by Rowena Mohr
I didn’t know what to do so I just sat there and drank my tea. Brendan didn’t say anything either but stayed at the piano with his back to me, not moving. Eventually, I think I said something like, ‘You never told me that your dad sang too,’ because he turned around and snapped at me. ‘My dad’s dead, okay? There’s nothing to tell.’ Well, that was the end of that lesson and I got out of there as quickly as I could. What a pair of freakazoids!
Sunday 5 June 9.11 pm
Creepazoid in residence all weekend. Me in bedroom all weekend except when at Freakazoid’s. What a life! Have decided that if Rami won’t help me expose Creepazoid for the pond-dwelling, bottom-feeding invertebrate that he is, I’ll just have to do it without her help. Will ask her at school tomorrow if I can borrow her camera.
Monday 6 June 4.52 pm
Brendan came up and apologised to me at lunchtime. He said that his mum has never got over his dad dying and that she sometimes acts a bit strange around new people. It was only later that I realised that it still doesn’t explain why he and his mother were doing the big freeze-off with one another!
Asked Rami about the camera – and she said she’d have to think about it!! She is sooo pissing me off.
Monday 6 June 8.45 pm
Okay, things are starting to make sense now. I asked Mum if she knew the Russos and she said that she and Mrs Russo used to go to school together but they lost touch after they got married. And then Mr Russo, Brendan’s dad, drowned when Brendan was about five. Not only that, he drowned trying to save Brendan’s older brother who also died. No wonder Brendan and his mother are a bit psycho!
Tuesday 7 June 8.33 pm
I’ve got a week off from rehearsals coz I’m not in the next few scenes, but I decided to go and sit up the back and watch anyway. And guess who came and sat next to me? Freaky old Brendan! But he seemed okay despite that totally psyched-out scene the other day so I made him laugh by making up new dialogue for Mandozer in a really bad Hungarian accent. Only thing I can’t figure out is why he wasn’t chatting up Rami down the front. Maybe he’s finally figured out what a total control freak she is too.
What actually happens in this bit is that Lucard has turned Lucy into a prostitute so that she can lure more men into his web of drugs and sex. Mandozer and The Vamps do this ‘Lady Marmalade’ number trying to crack onto Door Matt and Vince and the rest of the guys but then they decide to kidnap her and use her as bait to set a trap for Lucard. Vince, as Seward, offers her some more drugs (another piece of typecasting except Vince would actually make her pay for them!) if she’ll call Lucard and ask him to meet her. Of course, Lucy is such a desperate druggie by this time she’ll do anything to feed her habit so she calls Lucard on her mobile (everyone in this show has a mobile! Did they even have them in the 1970s?) but when he gets there she yells out that it’s a trap and Lucard escapes. Then, before The Crew of Light can stop her, she ODs and dies right in front of them. What a shame!
Wednesday 8 June 5.14 pm
Overheard Mandozer telling her coven that she got into the top thirty on Australian Idol. Honestly, she is so full of it. And they are so dumb they’d believe anything!
Thursday 9 June 9.44 pm
The bit we rehearsed tonight was where The Vamps and some of the clubbers carry Mandozer’s body back to the club and all the Drac Pack are really depressed that she’s dead. Then this music starts up, quietly at first, but getting louder and louder until suddenly, Lucy sits bolt upright in her coffin and starts singing that Pink song ‘Get the Party Started’ and everyone’s happy that she’s not really dead and they all have a bit of a rave. Everything’s going great until Renfield (Ivan the Smellable) takes out his camera phone and starts taking pictures so he can let VH and the crew know about what’s going on. They arrive and Arthur (SLB) is so disgusted to see what a low-life Lucy has become that he stabs her through the heart with a giant syringe! I think that’s my favourite scene so far and I have to say that I’m a bit jealous of SLB coz he gets to stab her and I don’t.
Thursday 9 June 10.02 pm
I’ve just had an idea! I don’t need Rami’s camera after all – I can just borrow SLB’s camera phone! I don’t know how he does it but the little twerp always has the latest gadget. At least this time it will be put to good use. I’ll go to Southland tomorrow after school and hang around until the Creep shows up with his low-life mates, and then I’ll have all the evidence I need to prove to Mum and Dad and Rami and everyone else that I was right about him all along!
Friday 10 June 9.16 pm
Plan foiled. Creepazoid never showed. Got rained on instead.
Saturday 11 June 9.02 am
Queen’s Birthday long weekend. Erin Costello’s ritual public humiliation on the occasion of her sixteenth birthday at a lamo party organised by her lamo father at some lamo restaurant. Fortunately, no one from school is coming except Rami and Door Matt – mainly because I didn’t invite anyone else! If I am going to be totally humiliated by having the lamest birthday party in the whole history of birthday parties then at least there will only be a couple of witnesses and maybe I’ll be able to bribe them to keep their mouths shut. Fat chance!
Saturday 11 June 5.22 pm
Mum took me shopping this morning for a new dress for the party. Dad and SLB went to Bunnings Warehouse to check out stuff for the set of Dracula with – wait for it – Dicko!!
Mum dropped me back at Dad’s and I spent the afternoon watching Dad and Dicko arguing over what colour the walls of the nightclub should be painted like a couple of old women. Dicko was going for Gothic Grey but Dad thought Bone Dust would be better!! Then they had a few beers and both fell asleep on the couch watching some soppy old movie on TV. Gross!
So not looking forward to this stupid party tonight!
Sunday 12 June 1.17 pm
Just as I predicted, the party did indeed turn out to be the party from hell – but not necessarily for the reasons I imagined. I swear it must have been a full moon or something coz everybody just went completely psycho.
First of all, you know how I said I’d only invited Rami and Door Matt? Guess who decided that meant they should bring a date? So Rami turns up with Rock God Russo and Door Matt waltzes in with – yep, you guessed it – Mandozer!! Does he not realise that she is the last bimbo on earth I would ever invite anywhere? Guys are just so dim! I guess he couldn’t believe his luck that she actually agreed to go out with him, but what he doesn’t realise is that she probably only said yes so that she could check out my lamo party and then tell everyone at school about it next week! Made her sit right up the other end of the table next to SLB and as far away from me as possible.
Rami and Brendan came and sat next to me on one side and then Mum rocks up with El Creepo and sits down right beside Dad and as I look around I realise that half of Wilga Heights is there and my plan of keeping the whole embarrassing night a secret is not looking too good.
And then the craziness started.
About halfway through dinner, Mandozer stands up and throws her drink all over Door Matt. We’re all looking at them, going WTF, and Mandozer starts yelling something about he’d do it if he really loved her, and then she picks up her things and storms out of the restaurant like a Force 10 cyclone. Door Matt just shrugs his shoulders and goes off to the bathroom to dry himself off and none of us have a clue what’s just happened.
Then we get to the speeches and Dad’s telling this stupid story he’s told a thousand times before about how I broke my arm playing netball at school (this is like when I was twelve or something) and how when he came to pick me up to take me to the doctor I refused to go because I wanted to finish the game first. (What he doesn’t know is that it was weasel-features Mandozer who pushed me and I wanted to get back out on the court and smack her with my good arm.) Anyway, he’s telling this story and, as I said, everyone’s heard it a thousand times before including Mum – but what does she do? She suddenly starts crying and yelling at Dad, ‘I can’t believe you’d tell that st
ory! I can’t believe how insensitive you are!’ before SHE storms out closely followed by the Creep. Unbelievable!
But wait, it gets worse.
Dad proceeded to get drunk, Door Matt was sitting in the corner feeling sorry for himself, and then good ol’ Rock God Brendan discovers that the restaurant has a piano in the back room. He and Matt and SLB have been talking about this show they’re doing for WHAM radio all evening, so Brendan starts playing all these songs he’s written and my entire family (well, the ones who haven’t gone home in a huff ) begins hollering along like they’re at some cut-price karaoke bar. I take this opportunity to grab Rami and ask her what she meant by inviting Brendan.
‘Well, I knew you wouldn’t do it,’ she said.
‘Of course I wouldn’t do it because I didn’t want him to come. Or Mandozer.’
‘Mandozer I can understand. I don’t know what Matt was thinking. But Brendan’s your friend. Don’t you want your friends around you on your birthday?’
‘Brendan is NOT my friend. You only invited him because YOU like him.’
‘Of course I like him, but I thought you did too.’ Is she kidding? I was getting really pissed off with her.
‘Ra, stop pretending that you invited Brendan for my sake and just admit that you have been after him since the first time you laid eyes on him!’ Rami looked at me like I’d said something totally horrible and not the absolute truth.
‘And don’t look at me like that. I don’t know what’s got into you lately. I mean, I ask you to help me save my mother from some bottom-feeding drug dealer and all you can say is “I’ll think about it!”’
‘Oh, is that what this is about?’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Erin, you have got to stop obsessing about your mum and Mr McKenzie.’ She lowered her voice and looked around to make sure my dad wasn’t listening in. ‘And do you want to know why I’m not going to help you? Because I don’t for a minute believe that he’s a drug dealer or a perv or a child molester. And I think that deep down you don’t either. I think you just want him out of the way because you’ve built this fantasy in your head that maybe then your mum and dad will get back together.’
‘Oh really? Is that right? You think I’m so dumb I don’t even know what I’m doing or why I’m doing it? It’s nice to know that my best friend has such a high opinion of me.’ Rami sighed like she couldn’t be bothered arguing anymore and then do you know what she said?
‘So, Er, I just thought you might like to know that my grandad is actually quite ill. You know, I went to visit him last weekend in hospital? Well, it turns out he’s got some problem with his blood – not enough white blood cells or something – and the doctors can’t figure out why. Mum’s beside herself with worry – and I’m really scared too. Scared that maybe he’s going to die. I just thought you’d like to know.’
And then she picked up her bag and walked out of the restaurant.
Sunday 12 June 4.33 pm
Headache all afternoon from trying to figure out what the hell was going on last night!
Monday 13 June 5.30 pm
That’s it! Rami is so not my best friend anymore! Waited all day for her to come and apologise to me but she just totally ignored me. Ended up spending the lunch hour in the art room helping Ms Simpson scrape old wax off the batik equipment. She was very impressed with my dedication but I bet she still won’t give me an A.
Tuesday 14 June 9.15 pm
At rehearsal tonight I had to sing my other solo – ‘Beautiful’ – to Mandozer’s corpse. I was really nervous, especially because Brendan and Rami and Door Matt were all sitting together three rows from the front, giggling and laughing and looking like they were just waiting for me to stuff it up. Well, I showed them! I concentrated on acting the song – like Brendan taught me – rather than worrying about all the technical stuff and I totally aced it. It’s actually going to be a really good scene, I think – touching, you know. Mina’s singing this song to her best friend saying: I know everyone’s been saying that you’re a ho and a druggie but I’ll remember you the way you were before. It’s just a shame that Mandozer doesn’t have a before!
But get this! When I was finished, Brendan came up to me and gave me a hug like I was his star pupil or something. Which was a bit weird because I thought for sure Rami had been saying horrible things about me to him and I wasn’t expecting him even to be nice to me anymore. But he said I was fantastic and I must have been practising really hard – and I’m pretty sure he meant it!
Wednesday 15 June 4.23 pm
Rami not at school today so at least I didn’t feel like I was invisible for most of the day!
Thursday 16 June 9.08 pm
Rehearsal tonight was totally weird! We were working on this scene where Lucard finds Mina crying over Lucy and tries to seduce her over to the dark side. Brendan did his Rock God thing again and started singing this old INXS song called ‘Need You Tonight’. I suddenly realised that this is the first scene we’ve had together – just the two of us – and I don’t know why but I suddenly began to feel really strange. I started having these, like, hot flushes and I could feel my face and neck turning bright pink. My hands got all clammy and sweaty and I couldn’t even look at Brendan even though I was supposed to be ‘falling under his seductive spell’ – according to Dicko, that is. Of course, Brendan noticed immediately that I’d gone a bit funny and he did that secret smile thing he does – like he knows exactly what you’re thinking – which just made things worse. Much worse! Because then at the end of the song he flicked his tongue out at me – sort of like a sexy snake – and, I can’t believe I did this – I giggled! I actually giggled. What is happening to my brain? My character Mina’s supposed to be half-seduced, half-repulsed by Lucard and there I am giggling away like a Dozey Dora! How embarrassing!!
OMG! I’ve just had a terrible thought. Maybe I’m turning into one of those bubble-heads who follow him around oohing and aahing every time he looks their way. God knows his head’s big enough already! (I’m not saying that Rami’s a bubble-head, okay? Just that I expected a little more maturity from someone her age.)
Thursday 16 June 10.07 pm
I think I must have been having some kind of temporary hormonal imbalance this afternoon. I mean, it’s not as if I even LIKE Brendan! He’s so stuck up and is so obviously in love with himself, how could I?
Anyway, it’s never going to happen again. From now on it is purely professional between us.
Friday 17 June 10.01 pm
Borrowed SLB’s phone and staked out Southland again. Success! This time instead of hanging around the carpark and getting wet, I took up position in Dippy Donuts – which conveniently overlooks the entrance to the carpark – and waited for my target to approach. After only three cups of coffee and two Cinnamon Surprise donuts I saw said target drive up the ramp in his new dark-blue Ford Laser. Discreetly disguised as I was in one of SLB’s Fubu beanies and Mum’s imitation Christian Dior sunglasses, I ran across the road and hid behind a pylon near the lifts without being noticed and managed to snap several incriminating photos of him and his druggie mates before a security guard asked me to leave because he thought I was acting suspiciously. Typical! There’s a drug deal going on right under his nose and he thinks I’M acting suspiciously. I’d got all the evidence I needed by then so it didn’t matter and I treated myself to another Dippy Donut on the way home.
Saturday 18 June 11.17 am
SLB wanted his phone back but I haven’t shown Mum the photos yet. Have to come up with a plan.
Sunday 19 June 3.15 pm
OMG! I think SLB is in on the drug thing with Creepazoid. I just got a call on his phone from this guy who said to tell Ben that he ‘wants the dragon after all’. I’m sure it’s some sort of code for drugs. What should I do? I wish I was still speaking to Rami because she would know what to do.
Sunday 19 June 3.19 pm
Of course! That’s where SLB gets all his money from! I can’t
believe I didn’t figure this out before. What I can’t figure out though is why, if he’s working for Tony Cuoccolo, I never see little bro and Vince together at school? They don’t even talk to each other at rehearsals and they’re in all the same scenes. Unless he’s set up his own operation? But Tony would’ve killed him by now if that was the case. Will have to investigate further . . .
Monday 20 June 6.07 pm
Okay. I’ve figured out how to get Mum to look at the photos. SLB keeps pestering me for his phone back – says he’s losing business. I bet he is! I told him I wouldn’t tell Mum about his ‘business’ if he didn’t erase the photos on his phone and if he took some more photos of me during rehearsals tomorrow night. He said why didn’t I just ask Rami for copies of her photos? I told him to stop asking questions and just do it, or else. He gave me a funny look but he didn’t say anything so I think we’re cool.