The Replacement

by Anne Marie Duquette

  Eric turned the heat on high when they’d climbed in. “They made a reservation at a motel for us. We’re headed there now.” Eric placed a hand around her waist and pulled out the seat belt for her, sparing her sore wrist. “No one’s going anywhere tonight. There’s another storm coming in.”

  “How’s Keith holding up? And Naomi? Have you heard from them?”

  Eric’s brow furrowed with worry. “I never got through. God knows I’ve been trying.”

  “Hell. Did the main office get through with their radio?”

  “I asked them while you were down in X ray, but they had no luck, either.”

  “You don’t think Wilson—”

  “No,” was Eric’s immediate response. “The antenna could’ve been damaged by the weather. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

  “How will we know if they’re doing okay?” Lindsey asked worriedly.

  “We won’t until I get back up there.”

  “You mean until we get back up there.”

  “You’re not going back,” Eric announced.

  “Yes, I am.”

  “The doctor said to take time off.”

  “I can’t. I’m fit for work as long as I don’t lift anything heavy. A good night’s sleep and a full meal, then we both go to Yosemite.”

  “You’ll stay here.”

  “I’m going back to help you with Naomi and Keith.”

  Eric stopped at a red light, the truck’s tires crunching on the ice. “No, you’re not,” he said.

  “Come on, Ric.” Lindsey sighed. “Both of them have health issues. Two sick rangers require two able-bodied ones to relieve them.”

  “Technically, you’re not fit for duty, and Naomi’s still able-bodied.”

  “Maybe, but she’s not fit for duty. Ever since she found that lump, her mind hasn’t been focused on her job, whether you want to believe it or not.”

  The subject remained unresolved as they drove up to the motel.

  “Sorry about the room arrangements,” Eric said, “but since the doctor suggested you stay overnight at the hospital, the main office only paid for one room. I tried to get you another, but they’re already filled for the night.”

  “The main office should’ve listened to me and not that doctor,” Lindsey grumbled. “So should you. I’m not going back to the hospital.”

  Eric parked in front of their door. They entered their single room, which had two beds and was clean and surprisingly cheerful.

  “I suggested to the main office that you stay here at the motel until they arrange for you to fly home,” Eric explained, taking the bed nearest the door and window. He threw his pack on it, and placed Lindsey’s on the bed closest to the bathroom.

  “I suggest,” she said, using his same words, “you get on the phone and correct yourself while I take a bath. I’m going back to Yosemite with you.” Lindsey sat down on the bed. She pulled out some clean panties, socks and thermals from her pack, then started taking off her hiking boots and socks.

  “I’m not calling them.” Eric bent to unlace his boots.

  “Then I will. I’m going back. I don’t trust Naomi’s judgment any more than I trust Keith’s shoulder to heal overnight. The last place a widow needs to be is in the middle of nowhere with a looming health crisis and an injured man. His judgment’s probably just as off kilter.”

  “I didn’t say I was going back alone,” Eric argued. “I’ll get a replacement.”

  “I’m your replacement. Besides, you’ve forgotten something. Ginger’s there.”

  “Your life is more important to me than the dog’s.”

  “She’s my partner! I can’t just abandon her!”

  “Why not? I used to be your partner, and that didn’t stop you from walking away. You’re wearing another man’s ring, yet you left him to come back here. Seems to me you change your definition of partner as you see fit,” Eric said.

  Lindsey gasped at his words. She noticed that he watched her carefully as he waited for her to speak. If he thought he could push her into tears or hysterics to prove his point about her return to San Diego, he had another think coming. She took a deep calming breath.

  “Ginger is a rescue dog, so that makes her safety my responsibility.”

  “That’s not necessarily true, since there are already rangers on the scene.”

  “They aren’t experienced canine handlers, or the dog wouldn’t have been starving herself to death before I showed up.”

  “She’s eating now.”

  “We hope. I am not trusting Ginger’s welfare to a wounded ranger—or a paramedic who doesn’t have the good sense to take care of her own health!” Her statement was accompanied by the loud thud of his boot hitting the floor. “My God, Eric, cancer is no joke!”

  “I’m well aware of that. However, I’m not worried about Naomi right now. I’m worried about you.”

  “You’re just as scared about Naomi’s situation as she is. And Eva’s death and Keith’s injury have shaken you up more than you realize—or you’d see that you need my help. I know the terrain, I know dogs, and I know how you all work. That’s an edge some other replacement wouldn’t have. You wouldn’t have got Pam to the hospital without me, and you won’t get Keith and Naomi there without me.”

  Now in her bare feet, she grabbed the clean thermal long johns. “I’ll be in the tub.” She closed the bathroom door determinedly behind her.

  ERIC HEARD THE SOUND of running water, yet couldn’t let the argument drop. “It’s not as if you’re thinking logically yourself,” he said through the door. “First, you leave your San Diego boyfriend behind—”

  “Fiancé!” he heard her yell back.

  “Then you nearly get shot—and then you get caught in an avalanche. Like you’re any calmer than I am!”

  “I’d be perfectly calm if you’d let me take a bath in peace. In fact…”

  He couldn’t hear the rest of her response over the running water. “What did you say?”

  The water abruptly stopped, and she yanked open the door. “I said…”

  He didn’t hear the rest of her words. He stared, but not at the sensible winter flannel pullover bra and cotton panties she wore. Her body was covered with bruises, her arms and legs showing large dark areas. The area above her bandaged wrist was already turning blue, and the fingers on that same hand were puffy.

  “My God, Lindsey…” He stared at her from head to toe and then looked back up to her face. He had to swallow to clear his tight throat before he could finish. “How hard did you hit the rocks?”

  He saw confusion replace anger, then her gaze tracked down to her body.

  “It wasn’t the rocks. It was snow. And one of my skis.”

  He didn’t think, he acted straight from the heart as he pulled her into his arms and held her as close as he could without hurting her. “You could’ve been killed,” he whispered, his stomach in knots at the bashing her body had taken.

  “I doubt it,” she said. “My professional life’s always charmed. It’s my personal life that usually takes the hits.”

  Eric couldn’t speak, he could only hold her, rest his cheek against her head and close his eyes, absorbing her nearness and letting his fear melt away. He felt her arms on his shoulders and for a moment time stood still. Nothing existed but him and her, together. Then he became aware of the goose bumps on her arms, the almost-overflowing tub, and he reluctantly returned to reality.

  “You’d better get in the tub before you freeze all over again,” he said, moving away from her. “If you need any help, just yell. I can wash your hair if you’re too sore. Or I can do your back.”

  He caught the slight smile on her face, and knew she was remembering the old days when her playful question “Would you wash my back?” was always followed by “Need me to wash your front?”

  “I’m just interested in soaking my muscles,” she said. “But thanks, anyway.”

  “Can you get your bra off?”

  She hesitated.

&nb
sp; “Let me help. Turn around if you want,” he said.

  “Thanks.” She didn’t turn, but continued to face him, and painfully lifted her arms. He grasped the bottom of the bra and carefully pulled it up and over her head. One of his hands brushed gently against the side of a breast. As his eyes took in her torso, he breathed a sigh of relief that her hips and not the more sensitive areas had taken most of the bruising. He stared as he held out her bra. “You sure you’re all right?”

  “It was just a bit of snow, Eric. Not the whole mountain.”

  It was a hell of a lot more than that. If anything had happened to you… He stood there until Lindsey, clad only in panties, reached for the doorknob to pull the door closed, a barrier between them both except for an inch or so left ajar.

  “Don’t fall asleep in the tub,” he warned her. “And don’t lock the door, either.”

  “I won’t,” she assured him. “Order us some food and a pot of hot coffee, okay? I’ll be out soon.”

  Eric nodded. “Don’t be long.”

  Slowly the door closed all the way. Eric couldn’t make it to his own bed. He barely made it to hers before his knees buckled. He half sat, half fell onto the mattress, buried his face in shaking hands, taking deep breaths and trying desperately not to get sick on the motel carpet. The scene of that avalanche, with its characteristic freight-train noise, replayed itself in his head. She’d been flung forward and out of his sight in seconds, while his chest pounded with fear, frustration and, most of all, a horrific sense of loss that hadn’t disappeared until he’d dug her free and seen her eyes open again.

  And I asked for her as the replacement. If she ever knew… If anything had happened to her, I’d never forgive myself. Never.

  He forced himself to calm down, order food from room service and unpack a clean set of thermals. When Lindsey exited the bathroom, he quickly showered, emerging in time for the food’s arrival from room service. He was almost himself again, at least on the outside.

  “I feel like I’m at a slumber party,” Lindsey said, digging into pizza, onion rings and an antipasto. They each sat cross-legged on her bed, both dressed in their thermals.

  “I doubt you had men in underwear at those parties.”

  “With my mother a policewoman? Hardly,” Lindsey said. He watched her take a final bite of salad, then drop her plastic fork into the two-thirds-empty container. “God, I’m tired.”

  “That makes two of us.”

  “I don’t even have the energy to clean up,” she said, glancing at her bed-turned-picnic area with a sigh that turned into a big yawn.

  “Leave it,” Eric said. “Take my bed.” He stood and extended a hand to her, helping her up. He pulled down the bedspread and blanket, waited until she’d climbed in and covered her up.

  “I think I’ve died and gone to heaven….” she murmured blissfully.

  Eric felt a chill run down his spine at her words. “You’re too lucky to die anytime soon. Or too damn stubborn. I haven’t decided which.”

  “I guess I was pretty lucky today,” she said. “Thanks for digging me out.”

  “All part of the service, ma’am.”

  “I mean it. Thanks.” She closed her eyes as he tossed away trash, picked up the remainder of the food, sealed the containers and placed what was left in the minifridge.

  “You never answered my question,” she said suddenly.

  “What question?”

  “Whether or not you were the one who asked for me as your replacement.”

  He shrugged. She didn’t see the action and opened her eyes.

  “Well, did you?”

  He threw away the crumpled napkins and turned off the overhead and bathroom lights, leaving just the bedside light on. “No matter which way I answer, you’ll get upset.”

  “Huh?”

  “If I said yes, you’ll be mad that I nearly got you killed. If I say no, you’ll be mad that I wrote you off. Either way…it’s a no-win answer that you don’t need to hear when you should be resting. The doctor said take it easy.”

  “He probably says that to everyone. Come on, tell me. So…?” Lindsey prompted.

  “So, I’m not saying.” He deliberately didn’t meet her gaze as he crossed the room to bolt and chain the motel door, and adjust the thermostat. His body felt heavy from overuse and not enough sleep. He could only imagine how much worse hers felt. “You bring that liniment with you?”

  “Somewhere in my pack. Are you sore?”

  “I thought you might need some. I’m fine.” You’re alive and well, here with me, instead of in some hospital. “I’m just tired. Nothing a good night’s sleep won’t take care of,” he said lightly.

  “I’ll pass.”

  He didn’t argue, but reached for the night-light, and was startled to see Lindsey sit straight up in the bed and grab for his arm.

  “Lindsey?”

  “Please don’t turn it off. Not just yet….”

  He instantly thought of the total darkness, the tomblike weight of snow against her chest. He didn’t blame her for being nervous in the dark. It scared him to death whenever he thought of her beneath that white shroud.

  “Hey, we can leave it on all night if you want. No problem.” He dropped his hand from the light switch. Then, without asking or waiting for an invitation, he crawled into bed with Lindsey. She didn’t argue. Instead, she cuddled against him as if four years hadn’t passed since the last time they’d shared a bed. He drew her closer, careful of her bruises, and pulled the covers over them both.

  “God, I’m such a big baby,” she said.

  “No, you’re not. Go to sleep, Lindsey.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because when you hold me, I’m not thinking about sleep.”

  Eric knew the day’s events must really have taken their toll. Lindsey would never have admitted such a thing otherwise.

  “I don’t think flannels are romantic,” he said, deliberately ignoring the quickening of his pulse and memories of her wearing bits of lace or, better yet, nothing at all.

  “Neither do I. But at least I don’t stink of liniment.”

  Eric fought against his body’s responses. He thought he was doing a pretty good job until, still in his arms, she turned and faced him, and her soft curves pressed against his. Even thermals couldn’t disguise how well the two of them fit together. Nor could another man’s ring disguise what he had always hoped—that Lindsey still had feelings for him. Still cared for him. In a sudden moment of insight, he realized she’d let him take off her bra because she wanted to know how he felt about her.

  “I didn’t want to take advantage of you in the bathroom,” he said quietly. “It wouldn’t be right.”

  She lifted her face toward his, the lamplight full upon them both. “I don’t know if I should be happy or furious. I do know I’m disappointed.”

  Eric couldn’t resist any longer. His lips moved toward hers, uniting them in relief and comfort, then pressed harder with the heady combination of love and lust. Their arms wrapped around each other, their legs intertwined, and it was as if the past four years hadn’t happened at all….

  Until Wade’s ring caught on a thermal-weave pocket on his sleeve. The stark coldness of the large diamond sobered him as nothing else could. He lifted her right hand away from him, untangling the ring. By the time that was done, he’d gained control of himself once more.

  “And you said thermals weren’t sexy,” he said, settling himself apart from her.

  “What the hell do I know?”

  “We need rest, Lindsey. Either close your eyes, or I’ll take you back to the hospital right now.”

  “All right,” she sighed, but he noticed she scooted a little nearer without actually touching him. “You don’t mind the light on?” she asked as she relaxed against the pillow.

  “I’m not paying the electric bill. Besides, I’ll be asleep in five seconds, if it takes that long.”

  She nodded, her cleanly w
ashed hair rustling against the pillow. “Night, Ric.”

  “Good night, Lindsey,” Eric replied. He ached to wrap his arms around her again. He didn’t. His conscience said he should go and sleep in the other bed. That Lindsey was engaged to someone else. He told his conscience to take a flying leap. Willpower could only go so far. And if she had a problem, she could get up herself and change beds.

  Lindsey didn’t go anywhere. “Thanks for digging me out today,” she added sleepily.

  “You already thanked me. Thanks for breaking the trail for me and Pam.”

  “No problem.” A pause. “I’m still going back with you,” she murmured. “As soon as I catch up on my sleep.”

  “I know.”

  She said something else, something that sounded like “I’ve missed you, Ric.”

  Only he wasn’t positive and he couldn’t ask her, for she’d fallen fast asleep beside him, bruises and all. Only then did he dare hold her close against his heart. Despite his exhaustion, Eric stayed awake for a long, long time.

  If she goes back to Yosemite, the shape she’s in, I could lose her. But if I don’t let her, I could still lose her. I’ll never understand women…especially this one. How can I let her go?

  Even worse, how can I let her stay?

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Yosemite

  Day 7

  NAOMI STARED OUT the cabin window. The snow had started again sometime during the night, along with a wind that signaled the front’s intention to settle above the valley and take its time before moving on. She’d already brought in a huge stack of wood.

  The woodstove was stoked and hot, with a pot of soup simmering on top. The room was comfortably warm. Ginger snoozed on the floor near the stove, her tail tucked neatly around her body. Yet Naomi took little pleasure in the hominess around her. Keith still slept on his bed after having spent a restless night. She was definitely worried.

  If he hadn’t been out mounting the portable antenna yesterday, his shoulder wouldn’t have hurt so much.