by Rowena Mohr
Sunday 22 May 9.17 pm
OMG! Just went to the kitchen to get some water and Creepazoid was having another one of his dodgy secret conversations on his mobile. I heard him say that the next shipment was expected in July and he’d be well in by then. And then he said something like, ‘No, mate, I’m solid. No one suspects a thing.’ I didn’t hear anything else because SLB came into the kitchen and Creepazoid told whoever he was talking to that he had to go.
If this means what I think it means then he’s an even bigger creep than I thought. It also explains what happened at school the other day when Creepazoid basically saved Vince from the cops. I have to think about this. This is so major. Am going to text Rami and see if she believes me now!
Sunday 22 May 9.26 pm
Huh! Rami texts me back but all she’s got to say is, ‘R U sure?’ Of course I’m sure. I’m not the sort of person who just jumps to conclusions without having all the facts!! But just to put Rami’s mind at rest I’m going to have a snoop around and see what else I can find out about El Creepo.
Monday 23 May 8.24 am
Chucked a sickie today so I can start my investigations. Filled up a hot-water bottle with boiling water and rested it on my forehead for about ten minutes so that Mum would think I had a temperature. Of course, all she wanted to know was why I had all these little criss-cross lines on my face? I swear if I had the plague she’d tell me to put some bandaids over the pustules and stop complaining. She left for work about ten minutes ago and I can hear the Creep hollering away in the shower so the coast is clear.
Monday 23 May 8.39 am
This is unbelievable. I had a look in Mum’s room to see what I could find out about Creepazoid. I know he usually has an overnight bag with him when he stays so I’m checking it out and there’s this black leather jacket and I’m going through the pockets when I feel something heavy inside. So I have a look and there’s this strange sort of leather pocket sewn into the lining just near the armpit and guess what was in it? A gun!! I’m not kidding! A real gun! Now what does a PE teacher need with a gun? Unless, of course, he’s not a PE teacher at all but some low-life drug dealer who is taking your mother for a ride!!
So you see, I was right! And he must be working for Tony Cuoccolo. Why else would he jump in to save baby brother from the cops? And what’s the perfect cover for a drug dealer looking to recruit new life-long customers? Maybe Vince wasn’t meeting the sales targets and Creepazoid’s been brought in to improve the bottom line. Who knows? The thing is, how am I going to break the news to Mum? Knowing her, she’s going to make up all these excuses for him and tell me how he’s the best thing that ever happened to her and how I am still living in a fantasy world where I think Dad is going to come back – blah blah blah. She must be really desperate if she actually believes that. I need to be able to prove to her that he’s been lying to her and I am going to need evidence. But what? And how?
Tuesday 24 May 7.17 pm
Not one person at school today asked me how I was. Thanks for caring, guys! Told Rami at lunchtime about Creepazoid but she just doesn’t seem to realise how serious this is. Mind you, I think she still thinks that I’m imagining the whole thing! I have got to find some way of convincing everybody that Creepazoid is really a drug-dealing sociopath and not a mild-mannered (if somewhat sadistic) PE teacher.
Rehearsal was pretty funny. Brendan Rock God Stalker Guy who’s been trying to crack onto my best friend got to do his first solo. We’re all in the nightclub and we’ve just finished singing this song about how the night belongs to us coz we’re so cool, when Brendan makes his first entrance as Lucard. This guy thinks he is so hot! And how is this for coincidence? Lucard’s meant to be this slimeball drug dealer, just like Creepazoid! Maybe Brendan can pick up some ideas for his character? Except that Dicko was saying that Lucard’s also very sexy and charming and that’s how he draws people into his web of addiction and promiscuity. Don’t think Creepazoid’s going to be able to help him out there. Besides, Brendan doesn’t need any help in that department. It’s like he was made for the role. He slunk out onto the stage and started to sing this song called ‘I’m Your Man’. He was flirting with all the girls but in a way that you knew he was really bad news, and I swear every girl in the room nearly wet herself. Except me, of course! I mean the guy’s obviously got an ego the size of Uluru and he probably only agreed to do the show coz he knew all the girls’d be after him.
After that we ran through the scene where Door Matt gets drugged and seduced by The Three Vamps – one of whom is Serena Immas of ‘the incredibly comfortable thong’ fame. The Vamps are supposed to be Lucard’s little harem who’ll do anything for drugs and he sends them off after Door Matt’s character Jonathan. Basically the three girls come out on stage wearing practically nothing and they drug Matt’s drink and then they sing ‘I Wanna Kiss You All Over’ – the extended trance version – while rubbing themselves up against the poor guy like a bunch of cats on heat. I’ve never seen anyone so embarrassed in all my life. The song lasts for about four minutes and he was the colour of a baboon’s butt after the first thirty seconds.
And as if he hadn’t had enough public humiliation for one night, just as we were leaving, Door Matt came up to Rami and me and begged us to tell him who was sending the love poems to Mandozer. The poor love was practically crying, he was so desperate, and I don’t think he believed us when we said we didn’t know.
Wednesday 25 May 5.15 pm
Still don’t know what to do about Creepazoid! Thought about calling Crimestoppers but until he actually offers to sell me drugs or shoots someone, I don’t have any evidence that he is in fact a criminal.
What I want to know is how are you supposed to prevent crime if you always have to wait for the crime to be committed first? What a stupid system.
Thursday 26 May 8.04 am
OMG! I have to sing in front of everyone tonight! I’m so nervous. I’ve been practising in my room all week, but I have to say I haven’t received much support from my family. Every time SLB goes past my door I can hear him yell out, ‘Erin’s strangling the cat again, Mum!’ Very funny!
Thursday 26 May 8.22 pm
Well, I think I blew it completely. Not only did I make a total idiot of myself in front of everybody but Dicko asked me to see him after school tomorrow. I think maybe he’s going to throw me out of the show.
It’s not fair. I mean, it’s not like I said, ‘Hey, guys, I’m a fantastic singer. Give me the lead role.’ I auditioned just like everyone else so they knew all along what a crap singer I was. Damn! I guess that means I’m not going to be famous after all. The most embarrassing thing was that I thought I was doing all right but then Dicko stopped me and suggested it might sound a lot better if I actually sang it in tune. Sarcastic bastard! By then I was so terrified, all the blood had rushed to my head and I couldn’t hear the music anyway. So I just shut my eyes and opened my mouth and kept going till I got to the end. There was a strange quiet when I finished but I thought it was probably okay coz at least nobody was laughing. How wrong can you be?
Friday 27 May 9.46 pm
Do you want the good news or the bad news? The good news (I think) is that I’m still in the show. The bad news is that I have to have private singing lessons with Brendan Rock God Russo!!
Friday 27 May 10.03 pm
OMG! Ra just rang and who do you think she saw in the undercover carpark at Southland tonight? Creepazoid, Vince Cuoccolo and a whole lot of other undesirables trying to look like they were just hangin’ in the hood waiting for their girlfriends to finish the shopping. How is that for sprung? I asked Rami if Vince’s brother Tony was there as well but she said she didn’t see him. No doubt Vince is acting as the go-between to make sure that Creepazoid is on the level. All I have to do now is figure out a way to get Mum to catch him in the act!
Don’t think Rami thinks that Creepazoid is such a nice guy anymore!
Weekend with Dad. Still hasn’t found a job so no doubt we’ll be kno
cking down the door of the local library again – or something equally exciting. At least Mum gave him the old DVD player so we don’t have to watch crappy movies on the crappy video.
Saturday 28 May 11.17 am
After breakfast, while SLB was playing with his new Xbox, I very casually mentioned to Dad that Mum seemed a bit depressed lately. Dad pretended like he wasn’t really interested and kept on doing the washing up but I could tell he was listening. I told him how Mum was having some problems with her new boyfriend and that she suspected he was involved in something illegal. Dad said that while he hoped Mum was happy in her new life, her emotional well-being was not his concern anymore and he didn’t really want to know about her new boyfriend, criminal or not. What a cop-out! He’s obviously still very bitter about the whole separation thing. Honestly, adults can be so immature sometimes.
And then he told me that he’s in charge of organising my birthday party which is going to be on the eleventh of June! Kill me now. He said he’s already booked some crappy Italian restaurant and he told me to give him a list of all the people I want to invite. At first I thought he was joking. But no! Apparently he and Mum have been talking about it for weeks – and Mum’s actually going to let him do it! I can tell you right now that it’s going to be a total disaster. It’s amazing, isn’t it? I mean, my family is not even a real family anymore, yet for the really important things – like totally humiliating their daughter on her sixteenth birthday – they are still willing to put aside the fact that they hate each other and all pitch in together!
Sunday 29 May 7.22 pm
SLB is obviously as pissed off with Dad being broke all the time as I am coz he paid for us all to go and see a movie and then took us out for pizza afterwards. I just wish I knew where he got the money from!
Monday 30 May 4.53 pm
Mandozer was showing everyone her new tattoo in the change room after PE today. It goes right across the top of her bum and it’s supposed to be some ancient runic symbol for fidelity (!!) but it looks more like a couple of cobras getting ready to plunge their fangs into her kidneys. Suddenly everybody else was half naked and showing off their tattoos as well and going on about what a genius this new tattoo artist is. It’s strange because I was just around the other side of the lockers but the minute they all saw me they shut up and started putting their clothes back on?? Honestly, I sometimes think that Rami and I are the only two sane females left on the planet.
Tuesday 31 May 7.12 pm
I don’t believe it! Rami has a tattoo as well. She obviously wasn’t going to tell me but she was scratching her ankle and I saw this thing under her sock – a little ring of dolphins going all the way around her ankle like a bracelet. I don’t get it. Why has every person in this school suddenly decided that they HAVE to have a tattoo?
Ran through the scene where Lucy (Mandozer) and Mina (me) go to the club to have a girls’ night out. We do this song-and-dance number with all the other female clubbers – ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ – corny, I know, but it kinda works. Anyway, after we do that bit, my character goes to the bathroom (On her own? I don’t think so!) and Brendan slinks out on stage and drugs and seduces Lucy. (Not much of a challenge even without the drugs, and easily achieved in the time it takes to go to the loo.) By the time I get back, Lucy’s having psychedelic hallucinations to the tune of – you guessed it! – ‘Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds’ and has fallen under Lucard’s evil spell. I have to hand it to Mandozer. She makes it all look so easy. It’s a shame she’s such a brainless diva.
Also, I think I have an idea about how to dig the dirt on Creepazoid. This afternoon, Mrs Parisi asked Rami if she could take some photos of the rehearsals for the programme. I’d forgotten all about Rami’s camera. It’s like this super-duper long-distance type like the paparazzi use to get close-up photos of movie stars picking their noses and stuff – except she uses it to take pictures of endangered animals and illegally dumped industrial waste. It would be absolutely perfect for taking incriminating photos of Creepazoid and his drug deals. I mentioned it to Ra but she didn’t seem too keen at first. Honestly, she can be so selfish sometimes! Just because she might have to give up part of her weekend to do me a favour!
june
Wednesday 1 June 6.53 pm
First session with Rock God Russo. We had to meet in the music room at three-thirty but I was running late because someone had super-glued my locker door shut! I had to get the cleaner to chisel it open for me. When I got to the music room, I heard Brendan singing this song – really quietly – just to himself. He was playing the piano too, and I didn’t want to disturb him so I just stood outside the door and listened for a while. It was a pretty soppy song – in Italian, I think. It reminded me of this old Dean Martin record my grandad used to play sometimes. Definitely not the kind of thing I’d imagined Rock God Russo listening to on his iPod!
When he finished I didn’t know what to do, so I pretended to drop my bag on the floor and made lots of noise so he wouldn’t know I’d been listening. I think he knew I’d heard him anyway though, coz he looked at me kind of strangely and then started charging around the room all business-like and professional, setting up music stands and stuff. I wonder what he’s getting out of this? Apart from a High Distinction in Theatre Studies and Dicko’s undying gratitude, that is!
We started with some breathing exercises, and he kept trying to put his hands on my ribs and stomach to show me where the breath was supposed to come from but I told him he could just point instead. He thought that was hysterical and had a good old laugh – probably because I’m the only female who ever told him to back off! He’d better get used to it. After that we did some scales and stuff and at the end he said that there was nothing wrong with my pitch or my voice – I just needed to stop being such a control freak and let my ‘real’ voice out!! The only reason I didn’t tell him to get lost right then and there is that I realised that I do really want to do this show.
As I was leaving I saw Mandozer hanging around at the end of the corridor obviously waiting for me to leave so she can crack on to Brendan. She is unbelievable!
Thursday 2 June 8.31 pm
I suppose it’s too much to expect that I would have suddenly turned into Beyoncé Knowles after just one lesson with Brendan – even if he is a rock god – but it might have been nice if I hadn’t actually got worse. Dicko asked me to have another go at singing my solo but I was so nervous and so conscious of trying to get my breathing right and I could see Brendan looking at me and I just stuffed it up completely. My voice came out sounding like a wire coat-hanger being dragged along a corrugated iron fence. I could just see the disappointment in everyone’s faces – everyone except Mandozer, that is. After rehearsal, Dicko, Mrs Parisi and Brendan all stood up the back of the hall and started arguing about something. I knew they were talking about me and deciding whether or not to leave me in the show. Ra grabbed me and pulled me out of there. I guess I can wait till tomorrow to get the bad news.
On the way home, Rami asked me if I wanted to go and visit her grandad in hospital on Saturday and I figured that was her price for helping me take photos of Creepazoid. But then she said she wouldn’t take the photos because it went against her moral code or something and plus it was an invasion of his privacy! I just lost it.
‘Who cares about him?’ I yelled. ‘What about Mum? Doesn’t she have a right to know what a dirtbag he is?’
‘Erin, you’ve got no actual evidence that he’s done anything wrong.’
‘What do you think the photos are for?’
‘I’m sorry, Er. It’s just not right. I don’t feel comfortable about spying on someone.’
‘But it’s Creepazoid. The drug dealer. He deserves to be spied on. How else are we going to find out what kind of criminal stuff he’s up to?’
Ra just shook her head and I could tell she wasn’t going to change her mind. Self-righteous troll!
Friday 3 June 5.20 pm
Brendan came and found me at lunchtim
e to ask me what I was doing tomorrow. Mandozer and her Dozey Doras were strutting past at exactly that moment. You should have seen the look she gave me. She wouldn’t have been so jealous if she’d known that Brendan just wanted to schedule another singing lesson because I’m so crap I need all the help I can get. He also told me that Dicko wanted to throw me out of the show but that he and Mrs Parisi stuck up for me and told him to give me another chance. I guess I should be grateful but this is becoming more humiliating by the minute.
Anyway, I have to go to Brendan’s place for my remedial lessons (!!) because the school’s always locked up over the weekend after that incident with Ivan and the live grenade.
SMSed Rami and told her I was busy all weekend.
Saturday 4 June 4.25 pm
Well! It’s amazing what you can discover about people from going to their houses. Brendan lives in this kind of run-down house with a straggly garden and a half-dead lawn. Bit like our place, really! It’s funny but I’d always imagined him living – not in a mansion or anything – but somewhere much nicer than where I do. He always seems so confident and self-assured in that way that kids who come from rich families do. Like nothing can ever really upset them because they can always buy their way out of trouble. How wrong can you be?
When I got there, Brendan answered the door and hustled me through to the dining room where the piano is. I can’t be sure but I thought I saw Mrs Russo standing at the end of the hallway. But if it was her she didn’t say anything and Brendan didn’t seem keen to introduce me. We’d started our lesson – I think I’m actually beginning to understand what he’s been trying to teach me – when she knocked on the door and came into the room with a tray of tea and biscuits. Brendan was sitting at the piano and as he still didn’t seem inclined to introduce me, I stuck out my hand and said hello. She was kind of strange, I have to admit. She didn’t smile or anything. In fact I don’t think she even looked me in the eye. She just shuffled over to the piano and started stroking it like it was a cat or something. And then she started talking about how the piano belonged to Brendan’s dad and how musical he was and how she first fell in love with him when she heard him sing and all this embarrassing stuff that you really wouldn’t tell someone the first time you met them. Not that she was actually telling me this story. She just sort of said it to the room in general. Brendan sat in front of the piano and didn’t say anything, so when she finished I made some comment about how that explained where Brendan’s musical talent came from – just to make conversation and because I was a bit freaked out by the strange vibe going on between the two of them. But Mrs Russo gave me this weird look like she didn’t know what I was talking about and shuffled out of the room without saying another word.