Living With Doubt (The Regret Series Book 2)

by Riann C. Miller

  I choke on a laugh. “I actually wouldn’t mind seeing that myself.”

  I screech as he jumps to his feet.

  “I was kidding. I mean not really, but you can’t punch him at my sister’s engagement party. Everyone expects me to be the one who makes a scene, but I’m not going to give them the satisfaction this time.”

  He gives me a breathtaking smile. “Good. My agent would probably have kicked my ass if I broke his nose and got blood on your mother’s carpet.” He grabs my hands and looks me directly in the eyes. “I’ve been living with doubt for years, Lacey. I know exactly how you feel, but right now, about me, you can either decide to go with the flow…” He gives my hand a squeeze. “…really go with the flow and see how things unfold, or I can leave you the fuck alone no matter how much it might kill me.”

  Anxiety starts to consume my thoughts. “Why the hell do you suddenly sound like Dr. Phil,” I snap, which only makes Jake smirk.

  “Acting like a bitch won’t make me leave. Tell me I’m wasting my time. Tell me you don’t feel whatever this is between us, and I’ll get on a plane tomorrow and leave you alone.”

  I hate him. No I don’t. Fuck…I like him. I shouldn’t like him, but I do. I really like having sex with him. The idea of hooking up with someone else doesn’t even sound appealing, but I’m not sure I can trust myself. Not Jake…me. Can I trust myself?

  “Tell me what’s going through that beautiful head of yours.”

  I laugh. “Believe me, you don’t want to know. If I’ve given you the misguided impression that I’m only a little crazy, then telling you what’s playing out in my head right now would seal my fate.”

  He draws in a breath. “Give this a chance, Lacey. I’m not going to stand here and make promises I can’t keep, but I will always be honest with you—that I can promise with all my heart.”

  Honest…if Bryan held that quality when he was younger, I’m certain my life would’ve turned out completely different.

  Jake isn’t promising to love me, he just promises to be honest, which means, if I continue to guard my heart, then maybe it’s worth a try.

  “Are you sure? I mean, I’m usually a bigger bitch than I’ve been in the last week or so. I’m blaming all the sex as my reason for going soft.”

  He tilts his head back and laughs, and I swear I’m hit with a sudden wave of lust. “Then I’ll make sure to do everyone a favor and fuck you as often as possible.”

  I shake my head as he pulls me tightly against his body. “I think the party is starting to fizzle out. Maybe you should go tell everyone goodbye before we hit the road?”

  “Okay, but one more thing?”

  Jake fixes me with a stare. “Shoot.”

  “I still don’t want Jordan or Chase to know about this. They’re our friends, and to be honest, I doubt Chase has the ability to make it another week without fucking up, so it’s probably for the best they don’t know.”

  He almost looks disappointed by my request, but he nods in agreement. “I won’t say anything.”

  Guilt starts to rear its ugly head. I’m not ashamed of Jake, but I know exactly how Jordan will react if she knows I’m considering a relationship with anyone, let alone her boyfriend’s friend.

  “Thank you.”

  He leans down and places a kiss on my forehead. “It’s not a problem. Now let’s go tell your parents goodbye and hit the road before it gets dark.”

  14

  Jake

  I already knew the idea of Lacey with another man would drive me insane, but once I was face to face with a jerk she’s obviously been with, an anger I’m not used to feeling surged through my body. I wanted to smash the dude’s face in, and I had absolutely no right to feel that way. He’s someone from her past, and once upon a time, he had her, but for whatever reason, he let her go. Right now, that makes her mine, even if that’s not exactly how she sees it.

  But he still holds something over her, and he’s the fuckwad who sent her that package—the one that caused her to run out of the room the other night. Therefore, he feels like a threat, and if that’s truly the case, then I’m more than willing to take him on.

  “It was nice to meet you, Girard.” Andy shakes my hand a little tighter than necessary when he goes to say his goodbye, but then again, I can’t blame him. I’m fucking his daughter, and I’m sure he’s more than aware of that fact.

  “Nice to meet you, too.”

  “Good luck with that contract. I’m sure the owners know what they’ll be losing if they don’t re-sign you.” A sudden sense of pride hits me. My mom compliments me all the time, but to hear Andy do it, like a father would, hits me harder than I would’ve expected, especially from a man I just met.

  “Thank you, sir.”

  “Goodbye, Dad.” Lacey wraps her arms around her dad’s waist.

  “Make sure you call more often. I get worried about you in that big city, and now that Mo is living there, I’m going to worry twice as much.”

  “Dad, Morgan is fine. She actually lives in a nice neighborhood.”

  Andy shakes his head in disgust. “I told you’d I help out with your rent until you could afford something in a better part of town.”

  “Dad, let’s not do this again.”

  Shit, if she’s not willing to take money from her own father, then I can sure as hell rule out her taking it from me.

  “I’ve been watching the news. The next mugging in your area and we’re going to sit down and have a long talk.”

  Lacey rolls her eyes, then glances at me. “Are you ready to go?”

  “Yep.”

  Once we’re back in the car I rented, Lacey exhales a long, frustrated breath of air. “And that is exactly why I don’t go home often.”

  “Because of your ex?”

  “No,” she groans. “Because of my parents. They’re…suffocating.”

  I don’t see Mom or Bridgett as often as I’d like; meanwhile, Lacey lives a short two hours from her parents. “They didn’t seem too bad.”

  “They were on their best behavior tonight. Believe me.” The sun has already set, and she has her head turned toward the window, making it almost impossible to figure out what she’s thinking. “They mean well, and I’ve given them many reasons to worry, but every time I see them, they nag me to death about where I live.”

  “You said you have student loans?”

  Her parents live in a very nice home; it’s hard to imagine they couldn’t have afforded her tuition. Apparently, she knew exactly where I was going with my question.

  “My parents had four kids in five years. My dad owns a small construction business, and my mother owns a little bakery in town. Then you have to add in that Lori is an orthodontist, Morgan went to business school, Jena is a doctor, and I’m a lawyer. My parents taught us to set our goals high, and unless they were going to win the Power-Ball, they were never going to have that kind of money.”

  “I went to LSU on a full scholarship. My mom didn’t have the money to pay for college, either. I had actually decided if I didn’t get an offer to play, I would enlist in the military.”

  “Military, huh? I can’t picture that.”

  “That’s because you are dead set on making me the arrogant ballplayer who’s no good for you.”

  She actually laughs. “You are an arrogant ballplayer, Jake. Don’t pretend you’re not, but maybe I’m willing to admit you’re not as bad as I originally thought.”

  “I knew you’d see it my way eventually.”

  “See? Arrogant.”

  “That’s not arrogant, that’s confidence, sweetheart, and I have that in spades.” I glance over at Lacey when she doesn’t say anything and find her dark eyes watching me closely.

  “Are confidence and arrogance really that different?”

  “Absolutely. Someone who is arrogant rarely has what it takes to back up their claim or promise, but someone with confidence, not only do they believe in themselves, but they’re determined to prove they have what it
takes to back it up.”

  She blinks. “Too bad I didn’t know the difference when I was younger.”

  “Are you referring to the fuckwad?”

  “Fuckwad?” She chuckles.

  “Yeah, the douchebag from earlier?” The man I still have the urge to punch for no reason other than being her ex.

  “Bryan was definitely arrogant, but he came off as confident. I guess the truth is, until you really know someone, know if they can back up their claims as you put it, then the two appear to be the same.”

  And that’s the bottom line as to why I scare her.

  “I don’t say things I don’t mean, Lacey. If you give me time, I’ll prove that to you.”

  She gives me a tight smile, but she remains quiet the rest of the drive back into the city. I told Lacey I was going to keep the rental overnight and return it in the morning, but she laughed and told me I wouldn’t have anything to return if I left it in her neighborhood. That was my green light…she’s expecting me to crash at her place, and really, who am I to let her down. Therefore, I spent another hour jacking around getting the fucking thing returned before we took a cab back to her place.

  Lacey yawns. “Caleb texted and asked if we wanted to go out, but I’m exhausted.”

  “Yeah, staying in sounds like a good idea.” I follow on her heels until we get to her room.

  She turns the lamp on next to the bed before pulling her shirt over her head and moves on to her bra. She glances over her shoulder until her eyes lock on mine.

  “I hope you’re not too tired,” I tease.

  She licks her lips and slips her pants and underwear down her legs.

  My breathing picks up as a soft glow from the light illuminates her smooth skin. I continue to stand here mesmerized by her body, a body I’ve seen countless times.

  “I’m not sure I’ll ever be too tired for what you have in mind.”

  I swallow and nod, not breaking eye contact as I close the distance between us.

  I grip her hair, tilting her head back as the anger I felt earlier leaves me determined to mark her as mine. My mouth drops down to hers and my tongue possessively takes control. All the desire I feel for her bleeds through my touch. My hand moves down her arms, until I find her breast. I twist her nipples as she moans into my mouth. My dick painfully rubs against my jeans, hoping to find some relief. I pull my mouth away from hers, leaving her breathless as her eyes darken with desire.

  “I want you to fuck me, Girard.”

  I nod and grab a condom before I strip out of my clothing. “Jake. When we’re fucking, I’m Jake.”

  She tilts her head to the side, considering my demand. “Okay, Jake. I want you to fuck me now, please.”

  She squirms with need as I begin to stroke my cock. “Is this what you want?” I tease, but when her hand slides down her stomach and starts toying with her clit, it’s me who growls with hunger.

  I rip open the foil wrapper and roll the condom on before I settle between her legs. We both moan as I run my finger over her sex, and then I ease one inside. I circle another over her clit, the same way she did moments ago.

  “Oh, yes…don’t stop.” She arches her back off the bed. When I remove my finger, she whines, “No. Please.”

  Before she has the chance to say anything else, I slam my heavy cock inside her.

  “Oh shit,” she cries out.

  I still my movements. “Are you okay?”

  “Hell yes, keep moving.”

  I smile to myself as I slowly ease in and out of her.

  “Faster,” she begs and digs her fingers into my arm, spurring me on.

  I start moving faster until I find a rhythm she apparently approves of. Her dark blue eyes lock with mine. I feel helpless under whatever spell she’s placed on me. “Yes, Jake,” she mumbles as she clings to me before she surrenders to the release that rakes through her. My dick throbs as she tightens around me.

  My lips nip at her neck while I continue to thrust my hips. Lacey feels incredible; she always does. When I’m with her, nothing else exists. I do everything I can to prolong my climax, but several minutes later, my body finally caves, delivering the high I desperately needed.

  “That was amazing,” I mumble as I collapse next to her, ready for sleep to consume me.

  “Jake, maybe you should take care of the condom?”

  I smile with my eyes closed. “Yeah, I probably should.” Regretfully, I push myself up and walk to the bathroom. I clean up and quickly return to find Lacey pulling back the bedspread. I silently stand and wait to see if she’s about to kick me out or invite me in.

  “Will you get the light? You just officially wore me out.”

  Inwardly, I high-five myself as I switch the lamp off and climb into her lumpy bed.

  I’m done fighting, most of all with myself about what I’m doing with Lacey. Therefore, I wrap my arm around her waist, pull her into me, and hold her tightly against my chest.

  She tenses at first, but then she slowly starts to relax in my arms.

  I learned so much about Lacey today, but I’m at a bigger loss about who she really is. I know in my heart that prick I met today holds all the answers. From the sounds of it, he royally fucked her up.

  Alicia messed with my head, but I didn’t turn cold—I just did everything I could to avoid finding myself in the same situation. The same doesn’t hold true for Lacey. She not only avoids relationships, but she also avoids her family. And when faced with her past, she looked as though she saw a ghost, and that tells me her story isn’t the same as mine. Her story affected her in a way Alicia doesn’t hold a candle to. I’m worried when I finally uncover her pain, she’ll do the only thing that’s worked for her—she’ll avoid me right along with her family.

  15

  Lacey

  “Thanks for meeting me for lunch. I feel like a horrible friend,” Jordan says as we finish eating our lunch at a deli not far from my firm. I haven’t seen Jordan since the day Jake showed up over a week ago.

  “You’re in love. I think spending all your free time with your boyfriend is to be expected.” I try my hardest to keep a snarky tone out of my voice, but when she starts to frown, I know I must’ve failed.

  “I know you don’t like him, but I think things are different this time. At least they feel different. Definitely better.”

  I force myself to dampen my concern. “I hope they are.”

  “He’s retiring from football, at least he’s not playing anymore, and he moved all the way out here so we could work on a life together.”

  I hold my hands up. “Jordan, you shouldn’t have to defend yourself to me. I know I can be a bitch. The truth of the matter is I don’t have to like him as long as you do. And if he’s treating you right, then I’ll keep my opinion to myself.”

  I met Jordan close to a year after my world went dark. I was living in hell pretending to be happy when I stumbled across a girl who looked as heartbroken as I felt. Little did Jordan know, I used her pain to get through my own. Helping her put one foot in front of the other happened to remind me to do the same.

  “I know, but it would be nice if my best friend got along with my boyfriend. It would especially be awesome if she could be in the same room with him and not purposely push his buttons.”

  “So I like to remind him you had a life for ten years that didn’t include him. That’s his fault for being a dumbass.”

  She groans again, which makes me feel bad. I tap my finger on the table. “I’m never going to join the Chase Adams’s fan club, but for you, I’ll consider giving the man a break.”

  Her face lights up. “I think that’s one of the nicest things you ever said to me.”

  With a smirk on my face, I flip her off.

  “How’s life with Morgan?”

  This time, it’s me who smiles. “She moved out. I have my place all to myself again.”

  “She couldn’t have been that bad. You’re just a moody bitch, especially when it comes to your sisters.”
<
br />   “You don’t see me denying that.”

  My phone buzzes with a text. Without thinking, I swipe my phone open.

  Football God: Tell me if you’re going to be late. I have plans for us tonight.

  I quickly put my phone away.

  “Is that Caleb? I told you this is why you never should’ve tried to set us up. Now he avoids me at all cost.”

  “He’s not avoiding you. He’s in court today.”

  “Still, I feel bad for how things ended.”

  “He’s moved on, believe me.”

  Jordan pulls out enough cash to pay for both of our meals, but I protest. “No way.”

  “Stop it. You’ve never let me pay you back for your plane ticket when you flew to Arizona. A few lunches for the rest of my life is the least I can do.”

  I roll my eyes, but I cave and give in. “Fine.”

  “Look, I need to get back to the office, but call me soon. I really do feel bad for neglecting you.”

  “Whatever,” I mumble, knowing that in the last week I haven’t thought much about Jordan, or her current situation with her very own football god.

  With a quick smile and nod, Jordan breezes out of the restaurant, leaving me to do the same.

  The sun is shining bright today, and while it’s only thirty degrees, it feels warmer than it has in months, so I decide to walk back to my office while thoughts of Jake play in my mind.

  Yesterday, I woke up with him next to me, and it actually felt good. So good it bothered me for a while. I keep telling myself I don’t like him, but it’s hard to keep up the charade, least of all to myself.

  We spent the rest of the day lounging around my apartment. We had sex more times than I could count, we ate three meals together, and I could tell he was hoping I’d ask him to stay the night again, but I couldn’t. I needed my own space. I had successfully blocked out the day before, but my emotions were slowly getting the best of me. After Jake kissed me goodbye, I laid down in my bed where I was surrounded by his scent, and I allowed myself to finally cry—a big, ugly cry where years of suffering finally worked its way out.