the books in record time with only a few stray thoughts toward Adan. I pulled out the box cutter from one of the black pockets of my store uniform and broke down the box so I could put it away in the back. Coming back to the front, I dusted off the smut that was left on my hands from the box on my jeans and then slipped my hands into the back pockets. I stood in the middle of the store looking out the front window and watched as the last few late stragglers passed by the window on their way to another destination.
It was now dusk out and the stores would be getting ready to close soon leaving only the restaurants and bars open the town’s night life. I knew we would be getting ready to close soon and even though I had wanted to leave all afternoon, I quickly realized going home wasn’t going to be any better. Even though I felt every kind of tired and could probably sleep for days, I didn’t look forward to a night of nightmares or dreams of Adan. Maybe if I gave in and actually thought about it, I could gain some kind of closure, but I knew the odds of that happening were not in my favor. If I couldn’t gain closure, maybe I could gain some sort of understanding.
At this point I was willing to give it a try.
I didn’t know what had upset me the most – the actual lying part or not knowing why he was lying. I had thought I felt betrayed from all of Andres’ lies, but nothing compared to hearing Adan lie to me. Now I knew I wasn’t exactly a model of perfection and as of late telling a few of my own lies had been my signature move on most of the stuff I told Eli or Scott, but I convinced myself it was because of the lies Andres told that forced me to keep so many secrets.
What was Adan’s reason?
I had never expected him to lie to me when I finally confronted him about it. I could have sworn that it had almost been like he was giving me hints this whole time, waiting for me to see it, but when I finally caught on, something had spooked him and I had no idea what.
“Sara?”
I jumped, losing contact with my thoughts and being brought back to reality. I had been so zoned out that I hadn’t heard the bell on the door nor did I see Scott walk in right in front of me. He was hesitant to move into the store any closer so he hovered by the door, blocking the entrance.
I gave him a weak smile, “I’m sorry. I was-”
“Lost in thought.” He finished for me.
I made a sound that was suppose to resemble a laugh, but was a poor imitation. “Yeah.” Pulling my hands from my pocket, I moved toward the counter, resting my hip against the front. “How are you?” I asked politely and feeling silly about it.
He shrugged. “I’ve been better. You?”
“I’ve definitely been better.”
He looked sad. “I just came to apologize-”
“Scott you have nothing to-”
“Yes I do. Please let me finish Sara.” He took a step closer, but stopped realizing he was no longer touching the safety of escape.
“Okay,” I said motioning for him to finish.
“First, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted last night and the way I talked to you.”
It was killing me not to interrupt, but I held my tongue and let him finish.
“No matter what you were doing, I should have never treated you that way.”
“Thank you,” I said acknowledging his apology when he paused.
“I also want to apologize for not trusting you. You have never given me a reason not too and I should have been less accusing.”
I couldn’t listen to him apologize anymore. “I saw Adan today.” I blurted. He looked up at me, really looked at me, for the first time since he had walked into the store. I could tell he wasn’t sure how he should react the hearing that. There was a mixture of sadness and hope lingering. “I told him I couldn’t see him anymore.” I felt sick the minute the words were out and hated that that was my reaction.
Especially when I saw the flash of excitement banish away the doubt he had been holding on to. I didn’t need to tell him that I was picking him by default, the fact remained that I still had feelings for Scott. Maybe they weren’t the intense feelings I had – have- for Adan, but there was still a part of me that loved Scott.
He rushed to me without saying a word, scooping me up into his arms and lifting me off the floor. He nestled his face into the side of my neck. I could feel the warmth of his breath against my skin and the muscles of his body against mine and it felt wrong. The urge to push him away was so strong that I had to grip the fabric of his jacket to keep myself from following through.
I was no longer Scott’s.
I cursed myself, actually hating myself for thinking I could just forget about Adan and continue to be with Scott like nothing had changed. I had made things worse and that included continuing to lead Scott on even if I was no longer going to see Adan.
“I was so scared I had lost you,” he whispered against my neck.
I closed my eyes and a single tear escaped, falling down the side of my check and I quickly wiped it away before Scott could see the evidence of my heartbreak.
Once again I had chosen wrong.
“Was that Scott I just heard?”
My back had been facing the entry to Maggie’s office so I hadn’t seen her coming. I fought the tears that wanted to keep falling and tried to wipe away what had managed to slip away before she could see.
“Yes,” my voices wavered. “He just left though.” I cleared my voice and turned around forcing a smile.
Maggie was not one to be fooled.
She had stopped at the bottom of the staircase, holding on to the wrought iron banister. I avoided looking her in the face and it was the first time I had noticed the little dragonfly designs that had been twisted out of the steel.
“Do your tears have anything to do with a certain boy that was in here last night?”
“Would you believe me if I said I have no idea what your talking about?” I smiled at her and walked behind the counter to sit on the stool.
She stepped off the last step and came around to stand in front of the counter. “If that was the truth, yes I would believe you, but we both know that it’s not.”
I sighed. “Have you ever made a bad decision just to follow that up with an even worse one?”
She gave a sad laugh. “We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t make a couple of wrong decisions here and there, mija.” She reached over and lifted my chin so I was looking at her. “You are a beautiful, strong and very smart young women. Maybe you didn’t make the right decision now, but I know that you’ll find a way to fix it. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries before we get it right, that’s life. We live and we learn, the important part is that you listen to your heart. It will always tell you everything you need to know.”
I smiled at her, a genuine smile. “Thank you Maggie.”
“Your welcome, mija. No more tears on that pretty face of yours. Everything will work out for the best and if it doesn’t, you’ll work it out so it fits best for you.”
“Be careful going home. I worry about you going home by yourself.” I told her.
She smiled. “Don’t you worry about me. I’m tougher then I look.” She gave me a wink.
“Maggie?” I called when she turned to go. “Is everything okay? It sounded like you were upset earlier. On the phone I mean.” I blushed a little at my confession at overhearing her phone call.
She just patted my hand. “I’m fine mija. Just a little mix up, that’s all. Nothing I can’t fix. Goodnight Sara.”
“Goodnight Maggie.”
The rest of my shift seemed to pass quickly.
I found myself staying busy getting the store ready to close and that left me with no time to have any wandering thoughts. After going through my closing routine, it was finally time for me to go home.
Stepping outside, the night was cool and I could feel the soft breeze that teased the hair on the back of my neck. I was just about to lock the doors when I shivered. Glancing behind me, my eyes darted around the dimly lit street. I could
hear the faint sounds of the music and people at the bar down and across the street, but other then that, I was the only one who seemed to be on this block.
I had a weird mixture of feelings, I felt like I was being watched, but only part of me felt scared and the other part of me knew I had nothing to worry about. Turning I looked down the other side of the street. It was a little bit darker; most of the shops that way were closed. I could see the dark shadows and I tried to squint to see past them. I had been staring so hard that I was starting to see the shadows move and again I shivered.
Turning back toward the door I shoved the key inside of the lock and turned it, pulling it out as fast as I could. Keys already in hand, I hit the button to unlock the doors and my headlights flashed twice. Using the fast glimpse of light, I tried to make out anyone that might have been lurking, but I couldn’t see anything. I walked swiftly around the front of my car and got in locking the doors behind me. Turning on my lights I once again tried to search the darkness. I thought I had seen something darting in and out of the darkened camouflage, but I couldn’t be sure.
I didn’t feel like sitting around here any longer; starting my car I put it into drive and pulled away.
Whatever I had felt before was gone now.
Pulling into the drive way I could see the lights on inside the house.
That was all the confirmation I needed to know that Andres was home, but after the day that I had the last thing I wanted to endure was another useless fight with him. I knew he wouldn’t be the one to start it, he never did, and for the first time since I had stepped out of the car the night we got home from half way around the world, I had no intentions of starting with him.
Getting out of the car I walked up to the house, my hand hovered over the door knob and I took a deep breathe and mentally counted to three. I didn’t know how much longer I had before I completely came apart at the seams. I could feel the threads around my reserve loosening and I knew it wouldn’t be much longer. I just needed to get through the rest of the night so I could do it alone. The last thing I wanted was Andres to see me lose it. I didn’t want the attention or the questions that would follow.
I finished my pep talk and pushed the door open. I was immediately hit with the smell of food and my stomach growled painfully. When had been the last time I had eaten today? I couldn’t remember and silently apologized to my body for depriving it. I had been so distracted I hadn’t even thought about food and maybe if I had, I wouldn’t be using every last bit of strength I had to hold myself up right now.
My lack of energy these days seemed to be an on going thing when I actually stopped to think about it. Andres had upped my calorie intake when I started kickboxing, but I hadn’t done a very good job with following it. I realized my lack of nutrition was probably the cause for how run down my body felt lately. I made a mental note to start eating more and stop skipping meals, starting with dinner.
Andres was busy stirring something at the stove and hadn’t heard me come in. I set my stuff down on the table and pulled out a chair, dropping into it.
“Dinner smells good.”
Andres turned toward me, the shock on his face evident and I felt a small bit of guilt. He smiled at me and for once I actually wanted to return it, but the stubborn part of me wasn’t having it.
“It’s almost ready.” He said, turning back around.
He hit the side of the pan a couple of times with the spoon he had been using to stir whatever was in the pan. It smelt like spaghetti and when he pulled open the oven door and the heat of melting cheese, garlic and fresh bread filled the air I knew I was right. Getting up I walked over to the sink so I could wash my hands.
“Do you need any help?” I asked.
There was that shocked look again. “No, but thank you. Sit down and I’ll bring you a plate.”
If I thought I could have carried the plate myself I would have told him I could do it, but my arms were starting to feel like jelly and I didn’t think I was up for the task. I dried my hands and headed back to the table, pushing aside my bag so he could put my plate down. Once all the food was out on the table he sat down and served us both. I nearly choked on the first couple of bites as I tried to fill my empty stomach with little to no chewing.
Andres was watching me with an amused expression on his face. “Hungry?” he asked with a smirk.
Blushing, I wiped away the spaghetti sauce I could feel staining the side of my mouth with the napkin he had given me. “I forgot to eat lunch.” And possibly breakfast and maybe even a couple of snacks in-between, when I thought about it, but I couldn’t seem to remember much of the day except the part that included Adan. That, I couldn’t seem to forget, but I quickly pushed my thoughts of him away, I was doing okay for the time being.
I could tell he wanted to scold me for that, but he didn’t want to ruin the moment with something that could lead to an argument. “I’ll make sure I don’t skip it tomorrow.” I said reassuring him.
He nodded, appeased for now. “How was work?” he asked.
Crappy, I thought to myself. “It was slow. What did you do today?” I wondered if I would lose count of how many times I could shock Andres before the end of the night.
I knew we were both thinking the same thing. This had been the first non-forced conversation we had in weeks. As long as I didn’t think about anything else, I was able to somewhat enjoy the conversation.
“Uh, it was slow around here too. I spent most of the day in my office drawing a set of new plans.”
“I didn’t see you this morning when I left to work.” What I didn’t mention was the fact that I had been actually avoiding him and our skipped workout session.
“I figured I could give you the day off. You’ve been looking tired these day, are you sleeping any better?”
I knew he was referring to my dreams, or whatever they were. I shrugged. “A little.” I wasn’t ready to tell him about this morning. “I plan on going to bed early tonight. Turns out I am not as cool as I thought I was and staying out late is not as fun as they make it look in the movies.”
He laughed. “You’re a smart kid mija.” I was used to Maggie calling me that, but it had been a while since Andres had.
“Not smart enough.” I said sourly.
“Sara,” he began, but I knew what he was going to say and I didn’t want to do this right now.
“Not tonight Andres. I can’t handle this tonight. Tomorrow I will listen to every excuse you want to give me until your blue in the face, but tonight, I can’t.”
He nodded. “Are you finished?” he asked as he stood up holding his own plate.
“Yes, but I’ll help you clean up.” I said standing too.
“Don’t worry about it. You look exhausted. Go get some sleep.” He took my plate from me.
I wanted to insist, but I didn’t have the energy. “Thanks for dinner.”
“You’re welcome mija.”
Picking up my back I headed for my room.
I had barely managed to stifle the scream that had formed in my throat.
“Are you insane?!” I hissed quietly at the blue eyes gleaming in the dark.
I moved toward the small lamp by my bed and turned it on. My room was now basked in a soft glow of light.
“You scared me half to death.” I said trying to work up a glare, but the truth was I couldn’t have been happier to see my wolf right now.
He sat at the foot of my bed, his head tilted to the side. It felt like it had been forever since I saw him and once again I was caught off guard by his massive size. Both of the double doors to my room had be been pulled open and I frowned.
Hadn’t I closed those this morning?
“How did you get in here?” asked and wondered why I continued to do that as if I really expected him to answer me. Walking around the edge of my bed, I sat down in front of him and we sat there for the longest time just staring at each other.
“I missed you last night,” I whispered and put my hand out, stop
ping just short of touching him and waited.
There was no hesitation when he leaned forward, rubbing his head against the inside of my hand. My palm caressed the soft fur of his head and down the side of his massive neck.
“It doesn’t matter where you were, you’re here now and I could definitely use the company. Hopefully you can keep the nightmares away tonight. Can you do that for me?”
He just bumped his head against my palm in answer. I combed my fingers through his coat one last time before moving to get up. I had wanted to shower, but I could already feel my eyes drooping past the point of no return, so I grabbed a pair of pajamas and headed for the bathroom. Once I had finished in there I flipped off the switch and crawled into bed.
My wolf was still sitting in the same position, watching as I tossed and turned until I found a comfortable position. Leaning over I turned off the lamp and his eyes were the last thing I had seen before I closed mine. I wanted to watch him some more, but I could no longer keep them open.
I had almost managed to fall asleep without thinking of Adan, but just as I felt myself drifting, I could see his face, hear the sweetly whispered caress of my name across my face. I felt the gentle pressure of his fingers sliding through my hair, pushing it away from my face and neck. If I hadn’t been in bed, I would have sworn I wasn’t dreaming him, and that he was really here with me. I could see the vision in my head, and I wanted to be there more then anything, and the urge to open my eyes was crushing.
“Open your eyes, baby girl,” His whispered words was all the persuasion I needed, and I felt my eyes flicker open.
I was immediately acknowledged by the warm golden rays of the sun that embraced my body, coating my skin in a hue of affection. The lazy light highlighted the bronze tint of my skin, bringing to life the gold shimmer that enveloped my skin. Each twist and turn of my body was highlighted by the radiating glow, my skin was a glimmering appraisal of the lights devotion. I was in the same dark green two piece, and the color only added definition to the sun illusion.
Flutter (The Discover Series) Page 35