Hers To Keep: THE QUINTESSENCE COLLECTION I

by Akeroyd, Serena

  “Don’t you want to fuck me?”

  He rolled his eyes. “I’ve had a hard on since you sneaked into bed with me, Sascha. What do you think?”

  “I think you’re nuts.”

  “Why? For being considerate?”

  She grimaced. “Maybe.” Then, she admitted with a grunt, “Okay, okay. That’s not fair. I’m just not used to considerate guys, I guess. It’s hard not to feel like there’s some kind of pressure from you.”

  He stared at her, utterly aghast. “No way. That’s not how this works.”

  She whispered, “Really?”

  “No. We’re a unit. A family. I thought we spoke about this before, thought you understood that?”

  “I do. But the reality doesn’t always gel well with that understanding. You’re men. You have needs.”

  “Needs which we mostly ignore,” he retorted with a little laugh, which charmed the freakin’ life out of her.

  “When was the last time you had sex?” she asked curiously.

  “Do you really want to know?”

  “Yeah. I do. Wouldn’t have asked otherwise.”

  “Okay. I’ll answer. Only if you’ll answer mine.”

  “About the pregnancy thing?” At his nod, she sighed. “I would. If things were serious.”

  “What constitutes serious?”

  “I don’t know. I feel like I’d know more when the time came. I’m not waiting for anything, just… a click? A moment in time, I guess. It’s different because this is unlike anything I’ve ever done before, so it’s hard for me to say. But,” she paused to contemplate her words. “you know when a guy proposes?”

  He blinked, but nodded at her. “Yeah. I do. I’ve never been in that situation myself though, so I don’t have practical experience of that.”

  “It doesn’t matter. You get the concept. But the moments that lead up to that proposal? That. The nervousness, the hesitation. Will she, won’t she? Asking if it’s the right thing to do, then figuring it out it is… That’s what I’m looking for. Aren’t you?”

  “I guess I am,” he answered softly, seeming to process her words so he could fully understand them. “I never thought of it like that.”

  “So, why ask?”

  “I don’t know. You just mentioned it so flippantly. It gave me pause.”

  “Do you want kids?”

  He nodded. “At some point, it would be nice. Just never looked like it was on the horizon.”

  “Because of the whole five guys/one chick thing?”

  He snorted. “Yeah. That thing.”

  She grinned. “Didn’t you ever think about doing what Kurt did?”

  “Maybe. There were a few women over the years who made me think about a regular lifestyle, but things never worked out. Even if I couldn’t have this with them, I wanted them in my life. They’re my kin. Not by blood, but by bond. That matters. But it never did to any of the women who were important to me.” He sighed. “They always wanted me to push them aside. Stop making time for the guys, and dedicate all my private life to them.

  “I guess, looking back, they weren’t asking for the Earth, but it was too much then. It would be now. Then, Kurt got divorced and there was a whole shitstorm there, so that totally discouraged me. We all came together again when he moved back in here, and Devon started going on about wanting this kind of lifestyle once more. The rest, as they say, is history.”

  She blinked. “So, when did you last have sex?”

  “About eight months ago.”

  “Eight months?” Her mouth dropped open. “No way.”

  He laughed. “You don’t believe me?”

  “Nope.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you’re too hot not to have every woman in the area trying to hump you.”

  “Well, the humping is an occupational hazard, but I manage.”

  She snickered. Reaching over to cup his cheek, she whispered, “I could fall in love with you so easily.” The words had no right to slip from her lips, but she couldn’t contain them. Couldn’t stop herself from uttering them because they were the truth, and Sean, for whatever reason, always inspired her to speak the truth and nothing but the truth.

  So help her God, she tagged on with an inner snort that made it easier for her to lighten up.

  He cleared his throat at her declaration, but not because he was embarrassed. If anything, it was the opposite. He hadn’t tensed up in reaction to her statement. Hadn’t done anything save for settle deeper into the bed.

  “You really mean that?” he asked her softly, but though his silence had been intense, it hadn’t scared her.

  “I’m not in the habit of saying things I don’t mean. Isn’t that what you told me when I first started here?”

  He grumbled, “Jesus, I love having my own words repeated back to me.”

  She chuckled. “It’s a pity for you that I have a great memory.”

  “Pity? I’m sure when I’m old and gray, I’ll be grateful.”

  His words had her biting her lip. “You mean that?”

  “Want me to repeat my own words again?”

  Smiling, she shook her head, then whispered, “Kiss me goodnight.”

  He reached over, pressed his lips to her temple, and whispered, “I could fall in love with you too.”

  And those words were like a charm for her.

  The madness of her feelings couldn’t be total insanity if he was in as deep as she was, which meant she was safe. If he felt this way, then she wasn’t in this alone.

  She closed her eyes and sighed happily. What more could she ask for if not that?

  * * *

  “Well?”

  Was it stupid to admit to being nervous? Stupid or not, it was the truth. He was nervous. He wanted her to like his work, even if he wasn’t pleased with it himself.

  Or maybe it was because of that.

  Which was totally fucked up.

  “Are you going to kill off Herr Gruber?”

  He blinked, taken aback by the question. “Maybe. Why?”

  “Just answer the question,” she retorted, her eyes wide with a curiosity that stunned him. “Does he die?”

  “I haven’t decided yet,” he told her, rocking back into his desk chair, and watching as she folded a leg underneath her and took a seat opposite him, the manuscript still in her hands. “In the original plot, no. But the story hasn’t worked out the way I’d thought it would.”

  “He has to die. If you don’t kill him, dear Lord, I will never give you a blowjob. Like ever. That sick son of a bitch!”

  He blinked, then grinned. “No blowjobs ever?”

  She pouted. “I hate him.”

  “You’re a brat.”

  “Maybe. Devon warned me about getting spoiled,” she mocked, then grumbled, “but this isn’t about being spoiled. It’s about justice! Dammit. He can’t live. After torturing all those people in the secret police prison? He needs to go.”

  “You do know this is based on a real story, don’t you?” he asked slowly, curious if she was aware of the backstory. He’d thrown the book at her the other day, not having forewarned her with the first novel in the series which came with a whole explanation as to the background.

  “Yeah. I know about East Germany, and the secret police that helped keep it communist. I just… I knew about it, but nothing like this.”

  “To be fair, a lot of people your age don’t know about the depths of depravity the Stasi sunk to in their desperate attempt to maintain order and control.”

  She blinked. “Seriously?”

  “I’m sure it’s the same in the U.S.,” he said dismissively. “Guantanamo Bay ring any bells?”

  “Sure, but we know about that one.”

  “What about the ones we don’t know about?”

  She blinked, shivered. “True.” Another shiver. “This is creepy.”

  He snorted. “Good. It’s supposed to be.”

  Staring down at the mass of paper in her hands, she flipped through
the sheets and asked, “Why are you finding it so hard to finish?”

  “Because of Gruber,” he admitted. “In real life, he survived and went on to become a politician.” His smile was bitter. “I’m fighting my inclination to do as you say, create justice through my pen.”

  “I know a lot of ex-officials for the East German government went on to have other careers, but they were found out and shamed, right?”

  “Some of them,” he confirmed.

  “Was he?”

  Another bitter smile. “No.”

  She hissed. “I’m so angry.”

  He grinned. “Well, I’m glad my book inspired something in you.”

  “It did. I feel all kinds of messed up. Especially because the ending is nowhere near ready. Okay, how about I give you all the blowjobs you need if you’ll just write the damn book already?”

  A chuckle escaped him. “How’s the head?”

  She pouted. “Too sore to be bobbing up and down,” she admitted. “How about a throat fuck?”

  Of course, she had to pick that exact moment when he slurped down some coffee to make that particular comment. It sprayed out of his mouth, and he pressed a hand to his lips in amused dismay.

  “Jesus, Sascha, you really know how to pick your moments.”

  “I certainly do.” She grinned. “Have I convinced you to get working or not?”

  He smirked, ridiculously pleased that she liked his stuff. Changing the subject however, he asked, “Did Andrei tell you the gala’s been rescheduled?”

  “Of course he did. After last night’s dinner.”

  Kurt rubbed his hands together. “I can’t wait to see you in the dress we picked out.”

  Her nose crinkled. “I’m relying on men’s taste in clothes. I must be crazy.”

  “You’re probably certifiable if what you’ve shown me so far is any indication.”

  “You’re a charmer. Jesus, I’m surrounded by them.”

  He grinned. “Come here.”

  “Why? Do you want some sugar?”

  “Does a kiss constitute as sugar?” he asked, infinitely curious.

  “It does. It could also constitute as something else if I was feeling one-hundred percent.”

  He sighed. “Liebchen, you need to go to the doctor.”

  She swallowed, ducked her head. “Next week. If things aren’t better.”

  “I’ll go with you,” he promised her. “I’m sure nothing’s wrong. It’s just been so crazy around here lately that’s all. It’s the stress.”

  “But that’s just it. I’m happy,” she told him sadly. “I don’t understand why the headaches are reoccurring so much. I know that whole bomb thing was scary, but aside from that, everything’s been normal again, hasn’t it?”

  He nodded quickly. “It has.”

  She huffed out a breath. “I’ll make an appointment. I really need to get back to doing regular stuff. I hate this. I feel like such a leech, too.”

  Though he was relieved his agreement hadn’t aroused suspicion, he wasn’t pleased with where her thoughts had led her. “Do you think if you hadn’t fallen into this relationship with us we’d have made our housekeeper resume ‘full’ service after what you went through?”

  “I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you.”

  “I think we’d know if you were.”

  “You wouldn’t. I’m a great actress.”

  “Not that great,” he said softly. “I can see the pain in your eyes. Why you’ve waited this long to go is beyond me.”

  “I hate doctors.”

  “Well, no one is a fan of them, Sascha.”

  She wriggled her shoulders. “I hate them more than most. I have since my mom died,” she confessed uneasily. “She had cancer and had to spend a lot of time in the hospital. I feared losing her, so I was almost glued to her side through the treatment. It terrified me being away from her.

  “I spent so much damn time at hospitals when I was a kid that I think now, I just can’t face going back there. Even to clinics.”

  “You trust us to take care of you?”

  “I know I shouldn’t, not so quickly, but I do.”

  He smiled. “Good. So, if your head’s still sore next week, we’ll go to the clinic then, hmm?”

  She bit her lip, but nodded. Her face was clouded with a misery that made his heart ache.

  His gaze darted to the clock on the lower right side of his screen. “It’s still early. You could take a nap.”

  “I have dinner to make.”

  “I can make dinner tonight if your head’s bad.”

  “No. I’d prefer you to write Gruber’s demise.”

  He smirked. “I can do both. Not only women multitask, I’ll have you know.”

  She chuckled. “I’ve seen that in real life. I know you can do two things at once.”

  His smirk deepened into a genuine smile. For all its genuineness, however, it was utterly filthy. “I forgot. You have seen my marvelous skills at doing two things at the same time.”

  She winked, then admitted, “Thanks for the offer, babe. But I’ll be fine. Anyway, I like cooking. It’s relaxing.”

  “If you’re sure?”

  “Course I am.” She beamed at him. “Wouldn’t have said if it wasn’t so.” Their ritual now was that whenever they left the room, they kissed her farewell, or she came to them.

  Pleased when she did just that, he watched her curvy ass sashay out of the room. Grunting a little at the sight of her butt, he adjusted himself, amazed anew at her ability to give him a hard on with barely any interaction.

  Only when she’d closed the door, did he reach for his cell phone. “Any news?”

  Sean sighed. “I can’t really talk about this now. I’m in a meeting.”

  “It’s important,” Kurt argued. “Sascha was just talking about this with me, Sean. We need to give her some semblance of closure.”

  “Fob her off.”

  “I did, but she’s not stupid. The only reason she hasn’t asked sooner is because of the way her head has been aching.”

  “We need to get her to go to the doctors.”

  “I know. I convinced her. We’re going next week if the headaches haven’t stopped. But, though I don’t want her to suffer, they’re the only thing keeping this on the downlow.”

  “There’s nothing to tell her. Not yet, anyway.”

  “Of course, there is,” he snapped. “We can’t keep on keeping this shit from her. It won’t do us any good in the long run.”

  “No, but in the short run, it buys us time. I could be wrong about this entire situation.”

  “You’re never wrong,” Kurt argued. “You wouldn’t have mentioned any of this to us if you weren’t close to certain that Sascha’s being targeted.”

  He blew out a long breath. “That’s because it’s insane. Why would anyone try to mow down a housekeeper and then blow her up? It doesn’t make any sense.”

  Kurt gritted out, “Don’t backtrack now, Sean. We both know you think there’s merit to this supposition.”

  “I must have been crazy bringing it to you.”

  “Maybe. But sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. Tell me, how’s the investigation going?”

  “Poorly. We’ve managed to ascertain…” He broke off. “I really can’t discuss this, Kurt. Not here, and not now.”

  “MI6 beckons, huh?” he joked a little.

  “You jest, but yeah.” He blew out another breath. “I’m just trying to prove anything other than the fact Sascha is in danger. I want to be wrong where this is concerned.”

  “Of course, you do. Dammit, Sean. I never thought otherwise.”

  “I have to be wrong, don’t I, Kurt? Why would anyone want to hurt her?”

  “You’ve seen her background profile,” he replied quietly. “You know what the security agencies know. Is there anything there?”

  “No. The only thing that leaps to attention is the fact that her father is a cop, but he’s a desk sergeant. It
’s not like he’s active on the streets. He works a desk—in the U.S. nonetheless.”

  “He didn’t always though, surely?”

  “No. But he worked mostly traffic back in the day, and a beat that wasn’t the most dangerous.”

  “It has to be because of him though, doesn’t it?”

  “That’s the only thing that makes sense, but when I look into him, I see nothing that jumps out. Unless he took a bribe from the wrong person…? That’s not going to be documented. But why wait until now? Why wait until she’s with us to start targeting her?”

  A puzzled frown puckered Kurt’s brow. “What about her mom? Her grandparents?”

  Sean let out another sigh. “There’s very little on her mother. She was an immigrant though. Gained citizenship here when she was very young.”

  “From where?”

  “Russia.”

  “That can’t be a coincidence.”

  “Just because Andrei’s past is a shitstorm over there, doesn’t mean hers is.”

  “Bullshit. You know who Andrei’s grandfather is, Sean. What if her mother’s family knew Andrei’s? They’re the only ones psycho enough to do any of this shit.”

  “But why? It doesn’t make any sense.”

  Kurt shrugged. “Just because it doesn’t make sense to us, doesn’t mean that’s not the answer. We’re missing so much information, there’s actually very little point in hypothesizing.

  “But, the truth is why else would Sascha be in danger? Her past is innocuous, but Andrei’s isn’t. And throw in the bomb scare? Maybe she’s being targeted because of us. That’s the only thing that makes logical sense.”

  “It falls back on why, Kurt! Why would anyone target Andrei, first off, when he’s been out of Russia all these years? Why would anyone use Sascha to hurt Andrei when there’s no reason to target him in the first fucking place?” Exasperation had him letting out an irritated hiss. “It’s not like any of us need security; we’ve received no threats or warnings that would put us on our guard. And if Andrei’s grandfather feared for his safety, you don’t think the old bastard would have called?”

  Kurt shook his head. “No. I don’t think he would. He’d have handled it himself, in house. He knows Andrei would get the police involved, and Vasily never wants that. No matter how ‘retired’ he’s supposed to be.”