My Life and Other Catastrophes

by Rowena Mohr

  ‘I was just doing you a favour,’ I said. ‘Everyone knows what happens when you get too close to a cactus.’

  ‘Oh, is that what it was?’ He leaned back for a second so he could see my face – like he was checking whether or not I was being serious. I was going to assure him that I was – deadly serious, didn’t-know-how-lucky-he-was-to-have-escaped serious – but before I could say anything there was a tap on my shoulder.

  I spun around guiltily, half expecting to see Rami standing there wanting to know what I was doing being so palsy-walsy with her boyfriend, but it wasn’t her. It was Dad.

  ‘Do you mind if I take over?’ he asked Brendan and, without waiting for an answer, he grabbed me round the waist and whirled me into the centre of the dance floor like one of those (probably gay) guys on Dancing With the Stars. And suddenly I realised that I’d been set up. By Rami, Brendan, Mum – everyone.

  Dad must have seen what was going through my head though, because he gripped my hand really tightly and said, ‘Don’t blame them, Erin. I wanted to see you. I had to see you.’

  I so desperately wanted to run away, to just get away anywhere so that I didn’t have to do this – didn’t have to listen to him explain – didn’t have to understand – to feel sorry for him – to forgive him! But it was too late. I could suddenly feel everyone in the room staring at us, holding their breath to see what I would do. Would I chuck another mental and start screaming again? Would I just turn my back and walk away?

  I couldn’t bear it. I felt like I was in some kind of theme-park ride and the room was spinning around me so fast that I could hardly breathe. But it was the other way round. It was me who was spinning around, holding onto my father, and the room that was standing still. And I realised that that was never going to change. This thing that had happened was never ever going to go away. No matter how much I wanted it to. I could run away, I could pretend that things weren’t the way they were, I could rush round and round and round – but the room was always going to stand still.

  I looked at Dad for the first time since we started to dance.

  ‘You lied to me. You lied to all of us.’

  ‘I know and I’m sorry,’ was all he said.

  And suddenly, I was exhausted. I couldn’t fight him anymore and it just seemed easier to give in and rest my head on his shoulder and let him be my dad again. So I did.

  Okay, don’t get too relaxed, the night is not over yet! I told you this was a very eventful party!

  After all that drama I needed some fresh air, so pretending I didn’t notice Mum and Rami and everyone smiling at me in that soppy ‘oh, isn’t that sweet, she made it up with her dad’ kind of way, I grabbed a drink from the buffet and went and found a little bench down the side of the house where I could be alone for a while and think about everything that had just happened.

  It was pretty dark down there, except for a rectangle of light from the kitchen window that splashed out onto the crazy paving. I think I was too worn out by then to actually think about anything and I didn’t even know Brendan had followed me until he spoke.

  ‘Hey, Erin,’ he said softly, squeezing onto the bench beside me. ‘Are you mad at me?’

  I had to think about that for a minute.

  ‘No, I’m not mad at you.’ I was too tired to be mad at anyone.

  ‘Good,’ he said. ‘I’m glad.’ He seemed satisfied with that and we sat there in silence for a little while, listening to the party inside.

  ‘Hey, Erin,’ he said again. ‘Can I ask you something?’

  ‘What?’ I suddenly thought that maybe he was a little bit drunk because he sounded strange – kind of breathless, or excited or something.

  ‘The other night, after the show, when you were apologising for all those horrible things you did . . .’

  I turned to look at him and his eyes were gleaming like – what’s that black stone? – onyx? – and for a minute I wondered if he was really drunk and not just tipsy. Especially since he seemed determined to humiliate me by bringing up all the stupid things I’d done in the past.

  ‘Can we not go there, Brendan? Not tonight . . .’ But he wasn’t listening.

  ‘Remember you said something about you’d been nasty to me and Rami because you were jealous?’

  Oh, God. I especially did not want to talk about that, but on he went like an out-of-control roller-coaster.

  ‘What did you mean by that?’

  ‘Geez, Brendan, do I have to draw you a map?’ I twisted around on the bench to face him. I’d had just about all I could take for one night. ‘Haven’t you had enough laughs at my expense?’

  ‘I’m not laughing at you,’ he said, and for once he actually wasn’t. ‘Seriously. I want to know what you meant. It’s important.’

  ‘No, it’s not. It’s all ancient history. I’m sorry I said anything.’ I stood up to go back inside but he jumped up in front of me and blocked the path. He was really starting to freak me out.

  ‘Erin, you know how you are always jumping to conclusions? The wrong conclusions?’

  ‘Yeah, Brendan. I know. Now let me past.’

  ‘Well, I think you may have jumped to the wrong conclusion about me and Rami.’ That got my attention.

  ‘What?’

  He went on, ‘And now maybe it’s my turn to jump to conclusions, but when you said you were jealous I thought that perhaps you were jealous of Rami because you thought that she and I were together?’

  ‘What else would I mean?’ I was just about ready to snap.

  ‘Well, you could have meant that you were jealous of me because you thought I’d stolen your best friend.’

  ‘What? What are you talking about, Brendan?’ He was sounding totally flustered now – definitely not his usual calm, cool Rock God self.

  ‘Um . . . look, I’m sorry. I’m not saying this very well.’ He took a deep breath. ‘What I want to know is . . . if you . . . like me?’

  ‘What? No!’ His face fell. ‘I mean yes! I mean I did. Oh, God, Brendan why are we having this conversation?’

  ‘Because I like you.’

  ‘What? What about Rami?’

  ‘Erin, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you and what you’ve been too stupid to see. Rami and I are just friends and always have been.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Will you stop saying “What?” and answer the question?’

  Well, I had to tell him, didn’t I?

  And then I had to kiss him – just to make sure.

  about the author

  Rowena Mohr grew up in rural Queensland. While her brothers and sisters were out milking cows and driving tractors, Rowena stayed inside and read, or acted out her own stories in the bush surrounding the house. She successfully avoided becoming a writer for many years, working as an actor on TV shows such as ‘Carson’s Law’ and ‘Neighbours’. Eventually she went back to uni and began writing stories for children and young adults inspired by her own remembered experiences of how simultaneously awful and wonderful being a teenager really is. She now works as a theatrical agent, representing 270 performers aged between four and fifty. Rowena lives in Northcote, Melbourne. My Life and Other Catastrophes is her first novel for teenagers.