Living With Doubt (The Regret Series Book 2)

by Riann C. Miller

  “Fuck off, Harvey,” Jake growls.

  “Play nice. This contract is riding on it.” The man who looks at least ten years older than Jake glances at me with a fake smile plastered on his face. “I’m Jack Harvey, Jake’s agent.”

  I shake his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Likewise.” He turns back to Jake. “Go tell Kruse you have no intentions of harming him, and invite him back over to sit with you and the missus.”

  Jake pulls on the collar of his shirt, clearly annoyed with the man, but unlike the Jake I know, he gives in. “I’ll be right back.”

  I watch him walk away, almost drooling over the way his ass looks in his dark jeans until his agent speaks up.

  “I told Jake having you here would help him out. He doesn’t listen to me often, but he has too much riding on this contract.”

  “What are you talking about?” I ask as a knot forms in my throat.

  “He wants to retire a Cardinal. He’s looking at a fifty-million-dollar contract that will ensure he gets to retire in Arizona where he belongs.”

  I start to panic…fifty million dollars? I’ll never make that much money in my entire life let alone the fact Jake is making that much off one freaking deal.

  “Impressing the owners with a sudden love interest was genius. Girard can get creative. Even this is over the top for him, but hey…” He stops to give me an evil smirk. “Thanks for playing along.”

  Playing along?

  “Um, yeah sure. No problem.”

  I swear I can feel my heart crack open. I try my best to take deep, even breaths with hopes I appear unfazed by his comment. A few minutes later, Jake reappears with his teammate next to him.

  “You should probably take your seats. The pregame show is about to begin,” Harvey states, looking at the three of us.

  Jake gives me a warm smile. “After you.”

  I walk to a group of seats that are inside the luxury box and sit down. Jake takes the seat next to mine and immediately reaches for me, stroking his thumb over the top of my hand in a loving way.

  I want to pull my hand away. I want to go back to guarding my heart. I want to snap my fingers and be back in New York because I feel like a fool, a role I swore I’d never play again.

  “Are you okay? You seem a little tense all of a sudden.”

  A storm starts to brew in my head as I do my best to act like everything is perfect; after all, Jake has a lot of money on the line right now, and no matter how foolish I feel, I know on a deeper level he’s still a decent man.

  “Oh, I’m fine.”

  I pick up my beer and take a healthy sip before moving my eyes back to the field where people are singing and dancing.

  “This isn’t normal. The pre-show I mean,” Jake whispers in my ear. “They bring out the big guns for the Super Bowl.”

  I nod and pretend to be captivated by the performance in front of us, when I’m anything but. Thankfully, Jake starts talking to Kyle, which allows me to freak out without his watchful eyes on me.

  “Well, if it isn’t two of my favorite players.” All three of our heads turn toward a man who looks old enough to be my grandfather.

  “Good evening, Mr. Steel.” Both Jake and Kyle jump to their feet to shake the man’s hand. “This should have been our year, but we’ll get them next season.”

  This must be the owner. The man Jake is looking to impress. I guess it’s game time—at least for me.

  “And who’s the lovely young lady?”

  “This is my girlfriend, Lacey Davis,” Jake proudly announces.

  I ignore the twang of hurt I feel from hearing Jake call me his girlfriend, and under normal circumstances, I would correct him—at least until I agreed to actually date him—but not in front of his boss. The man who pays him millions of dollars to be a football god. The man I’m supposedly here to impress.

  “Very nice to meet you,” I greet as I shake his hand.

  “Likewise, my dear.” After delivering a warm smile, he returns to talking to Jake and his friend, but I tune everything out.

  When I first arrived in San Diego, I told myself I needed a clean break. Then after only spending a matter of hours, I was reconsidering my plan. Right now, I need to look at the bright side: I could’ve found out what he was really looking for long after I had fallen completely in love with him. It might be painful to walk away now, but at least I can knowing I haven’t lost my dignity.

  22

  Jake

  After we left my mom’s house, it felt like Lacey truly relaxed. I saw a side of her I knew existed, but one she rarely shows the world. Her bitchy attitude was nowhere to be seen, and when she smiled, I felt it in my chest.

  But everything changed during the game. She acted nice, but every smile she gave me felt forced. I couldn’t help but think about her ex. If she was picturing a time in her life when she attended football games to watch him. I tried my best to shake off the thought. I kept talking to Kruse, doing my part to make Harvey happy, but my mind wouldn’t stop coming up with reasons as to why Lacey suddenly checked out on me.

  On the way home, Lacey didn’t say a word the whole time Bridgett was in the truck with us. After we dropped my sister off, Lacey smiled and gave me one-word answers to anything I asked.

  However, the second the hotel door clicked shut, I was officially done tiptoeing around whatever the hell was bothering her.

  “You want to tell me what’s wrong?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Don’t play games with me. You know exactly what I’m talking about. You completely shut down when the game started.”

  She stares at me, not saying a word, which only confirms something isn’t right.

  “Is this about your ex? Did tonight remind you of him? Of the connection you’ll always have?” I sneer jealously.

  “Are you kidding me right now, Girard?”

  Girard…she’s definitely upset.

  “No, Davis, I’m completely serious.”

  “What exactly do you want from me? I’ve told you from the start this wasn’t going to work, but you just kept pushing and pushing. I was hoping when I leave in the morning we would remain friends or something close to that, but even that doesn’t look possible at the moment.”

  “Friends?” I could never be only friends with this woman. It’s all or nothing, and the idea of nothing isn’t something I want to think about.

  “Why did you ask me here?” Her voice cracks, almost like she’s trying not to act upset.

  “I wanted to show you a piece of my world. You don’t hate football or people who play it, you hate a person in your past who you associate with the same sport I play. I had hoped with time you’d see I’m nothing like him.”

  Her eyes soften. “I already know you’re nothing like Bryan, but that doesn’t change the fact we come from two different worlds. I live in New York and you live in Arizona. How often do you think we’ll see each other? Do you really want a girlfriend you won’t see at least six months out of the year? This will eventually end, and I’m not sure I’m equipped to handle that after I let myself completely fall for you.”

  Her confession stuns me. I was ready to listen to one excuse after the other, but instead, she hit me with the one thing that’s truly a road block for us.

  “I’ve thought about looking into other teams. The Redskins have already made an offer, and I’m sure there are other East Coast teams that will consider one once they know I’m looking outside of signing with Arizona.”

  “But staying with the Cardinals is what you want, correct?”

  I played my rookie year with the Ram’s when they were still in St. Louis. After one year, I was traded to the Cardinals. The Cards have always felt like home to me. The friends I’ve made feel like a second family, but staying without Chase already feels different. If I left now, especially if it meant I was offered a contract that will ensure my future and also allowed me to live closer to Lacey, it would be a huge win in my book.


  “Everything has changed since I met you.”

  She shakes her head. “No, it hasn’t. I’m going to leave in the morning, and you’re going to stay here and focus on you. That’s the way it should be.”

  “I get it. You’re scared. I think there’s more to your past than you’ve told me, and that’s fine. I’ll wait. I’ll wait until you’re ready, but I’m begging you with all my heart to trust me.” I take a step closer as her eyes start to water. “Just trust me.”

  I bring my hand up to her face and slowly brush my thumb over her cheek. “If you’d give me the chance, I’d spend every moment I had proving why we’re amazing together.

  Her breathing picks up as panic settles into her eyes.

  “Shh.” I place my finger over her lips, trying to act unaffected by her reaction. “I want tonight to be perfect.”

  I remove my finger, staring into her eyes. This woman is so damn stubborn. Every time I think we take a step forward, Lacey takes a step back. But not tonight.

  Tonight, I plan to make love to her. She doesn’t want to accept my words, but she’s never been one to turn down my body.

  I pull her shirt over her head and toss it onto the floor. I reach around and unclasp her bra, never once taking my eyes off hers. My hands slide down her sides until I reach the button on her jeans.

  I take my time removing her jeans and panties, but once I finally glance at her naked body, the atmosphere changes. The need to take her consumes me. The desire to mark her as mine causes my movements to become almost frantic.

  “I want you more than you could possibly know,” I murmur as I stroke my finger down her stomach. Her eyes remain locked with mine, and I can’t quite read her expression. My hand dips lower, my finger brushing against her clit. My dick throbs when her tongue glides across her lips as a strangled moan rattles from the back of her throat.

  Unable to wait any longer, I pick her up and carry her over to the bed and softly lie her down.

  “I thought I could fuck you out of my system, but you’re not the type of woman I can make myself forget.” I remove my clothing and place a condom next to the bed. I’d love nothing more than to slip inside her without one, but I can already tell how that conversation would go, especially if I asked tonight.

  “Jake…” She trails off with a sad expression.

  “Don’t say it. Not tonight.” I grab the condom and crawl up the bed, positioning myself between her legs, “You’re the only woman I want.”

  Before she has the chance to say anything, I sink into her. She blinks several times before her eyes finally lock on mine.

  My hips move at a slow, punishing rhythm. I want this to last for as long as possible. She continues to hold my gaze as she moans my name. Her fingers start to dig into my arms.

  “Yes, Jake,” she cries as she tightens around me.

  My movements increase and my need for her takes over. I can see the passion she feels for me and maybe even love, love she’s hell bent on denying, but watching her causes me to come undone. I collapse next to her, pulling her body against mine.

  “I can’t change your past, but I can help you build your future.”

  She tenses next to me, but she doesn’t say anything. I lean forward and kiss her temple.

  “Go to sleep. You have an early flight to catch.”

  After I go to the bathroom and take care of the condom, I quickly walk back to the bed where I pull Lacey tight against me. I nuzzle my face into her neck as we lie together. Neither of us say a word, and after almost an hour, her breathing evens out as she finally drifts to sleep.

  23

  Lacey

  I never thought I’d be one of those wishy-washy females, but where Jake is concerned, that’s exactly what I am. I want him, but I can’t have him—at least that’s what I keep telling myself. Therefore, every time he calls or texts, I hit ignore. I keep telling myself I should block his number, but I’ve yet to do it.

  Without asking him, I don’t know if he invited me to San Diego to impress the owner of his team. I think it’s possible—after all, he hasn’t known me for long—but then again…if he did, there’s no sense in continuing the charade and acting like I mean something more to him.

  The bottom line comes down to the fact that Jake is right. I’m hung up on my past. I’m so fucking scared that history will repeat itself that I won’t allow myself to truly open up to him.

  If I want to settle down, I need to choose someone who doesn’t cause my body and heart to react the way it does for Jake. Someone I could care about, but not a man who will leave me devastated if and when he walks away.

  I shake off my thoughts when I realize I almost missed my stop. I pull my coat as tight as I can as the bitter cold hits me in the face. I swear the air feels even colder after spending two days in California. I’m almost to my firm’s building when someone tugs on my arm. I turn and recoil when I spot the man who’s been following me.

  “Please. I need your help. My granddaughter’s life depends on it.”

  I glance around, only to see people everywhere. If he wanted to hurt me, he picked a horrible place to try.

  “She’s only two and she’s in foster care. The people who have her are awful human beings. Please.” The man holds out a piece of paper, begging me with his eyes to take it.

  “You should call the police if your grandchild is in danger.”

  “I have. They won’t do anything.”

  He takes a step closer, still holding out the piece of paper. Hesitantly, I take what he’s offering. “Those people sell drugs. They only have my grandbaby for the paycheck. You have to help her. I’d take her, but I don’t have any money.”

  I finally nod when he does nothing but continue to stare at me. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  The man gives me a small, verging on sad, smile before he steps out of my way. I rush up the sidewalk to the main door where I find Caleb waiting on me.

  “Shit, I think you enjoy taking your time on freezing cold mornings just to see how long I’ll stand outside for you.”

  I debate for a second if I should tell Caleb about the man on the street, but I know the argument that will follow if I do. He’ll be pissed I didn’t tell him sooner, and he’ll demand I toss out the paper the man gave me.

  “Sorry. I zoned out. I almost missed my stop altogether.”

  “Oh, still daydreaming about the football player?” He laughs as we step onto the elevator.

  “No, I think things are finally over between us.”

  He stops laughing and frowns. “What the hell happened? You just flew out to see him less than a week ago.”

  “I don’t want to get into it.”

  His eyes roam over my face, but thankfully, we arrive at our floor. “Don’t think we won’t discuss this later,” he shouts as I walk to my office.

  Even with the huge stack of files sitting on my desk, I fire up my computer and start searching the name that’s scribbled on an old, dirty napkin.

  I lied to the legal secretary we have on our floor and gained access to Mary Ownings foster care file. The woman appears perfect. She’s fifty-five and has been providing foster care for over twelve years. She always passes her surprise inspections and her case managers have never had a bad thing to say about her. I searched a little deeper into the children she currently has in her care, and sure enough, she has an adorable little two-year-old girl, Cassie Mae Peters.

  Cassie’s father, Austin Peters, is upstate serving a five-year sentence for armed robbery, and Cassie’s mother, Kelly Parsons, recently died after a short battle with ovarian cancer. Cassie was actually placed with Mary while her mother was still alive and in hospice care. After digging a little more, I uncovered the identity of the man who has gone out of his way to track me down. Milo James Peters. For some reason, I was expecting him to be Kelly’s father, not Austin’s.

  Milo has an arrest record stemming back the last three years after he was laid off from a factory in Jersey he worked at for
over thirty years, but his arrests were for nothing more than petty crimes. Sleeping in a public park seems to be the reason the police continue to take him in.

  On paper, everything seems fine, but Milo has clearly gone out of his way to contact me, and I can’t help but wonder if there’s more going on than what a stupid computer file can tell me.

  I stood out in the frigid air for almost an hour hoping like hell my ex-stalker would appear out of nowhere and tell me why he thinks his granddaughter is in harm’s way, but Milo never showed. Now, I’m mindlessly walking through the cold on a busy Friday evening in the middle of February.

  Jordan asked me if I wanted to have dinner with her and the moron she just recently got back together with, the same one she also agreed to marry, but I nicely declined. I’m not in the mood to sit through a meal and pretend I like Chase. If he manages not to screw up again, and if they do in fact get married, then I’m going to have to figure out how to at least tolerate him, but I’ll cross that road if it ever happens.

  Caleb asked me to have dinner with him too, but I turned him down in hopes of finding Milo. But now it’s long after seven, and I’m several blocks from my firm when I realize how close I am to Morgan’s apartment.

  Without texting or calling, I decide to show up unannounced. My eyes take in all the lavish touches her building has that mine seriously lacks. Like a fancy elevator for one, or brightly lit hallways for another.

  Two more years, I chant to myself, and my damn loans should be paid off, then hopefully, I’ll be able to afford a place as nice as this.

  Once I finally arrive at Morgan’s door, I knock for several long minutes. Seconds before I give up, she opens the door.

  “Lace? What the hell are you doing here?”

  I hesitantly smile. “I was in the neighborhood?”

  She laughs before opening her door the rest of the way as she motions for me to step inside.

  Unlike the last time I was here, her apartment is filled with stylish furniture. She has several abstract paintings that fit her personality hanging on the wall. I have to fight back the urge to act jealous. Morgan has worked her ass off to get to this point in her life.