Reverse Cowgirl

by Chance Carter

  She turned to Billy.

  “Thank you, Billy,” Alice said. “I can’t tell you how grateful I’m that you were there to help.”

  Billy nodded solemnly.

  “No worries. Glad I was nearby.”

  He reached down and tussled Amy’s hair, making her giggle.

  “I’m going to get some dry clothes on and then head back to work. I’d like to finish mending that fence today,” he explained, making eye contact with Alice.

  “Why don’t you come back for dinner?” Alice offered softly. “We have a lot to talk about.”

  Billy chuckled softly under his breath and nodded, as though he completely agreed with her.

  “I would love that. I’ll see you around five?” he suggested, handing the towel back to Lisa.

  “Perfect,” Alice said with a smile.

  Billy turned to Lisa and nodded his goodbye. As soon as he was out the back door, Alice turned and met her cousin’s questioning gaze.

  “So that’s Billy,” Lisa teased.

  Alice chuckled and tossed Amy’s damp towel at her.

  “That was him.”

  Alice smiled through her clenched teeth, offering Lisa a look that meant, ‘Not in front of Amy.’

  Lisa chuckled and returned to the laundry room while Alice led her daughter up the stairs.

  “I missed you, Mommy. Aunt Dottie’s house is fun. Did you wish you were there too? Did you know she has a Labradoodle? Isn’t that a funny name for a dog? Can we have corn on the cob for dinner?”

  Amy prattled on, not concerned whether Alice answered her questions or not.

  Alice was grateful for the sweet distraction. She had a feeling she had a long night ahead of her.

  * * *

  After the dishes were washed and put away, Alice sat down across from Billy as he engaged with her little girl. He seemed highly entertained by Amy, if the constant smile on his face were any indication.

  Amy was a joyful child, with the sweetest temperament. How could he help but adore her?

  Two months earlier Lisa drove to Oregon to visit her mother, Alice’s Aunt, and had taken Amy along with her. They left right after school let out for the summer. In fact, they left only a few days before Billy arrived.

  Alice had wanted to tell Billy about her daughter, but the timing never seemed right. It wasn’t something she could just blurt out. On the few occasions she saw fit to share with him, they had been interrupted. The truth was, Alice wasn’t sure how to define her connection with Billy, and on some level she wasn’t sure it even made sense to bring Amy up to him. Now that Amy was home, she felt foolish for not telling him sooner. They were friends after all, if nothing else.

  “Can I have a cookie, Mommy?” Amy asked, pulling Alice away from her thoughts.

  Alice looked at her daughter who shot her the most angelic smile. She knew how to work her.

  “Can we both have one?” Billy said, flashing his own charming smile, rivaling the one she received from her daughter.

  She looked from one to the other and shook her head.

  “You two are ganging up on me, aren’t you?” she teased.

  Amy giggled and climbed up on the chair, leaning over the table to reach for the plate of cookies.

  “Amy, reaching is not polite. Please sit down and ask me politely to pass them to you,” Alice gently scolded.

  Amy did as she was told, looking up at Billy for support. Billy smiled at her and nodded.

  “Sorry, Mama. Please will you pass me the cookies?” Amy asked.

  Alice passed the cookies over and Amy grabbed two off the plate, handing one to Billy.

  “Cheers!” Billy said, tapping his cookie to Amy’s.

  She laughed with delight and took a big bite of her cookie, causing the crumbs to fall into her lap. Billy chuckled, clearly amused by the little cherub. He picked a cookie off the plate and offered it to Alice. She accepted it and took a bite, just as Lisa returned to the kitchen.

  “So, I’m going to head off to bed. Alice and I stayed up pretty late last night. I need to catch up on my sleep. It was great meeting you,” Lisa said to Billy.

  He held his hand out for her to shake, but Lisa waved him off.

  “We hug in this family.”

  Alice looked at Billy, his expression going from surprise to genuine affection, as her friends shared a warm embrace.

  “Come on, Peanut. I’ll take you to bed,” Lisa said, holding her hand out for Amy.

  Amy shook her head and looked at her Mom, her eyes pleading.

  “I’m not done my cookie. I want Billy and Mommy to tuck me in. Please?”

  Amy stood on her chair and wrapped her cookie free arm around Billy’s and leaned her head on his shoulder. Billy smiled down at her, then glanced over to Alice for guidance.

  Alice chuckled softly.

  “It’s ok, Lisa. I’ll take care of her. You go on up to bed. I’ll see you in the morning,” Alice offered, popping the last bite of cookie in her mouth.

  “Ok, before I go I’ll pull a roast out of the deep freeze for tomorrow’s supper. Billy, will you be joining us again?” Lisa asked, an impish smile forming on her lips.

  Alice shook her head slowly, a tight grin forming on her own face. She knew exactly what Lisa was up to, and she was pretty sure Billy had it figured it out too.

  Billy smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

  “I would never turn down a home cooked meal, Lisa, if it’s alright with Alice and Amy?”

  Billy looked at Alice and raised his brows with a ‘what do you think’ expression on his face. Amy released her grip on Billy and clapped her hands.

  “Yay!” Amy cheered, offering her approval.

  Alice knew when she was beat. She raised her shoulders and smirked.

  “Well, the consensus says yes, so who am I to disagree? Of course, Billy is welcome,” she conceded warmly.

  * * *

  Billy and Alice sat on the front porch, a decanter of wine on the small table between them. They had just finished tucking Amy into bed, and two stories later, she was finally asleep. It would have been a much faster process had Billy just read the story like a normal person. Instead, he shared the first story with flourish and drama, giving each character its own unique voice and personality.

  Of course, Amy loved it and instead of getting sleepy, his creative license only served to energize her. Billy seemed greatly amused by this. This led to a second story, and probably a third had Alice not finally intervened.

  Billy sipped his wine slowly, looking like a man with a lot on his mind. The evening air was cool, which was a welcome relief from the heat wave they had been experiencing. Alice took a sip from her own glass, and smiled. Despite the near drowning earlier that morning, it turned out to be a pretty good day.

  Alice was still a little shaken, but the fact that Billy had been there, once more at just the right time, solidified her instincts that he was destined to be there.

  Billy looked over at her and smiled, but his expression seemed strained.

  “What is it Billy?” she asked, her voice heavy with concern.

  “I guess I’m just wondering why you didn’t tell me about your daughter, Alice.”

  His words were blunt, but not unkind.

  Alice nodded. He had a right to know, and it didn’t surprise her that he was asking.

  “I don’t really have a good reason, Billy. I wish I did. Truthfully, I wanted to tell you about her but the timing never seemed right. Can I be honest with you about something?” she asked cautiously.

  Billy nodded.

  “I’ve been having mixed feelings about you,” she began.

  “You don’t say?” he responded, chuckling softly.

  Alice punched him playfully on his muscular bicep.

  “I’m being serious,” she said through her giggles.

  “I’m sorry. Go on, please,” he insisted sweetly.

  Alice sighed and sipped her wine again. Liquid courage.

  “I really l
ike you, Billy. I suppose I have from early on. I have been on my own for a really long time, and I’ve become very independent. I was caught off guard by my feelings for you and I didn’t know what to do with them really,” she admitted carefully, not wanting to expose her vulnerability.

  Billy regarded her quietly, his expression filled with kindness, encouraging her to continue.

  “I’ve dated a few men since Amy was born, but nothing really evolved into anything more than a few dinners and a movie here and there. I haven’t introduced anyone to her yet. I’ve always felt that dating and parenting needed to stay in different stables, if you know what I mean? It is not an easy thing for children to sort out those big, grown up feelings, and if things don’t work out and the child has become attached, well that can really mess them up, you know?” she stated, waiting for his reaction.

  Billy nodded in agreement.

  “You saw how quickly Amy took to you. How can I risk hurting those precious feelings by introducing her to casual boyfriends?”

  “With Amy away for a few months, I suppose I took off my mommy hat and allowed myself the freedom to explore some of my, uh, desires. I know we have mad chemistry, Billy. There’s no denying that.”

  She looked at him and saw that he was smiling playfully at her. Her body responded instantly to him, as though illustrating her point. She cleared her throat, certain a blush was rising in her cheeks.

  “But chemistry isn’t enough when you’re a single mom. I can’t think about just me anymore. It’s always her and me. So, while I loved being with you, and playing with you, and fucking you,” she whispered her last words, causing Billy to laugh softly, “I also found myself developing intimate feelings for you,” she admitted.

  She kept her eyes down, not certain she was ready to meet his expression, and read his feedback. She continued, choosing her words carefully.

  “You told me early on that you weren’t staying past the end of the summer, and I get that. That’s common practice around here. Growing up, I was warned not to get to close to the hoofers, for obvious reasons. Then when I decided to go ahead with the Equine Center, and I put you in charge, well, given all the circumstances, I just wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do, exploring things further. I didn’t want to complicate things.”

  Billy inhaled deeply, finally able to make sense of it all. He looked at her and let his breath out slowly. She met his gaze but couldn’t read his thoughts. It was as though he were carefully shielding her from them. He nodded, but offered no reply.

  “Telling you about Amy, well, it just seemed really intimate to me. Like if I told you about her, it would be because I felt like things were developing between us or there was a possible future for us .But I’m not sure what this is,” she admitted, gesturing between them, and letting out a deep sigh of her own.

  Billy still offered her no words, gave nothing away.

  Alice was starting to feel exposed, vulnerable. She took a sip of her wine, buying a little time to collect her thoughts.

  “I know it seems strange, me not telling you about Amy, but life hasn’t always been easy for the two of us, and I guess in some ways I was protecting her,” Alice offered, closing her words in a way that begged a response from him.

  Billy picked up her cue.

  “Maybe even protecting yourself a little?” he concluded, exposing her truth.

  Alice regarded him carefully, her eyes unwillingly filling with tears. Of course, he was right. She damn well didn’t want to get hurt again. She nodded, causing the tears to spill from her eyes. Billy leaned forward and reached his hand out, wiping them away with his fingertips and smiling affectionately at her.

  “Where is Amy’s father?” he questioned, giving her a moment to recover.

  Alice shook her head slowly, taking another long sip of her wine.

  “That is a long story, are you sure you want to go down that dusty, old road?” Alice asked with a chuckle.

  “Tell me,” he urged, his tone compassionate but insistent.

  Alice shared the story of her past, how Jerry had cheated on her with her best friend Lane, and how she had discovered it on the evening before their wedding celebrations were to begin. She told him how she cancelled their wedding and that Jerry had taken Lane away anyway, to the very place they were to be married.

  Billy shook his head. Alice didn’t share the story very often because it would illicit the very response he was offering her. She didn’t want pity, and she certainly didn’t want people to think she was a victim.

  “That was a bitch move on his part,” Billy said matter-of-factly, his response surprising her.

  Alice nodded and chuckled softly.

  “Yeah, it really was. Who does that?” she agreed, grateful he lightened the mood.

  “A little bitch, that’s who,” Billy jeered scornfully.

  Alice nodded, a wry grin on her face.

  “Anyway,” she continued, “a few weeks later I took a home pregnancy test and it turned the stick pink. I had all the symptoms, couldn’t keep a damn thing down. At first, I chalked it up to nerves, but then I realized that my period was late. Really late. I had been so wrapped up in all the wedding plans and the drama that ensued, that I hadn’t really been paying attention to my cycle,” she said, deep in reminiscence.

  “Jerry did try to reach out to me when he got back from his vacation, but I didn’t want to see him. A few months later, when I started showing, I knew I had to finally deal with him. I met him for a coffee in town and told him the ‘happy news.’ Needless to say, he wasn’t happy. He basically told me that he wouldn’t be trapped in a relationship with me, baby or no baby,” she confided, shaking her head. “I happily reminded him that we didn’t have a relationship.”

  Billy held out his hand to her and she looked at it for a moment, then met his eyes. They held no pity whatsoever. In fact, he just looked curious. She smiled and took his hand, holding it loosely in the space between them.

  “Anyway, I told Jerry that I was going to have the baby and that as far as I was concerned, I didn’t want him in the picture. He didn’t put up much of a fight. He told me that things had been pretty rough for him since the breakup, people judging him harshly and such.”

  Alice paused, laughing when Billy rolled his eyes.

  “He really had no one left but Lane,” she continued. “He told me that they would be eloping in Vegas in a month and then continuing east, moving to North Carolina. He said he wouldn’t send me child support, and not to depend on it. That didn’t surprise me. I told him that as long as he never came back or tried to reach out to me, or the baby, that it was more than fine with me. I preferred it that way,” Alice admitted, her tone holding no regret.

  “So, you have raised her on your own?” Billy asked.

  Alice shook her head.

  “No, before the accident, my parents were a huge support. They adored Amy, as you can imagine. She was such a happy baby. They helped me out tremendously her first year. The oddest thing, my Amy was born on February fourteenth, on their wedding anniversary, and my parents’ accident happened exactly one year later? Isn’t that strange?” she said, her words trailing off.

  Billy nodded and gently squeezed her finger tips, offering her some comfort. It had been a very long time since Alice had opened up about her past. Billy was listening without judgement, holding just the right amount of space for her. He made her feel safe.

  She smiled softly at him, her eyes searching his. He met her gaze, but still she felt like he was holding something back. She couldn’t quite figure him out. It was like he was balancing on a tight rope, tentative but unafraid, not knowing whether to move forward or head back in the direction he came from.

  Chapter 16

  Billy

  Alice captivated him. Although he wished it weren’t the case, there was no more denying it. As her story unfolded he found himself drawn to her spirit, inspired by her courage. Like him, she had been dealt some shitty cards, situations that could ha
ve crushed her, but instead they motivated her, strengthened her, challenged her. He respected her for that.

  At first, when he found out about Amy, he was upset. Not so much at Alice, but because this was information that they should have had prior to him arriving at the ranch. Maybe knowing that information would have changed his approach, altered the plan.

  He wasn’t the kind of guy that would fuck over a single mother, was he? Well, he certainly didn’t feel like that guy anymore. If he hadn’t struggled with his ethics up to this point, he was certainly questioning his integrity now.

  Alice explained why she couldn’t tell him about Amy and he had to admit it made perfect sense. He totally understood her reluctance. Her instincts were bang on. He was being ambiguous, and she had been picking up on it all along.

  When she had invited him back to the house that morning, for a moment he forgot all of it, the plan, the condo development, James. None of it even entered his mind. As they walked up the path to the house, the three of them singing Old MacDonald, he felt happy.

  Alice set down her empty wine glass and Billy picked up the decanter, holding it over her glass. She nodded and he poured her a little more.

  “Lisa moved in shortly after my parents died. Her mother Dottie is my mother’s sister. Dottie stayed here for a short time after the accident, helping out where she could, but she eventually had to get back to her real life. Lisa and I have always been close, we are practically the same age. She spent most of her summers at the ranch, so it just seemed like a natural choice for her to stay,” Alice said, continuing her story.

  Billy set the wine down and leaned back in his chair.

  “She loves taking care of the house and is a natural with Amy, making it easy for me to run the ranch. I don’t know what I would do without her.”

  “She seems like a very nice woman,” Billy agreed, “and Amy sure seems to like her.”

  Alice nodded.

  “She’s like a sister to me.”

  Alice sat back in her chair and grew quiet for several minutes. Their silence wasn’t uncomfortable, in fact they both seemed to relish it, taking a moment to admire the evening sky.