Living With Doubt (The Regret Series Book 2)

by Riann C. Miller

  I nod fighting the urge to get mad.

  “But the day after next?” she murmurs. “You can come over then if you’d like.”

  The disappointment I felt starts to dissipate. “I’ll be here. Send me a text and let me know when you’ll be home.” I lean down, ready to kiss her cheek goodbye, when I say fuck it and grip her chin, tilting her head back before I capture her lips with mine. She moans as I possessively thrust my tongue against hers. Need forms in my stomach as my cock becomes rock hard, but I ignore my desire and force myself to take a step back.

  Lacey pants as her dark, lustful blue eyes lock on mine. “Do you want to come in?”

  “Fuck yeah, I want to come in, but I’m not going to.”

  Her smile dissolves.

  “When I planned tonight, we were going to end the evening in your bed, where I was going to make love to you all night, but our evening took a small detour.”

  She starts to open her mouth, but I hold my hand up, cutting her off.

  “No, it’s okay. I’d like to know everything about you, but that’s not going to happen overnight. I also want you to know that a night with you doesn’t have to be about sex.” I reach up and softly brush the backs of my knuckles over her cheek. “You’re still waiting for me to go home, and I’m still waiting for you to open up.”

  The anxiety I see looming in her eyes is reason enough for me to leave. She’s still looking for a reason to be done with me, and I’m still determined not to give her one.

  “The day after tomorrow.” I wink. “I’ll feed you before I fuck you senseless,” I add as her eyes light up. I turn on my heel and walk away, knowing if I stay any longer, I’ll want to take her up on her offer of coming in.

  Tonight may have ended with a different outcome than I had originally hoped for, but it also confirms what I already knew…that Lacey Davis is the woman I want.

  I had set my alarm for seven in the morning so I could get in an early workout before the gym got busy. By the time I got home and showered, dread had settled in, knowing I’d have the rest of the day with nothing to do. Then I remembered that Lacey has court. I know she said she didn’t want to see me, that her mood is usually crappy, but I decided to forgo her warning and head down to the courthouse.

  By the time I track down what courtroom Lacey is in, a case is already in session, and I was told I had to wait to enter. As luck would have it, my phone starts ringing. I smile when I see my agent’s name.

  “Yo, Harvey, what’s up?”

  “You’re going to the Super Bowl. I have box seats for you and a guest. Steel offered tickets to you and a few other contract players including Kruse.”

  Fuck…if the owner wants me there, then they must be close to making a decision.

  “I’m still in New York.”

  “I don’t give a damn where you’re at, but a week from Sunday, you’ll have your ass in San Diego, where you’ll drink cheap beer and eat expensive food while you kiss Steel’s ass and show him how great you and Kruse get along.”

  “I do get along with Kruse.”

  “Girard, you’re one of the best tight ends in the league, there’s no disputing that, and now that they’ve lost Adams, you’re officially the heart and soul of their team. They don’t want to lose you, but that doesn’t mean they want to pay you what you’re worth, especially if it means they aren’t getting the quarterback they feel is best. You need to show up and more than get along with Kruse. Show Steel he’s making the right decision by keeping both of you.”

  “I’m not Kruse’s agent and neither are you,” I growl. “If Steel doesn’t want to pay me what I’m worth, then fuck him.”

  “You don’t mean that. You want to retire in Arizona, so fucking put on a goddamn smile and remind Steel exactly what he’ll be losing if you decide to take one of the ten other offers we have sitting on the table.”

  Finishing my career in Arizona has always been my plan, but that was before my best friend unexpectedly retired. That was before I met Lacey Davis. Now, the only thing I know is I’m not ready to give up football, but that doesn’t necessarily mean my heart belongs to the same team that’s been my family for years.

  “I’ll be at the fucking game, but don’t think for a second that means I’m going to eat shit. Steel either wants me or he doesn’t.”

  “You’re absolutely correct. The man is an asshole who’s looking to save a dime. If you’re not dead set on staying with Arizona, then I’ll put out some real feelers and get you the money you’re worth.”

  “It’s not even about the money,” I snarl.

  “You’re thirty years old, Girard. This contract is most definitely about the money.”

  I’ve played professional ball for eight years. No matter how in shape my body is, I’m on the downward slope of my career. Harvey has been on my ass for the last year and a half about doing whatever I could to ensure this contract—the one he claims will set me up for life—not that I don’t already have a shit ton of money.

  “I’ll go. I’ll play nice, but maybe it’s time you showed me some of the other offers you claim to have.”

  “Go to the game. If you still want to see what’s on the table afterward, then we’ll sit down and discuss them.” The fact that Harvey isn’t waving these other offers in my face, demanding I at least consider them, means they’re not that great.

  “Tell them I’ll be there, but I’m bringing a guest, so make sure I have that other ticket.” The line goes quiet. “Did you hear me?”

  “Yeah. Are you bringing your mom or a date?”

  I’d like to do everything I can to convince Lacey to go with me. I’m sure she’ll say no, but it would be nice if I could share a part of my life with her.

  “If all goes my way, I’ll have a date with me.”

  I hear Harvey tsk. “Please tell me you’re not hooking up with some stripper you met while you’re visiting Adams?”

  I bust out laughing. “Fuck no. I’m actually…seeing someone.”

  “Good,” Harvey blurts. “Bring her, and lay it on thick. Show Steel you’re committed to someone. After thirty years of marriage, he tends to favor his married players, so this could work in our benefit.”

  I ball my hand into a fist. “I’m not bringing her to make some fucking point.”

  “Of course not, but at this point, it couldn’t hurt, right? Hey look, I’ve gotta go. We’ll talk soon.” Harvey disconnects the call before I can even say goodbye.

  Jack Harvey is one of the best agents because of his cut-throat tactics—that’s the whole reason I hired him—but today, he took the relationship I’m attempting to build with Lacey and turned it into something else. Something I didn’t like.

  I wasn’t lying when I told Lacey the money I make feels like a bonus, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to roll over and take it up the ass for a man who doesn’t value me.

  I pocket my phone when I see the courtroom doors open. I start walking that direction when I spot him—Lacey’s ex, the same fuckwad from last weekend—walking out.

  He places his cell phone next to his ear before he runs his other hand down his face. The urge to punch him is just as strong as it was the other day, but then I’m hit with the revelation that Lacey told me today was not a good day to see her, but he’s here. The man she claims to hate. The man she claims ruined her life.

  Almost like he knows I’m staring at him, his head moves my direction seconds before his sight locks with mine. His eyes flash with recognition before he turns and quickly walks to the exit. After standing motionless for close to ten minutes, I decide to follow suit and return to Chase’s apartment without seeing the woman I came for.

  17

  Lacey

  “I swear you’ve done something to get my caseload filled with nothing but quacks,” Caleb says as he sticks his head inside my office.

  “Maybe it’s just your turn, because I didn’t think yesterday was that bad.”

  “Well, you can have them back. I’m more than re
ady for my turn to be over.”

  I shrug off his comment as I shut down my computer.

  “Do you want to grab some dinner?”

  I sigh. “Sorry, I can’t. Jake is coming over.”

  “Oh yes, how are your mad skills of making the man fall for you going? Is he ready to run for the hills yet?”

  “No, it seems as though I suck at running him off. I even took him to my parents’ house on Saturday, and he’s still coming around.”

  “Are you kidding me? I haven’t even gone to Connecticut with you, and I’ve known you for almost three years.”

  “I was trying to run him off, not ensure he sticks around.”

  “Oh, how sweet.” A teasing smile plays on his face. “You like me enough to hide me from your parents.”

  “You bet your ass I do. My mother would’ve been planning our wedding the second she saw you.”

  At my comment, his face sours. “That wouldn’t be a good idea.”

  “Believe me, I know how my mother thinks. She has four very adult daughters, and she’s just now planning her first wedding. She’s been dying to play mother of the bride for far too many years. She would’ve tried to convince us we’re in love.”

  “Sorry, but that would never happen.” He laughs as I flip him off.

  “Believe me, the feeling is mutual.”

  “Well…” His mouth turns with a cocky smile. “This just proves I was right, and Girard wasn’t just looking for a booty call.”

  I roll my eyes as I grab my purse. “Whatever. He’s still bound to get bored with one woman sooner or later.”

  “People change, Lacey. For the right person, people can change.” He squeezes my hand. “Don’t spend your life being careful. Sooner or later, you’re going to find you’ve held yourself back from the things that will mean the most in the end.”

  “Or I’ll find out I’m horrible at being a partner, and God knows I can’t be a parent.”

  He shakes his head, annoyed with my comment.

  “When I decide I need a fucking life coach, I’ll be sure to hire you. Until then, let’s leave the inspirational quotes to the fools who make fortune cookies.”

  He laughs as the two of us walk out of my office to the elevators.

  “Jordan thinks you’re avoiding her.”

  He arches a brow. “Why the hell does she care either way? Last I knew, she was living in bliss with her ex.”

  I shrug as we step onto the crowded elevator. “I think she’s worried she’s caused a problem for the two of us.”

  “Well, she hasn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I liked Jordan. I was hoping something would work out with her, but I learned a long time ago not to get hung up on someone who doesn’t want me.”

  His comment sends a chill down my arm. Maybe Caleb and I have more in common than I originally thought. The elevator door opens and we both step out. “I’ll see you in the morning,” I say just before he gives me a quick kiss on my cheek. And as usual, he walks toward the underground parking garage while I head in the opposite direction.

  An uneasy feeling washes over me in waves as I walk to my train. My eyes nervously take in every person I pass, hoping like hell I don’t see the man who’s been following me.

  I scream when someone grabs my arm just as I’m about to enter the subway.

  “Holy shit, chill out.”

  My heart thumps against my chest as my eyes land on Bryan. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  Bryan nervously bounces from one foot to the other. “I wanted to talk to you.”

  “You wanted to talk to me?” I repeat as my eyes thin in anger.

  “Yes, it’s been a while. I was hoping we could grab a cup of coffee or something?”

  Someone bumps into me from behind, reminding me that I’m standing on a busy sidewalk in shock. “We don’t have anything to say to each other.”

  “Look, we’re about to become family. The least you can do is give me five minutes.”

  “The least I could do?” I snarl as my breathing becomes labored.

  “Shit. That’s not what I meant.”

  “I don’t give a damn what you meant. I’ve never been important to you, so don’t act like you give a damn about me now.”

  I make an attempt to step around him, but Bryan grabs my arm again. “I’m sorry.”

  I stand motionless as I stare into his eyes.

  “You left before I had the chance to tell you, and even after all these years, I’ve never forgiven myself for everything that happened.”

  I want to believe him. I want to take the emotions I see dancing in his grey eyes as the truth, but I learned where Bryan Winters is concerned, I can’t trust a thing he says. “Do you expect me to feel sorry for you? Because that’s not going to happen.”

  “No. I don’t expect anything from you. I only came to tell you how sorry I am.”

  A gust of cold air hits me in the face. “Fine. You got what you came for. Now you can go back to wherever you live these days without worrying about me.”

  Bryan’s expression falls, as though he’s finally coming to terms with the fact that he won’t get his way—at least regarding me.

  “Take care,” he says.

  I step around him and down the steps toward my train. My head is a jumbled mess by the time I arrive at my stop.

  Bryan came all the way to New York to talk to me. I don’t have a clue where he lives or what he does for a living, and to be honest, if it weren’t for Jena and Chris, I doubt I would have ever seen him again. But I have, and he’s stirred up feelings I’ve long kept buried.

  By the time I get to my apartment, I had long forgotten about telling Jake he could come over tonight until I spot him leaning against the wall next to my door.

  “You look like you’re in quite the mood.”

  I square my shoulders from his abrupt tone. “Yes, I am, Girard. Maybe it’s for the best if you take off.”

  I unlock my door and push it open, not waiting to see if he’ll follow me. However, I hear his footsteps behind me. I set my bag and purse on the table and look back at him.

  I swallow as I take in the relaxed version of Mr. Football God himself. He’s wearing a maroon shirt, jeans, and a leather jacket that hugs his arms in the best possible way.

  “You can say whatever the fuck you want, but your body…your eyes…they always tell me exactly what I need to know.”

  My temperature rises as desire spreads throughout my body. “What exactly am I telling you right now, Girard?”

  His eyebrows jump when I say his last name. Instead of answering me, he takes a step closer. I chew on my lip as he undresses me with his eyes.

  “I think you enjoy pushing my buttons.”

  My body continues to betray me as my desire to have this man starts to consume my thoughts. It’s so powerful it overrides the dismal mood I was in minutes ago.

  “Maybe you really want me to spank that gorgeous ass of yours?” Jake’s scowl starts to fade. “Lord knows it would make me feel better.”

  “Spanking me? You’re into that shit? I have to say, Girard, it does nothing for me.” I cross my arms over my chest as he takes another step closer.

  “Well, it would do worlds of good for me.” He slides his huge hands down the sides of my stomach until he stops on my hips and tugs me against his chest. “I think we’d both feel better if we fucked whatever mood you’re in out of your system.”

  I smile to myself, desperate for him to do exactly that.

  “What do you say, Davis? Are you game?”

  Before I can fully nod, he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. I force myself not to moan once my eyes lock on his tight ass. From this view, my mouth actually starts to water. When he reaches the bed, he tosses me onto it and crosses his arms over his chest.

  “Undress. Now,” he commands in a sharp tone.

  I’ve never desired a bossy, demanding man until this moment. Watching Jake’s brooding but sexy attitude has me hornier than I’ve ever be
en. I unbutton my shirt before I raise my ass and push down my pants. And then I very deliberately lick my lips as I grip the edge of my panties and slip them down my legs.

  His eyes flash with desire, but he doesn’t make a sound while he watches me unclasp my bra and toss it with my other clothing.

  I bat my eyelashes at him. “What do you want me to do now?”

  His expression darkens. “Flip over. Put your face down on the bed and tilt your ass up in the air.”

  I hesitate for a second, wondering if he truly plans to spank me. To be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’ve never been one to judge other people for what gets them off, but a man—any man—spanking me isn’t a kink I planned to check off my list of sexual desires.

  I slowly turn over and press my head into the pillow, pulling my knees up to my chest.

  “Tilt your ass up,” he orders from behind me.

  I do as he requested seconds before I hear him growl.

  “You have the most beautiful pussy.”

  I start to wiggle with need as I grip the bedspread, dying for him to touch me.

  “I can tell how wet you are and I haven’t even touched you.”

  I turn my head to the side. “Touch me. I need you to touch me.”

  I promised myself I would never be in a situation where I had to beg a man to fuck me, but right now, my pride is nowhere to be seen.

  “When we’re alone, your body lights up for me.” He runs his long, skilled fingers up and down my opening. “Your pulse starts racing, your blue eyes darken, your face flushes with need, but you try to pretend otherwise.”

  Regardless of the fact that he’s correct, I don’t agree with him.

  “I know what I want. I know how badly I want it, and I’m done playing by the ever-changing set of rules you keep trying to put in place.” I writhe with excitement as he continues to run his finger up and down my sex.

  “Do you want me to fuck you, Lacey?”

  “Yes. God yes.”

  “Say my name,” he demands.

  I loudly swallow as the clank of his belt, then the audible sound of his zipper opening sounds from behind me.