I sat still beside my mother in the backseat as my father began the drive back to the livestock barn. I was afraid to move, afraid to speak. My plans had all gone so horribly wrong. I had never seen my parents this way. Like any child I had been spanked for wrongdoing, like when I was six and I opened three cans of Sister Cora’s peaches and ate only half of them. But it had been years since I had been punished with a serious whipping and I dreaded not only the pain but also the humiliation, especially in front of Joseph John. To be whipped like a five-year-old before the boy I hoped to marry was too awful to imagine.
I wept in fear and frustration as I looked out the window at the desert now blanketed in darkness. The flowering yucca that lined the road stood like women in white, witnesses to my trial. Daddy pulled the Impala up to the livestock barn and I saw the bright headlights of a truck, waiting. My father stepped out first and went to meet the men who had gathered, answering his call. In the bizarre shadows thrown by the lights of the truck I made out the faces of Tom Pruitt, Leon Jayne, Eddie Raynard. They were men on the council, men my father’s age. Hulking behind them I saw Wade Barton and my knees went weak.
Why had Daddy called them out here? Did he intend to have an audience to watch my whipping? My father came back to the car and pulled Joseph John out by his arm, pushing him toward the group of men.
“Take him out beyond the red rock ridge and teach him a lesson,” Daddy said, and then I knew why the men had come. I felt a sick drop in my stomach as panic swept over me.
Beyond the red rock ridge there was a natural sand pit, a big hollow that swallowed up all sound and light. It was no-man’s-land, a place where any cries for help would echo off the rocks and evaporate, unanswered. The six men Daddy had called were going to whip Joseph John for his trespass, to do who knew what harm to him.
“Daddy, please don’t. He didn’t do anything, I swear—”
My mother pinched hard at the soft flesh of my underarm to silence me and I cried out in pain.
Tom Pruitt and Leon Payne pinned Joseph John’s arms and forced him into the cab of the pickup truck. The other men jumped into the open truck bed. In the stark light of the Impala’s high beams, they looked like gargoyles, their faces tight and twisted with anger. My father waited until the truck taillights had disappeared before he motioned for Mama to lead me inside the livestock barn.
The barn was dark and smelled of hay, cow dung, and the rank, gamy scent of the beasts themselves. My father pulled a chain to light a single bulb that hung from the middle of a wooden beam, then led me to a back stall.
“So this is where you planned to meet up with your young man, Alva Jane? Out here in the filth, where these beasts of burden live and sweat? And what were you two planning to do out here, all alone?” He began removing his belt from his pants.
“Daddy, we weren’t planning anything. Joseph John just wanted to tell me that he had spoken to his father and—”
“If you weren’t doing anything bad, then why were you hiding out here? You were planning to do more than kiss that boy and you know it!”
“No, Daddy! It was just a little kiss, it wasn’t anything!”
“If you think kissing boys isn’t anything, then you have a thing or two to learn, Alva Jane,” my father said, running the water hose over his belt, wetting it down.
I covered my face and burst into tears, terrified. “Please, Daddy. I’m sorry, I’ll never do anything like that again.”
“Oh, I know you won’t, Alva Jane, I’m going to make very sure of that,” he said, bringing the belt down hard against the back of my legs. It struck hard and wrapped around my calves, burning like a branding iron. I screamed in pain.
“Daddy, stop! I promise, I pro—”
I didn’t get another word out before my father brought the strap down again, hitting me behind the knees. I fell forward onto the barn floor, smearing my dress with the filth of the livestock.
He shouted, “How did you think I would allow you to marry an untested boy like Joseph John Hilliard? How is he going to help you to be exalted, a boy who has done nothing to prove his worth to the prophet or the Lord?”
The belt strap hit again, this time across my back. I cried out, my mouth filling with the taste of the hay, the dirt, and dung on the floor. “Mama, help me, please!”
My mother grabbed my hands, pulling me to my feet as I tried to curl myself into a protective ball. “You come from five generations of living The Principle, Alva Jane,” my mother said through gritted teeth. “ You do not presume to take a sweetheart, to think that you can choose who to marry. The prophet decides your future, you do not. And now you have behaved like a whore, meeting a boy in secret, bringing even more disgrace to this family.… ” Mama dug her nails into my wrist. I pulled back, but her grip was surprisingly strong.
“Please, Mama, I won’t—”
Then I heard the belt slicing through the still air inside the barn and it hit, cutting through the fabric of my dress and grazing the flesh of my shoulders. I looked into my mother’s eyes, shiny and metallic, and saw a person I did not recognize.
In that moment I knew there would be no mercy, no relief, until my father’s rage was spent. That this was the price to pay for having dared to think I could choose whom to marry. It was as Mama said: The prophet chose for me, for everyone. I fell again to my knees and curled into a ball to ward off the remaining blows, which came swiftly now.
Finally, my father grew weary and let his arms drop down to his sides. He was wet with sweat as he pulled his belt through the loops of his pants.
“Take her to the root cellar. Let her spend the night in there alone to think about her future,” he said, pushing the barn doors open and heading out into the cold night air without so much as a glance back.
Mama helped me up to my feet and led me to the back of the barn, pulling open the door to the cellar. A steep stairway led to total blackness below. I was afraid to go down; who knew what snake or other animal might be hiding down there? My mother grabbed my arm and guided me down the narrow steps. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust. Against the earthen walls, I saw burlap bags of potatoes and other bins of winter vegetables.
In the darkness, my mother whispered, “I’m so disappointed in you, Alva. I asked for your help in winning back your father’s favor and this is how you answer me. You’ve jeopardized the position of your siblings, all of us, in this family.”
I made my way to the corner of the cellar and curled myself against the cold wall. Mama stormed back up the steps, pausing at the top.
“Your father and I only did what we had to tonight, Alva. You’ve gotten yourself into a dangerous place with that Hilliard boy. I only hope that through your father’s influence we are able to save your good name and standing in the community. Be thankful that we care enough to take up the rod to lead you back to safety.”
With that, she closed the door, leaving me in total darkness. I heard her footsteps as she retreated, then the engine of the car firing up and disappearing in the distance.
Once I knew they were gone, a wild, ragged wail came from someplace deep inside me that felt as if it had no end. The pain from the belt was terrible but the pain in my heart was worse. Shame, fear, anger, and disbelief all jumbled together. I cried until my voice became a hoarse whimper.
I lay my body against the cellar floor and closed my eyes. I heard the scurrying of rodents as they moved through the stalls above me. I could not escape the image of Joseph John being forced into the truck and driven off by those hateful men. I had suffered so much at just my father’s hand. Joseph John would face the fury of six angry men in a dark corner of the desert. Was he alive or dead? Had they left him out there, injured and alone, at the mercy of the coyotes and other predators? I couldn’t bear to think of it. I did not care if I lived or died. I just wanted to escape from the pain and the memory of my father’s face, his belt swinging overhead, my mother’s eyes cold and hard as glass.
CHAPTER TEN
I AWOKE SUDDENLY TO A SHAFT OF LIGHT COMING in as the cellar door was yanked open. I lifted my head from the floor and squinted, my eyes adjusting to see my mother’s smiling face.
“Mama’s here to take you home, Alva Jane. I hope you had a good long time to think about how to set yourself right with the Lord.”
I didn’t move, staring at her broad smile. Why is she smiling? Maybe everything had been cleared up. Maybe my parents now understood that nothing had happened behind the barn with Joseph John. Maybe he had been given a chance to explain to the men before they beat him up.
“Come on, baby,” Mama said, taking my arm and leading me out into the breaking sunrise.
I followed, still dazed and confused by my mother’s arrival and tenderness. I allowed Mama to settle me into the Impala where she held my hand and stroked my dirty hair while she drove toward home.
“It’s all going to be fine, Alva Jane. Daddy and Mommy have fixed everything, you’ll see.”
I felt the warm rumbling of the car as we headed for home. This was the Mama I knew and loved and who loved me. Daddy and Mommy have fixed everything.
My eyes grew heavy and my head settled against her shoulder as sleep settled over me.
Back at home, Mama drew a warm bath. She removed my torn, bloody dress and settled me into the tub. The water stung my welts something fierce at first, but soon they felt better. Mama worked the lather of the shampoo through my loose hair.
“Last night your Daddy felt so bad about having to give you that whipping, Alva Jane, he really did. All he wants for you is to be exalted and to live The Principle, to be happy and fulfilled in the role that God intended for you.”
I leaned against the porcelain tub, luxuriating in the feel of my mother’s hands against my scalp, washing away the grime of the night before. Washing away the terror and the hurt and the streaks where my tears had mingled with the muddy floor of the barn.
“And last night we sat and discussed this situation and your father has prayed on it and come up with the perfect way to make it right for everyone. I know he’s feeling relieved”—Mama’s voice dropped to a whisper—“because late last night he came to my room for the first time in weeks! These past few weeks have been so hard for him with the pressures of the Arizona community and the trouble with your brother. He’s a good man, Alva Jane. Now that you’ll be getting married, you’ll learn that patience is a virtue that no wife can live without. You have to forgive your husband so many things.… ” She sighed.
I would be getting married soon. Getting married! God had heard me in the dark of the root cellar and had taken mercy upon me. Somehow it had all been worked out and Joseph John and I had been forgiven. No doubt my father felt awful for having treated me so roughly, just like Mama said.
After the bath, my mother applied salve and bandages to my back and legs then helped me into a clean dress. She braided my damp hair into a single thick plait and kissed the top of my head like she used to when I was a little girl.
“Let’s go downstairs, Alva Jane. We’ll wait for Daddy to come back from speaking with the prophet.”
We went down to the kitchen table, where the sister wives and Leigh Ann were seated in a circle doing the mending. I took up a pair of work pants and looked around the table, watching the familiar and comforting rhythmic motions of their hands as they worked the needles through the fabric. Everyone was seated in her usual spot. The smell of clean, fresh clothes hanging outside wafted in the open window. Life was just as it had always been. I heard my father’s footstep in the hall and in the next moment he appeared in the doorway with a bouquet of fresh flowers.
“How are Eldon Ray’s girls today?” he asked. He took his seat at the head of the table and tapped his fingers excitedly.
“Well, I have some big news for two young ladies today. I just came from speaking with the prophet. Leigh Ann and Alva Jane, you are about to become wives and to serve the prophet as God intended.”
Leigh Ann smiled broadly and blurted out, “Who am I to marry, Daddy?
“Now, I don’t want you to be concerned that he is new to living The Principle. I spoke to Uncle Kenton about it and he feels confident that he is indeed a righteous man, devout in keeping the covenants. You will become the second wife of Jack Norton.”
I gasped. I thought of Brenda’s tears, her anxieties about bringing a new sister wife into their home. Leigh Ann squealed with happiness and hugged Sister Cora. At least Jack Norton was attractive and barely thirty years old. Then Daddy looked to me.
“Last night I know we passed through a terrible fire of physical punishment, Alva, and I want you to know that it hurt me more than it hurt you. But God came up with a solution, which He has revealed to us.”
Mama reached out and took my hand and I waited to hear the words that would make everything right.
Then Daddy said, “You are to become the sixth wife of the prophet’s brother, Wade.”
Married to Wade Barton? As a sixth wife?
I felt as if I had been struck. I couldn’t speak. My parents’ smiling faces became blurred and I felt my heart beating fast, too fast. I had to steady myself from falling clean out of the chair.
“See? She’s overcome,” Mama said, squeezing my hand. All I could do was shake my head. I found my voice but it came out fluttery and weak.
“Wade Barton? I can’t marry Wade Barton, he’s …”
I couldn’t find the words to name all the reasons I couldn’t marry him! I was terrified of him. I couldn’t bear to be in his presence, let alone be his wife.
I saw my father’s good humor evaporate as he stared at me across the table. “What are you saying, Alva Jane? That you can’t marry Wade Barton? The prophet has decreed that you will be his next wife.”
“But Joseph John had a revelation that we were to be married just like you did about Marcie.”
My father stood up. “And you expect me, a council member, to hold that young boy’s revelations on par with the prophet’s or my own? He had impure intentions, Alva Jane. He would have ruined your chances at reaching the celestial kingdom had I not intervened.”
“That’s not true, Daddy,” I protested, but my father’s voice boomed, cutting me off.
“Do not presume to tell me what is true and what is not! You are a young girl unschooled in the ways of the world and your own religion, it seems. You think that you and that boy know what is best for you? Well, you can forget Joseph John Hilliard. He has been expelled from the community. The prophet decreed it today and notified his father. You will never see him again.”
My head spun and I feared I might faint. Joseph John expelled? I began to shake, as I looked around the table at the hostile faces of the sister wives and my father and mother staring back at me. Joseph John was gone and I was alone.
“But I can’t marry Wade Barton, I just can’t,” I whispered.
“Of course you can’t yet, your cycle hasn’t started. I made it clear that I will not go against The Principle and let you be taken as a wife before your bleeding begins,” my father said.
I looked to Leigh Ann across the table. She locked eyes with me but said nothing. She was the only one who knew that my cycle had begun, and with every fiber of my body I willed her to stay quiet as our father continued, “Leigh Ann will be sealed to Jack Norton in the temple next week, the same day that I take Marcie Barton as my eighth wife. If your cycle has begun by then, all three sealing ceremonies will be performed the same day.”
Mama took my arm. “I’ll take Alva Jane up to our room. This news has been a shock to her and she clearly is not herself. She is grateful to have received such a blessing, to be taken into the family of the prophet through her fortuitous marriage.”
I resisted but my mother guided me toward the stairway, her nails cutting into the flesh of my arm. As we climbed the stairs I looked back to Leigh Ann, my eyes pleading.
Please don’t tell them.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
MAMA HELD HER PALM AGAINST MY BACK, PRE
SSING into the welts from Daddy’s belt. I winced at the pain and also at my mother’s words. “I will not have you jeopardizing the well-being of anyone in this family with your willful selfishness!”
We reached the bedroom door and Mama gave me a shove inside, pointing to the bed where I was to sit. Then she locked the door behind us and turned to me. “Do you think you’re the only one to develop a crush on some handsome young boy in the community? It happens to all of us, but there comes a time to put aside childish ways, Alva Jane, and this is that time.”
“But Mama—”
“You have no idea how lucky you truly are. Your marriage to Wade Barton will exalt you in the eyes of the Lord. It is a duty and a privilege to live this way, Alva. Do you think the Brotherhood of the Lord always lived in a prosperous, gated community like this? My parents lived in tents, with no running water, no heat. They suffered persecution and police raids, to live as God intended. You come from five generations of plural marriage, and no daughter of mine will break that covenant with God! You will marry Wade Barton and be glad of it, that you had the chance to be taken in by the brother of the prophet!”
“Mama, I’m scared of him. Please don’t make me marry a man like that.”
“What has gotten into you? You’re just a slip of a girl not even fifteen years old yet.”
My mind worked frantically, looking for some argument.
“What about the age of consent? I’m not eighteen, it would be illegal for me to marry him.”
Mama’s eyes narrowed, they looked like two coals spitting fire.
“Who have you been talking to and getting such ideas from, girl? The age of consent means nothing if your parents agree that you are to be married. Those Gentile lawyers always try to use that, changing laws, trying to catch us in their snares. Your father and I could have married you off at twelve if we had wanted and that’s what we should have done!”
I reached out for her hand. “Mama, you have no idea what his home is like, it’s like a prison. His eyes look crazy and you didn’t see up close what he did to Sister Ann Marie.… ”
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