A Rancher to Love

by Trish Milburn

  It didn’t help that Maddie was back to her quiet ways tonight, too. He silently cursed Kendra yet again. Why had she shown up to drag her unwilling child away from a place where she was happy? Did his sister hate him that much? If so, why leave Maddie with him in the first place? He dropped half of his sandwich back onto his plate, losing what little appetite he’d had. He had to stop asking questions to which he wasn’t going to find any satisfactory answers.

  Needing to do something besides sit in the deathly quiet kitchen fuming that his sister had dropped yet another bomb into the middle of his life, he scooted back his chair and directed his attention to Maddie, who was obviously done eating and had moved on to picking apart her napkin and depositing the bits of paper in her soup bowl.

  “Come on, kiddo. Time for bed.”

  “I’ll take her.”

  The speed and urgency with which Leah stood threw a punch right to the middle of Tyler’s heart. She’d been a witness to more violence today, some of which he’d doled out, and now she was scared of him again. She’d seen him fight another man almost his size and walk away with no more than a few cuts and bruises, so she had to be calculating the amount of damage he could do to her when she was a fraction of his size. And the thought made him sick.

  As Leah accompanied Maddie upstairs, he cleaned up the kitchen, barely containing the need to vent his anger by breaking every dish in the room. He cared about Leah. Damn it, he might even love her. If Kendra had ruined what might have been his only chance with Leah, he’d never forgive his sister. Kendra might destroy her own life, but he was sick and tired of her collateral damage.

  After he disposed of the uneaten food and washed the dishes, he prowled the lower level of the house like a zoo animal relegated to an enclosure a miniscule percentage of the size of its normal range. He needed space, to burn off his anger, but he wasn’t willing to leave Leah and Maddie in the house alone. His gut told him his sister wouldn’t come back again so soon, but he still wasn’t taking any chances.

  Plus, he needed to talk to Leah, to find out what she was thinking before it drove him insane wondering.

  But Leah didn’t come downstairs. When after nearly an hour had passed without a sign of her, he eased up the steps and peeked around the doorway leading into Maddie’s room.

  The small bedside lamp revealed Maddie curled up facing Leah, both of them asleep. He wanted to think that Leah had agreed to stay until Maddie fell asleep and the events of the day had caused her to pass out, too. But as he looked at the two people who meant the most to him in the world, he worried that Leah had chosen to sleep on a sliver of a twin bed rather than come downstairs and face a man she now feared.

  * * *

  LEAH JERKED AWAKE in the middle of the night, her heart thundering with surging fear. Somehow she managed to catch herself before she cried out or moved too suddenly. Beside her, Maddie rested peacefully, Baxter nestled beside her. Leah hadn’t had the heart to refuse her when Maddie had asked if Baxter could sleep in her bed instead of his, just for tonight.

  Leah watched the gentle rise and fall of Maddie’s breaths, envying her ability to sleep evidently free of nightmares. Leah wasn’t so lucky. The scene from earlier had replayed in her dream, but this time she’d been on the receiving end of Tyler’s fists instead of Mark. She knew it was irrational to think he’d ever do anything like that, but she was just going to need some time to get past this fresh wave of fear. He’d been patient with her before, and she hoped he could be again.

  As the minutes and hours ticked by, she couldn’t go back to sleep. Every little creak of the house, every normal night noise outside magnified in her mind to sound ominous. She was glad she’d fallen asleep with the light on because if she’d awakened in a darkened house, she might have frightened herself into a major panic attack.

  Though she was unable to sleep, she didn’t move, not wanting to chance waking Maddie. So she spent several hours with her mind and heart racing and her back aching from the need to stretch.

  Finally, as the first hints of daylight began to paint the darkness at the window a lighter shade, she eased out of the bed. One of Baxter’s eyes opened lazily about halfway. She froze until the eye shut again. Despite her inner turmoil, the little guy made her smile.

  But as she descended the stairs to find Tyler asleep sitting on the couch, Felix curled up next to him, her smile faded. Not because it wasn’t a sweet scene, it was, but because she wanted to go snuggle next to Tyler’s other side and found herself shaking at the thought. She wanted to scream at Kendra until the other woman’s ears bled for doing this to her, tainting something that was so beautiful and that had filled her heart with joy. Maybe she’d get to that point again, but she needed some time to process, to figure out if what she’d felt before Kendra’s appearance was real or what she was feeling now, the familiar keyed-up anxiety, was the reality and she’d simply been living a fantasy with Tyler.

  She moved toward the door, but Tyler jerked awake with such a sudden motion that she yelped before covering her mouth, hoping she hadn’t woken and frightened Maddie.

  “Leah, is something wrong?” Tyler was on his feet in an instant.

  She took a few steps backward before she could think how that would look to him. She wasn’t even sure if she would have been able to prevent it even if she’d had time to think it through.

  “I’m just going home. I’ve got a lot of work to do today.”

  He didn’t look as though he believed her, and she didn’t blame him. She was a terrible liar. But was that any worse than telling him the truth, that at the moment she was too scared to be alone with him?

  Maybe she was going insane, because that’s what her rationale felt like—insanity.

  “I can walk you back.” Probably without realizing it, he negated his offer by glancing toward the stairs.

  “No, don’t leave Maddie.”

  When he looked back at her, she saw a mixture of sadness, longing and...loss? He had lost his only sibling. Kendra might not be dead, but what Leah had witnessed broke her heart for Tyler. Part of her wanted to walk into his arms, to give and receive comfort. But it wouldn’t do either of them any good if being that close to him freaked her out like it had the night they’d first kissed. She needed to be sure that wouldn’t happen, give herself time for the new fear to dissipate if it was going to.

  “I’m sorry about yesterday,” he said.

  “It wasn’t your fault.”

  “I’m still sorry you had to witness all the violence.”

  He was trying so hard, and she hated that she couldn’t simply wave off what had happened and move forward from where they’d been prior to Kendra’s reappearance. After all, what had she expected him to do when being attacked? Take it and let Kendra haul off a distraught Maddie like she was nothing more than an old gym bag?

  Maybe when the full light of a new day washed over the ranch, all her irrational fears and the dregs of her nightmare would fade away and she could come apologize for holding him at a distance when he’d done nothing wrong. She certainly hoped that’s what would happen.

  But as she walked back to the bunkhouse knowing that Tyler was out on his front porch watching her, she wondered if she should get out before she got in any deeper with Tyler. Yes, she loved him, but she hadn’t said it. Neither had he. Maybe he didn’t even feel it. He cared, yes, but that wasn’t the same as being in love with a person enough to want to spend the rest of your life with that individual.

  As she shut herself inside the bunkhouse, she closed her eyes and wondered if it would be better for everyone involved if she left and started over yet again somewhere else, maybe where no one knew her and she wouldn’t allow herself to be lured into trusting she was past that one night that had shattered her life. Where she wouldn’t fall in love with a man who deserved someone strong enough to be with him.

 
* * *

  TYLER DIDN’T THINK he’d ever had such a difficult time concentrating on work. He’d hesitantly taken Maddie to school that morning, but not before informing the officials at the school to be on the lookout for Kendra and Mark. When he’d stopped by the sheriff’s office, there were no updates on Kendra’s whereabouts. While out shoeing a horse for a customer, he’d been so distracted he’d managed to smash his finger.

  Going home didn’t make things any better. He hadn’t seen or talked to Leah since she’d left the house early that morning. And he hadn’t been able to stop torturing himself wondering what she was thinking, if she was going to leave. The longer he went without seeing her, the more convinced he became that she was going to race out of his life as quickly as she’d come into it. As quickly as she’d grown to mean a great deal to him, and to Maddie.

  Not wanting to leave the main part of the ranch any more than he had to, he filled his afternoon with tasks in the barn. Cleaning stalls, replacing a broken slat on a stall, rearranging the tack room even though it didn’t need it. And resisting the urge to walk up to the bunkhouse to see how Leah was doing, to make sure she was okay. But the last thing he wanted was to do something that was the last straw that would push her away. Maddie would be brokenhearted. Hell, he wouldn’t fare any better.

  He sank onto a bale of hay as he realized he didn’t just like Leah a lot. He’d fallen in love with her. Somehow she’d walked right into an empty hole in his life that he hadn’t realized was there. It was as if his life had been a puzzle with one missing piece, and she fit it perfectly. The thought of her leaving tore him up inside. He’d never felt as happy, as whole as he did when he was with her. But could he even put those feelings into words without freaking her out? Would she think it too soon to feel such things? Probably. Even he was freaked at the depth of his feelings, having never felt anything like it before.

  He ended up sitting in that spot, his thoughts swirling, until it was time to go pick up Maddie. And today of all days, he didn’t want to be late.

  He just hoped that when they got back home, Leah was still there.

  * * *

  THE BUZZING OF Leah’s phone on her coffee table woke her from a dead sleep. She jerked upright on the couch, her mind fuzzy. She’d fallen asleep? On the couch? How long had she been asleep?

  Felix’s head popped up from where he was lying in his bed. It filtered into her brain that if Felix was so content, there likely wasn’t any immediate danger.

  She grabbed her phone and saw it was Reina calling.

  “Hey,” she answered.

  “Um, hey. What’s wrong?”

  Leah smoothed her hair back, wondering if she had a crazy head of bed hair. “Nothing. Why?”

  “I don’t know. You sounded startled or out of breath or something.”

  “I was asleep.”

  “In the afternoon? You’re not a napper unless you’re sick.”

  “I didn’t sleep well last night. I guess it caught up to me.”

  “Okay, out with it. And don’t even pretend there’s nothing wrong because I know you better than that.”

  Reina was right. She did know Leah well. Plus, there was the whole thing Leah had with not being able to lie worth a darn.

  Needing to share with someone, she launched into everything that had happened since they’d last spoken. Her relationship with Tyler, how much she adored Maddie, how Tyler had said she should take part in the arts and crafts trail, everything up to and including Kendra’s attempt to take Maddie and Leah’s resurgence of irrational fear when she’d seen Tyler punching Kendra’s boyfriend. After she was finished, Reina didn’t immediately answer. Leah wondered if she’d nodded off or if she’d talked so long that Reina had reached her due date and was off giving birth.

  “You still there?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay,” Leah said, drawing out the word.

  “I’m just trying to figure out how to say this without sounding mean.”

  “That doesn’t sound good.”

  “I know you’ve been through a lot, and I’ve supported whatever you needed to do to heal, even move away from your best friend when she looks like a blimp.”

  “You’re gorgeous and you know it.”

  “Yeah, whatever. You know I love you, but you’re being ridiculous.”

  “Ouch.”

  “You need to hear this because I want you to be happy. And from what you just told me, Tyler makes you happy. Honestly, he sounds like the best thing since chocolate cake. Damn, now I want chocolate cake. Anyway, you said it yourself, the fear of him and what he could do to you is irrational. He’s shown you no indication at all that he would ever hurt you. From what you just told me, it sounds like he might just very well love you as much as you love him.”

  “He hasn’t said that.”

  “Neither have you. Yes, you’ve been hurt and are understandably wary, but so has he. He’s basically lost his entire family, except for Maddie. Imagine if your parents were gone, Conner, your aunt and uncle. Would you be quick to put your heart on the line?”

  Leah let the words sink in. “Why do you have to be so smart in addition to gorgeous? It’s really annoying.”

  Reina laughed on the other end of the line.

  “I know all this stuff rationally, but how do I deal with fear when it’s irrational?”

  “Give it the middle finger. In fact, give it two and tell it to get the hell out of your life. You’re done with it.”

  “That may be easier said than done.”

  “You won’t know until you try. Plus I sort of like the image of you flipping double birds and going after what you want. I may not be able to see you right now, but I can tell you that just listening to you talk about Tyler...he’s what you want. And you need to tell him that and, as they say, let the chips fall where they may.”

  Tears of gratitude pooled in Leah’s eyes. “Thank you. You’re the best friend ever.”

  “Remember you said that when I have squalling infants and need a mommy break.”

  “On-call babysitting, you’ve got it.”

  After Leah hung up, she went to the kitchen and nabbed a chocolate chip cookie she’d made earlier when she hadn’t been able to concentrate on work or even sit still. Munching on the cookie, she paced the bunkhouse, noting the personal touches she’d added in her time there. It really did feel like home, and she didn’t want to leave.

  She wasn’t going to.

  A wave of unexpected self-empowerment rushed over her as she made that decision. She was tired of being afraid, and she was going to marshal all her willpower to defeat the fear. It would not win. Jason Garton would not win.

  Leah was going to win.

  That decision made, she paced some more as she ran through different ways to tell Tyler everything she wanted to say. Needed to say. By the time night cloaked the world outside, she figured she just had to march herself down to the house and go with whatever came out of her mouth. Otherwise, she was going to drive herself bonkers, not to mention wear crisscrossing trenches in the bunkhouse floor.

  She took the time to shower and change into fresh clothes, then inhaled a deep breath before stepping out onto the porch. She waited for the panic brought about by the darkness to slam into her, but it didn’t. Yes, there was a buzz of anxiety, but she wasn’t in full-blown panic. Pushing forward, she stepped off the porch and headed down the driveway.

  I will not be afraid. There’s nothing here to hurt me. No one is lurking in the dark on the off chance I’d walk down the driveway in the dark.

  When she reached the yard in front of Tyler’s house, she nearly cried in relief. Anyone who didn’t know what she’d been through would have no idea how big of an accomplishment her short walk had been. She took a moment to soak it in, looking back up the driveway and la
ughing under her breath at the memory of what Reina had said about flipping the fear a double bird. Leah found she didn’t have to.

  She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, more nervous about talking to Tyler than the walk through the dark. She stepped up onto the porch and knocked on the door. Despite Baxter’s bark, it took Tyler several moments to appear. When he finally opened the door, he seemed relieved. She hadn’t even thought that he might wonder if it was Kendra or Mark at the door. But they didn’t really seem like the type to politely knock.

  “Did Conner call you, too?”

  “What?”

  Evidently seeing that she didn’t know what he was talking about, he opened the door wider and invited her in. Maddie bounded in from the kitchen, and Leah suddenly wished she’d brought the cookies she’d made.

  “I missed you,” Maddie said and ran over to hug Leah.

  Her eyes misting, Leah hugged the girl back. “I missed you, too.” Strangely, though she’d seen Maddie only last night, she had missed her. Leah sure hoped her conversation with Tyler went well.

  But when she turned to see him tense and his mind far away, she worried that maybe she’d reacted badly one too many times. Deciding not to give up before she’d even really tried, she crouched in front of Maddie. “Do you mind playing while your uncle and I go talk for a few minutes?”

  “Okay.” Just like that, Maddie turned her attention to Baxter and started coaxing him up the stairs.

  “Let’s go outside,” Tyler said and headed for the door without looking at her.

  Was he really that upset with her? He hadn’t seemed upset that morning when she’d left the house, but maybe he’d had time to stew all day and felt differently now. Only one way to find out.

  Once they were outside, Tyler proceeded away from the house toward where his truck was parked. Once there, he braced his hands against the side of the bed.