The accident that killed Addyson also killed a part of Abby that night, she’s never been whole. She beats herself up and I think she is regretful that Addyson died and she lived. Abby hasn’t come right out and said this, but it’s pretty obvious that she feels she deserves a sad and lonely life.
The thing about Abby that she doesn’t know I know, is she likes to keep everything inside. She doesn’t want to be fussed over and she damn well never shares the horrifying memories or nightmares of the accident. I have heard her scream Addyson’s name in her sleep. I had been helpless in those moments. I want to kill my father for putting her through this.
While I don’t share much about myself with Abby there has never been anything I’d rather do. I want to share my thoughts with her. I want to tell her the crazy shit that goes through my head when the emotion abandons me.
I thought she would be oblivious to the words that never came out, but it’s just the opposite. She knows that there’s a story to tell and she wants to hear it. I will end the relationship that Abby and I have today.
I will begin a new relationship with the truth. No more lies, ever. She will either have me or she won’t, but she deserves everything and what I want is irrelevant. I’m going to tell her every fucking thing. The whole ugly truth.
The truth is uglier than I want to admit even to myself. If there were a truth in anything it would be that I don’t deserve Abby, but I have to have her every day in every aspect of my life. I’m a humble man, I don’t need much to sustain my life. When it comes to Abigale Hayes I do not intend to take some and leave a little. I intend to consume and cover her with love every second, minute, and hour of every day.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Abby
I’ve never been so excited to have a metal tool coming at my arm before. My cast is finally off and my arm looks so funny. It’s so small compared to the other.
The therapy I have had to undergo these last three months has been grueling, but worth it. My body has healed nicely, so the therapist says. My head is healing physically, but will never be healed emotionally, no one can fix that.
I have heard a million times how lucky I am to be alive. From what the doctors have told me I died several times. I didn’t know that I had died, but that would explain the dream I had of Addyson.
“You have to fight Abby you can’t give up,” she whispered. “They love you, don’t let them miss you like they miss me.” Was it real? I can’t answer that question. I’m too scared to mention this little detail to anyone . “They won’t miss me, I’m irrelevant, they will be ok without me,” I said to her.
I wanted to willingly slip into the light to free myself from the complete and utter darkness that had been hovering over me for so long. The darkness consumes me, it has always taken over. I don’t think anyone will actually believe that Addie was there with me.
Addie wore a white dress and her features looked the exact same as I remember. She would have been a brilliant doctor. I’m not doing anything special with my life and it’s just wrong.
I have only been alone in my room for a few minutes before there is a knock on my door. I know who it is.
“Come in.” Here we go.
The door slowly opens revealing a tall man with muscular perfection peeking from his black t-shirt and jeans. Evan.
“Hi.” My mouth is dry and filled with cotton. My heart is pounding in my chest. My body feels like it’s going to start convulsing any minute at just the sight of him.
He doesn’t speak, but he does walk in my direction from the door. His eyes are glaring, pinning me, drawing my soul in through the pupils. Damn!
He reaches me and kneels at my feet in front of the chair I’m sitting in. Taking my legs that are curled up underneath me, pulling them to the floor finding a home for his massive body in between them.
I think for a second that I should be pissed that he has just walked in here and taken what he wants, but I’m convinced he hasn’t taken anything yet.
“Thank you,” he whispers.
“For?”
“For, agreeing to see me,” he says, grateful.
I remember little things here and there about Evan. Like his blue eyes or his warm hands, but I don’t remember who he is.
“Well Amy was very convincing.” I want to ask him how much he paid her to convince me, but I won’t.
A soft smile breaks on his intense, full, pink lips. I’m feeling things I never remember feeling. Ever!
He’s ringing bells I never knew rang.
“Good.”
He smells amazing. I think it’s a mix of the woods, fresh citrus, and spice. Perfect.
Goose bumps trail my arms.
“Well what do we do now?” I need to keep my mind moving so that it doesn’t stop and drift to the beautiful beast in front of me.
“Truth.” He searches my face with an overwhelming amount of feeling. Literally seeping from his pours. I can see how badly he wants me. There goes the busy plans for my mind.
I visualize him taking me against a large cold glass window and throwing me to a bed. Shit! A chill crashes into my body breaking through my fantasy.
He smiles again.
Does he know how deeply he’s affecting me? Has he always done this to me?
Back to reality. “What truth?”
“The only truth. The truth I should have told you the second I was given the chance. But, I’m going to fix that. I’m going to…” He pauses to take me all in. “Fix everything I’ve broken Abby.” He pauses again, this time I think he is waiting for me to speak, but I can’t. I don’t know what to say.
I tilt my head. What could he have broken?
I nod.
“Abby, what I need to tell you is going to be very difficult, but I need you to hear me out ok? I need you to hear everything before you react.”
I nod again. He is scaring the shit out of me.
“When I was eighteen I was coming home from boot camp. My father was driving the car; he had picked me up from the airport. Anyway, we were driving and there was an accident. I knew that my father had been drinking and I couldn’t do anything about it then. He hit a car Abby, he hit your car.”
I know what he just said can’t be true. Wait what did he just say? Did he just say that?
I feel my body tremble in response.
“Huh?”
“Remember you are supposed to hear me out. Yes, he hit your car. I don’t even know what to say to that Abby, I really don’t. I know there isn’t much more that does need to be said because we all know how that ended up, right? You lost your sister and yourself all in one night.”
A tear beads in the corner of his right eye and my dam breaks. Well hell, if a big strong man can’t hold it in why the hell would I be able to?
“Abby you need to understand it was that very night I was able to break free from his hold. He was a controlling prick. He killed my mother and he beat me “into line” my whole life and repeatedly told me I was just like my mother and he should do to me what he had done to her.
“Anyway, I broke free that night. My father’s car wasn’t really impacted by the crash.” He shakes his head and squints his eyes as confusion sweeps across his face.
“I got out of the car and found you Abby. I was trying to help Addyson, you were soaked in blood.” His head falls.
“I called the police that night and reported the hit and run. My father refused to see how you were.” Evan cries through the latter part of his statement.
My heart is breaking right now, but I’m not sure who it’s breaking for. Addie or Evan, I don’t know.
“Sorry, anyway,” he wipes a tear away, “he wanted me to leave you there. I could never leave anyone like that so I stood tall and told him to go fuck himself. So what I’m trying to say is my father is responsible for your sister’s death and I take full responsibility for this,” he pauses again.
I feel a great deal of compassion for this man when I should be ripping his head off.
<
br /> “Did I know this before I lost my memory?” If I knew then what I know now what did I say? Did I forgive him?
“You knew, but that’s a whole other story and while I will tell it to you I need to get through this one first.”
“Ok,” I agree.
“I was at Addyson’s funeral, in the back of the room. I blame myself every day for her death. I mourn her every fucking day. It’s ironic though,” he chuckles a little.
“Because her dying set me free in so many ways. I saw what my father was. I think I always knew what he was, I was just too afraid to admit it out loud or stand up for myself. That night was the first time my demons took over. I’ve stood in hell every day since though. So while I was set free, I was also trapped in hell,” he shakes his head.
“I never forgot about you Abby and I damn sure never forgot about Addyson. I brought white roses to her grave every year on her birthday, which is also your birthday. July eleventh was a hard day for me.”
“White rose?” I furrow my brows. I remember a white rose. “Did you give me a white rose Evan?” I tilt my head waiting for his response.
The biggest and brightest smile I have ever seen lands on his face. His entire face lights up, eye sparkling, lip glistening, dimple destructing smile. Beautiful.
“Yes I did.”
Evan reaches to my face, pulling me to him, his lips landing on mine. He doesn’t ask permission he takes what he wants now. He is demanding it and another chill shudders through me.
“When I left the military I joined the ATF as an agent. Mostly I do undercover work. I was assigned to a drug cartel from Brazil that entered the U.S.”
I shift in my chair feeling like I am having deja vu. “Did I know that?” I need to know if this is a memory.
“Yes I told you.” He pauses as he takes in my change in demeanor.
“Abby, do you remember something?”
“No, well it’s more like I know it happened without knowing details. I know there is a memory there I just haven’t sorted it out yet.”
Another beautiful smile traces his lips. “Marco Silva was the main target as he is the heir to the Silva cartel.” He gauges my response.
“My Marco Silva?”
“Yes Abby.”
“He runs a drug cartel? I don’t believe that Evan. That is absolute bullshit.”
“Abby I have kept things from you. God I have kept so many things from you, but I will never keep anything from you ever again. What I’m telling you now is the truth.”
“Truth? How about you tell me why you didn’t want Amy to tell me about our baby? Tell me that truth.”
His head drops. “Yea you were about six weeks along when you were hit.”
“Were you happy? Was I happy?”
“I didn’t know until after you were in the hospital. The doctor in the emergency room told me the baby didn’t make it.”
“Why wouldn’t I tell you?”
“Amy said you had only found out that morning. I didn’t want her to tell you until you were better. I knew the stress would be difficult on your already fragile body.”
“We were really going to have a baby?” I feel like I’m going to throw up. I have only ever had to grieve for my sister and now I feel my heart wrapping around the loss of my child too. My tears are no longer taking refuge behind the darkness.
“We were. Abby I don’t know who hit you that day, but I want to assure you I will find and kill them. I saw the car that hit you and there is no doubt that it was intentional.”
“How about your father? Did he pay for what he did to my sister? No, he hasn’t! He left us to die Evan and yet he still roams the streets every day. How many more people is he going to hurt before he’s stopped? Why, if you care so much, haven’t you killed him?” I don’t understand every emotion that is running through me right now and I don’t care. “If he killed your mom why haven’t you stopped him?” I scream.
I want his father to die. I want to kill him myself.
“I want to kill him Abby trust me. I can’t, no matter how bad, I just can’t do it. I hear my mom in my head and…I can’t.”
“Why haven’t you turned him into the police then?”
He shakes his head. “Abby my father is a powerful man and not for one second do I believe he will pay for what he has done to my mom, to you, or any of the other people he has hurt.”
I’m nervously twisting an imaginary ring on my finger and I say imaginary because there isn’t a ring there. Memory perhaps. I shake my head waving the thought away.
“Powerful or not Evan, your dad doesn’t get to override the law.”
“I know, but in this case he can.” He sighs.
I think I’m losing my grip with reality because I will be damned to hell for eternity before I allow this man to get away with this shit. My stomach is burning with the sudden urge to slit this man’s throat. All of the pain he has put my family through.
I haven’t been able to live my life since this happened. I have been so damaged that I could never imagine having a decent normal life until this moment in front of me.
I had my sister’s blood on my hands, I’ve had nightmares every day since the accident and this man has been living his life like normal? Oh, I don’t think so.
“Evan, I don’t care who your father is I will see him burn in hell for what he has done to my family.” I mean every word of what I’m saying. “My sister, our baby, my fucking memory.” I’m going to explode.
Evan’s eyes are dark and I suddenly remember seeing these eyes before.
“Abby if it hurts you for Thomas Carter to walk the streets then I will be the one to handle it, not you. You can never dirty your hands. You’re my angel and I can never allow that. My hands are already dirty. My life is filled with fire and smoke. I’m not going to let you burn with me.”
If Evan thinks for one minute that I am going to let him do this by himself he has lost his mind. “I don’t blame you for what your father has done Evan, but I do blame you for covering it up. I want you to know that I will not let you do this yourself, I want to help. I want to see him take his last breath.”
“Abby once you go to that place in life you can’t back out. There isn’t an exit, there is only pain and darkness and this darkness is unlike any other.”
“Evan let me tell you! I may not remember the last year of my life, but I remember all of the time before that and trust me, I have been in a hell unlike any you could ever imagine. I can and I will do this, do you understand me?”
“I do understand and I support anything that you decide to do.” He presses a kiss to my lips. This kiss feels so perfect. These lips feel like they belong here.
I have spent the last six years trying to heal my mind and three months of that in a hospital room trying to heal my body. My sister is gone, my baby is gone, and now I will take back my life any way I can. If it means that I must sell my soul to put this right then that is what I will do.
I have stood in hell for six years and I am going to free myself from the fire that surrounds me. Evan says he doesn’t want me to burn, but he has no idea how badly burned I already am. I will make this right.
With Evan by my side I can walk through this hell.
Not the ending,
but just the beginning
Stay tuned for more of Evan and Abby
And their love story.
My Demons
Book Two
Coming soon
Continue reading for an excerpt from My Demons.
Chapter One
Abby
“Do you see me Abby?” a familiar voice asks into the darkness.
“No, I can’t see your face.” I know that I know this deep voice, but I can’t place it.
“Do you feel me Abby?” he growls.
“Yes, I feel you.” My answer releases with a harsh breath.
I do feel him, his hands are on my heated skin with force in a not so gentle way and I think I like it. The way he grips my bo
dy with his hands says he wants to devour me.
My hands are at his face taking in his profile. His skin is warm, there’s a few days’ worth of stubble on his jaw. My thumbs gently run over his lips. Oh his lips are full and moist. He must have just run his tongue across them. I get a tingle between my legs as I consider his tongue running over my body.
Just as I flinch from the fantasy, I feel his cheeks tighten, caused by a smile. He knows what he’s bringing me to.
I want you, oh my God I want you. I think to myself.
“You can have me anytime you want Abby all you have to do is say my name,” he answers my silent statement.
I don’t think I said that out loud. Did I? My brows furrow and my head tilts. His voice is so--, I don’t know what his voice is, but it feels like everything and yet nothing because I can’t place it. I know that it’s familiar, but the deepness his voice has is of passion and I don’t remember this kind of passion in my sad, miserable existence so, of course, I don’t know where this is coming from. I want to know though. If I had this every day would my life be worth living? I definitely think it would be and I’m down for that.
“What would I need to say to have you?” I cannot believe I just asked him this question. Inner sexy girl must be awake now. I’ll let her take over because she is so much better at this than I am.
“Tell me that you want me Abby. Tell me that I make you feel alive. Tell me you need my touch to survive. I need you to want me. But, you must know who I am Abigale or none of it makes sense.” He says each word with such conviction and I don’t know how to respond.
Maybe if I just throw myself at him and see where it goes, but shouldn’t I at least know his name or what he looks like? Shouldn’t I know who I’m giving myself to? Should I know this or should I just do it?
His Angel: The Angel Trilogy Book One Page 25