She pulled back and Yani helped her stand up. Slova assisted her into her robe then kissed her forehead. She leaned back against the table, catching her breath.
“Are you going to answer that?” Flame said, and she shook her head.
“I don’t think I have a voice left,” she said, trying to catch her breath. Cast reached up and cupped her cheek.
“This is different, you realize that?” he asked her, stroking her jaw.
“I…I don’t know what this is,” she said, voice really hoarse and cracking, feeling the walls go up. She couldn’t do this, could she? Entertain such a desire? She thought of her mom’s words, about men using women for sex, and not being reliable. A ménage? Seriously?
“Don’t overthink things. A lot has happened and very quickly,” Cast said.
“I can’t think right now.”
“Don’t then. Let’s enjoy breakfast, and make some plans,” Slova said, and then turned the kettle back on.
She ran her fingers through her hair and stared at their gorgeous bare chests and seasoned smiles. These were men, not boys, not young cowboys looking to knock boots. No, these men knew a woman’s body well, but could they be trusted? Could they be a means to happiness, even just to lose her virginity to in a sensational, meaningful manner? Why did that thought upset her? She liked them. Hell, she wanted to taste them, to explore their bodies, and she didn’t even know how to do that. She felt brazen, alive, enthusiastic, wanton, so was it wrong or what? Would she get hurt, or what? Did she even care if she got hurt? Pain healed, surely she could heal from loving them and then getting left by them when they went back to their lives in Florida, or wherever it was they decided they needed to go to next. They said last night how much they traveled and how often they were called into duty.
She thought about her mom. She wasn’t healed. She hurt every day. She sustained pain every day for years. Men can’t be trusted, Marianna. Never trust a man, with your body and definitely not with your heart.
The tea kettle whistled, and she quickly turned and prepared her tea with honey as the men made plates of food and cups of coffee, and joined her at her small kitchen table, making her wonder what life would be like if love was actually real. If these men were for real and not just after sex. She wondered as the walls came up tighter, thicker, and soon she was relaxing and acting like everything was fine, but knowing that she couldn’t ever see them again like this. Intimately like this. Alone like this.
Chapter Four
Flame could see Marianna’s demeanor change. She gave soft smiles, but was closing up, saying how busy her day was and all she needed to do. When they decided to leave, so they could go home and shower, and Slova asked her about getting together again, she said to call her or text her, but as she hugged each of them good-bye, he felt, never mind saw, the way she did it as if it would be a last hug or kiss. He knew in his head that she was going to deny her feelings. At first he was okay with that. Thought maybe it was a good idea considering that he and the team didn’t really live here. They were temporarily here.
So when they got into the truck and headed back to the house they were temporarily living in outside of the campground, he started to change his mind. He wasn’t okay with the way they left things with her. Wasn’t okay of the wall she put up, or the gut feeling he had that she was scared.
“So, I’m thinking she isn’t so experienced with men, and well, wondering if she’s a virgin,” Cast said to them out of the blue as they drove.
“What?” Slova asked.
“Jesus, Cast, what the hell makes you say that?” Yani asked.
“It was something she said. When she first awoke, about whether or not she would know if we had sex. Kind of asked if she would have felt it, even if she wasn’t conscious or aware during it.”
“Fuck, seriously? Fuck.” Yani repeated and ran his fingers through his hair.
“This has the makings for trouble in more ways than just her inexperience and age,” Flame said to them.
“I don’t care how young she is. I’ve never slept in a bed with a woman all night long and didn’t bury my cock and take what I wanted. This was more and then some. It was like I was fine with whatever she would give me, give us. We were there together with her. Never has that happened. Never,” Cast stated.
“I agree, this is insane, a complete fucking shock. Being twelve years older isn’t terrible to me,” Yani said.
“How about fifteen?” Flame said.
“Not yet, you got some months to go,” Slova teased. They chuckled.
“Does the age really matter?” Cast asked.
“It could, eventually,” Flame said.
“She’s gorgeous. Her body, is incredible, and her natural submissive nature a complete turn on and then some. She didn’t freak out when I spanked that pussy either.”
“No, she did not,” Cast stated and smirked.
“We had a woman, that young, that hot, that aroused, and we didn’t claim her. Didn’t mark her our woman, hell fuck her. You tell me is this shit different? Powerful? Life altering or fucking what? Huh? Tell me,” Yani stated.
“Life altering? Listen to all of us express her effect on us? We’re talking about our PTSD, about sleeping through the night holding her, about wanting to make a commitment. But what we aren’t realizing is she just pushed us away. She thinks we want sex and nothing more. If she’s a virgin, if she never had sex, then where is the fear coming from?” Slova asked.
“Maybe her family,” Flame said.
“What?” Cast asked.
“I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t the one with her in my arms as the two of you immediately jumped into bed with her,” he teased.
“You snooze, you lose, Flame,” Cast said, and they laughed.
“What do you mean her family?” Yani asked him.
“I was looking around her place. At the pictures, some scrapbooks and things. She was super talented in high school and got offers at all these big name music schools in New York and California. Letters upon letters of achievement, awards, scholarships, and yet her college degree was from a local college in Texas.”
“What?” Yani asked.
“I also found payment stubs and files on a mortgage she pays at an address in Cambridge, on medical bills listed under two women’s names, one might be her mom and then another one. Look at where she lives. How she works several jobs, and the conversation I heard her have at Talia’s. She’s hustling, overworking, singing, playing piano and working so hard so she can pay those bills. I think maybe—”
“She’s the main breadwinner for her family,” Cast said.
Yani whistled.
“Like maybe she gave up her dreams, those scholarships to stay and help her mom. Does she have a dad?” Slova asked.
“I didn’t see any pictures of anyone that might be a dad. There was a picture of her graduating high school with a young kid, a boy, and two women. That’s it,” Flame said.
“She’s scared. Afraid to take a chance on maybe even a ménage because she has responsibilities,” Yani said.
“I don’t care. I want more. I want to see her again,” Cast stated.
“We vote on it, because either we’re all in or not,” Slova said.
“In,” Yani stated.
“I’m in,” Slova said.
“Hell, you know I’m in and then some. She’s incredible. Never thought there would be a woman for all of us to share,” he added.
“This isn’t going to be easy. We’re older men set in our ways. We have responsibilities, we are demanding, and depending on what went down in her household, it could cause some problems,” Flame said.
“Are you trying to talk yourself out of this or us? Come on, Flame, we all want her as our woman, as the center of us, this team, like what our friends have. I’m not stubborn enough or stupid enough to deny the truth and miss out on this. Out on being happy. You can’t be either,” Slova said to him.
Flame gripped the steering wheel and exhaled. “I hop
e this is real, because I pretty much gave up on ever finding a woman to make me happy as well as my team. A woman to love, and she’s young.”
They chuckled.
“You’ll get over robbing the cradle, don’t worry,” Yani teased.
“Oh shit, you know the crap our friends are going to pull on us? Damn it,” Flame said, and they laughed.
“They can make jokes all they want, and while they’re at it, they can be jealous, too,” Cast said, and they all agreed.
Flame couldn’t help the uneasy feeling in his gut. They were going to take this chance. Talk to Marianna about getting involved, but would she accept them, would she confide in them about her fears, or would she turn them down and ultimately turn them away? That bothered him, but also raised a bit of determination in his heart, and if she was going to be a challenge, then bring it on.
* * * *
“I’m not doing it, Billy Jack. Press told me to stay out of trouble.”
“That’s because he wants to fuck your sister like all the bosses do,” Billy Jack stated, and Samson shoved him.
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Why do you care anyway? She starts sleeping with Press and no one can touch you. It isn’t like you give a shit about her. You were so pissed she dragged your ass out of the house last week. The guys were relentless until Mexa stepped in. You see, man, you’re already getting some power. They’ll be more once Press gets your sister into bed.”
Samson got angry, really angry and decked Billy Jack in the face. Billy Jack grabbed him and started to pound on Samson until Samson gave up.
“You’re doing this fucking job. Steal the shit and then deliver it to the guy at the address. Fuck it up, and even Press won’t be able to save your ass no matter how good your sister’s pussy is.” He shoved Samson and Samson growled, but then got up and headed toward the warehouse.
* * * *
“Mom, I don’t know what else to tell you. I tried. I dragged him back here, but he’s going to do whatever he wants to do. It’s pretty obvious he has more respect for his friends than his family.”
“He has things like a new cell phone, money, and the clothes he wears are new, too. He’s going to wind up behind bars or dead if he’s getting involved with drugs and dealers.”
“I noticed that, too, but he’s going to do whatever he wants. We’ve warned him, tried to help him.”
“It’s my fault. I failed both of you,” her mom said, and started to cry. Her sister, Aunt Stella, rubbed her back.
“It isn’t easy being a single mom,” Stella said, and Marianna thought about that. About how her mom couldn’t handle things alone and how Marianna had to step in to help, and it led down a different path than Marianna wanted. She thought of the music schools, of the life she could have had, would have had, if her dad wasn’t an abusive drunk. If her mom was stronger and hadn’t loved him so damn much that she fell apart and no longer could even provide for or care for her children.
Marianna couldn’t raise Samson, too, not while going to school, working every night and on the weekends, and barely getting enough sleep. That had been hell.
“I could only do so much back then, and he was always getting into trouble,” Marianna said, and stood up. She leaned against the counter and her mom shook her head.
“You were, are both my responsibility.”
“Mom, I haven’t been your responsibility for years. The mortgage is almost paid off. Why not consider selling the house and you and Aunt Stella move into a condo or townhouse somewhere nice? Someplace where you can just enjoy life and not worry all the time, and be stuck with the bad memories of this house, this neighborhood, and your old life?”
“And leave Samson? Just give up on him?” she asked.
“That wouldn’t be right. He’s only sixteen,” Aunt Stella said.
She was always giving her opinion and advice, but did she help out, ever? No, when her husband left her she was a mess and latched onto her sister, which caused a bigger burden onto Marianna, but she didn’t turn her away. She didn’t tell her to hold her own and contribute. Marianna’s head was spinning.
“I’m not saying that. You can stay local, still be part of his life if he chooses, but why not sell the house, get the money and live comfortably in a smaller place? It isn’t like I’m asking for part of the money from the sale of this.”
“You wouldn’t do that,” Stella said.
“She should get the money. Marianna has been the one working and paying off the mortgage.”
“That leaves us with nothing,” Aunt Stella said, and Marianna bit her tongue. She was losing her mind here. Losing it.
She exhaled.
“I have a friend who is a realtor. She works for a nice agency a town over from here, and she can get top dollar for this place. You two can start looking for another place to live, to downsize, too. I think it’s the best plan. I owe fifty thousand more on the house, surely we could sell it and I won’t need to worry about that fifty.”
“It needs painting and upgrading cosmetically for it to show well. You want to get top dollar for it, so we can get a bit nicer place in a better location. Maybe on a lake or something,” Stella said.
Marianna was getting a headache.
“I need to go. Why don’t you two start looking around? I can tell you that a few similar houses that have had upgrades have been going for three hundred plus. I’m thinking we might be able to get a little under three hundred thousand for this as is, but I’ll call my friend and see. Talk to you later,” she said as the women began to discuss things with Stella describing what she wanted.
Thirty minutes later, with tears in her eyes and a pounding headache, she sat in her Volkswagen, facing the park and cried. She watched the children play, the teenagers joking around with one another and flirting with the girls, and her heart ached. She missed out on so much. Gave up so many of her dreams, her fantasies, and even now years later she couldn’t help but wonder what would come of her in another five years? Ten years? Her focus would always be taking care of her mom, her aunt, and brother, and never what she wanted, what made her happy or made her feel alive and successful. She had a master’s degree, her MBA, and a minor in accounting.
She worked at the utility company and then did music gigs just to make ends meet and to pay off the mortgage. She had been wanting to suggest selling that damn place for years, but it wasn’t until recently when she started researching the real estate market and talking to Tiana and Avana about the market and insurance and things that she formulated a plan. If she could sell the house, even give her mom and aunt the money, get them another place, be sure they were set and then make them understand that this was it. That they needed to make that money last and she needed to do her own thing, then maybe it could work out and the burdens would be over. Then of course there was Samson. She didn’t even know what to do about him.
She heard the diesel engine and glanced to the right and saw Flame’s truck. She swallowed hard, hoped he didn’t see her because she avoided their text messages and calls the last few days. She had so much on her plate, plus work tonight at Dom’s. Now she was crying.
She wiped her eyes but Flame and Yani saw her. They came over to her, Flame pulled off his sunglasses, his expression dark, angry.
“Problem with your phone?” he asked, all snappy. She shook her head, kept her sunglasses on and then looked forward, hands on her steering wheel.
“Avoiding us?” Yani asked.
He reached for the car door. “Step out and talk to us,” Yani demanded.
“If she doesn’t want to then she doesn’t have to. We don’t play games. Let’s go.”
The tears flowed and as they stepped back, she couldn’t take all the emotions. She burst into tears, pushed the door open and gave him a shove.
“Go then. Go ahead. It doesn’t matter. I’m alone and I know it. I’m used to it, used to just giving and giving and giving and…and getting nothing,” she said, turned and went to walk away when Fla
me grabbed her arm to stop her.
“What?” he asked.
“I’m losing my mind,” she whispered as the tears fell.
Flame pulled her into his arms and hugged her, she reacted. She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tight. Absorbed the feel of all those muscles, the manliness, the aura of capability and power he emitted. Then Yani pressed against her back, held her hips and kissed her neck. “Easy, sweetie. You don’t have to be alone. Let us in, and maybe we can help you,” Yani said to her.
She calmed her breathing, absorbed the feel of being pressed between both men and exhaled.
“I’m sorry. Seems I keep finding myself in one embarrassing moment after the next with you guys, and Slova, and Cast,” she said, pulling back. Flame cupped her cheeks, and tilted her head up toward him. She pulled off her sunglasses and he squinted at her eyes.
“Been crying for a while?” he asked. She sniffled, then lowered her eyes. Yani wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her bare shoulder. “Want to sit down and talk about it?” Yani asked and she shook her head.
“Your hugs helped,” she said, and felt funny saying that, but also aroused.
Flame leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. He kissed her softly, tenderly. Very quickly that kiss grew deeper, and felt incredibly sexy as Yani kept his arm wrapped around her waist, gripped her hip bone tight and then caressed her ribs under the top she wore. When Flame released her lips, her eyes remained closed.
“God, you’re all such great kissers,” she said, and Flame stroked her lower lip with his thumb.
“You’re pretty impressive yourself,” Flame said and released her cheeks.
“I don’t think you’ve gotten enough kisses to tell. How about another one from me right now?” Yani said, turned her in his arms, and kissed her just like that. She grabbed onto his arms and then his shoulders as he lifted her up in the air and started walking with her. She pulled from his mouth.
Sons of Justice 11_If Love Was Real Page 6