The Protector

by Dawn Marie Snyder

  “Do you like,” Eric asked once again wrapping his arms around me.

  I stared in amazement at the craftsmanship and the transformation. “It’s amazing, you and Tim did this all by yourself?”

  “Yep, you had given me the idea and I just went from there. We tore out the wall and made it bigger and opened it up into the dining room.”

  I hadn’t noticed the wall was gone, but it did seem bigger once I remembered the old configuration.

  Eric’s arms tightened around me and he turned my body to face his. There was no way to avoid his gaze or his lips as he tried once again to kiss me. I struggled to break free from his grasp and walked into the dining room.

  “No one’s here Alison,” his voice was soft as he reached out for me. “Please, it’s been so long since I have held you in my arms.”

  His voice was pleading as he reached out for me once again. I couldn’t bring myself to look in his eyes or struggle to break free of his grasp. “Give me some time Eric.”

  His demeanor changed quickly and I could feel his body tense. “Give you time? I have given you all the time in the world Alison and you have given me nothing? How do you think this is fair?”

  I walked past him back into the kitchen. I laid my purse down on the cold granite countertop and turned to face him as he followed me. “It’s not fair Eric. I know that. “

  “Then why? Why do you show up dressed to the hilt in the sexiest dress I have ever seen on you and give me hope and twenty minutes later you turn into the ice bitch?”

  I put my hands behind me and leaned back against them. “Look a lot has happened in the last month and well.“ I hesitated and waited for him to respond. His face was cold and I could see the hurt on his face.

  “Is there someone else?” His words almost came out as a shout, and I cringed at his question. I knew the answer and I knew what I needed to say to him, but I couldn’t, not just yet. I kept quiet and watched as he stomped out of the kitchen back into the dining room.

  I wasn’t sure what I should tell him, the truth that there was someone else, but I wasn’t sure where I stood with that someone, or lie and tell him no there was no one else. I was afraid he would see right through that lie. He deserved the truth. I moved my hands away from the counter and walked into the dining room and then on to the living room. I heard the shower running and followed the sound to the bathroom door. The door was opened just a hint and he was undressing.

  I turned my back and leaned against the door frame. I let the steam of the shower come through the open door and I listened as he moved in the shower. I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds he made. He slammed things around and I could hear him mutter in frustration. I was tempted to leave and head back to the hotel, But I knew he would come looking for me and the then there would be hell to pay. I wondered if Noor was waiting down the street. I had hoped she had at least found something to do to pass the time by.

  Before I had even realized the shower had shut off, he opened the door and startled me. He stopped, in the hallway, a towel wrapped around his body, water dripping down every part of him. He had a pained look on his face as he looked me up and down.

  “Why are you here?”

  “To see where this road takes me,” I answered unconsciously.

  “Where do you want it to take you Alison?” He threw the towel he held in his hand into the bathroom and put his hands up against the door frame, blocking me from going anywhere. The way he had put his hands kept me from looking away from him.

  “I’m not sure,” I whispered unconsciously. He moved his face and his body closer to me. I could feel his breath and the moist air. His eyes were ice cold, and the look on his face told me he was still angry.

  “Who is it?”

  I didn’t answer his question and he didn’t move his face. He was less than an inch from me and I could feel the heat of the shower radiate off his body.

  “I won’t let go without a fight Alison.”

  His face was serious and his stare unnerving. I felt my body shudder, but not from the closeness but more from fear. I wanted to tell him he would be waiting in vain. No matter what happened between Jack and I, I wasn’t ready to give him what he wanted. But I knew it would be useless at this point.

  Although I didn’t think it was even possible, he moved his face closer to mine and began to gently kiss my cheek, he then traveled to my ear and down my neck. His hands came down off the door frame and traveled down to my waist. He picked me up and began to carry me down the hall.

  My eyes grew wide with fear as he laid me on his bed and braced his body against mine. The towel remained tightly around his waist and I was extremely grateful, but I could feel every part of his arousal as he lay against me.

  I pushed him gently but there was no strength in my body. “What are you doing?” I finally managed to spit out. His breathing was hard as he continued to kiss my neck.

  “Doing what I should have done a long time ago.” I managed to push him a little this time and as he rolled off of my body, I tried to sit up.

  “What are you talking about? Do you think doing this is going to win me over?” I asked, as the anger I had suppressed welled up in my body. “Sex?” I pushed him harder and managed to break myself free of his grip. I sat up on the bed and turned to look at him.

  His face suddenly turned apologetic. “I’m sorry.” He laid back on his elbows and looked at me. “Then what Alison?”

  “Then what? What do you want me to do Eric? We are at an impasse. We have had this discussion before. I am not ready to move up here and you are not ready to move down there. Not much we can do until one of us changes our minds and sleeping with you isn’t going to change anything Eric.”

  I fell back against the bed in frustration and groaned. Eric got up from where he lay and walked over to the closet. He quickly dressed and then came back to lay next to me.

  “What do you want from me Alison?” He grabbed my hand and put it to his lips and kissed it gently.

  “Why are you waiting for me?”

  “Because I love you and want you.”

  I nodded my head in disbelief. “I don’t get it!” I didn’t get it and I wasn’t going to be let off so easily.

  “Until you tell me out right that we are not made for each other, I won’t ever stop waiting.” He was insistent in his voice and he squeezed my hand tighter. “So who is he?”

  I laid there shocked, not answering his question. I didn’t know what to say. Was I supposed to tell him I had fallen helplessly for a man who was supposed to be protecting me? It would sound so unbelievable. I finally decided to just shrug my shoulders. There was nothing I could say to him to make him believe me anyway. “It doesn’t matter Eric. This is about us.“ I sat up and moved off the bed. I turned to look at him. He laid there with his hands behind his curly brown hair and a smirk on his face, but I knew deep inside he was irritated and hurt by my response or lack thereof.

  Finally, he pushed himself off the bed and walked over to where I stood. “Come on, I’m not getting anywhere here.” Eric grabbed my hand and let me out of the bedroom. I grabbed my purse from the counter and headed out the door.

  22 GOODBYE, GOODNIGHT AND LET’S RUN AWAY

  Dinner turned out to be a quiet affair at a local restaurant we had been too many times before. I tried to steer the conversation away from me and my trip to Tel Aviv and more toward the house and what he had done. I listened for over an hour about the kitchen remodel and how he was planning on redoing the one and only bathroom in the house. When there was little else to talk about concerning the house, I moved on to his family and he was quick to remind me of his new niece. He even threw in a few digs about us having kids. I pretended to ignore his comments, but I think it was his way of reminding me he was committed to me and to us.

  “You will go see her with me won’t you?”

  “Of course, I need my baby fix,” I said calmly as I took a bite of my chicken scaloppini. Although it was one of my very favor
ite meals, I didn’t taste it tonight. I was merely going through the motions of eating to satisfy him.

  “Baby fix? You know we could remedy that.” His voice was quiet and he meant every word.

  I ignored his comment like I had all the rest and glanced around for the waitress. In the corner, much to my surprise, were Joed and Noor. I continued to look around for Jack, but I knew deep down that the attempt was futile as he was probably back at the hotel.

  Eric was oblivious to my disappointment and continued to talk about everything. I was relieved because he didn’t ask me questions or want any answers I wasn’t ready to give him. I nodded where I needed to acknowledge him and laughed when something was funny. But my head and my heart were not into it.

  I was glad when dinner was done. I was really tired, it had been a long day and I wanted desperately to see Jack. Eric was insistent on following me back to the hotel. He told me he wanted to make sure I made it back to my room ok, but honestly I think he thought back on my home turf he might get lucky.

  I had hoped that when I got out of my car he would watch me go into the hotel, but he didn’t. He parked next to me and managed to get out of his car and open the door to the car I drove. He helped me get out of the car and grabbed my hand as we walked to the front door of the hotel. I wanted to run once we hit the door but I didn’t. There were only a few people in the lobby when we walked in. I looked around quickly and noticed Joed standing in the lobby watching some sort of baseball game on the flat screen. Damn he and Noor were fast. I glanced briefly around for my red headed roommate, but she was not to be seen. I tried not to pay attention to Joed or the man sitting in the armchair by the desk. He was buried behind a newspaper and was quiet. I knew it was Jack. I wanted to stop Eric before we reached the elevator as the last thing any of us needed was him following me up there wondering who everyone was.

  I turned to face him before we reached the elevator. “Ok, I am safely inside the hotel you can leave now.” Eric faced me with his back turned to the man in the chair holding the newspaper.

  “I can walk you up to your room Alison. That would be the gentlemanly thing to do you know.” He reached for my upper arm and I took a step back so he wouldn’t make contact. “Alison?”

  “Seriously, I am tired and you should go. I can make it up to my room.” From behind Eric I could see the newspaper move and there in the green armchair was the man with the Yankees hat I had grown to adore. I tried not to let Eric in on my relief at seeing Jack. “I am more than capable of….” He didn’t let me finish my statement.

  “I know you are Alison.” but he did not move from where he stood. It angered me all the more as I wanted desperately for him to leave. Jack slowly folded up the paper in his hands and began to get up from where he sat. I quickly shot him an evil scowl my dear sweet Aunt Marilyn would be so proud of and he returned to his seat and quickly unfolded the newspaper once again.

  “Good night Eric.” I slowly moved to kiss his cheek, but quickly changed my mind and landed a kiss squarely on his lips. This shocked Eric, but his response was rapid fire as he wrapped his arms around me and tried to drag it out. It lasted for only a few seconds before I pushed him from me and turned to walk to the elevator. “Call me when you get off and I will meet you at the house.”

  I didn’t turn to watch him which made it impossible for me to see that Jack had folded up his newspaper and was walking briskly past Eric following me to the elevator.

  “Goodnight Alison.” I heard Eric say from behind me. I reached the elevator and hit the button, not turning to acknowledge his words. I could see out of the corner of my eye that Jack stopped to linger a moment at the brochure shelf. He didn’t look back at Eric as he stood there watching me.

  As the elevator doors opened I started to walk in and I felt Jack’s hand on the small of my back gently guiding me into the enclosed space. Eric must have turned and walked out of the hotel, as I knew Jack wouldn’t have done that with Eric standing there.

  Jack moved his hand from the small of my back to encircle my waist. His other hand grabbed my elbow as if to hold me up. I moved as close I could possibly get and fell into his chest. The elevator opened and instead of helping me walk back to the rooms, he picked me up and carried me to the room. I put my hands around his neck and laid my head on his shoulder. He gently kissed my forehead as he walked down the hall with me in his arms. There was no one in the hall and for that I was grateful. I suddenly felt like a weak child who needed the assistance. I didn’t want to feel that way, like a fragile human being. It couldn’t have been healthy, but being in his arms was what I wanted.

  My stomach was in knots and I felt guilt wash over me as I thought of the man who was now driving back to his place alone. I knew desperately what Eric wanted and leading him on was not the smartest choice.

  Once we made it to the room he had to put me down to access the card key but he kept one of his arms around my waist the entire time. As the door opened he slowly pushed me into his room and to the bed. The television was on the same baseball game as it was downstairs but he quickly shut it off. I sat down on the bed and kicked off the high heels he had bought me.

  “You knocked his socks off I take it?” His voice was soft as he sat down next to me. He leaned forward on the bed and buried his face in his hands.

  I just stared at Jack. I wanted desperately to throw my arms around him and not let go. But I sat and looked at him, my face expressionless. I heard the door in the other room open, but the door that was between our rooms did not open and for that I was grateful.

  “Isn’t that what you wanted? For me to knock his socks off?”

  “No, that is not what I want. But it’s what’s best for you.”

  I sat there in disbelief watching him. He did not look at me but instead kept his head cradled in his face. He sat there in silence “I am sorry I have to leave.”

  “We’ve been through this Jack. You have to leave, I’ll spend time with Eric and all will be fine. Who knows maybe he’ll even propose and we’ll get married.” My voice was sarcastic and full of anger.

  “If that is what you want, then so be it. I won’t stop you.” His voice was sad and I suddenly I felt guilty for making him sad. We sat there in silence for a few minutes. I didn’t know what to say to him or how to say that I would miss him. The words were so simple yet I could not find a way to say them. I also wanted to desperately tell him that Eric was not what I wanted.

  “I’m sorry Jack.” The words finally came out. I got up from the bed and grabbed the black heels in my hands. I walked over and removed his hat from his head and leaned down to kiss the top of his head; something he had done many times to me, but this time it was my turn. As I did, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. He hugged me tight to him, his cheek on my stomach. I stood there for a few minutes, neither of us saying a word. I could feel his breath against the black material of the dress. He held me tight but soon began to relinquish his hold and I was able to sink down to my knees, our eyes finally meeting.

  “I’m not good for you.” I finally whispered, staring deep into his golden eyes. He didn’t blink.

  “Not good for me or not good for my job,” he asked, a smirk appeared on his face.

  “Neither.” I shook my head to emphasize my point, hoping he would realize as I thought I had, that I was keeping him from his job.

  “I disagree with you on one point.” He slowly stroked my arm up and down. “You are perfect for me.”

  I didn’t want him to stop touching me. “I am not good for your job then.” My tone was serious, but my expression matched his. We both knew this was true. I affected him and his job and not in a good way.

  “Maybe not.” He slowly scooted off the bed and sat with me on the floor. His arms encircled me and I snuggled as close as I could get to him. “I’m not sure about that. I have never wanted to protect someone as much as I want to protect you.“

  “I don’t want you to protect me.” I could
go no further with what I really wanted to say. I didn’t want his protection I wanted his love.

  We sat in silence and I could feel his heart beat up against his muscular chest. We both knew I wasn’t good for him and this was not going to end well. Once I was protected and everything was back to normal, if that was at all possible, we would go our separate ways. I didn’t want to think about that, but then I didn’t want to be protected anymore. I wanted to go on with my life. I just wanted that life to include him. And I wasn’t sure if that was possible. “What happens when you are done protecting me Jack,” I finally asked.

  He buried his face in my hair and he didn’t respond at first. I wanted him to answer me but I also didn’t want to hear the answer. It was such a Catch 22 situation, we were damned either way.

  “I don’t know what’s going to happen Sonny,” he whispered into my hair. “I honestly don’t know.” He held me tighter in his arms. I tilted my head back to meet his lips. He kissed me with a gentle passion. It was nothing like this morning. It wasn’t hot or wanting, more sweet and innocent. Almost like a first kiss should be. The smile that had disappeared a few seconds earlier returned as he pulled his lips from mine. “Want to run away with me?” He was half joking half serious.

  “Aren’t we already doing that? Running?”

  “No, run away from everyone, everything. Leave the damned processor, and go someplace we will never be found. Leave it all behind.”

  My body tensed as I realized he was serious. My head began to race, leave it all behind? Could I do that? Leave everything, my family, my friends, my career, Eric, EVERYTHING, to be with Jack. “Wouldn’t they still come looking for me, us?” I couldn’t believe the thoughts that went through my head. Leave it all? I chuckled to myself in disbelief and looked deep into his eyes. “And where would we go?”

  “Azores.” He had obviously thought this through because he didn’t not stop to ponder his response.