How to Control Co-Dependent People

by Tim Ozman

  HOW TO CONTROL CO-DEPENDENT PEOPLE

  By Tim Ozman

  Copyright 2018

  Preface:

  HOW TO CONTROL CODEPENDENT PEOPLE takes a satirical approach to shedding light upon a very dark subject: narcissistic abuse. I wrote this in 2015 and shortly thereafter, my life took a turn for the better and I put all this behind me.

  I actually forgot what it was like to be codependent. Since then, I’ve gone further in my research into what underlies toxic interpersonal relationships and I’ve learned how to identify it in government, media, religion, and corporations, and the dynamic between these and those they control, influence, and/or enslave.

  I believe the master-slave dichotomy is the fundamental struggle here, as we are born into a society which encourages and rewards lockstep conformity.

  This book is intended to demonstrate to those struggling with codependency just how narcissists actually view them. By reading their “play book”, codependents should be able to recognize covert abuse and avoid its pernicious effects.

  This is a hypothetical instruction manual which narcissists don’t actually need. They all seem to know just how to control and abuse those who have too much empathy and porous ego boundaries. Even if this book were to fall into the hands of a narcissist, they wouldn’t read it or understand it because if there is one thing that can be said about all narcissists is that they lack insight.

  I wrote this after waking up to the reality of my own codependence. I was reading old journals and started recognizing patterns in the techniques of abuse employed by all the narcissists of my life. I wondered if they had an instruction manual or perhaps secret meetings every year like witch’s conventions where they shared notes and tactics.

  This line of thinking gave me the idea to write an actual manual for narcissistic abusers who want to better control their codependents. Once a codependent becomes enlightened to the fact that they are being abused and most likely gaslighted, the power of the abuser quickly dissipates.

  Knowledge is empowering and this book will empower victims of narcissistic abuse to break free of their bondage, both past and present, and it will inoculate them against future abusers.

  If this is your first time coming across this material, it will open your eyes to the diabolical machinations at work in the world around you because for the first time, you’ll see it as the devil sees it.

  Contents:

  Preface:

  Introduction

  1) Victim selection

  2) Love Bombing

  3) Kill Their Dreams

  4) Push Their Buttons

  5) Abuse Them in Cycles

  6) Tug The Invisible Leash

  7) Triangulate

  8) Alienate

  9) Open Old Wounds

  10) Keep Them Boxed In

  11) Recruit Proxy Abusers

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  1) Victim selection

  The world is comprised of masters and slaves. Slaves make up the majority but what we masters lack in numbers we more than make up for in guile.

  Like all predators, the human predator is designed to hone in on the weak and exploitable. These are easy enough to identify once you look past the carefully crafted facade. Behind the facade is the secret shame which you must address: the low self-esteem. Once you can put your finger on what is behind your target's weakness and identify the cause of their insecurity and shame, they are putty in your hands.

  Ideal victims are the ones who try just a little too hard, those who don’t quite fit in. Look for those who care too much about what others think. Find a compulsive people pleaser . These are the ones who strive a little too hard to please everyone, as though their self-esteem rests upon their ability to do everything perfectly to everyone else's satisfaction.

  In other words, you're looking for codependents. Born victims. These naturally self-effacing flagellants are slaves and they don't even know it. Their hidden masochism cries out for a master to step in and inflict pain, eliminate pleasure, and foster dependency.

  What creates a co-dependent? Pretty much everything does. From tribal-collectivism, communism, religion, or any form of collective group think which places the community's need above the rights of the individual. This would also include cults, gangs, and not surprisingly, the nuclear family when parented by controlling, abusive, or narcissistic parents.

  Those that come from such backgrounds are more likely to have suffered emotional if not physical trauma in their pasts, often by care providers. This establishes a lifelong pattern for the co-dependent, in which their emotional and physical needs are provided for by their own abusers.

  When, or if, they escape the nest, they will fall right into the hands of the next controller. This is because the years of having the feathers plucked from their wings has left them incapable of self-assertion or independence. They leave the nest incapable of flight and plunge right into the ground. These are the ones you want.

  Their lack of ego, their suppressed personal identity, has left a void within them. This void is what you, as their new owner, must fill. Being a natural master, your own egocentricity can provide enough motive power for the both of you. Your slave will become your proxy and will identify more strongly with you than with themselves. Your slave will eventually relinquish his or her own tenuous identity in favor of merging with yours.

  Control over your co-dependent is a matter of needs-management. You must become their sole supplier even if this entails sabotaging their present suppliers.

  Suppliers of what, you ask?

  Love, money, food, rest, comfort, affection, meaning, and hope. Think about it: would you let your neighbor feed your dog scraps from his table? Would you allow your dog to play with your neighbors kids whenever it wanted to? Of course not. Anything or anyone the codependent associates with must be ridiculed. You must shame them for even seeking external sources of joy.

  You must become their god and apply God’s first Commandment: “I, the Lord, am your God. Thou shalt not have any other gods besides me.”

  2) Love Bombing

  While it's tempting to go straight into the process of domination, subjugation, ruination, and exploitation, it's important to stress the need for gradually introducing these techniques. Initially, you must treat your slave-to-be very well. Get them hooked on your affection and attention. Make addicts out of your victims.

  Codependents are starved for love, attention, and affection. The thicker you lay it on now, the harder they'll fall later. The harder they fall, the more desperately addicted they will become to your control.

  During the initial phases of your relationship, get to know your co-dependent inside and out. Take note of, but temporarily overlook their flaws and weaknesses. Or better yet, fawn over them. Find that beer belly or crooked tooth endearing. Make them feel supremely confident in their own skin. This is the greatest gift you can give them because it's the exact kind of validation they have been seeking their whole lives.

  Do not prematurely drop your mask. Do not lose your calm exterior. Your affability will be your alibi. It will give you plausible deniability, which is a hugely important when you enter the gaslighting phase, which will come later. The more calm you appear now, the more crazy you're codependent will appear later, when they begin to question their version of reality.

  Think of your demeanor as a cage. The more control you exert over your image, the more imprisoned they will feel by the weight of your suggestions. Eventually, they won't even have any thoughts of their own. They will hand their mind over to you. You will become an authority over every aspect of their lives, inside and out.

  3) Kill Their Dreams

  You're going to ha
ve to eliminate their hobbies, and more importantly, their dreams. If you can elicit their most ardent desire, their highest aspiration, take it very seriously at first. Allow them to confidently engage in whatever it is that motivates them. Encourage their confidence at first. You must build up their dreams with them at first so that later, when you tear them down, you can do so with authority.

  Once you’ve gained their trust and brought their dreams out into the open, you’ll be in a powerful position to unleash one of your greatest weapons: ridicule. You’ll use laughter to kill their dreams. When you laugh in their faces and accuse them of hubris, pride, and an overblown ego, you’ll see their self-confidence dissipate like smoke. It’s as simple as blowing out a candle if your victims see you as an authority.

  Use that trust they have in you to plunge the knife in deeper, to twist the knife, especially in public. You must humiliate them just as earnestly as you built them up. For instance, "Hey guys, did you know that Sarah here is going to write the next great American novel? Yeah seriously. Haha. Yea, Sarah’s actually thinks she’s going to get published." Such a call out will elicit a shame response in your victim. People with healthy levels of self-esteem will stand up for themselves, therefore, you have to be selective when you choose your victims. This also underscores the importance of targeting those who have codependent tendencies.

  A codependent fragile ego and low self-esteem cannot handle this form of betrayal and to avoid feeling the pain, they will abandon their dreams altogether. This will alienate them from their individuality causing them to seek the solace of blending in with the group. This is what you want. Make your codependent painfully aware of how small and undistinguished he or she really is.

  4) Push Their Buttons

  You must learn to push their buttons from behind a facade of total compassion and respect. Think of your codependent as a robot already programmed to respond to the right stimuli in a predictable fashion.

  The following ten button pushing tactics should be employed routinely in order to break their will. You don’t want them acting outside of the limited range of options which serve your ends. These buttons will keep your robot from deviating from its purpose, which is to serve you:

  Non-verbal Insinuations: When your codependent is comfortable, perhaps watching television or reading a book, you need to discourage this without being overtly disruptive. Try walking into the room and sighing loudly before walking out and slamming a door. Don’t explain yourself. Let them come to you and beg for an explanation. Then invent something. Or keep them guessing. Either way, you’ve broken their focus. That’s the goal.

  Second Guessing: Always question their decisions. For instance, ask where they want to have lunch. Then, after they answer, ask “are you sure?” Never, ever, ever, let any of their choices go unquestioned. Never explain why you ask. Questions cause doubt. Self-doubting people are easy to manipulate.

  Invalidate Their Self-Esteem: Anytime you're codependent does something which might build up their sense of worth, attack it. If they find meaning in a book, attack the book. If they have a religion, impose your own. If they are physically fit, call them vain; if they aren’t, call them lazy.

  Criticise Emotional Responses: If your codependent is angry, call them out as being hostile and aggressive. If they are sad, call them out as being unstable and bipolar. Use psychological labels rather than calling them crazy. Pretend that you’re diagnosis is coming from a place of compassion.

  Demean by Elevating Others: If you're codependent shines in some area of life, act unimpressed, but when you see the same attributes in another person, act overly impressed. For example, if your codependent has a Bachelor's Degree, downplay its value, perhaps suggesting that too many people have those now. Then, when you meet someone with a Master’s Degree, act like you’re talking to a celebrity.

  Deny Choice: When you go out to eat, criticize their order and suggest to them that they don’t actually want what they ordered. Have them reconsider, for example, “You don’t want coffee. You want tea.” It works best if you criticize them when the waiter is there so you can put them on the spot. They will be far less likely to assert themselves in front of witnesses.

  Polarize Their Opinions: If you're codependent is a Liberal, you should attack them for not being Conservative enough. Make them feel immature and idealistic. If they are Conservative, let them know how square they are, how uncool and unsexy their views are. If you're codependent is an atheist, use your religious convictions to make them reconsider. If they are religious, point out how antiquated and quaint their beliefs are.

  Laughter is a Weapon: Only your jokes are funny. And laughter should only take place at their expense. Never laugh along with your codependent. If they find something funny, find a reason why it is not. Find a victim to stand up for. For instance, “I don’t know why you laughed at that guy’s stand-up performance. It was so sexist.” In other words, use political correctness to police their reactions when it serves you.

  Back Seat Driving: If they drive the speed limit, tell them they’re too slow. If they drive above it, tell them how inconsiderate they are of other drivers. But when you drive, disregard all the advice you give to them.

  Hostile Glances: This form of nonverbal communication is a tactic until itself. Learn to use your eyes to condemn them whenever they seem too contented or happy. Dirty looks will cause a codependent to feel uncertain about themselves. Certainty is the enemy here. You can keep them off balance simply by staring at them as an angry adult would regard a child.

  The point here is they can do no right. You must push their buttons to keep them from having authentic experiences. Don’t allow them to exist in their own skins. Instead, assail them with doubt, shame, confusion, and helplessness. If they become angry, play the victim. The idea here is to develop a repertoire of tactics which can be used in any situation to keep your slave from thinking independently. You always want them focused on your needs and your feelings.

  One final and very important point here is this: anytime you are called out for being abusive or nitpicky, you absolutely and unfailingly must find a way to blame your victim for their own abuse. If they call you out as being critical, you need to insist that they are critical. If they say you changed, you must reverse it and tell them the same. Always project onto your victim. Give them reasons to blame themselves. If you cheat on them, accuse them of being so jealous that you were forced to cheat. If you get caught in a lie, deny it, and then accuse them of hearing only what they want to hear.

  Make your victims feel responsible for their own victimization. This will give you plausible deniability and it will reinforce your stranglehold over the minds of those you control.

  5) Abuse Them in Cycles

  Your codependent will react to your abuse in a predictable manner. It is up to you to observe the ebb and flow of each interaction and deliver just enough pain to keep them hooked. The human organism is designed to bond with others for security and safety. In the codependent, that bonding mechanism is dysfunctional. They lack the insight into their own needs and are trained to override those needs in favor of meeting the needs of others.

  This makes them especially susceptible to manipulation by masters who, by their nature, require adulation, praise, and loyal lackeys. Codependents are perfect lap dogs at best and passive aggressive sycophants at the worst, but in all cases they are useful and disposable.

  It's important to understand when to discard them; there is a fine balance of rejection and acceptance which must be maintained to keep them walking on eggshells. Get too lax, and their repressed rage may trigger self-awareness and the self-respect which may result from standing up to you.

  You can easily put the uppity codependent in its place with the silent treatment. Ignore them for a set amount of time. Give your codependent a dose of rejection. This gives them time to feel how reliant they are upon your approval.

  Don't worry about them leaving. In fact, you can really drive home the reality of
their psychological confinement by encouraging them when they threaten to leave you. Act nonchalant about it, telling them, “you’ll be back.”

  Pain is as addictive as pleasure and the more emotional pain you inflict, the more dependent upon you they become for their pain supply. The cycle goes like this:

  The Idealization Phase

  The Devaluation Phase

  The Discard Phase

  Children cycle through pets in this manner. First they Idealize the puppy. Then they learn the reality about high-maintenance pets and Devalue it. Then it winds up in the pound, callously Discarded because the parents can't take care of the untrained, poorly socialized animal. Dogs don't deserve that kind of treatment because they don’t have a choice. Your codependent, however, is complicit in their enslavement and therefore they deserve it. The people you target are those who not only deserve it, but beg for it by their actions.

  Here is how you approach the Abuse Cycle:

  1) IDEALIZATION. Begin each cycle with a heavy dose of love-bombing, as described in chapter 1. This is where you place them on a pedestal. You must make them feel valuable and necessary to you. Make them feel important, intelligent, attractive, and entertaining. Laugh at their jokes and take their ideas seriously. Mirror their opinions and let them make decisions about what to do and what to talk about.