“Did I catch you at a bad time?” Her hair is wet and she’s only wearing a bathrobe.
“No, but I just got out of the shower. Ervin asked everyone to meet him later for drinks.”
Shit, even my boring older sister has plans. I think it’s official. I’m a loser.
She carefully studies me. “What’s with the look?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, Lace. If you were looking for company, you can always come out with us.”
I wave off her comment. “No. No, I’m fine really.”
“Are you still upset about Jena and Chris? I know their relationship had to trigger some serious emotions.”
Morgan was the only person in my family I didn’t completely shut down on. I didn’t quite open up to her either, but she’s the only person in my entire world who told me to do what I thought was best.
“I just sometimes wonder what if…you know?”
“I do too.” She reaches out and pulls me in for a hug.
“Life is one huge, ugly bitch, that’s the only reasoning I can come up with.”
I laugh my agreement and wipe my eyes.
“But let me tell you, I still get up every fucking day ready to kick life’s ass if needed, and so do you. Don’t let one night of what ifs control your life.”
I whisper, “What if it’s more than just one night?”
“Oh, Lace…” She trails off.
“I have a guy who claims to really want me, but on paper he seems like a carbon copy of Bryan, and that scares the fuck out of me.”
“The crap you read on paper rarely gives you a true idea of what’s going on.”
I pause, wondering about Milo and everything I discovered today.
“Has the guy given you any reason not to trust him?”
I shrug. “I don’t think he was completely honest with me last weekend when he asked me to come to San Diego, but fuck, I don’t know.”
“The entire time you were with Bryan, you refused to listen to anyone who tried to warn you about him. You let your ego get the best of you, but you grew up—shit, you didn’t have any other choice but to grow up faster than most of us.”
I nod, fighting off tears.
“You placed your heart in Bryan’s hands, even though you knew you shouldn’t. What I want to know is, are you really ignoring the warning signs this time or are you making them up because you’re scared?”
My heart starts to vibrate against my chest as her comment flows through my head.
“That should tell you everything you need to know. Unless you plan to live the rest of your life alone like Lori and me, then maybe it’s time you allow that huge heart of yours the happiness it deserves.”
I roll my eyes, ready to change the subject. “Mom and Dad are going to make such a big deal out of Jena’s wedding.”
“You bet your ass Mom is. This might be her one and only chance at being the mother of the bride. Unless, of course, you pull your head out of your ass and let this guy in.” Her eyes flare. “I mean really let him in. That means telling him everything.”
A wave of fear hits me like a slap in the face at the idea of telling Jake about my biggest secret, my biggest regret… The raw emotions I feel cause me to take a seat on the couch.
“Calm down. Find out if this guy is really worth it, then baby-step your way there.”
I wryly smile. “When did you become a know it all?”
“Are you kidding me? I’ve always been one, just ask Lori.”
I laugh as my mind finally starts to settle. “Thanks, Morgan. I’m actually glad I stopped by to see you.”
“Likewise, and just so you know, the offer to move in with me still stands.”
I glance around her amazing apartment, almost ready to agree with her, but then I remember how much I like my own space. “I’m a crabby bitch when I have to share a shower with someone else.”
“Well, lucky for me this place has two bathrooms, but that doesn’t bode well for you and the guy who kind of sort of wants you. Unless of course he can convince you to move somewhere nicer.” I flip her off for both her comment and for having two fucking bathrooms.
“I better get going. Drink one for me tonight.”
“Oh, shit. If I’m drinking for you, I’ll be drunk an hour after I arrive.”
“I said one, asshole.”
I walk over to the door, ready to leave, when Mo calls out one last time. “Free yourself of the past, Lace…it’s the only way you can move forward.”
I pause with the knowledge that her words couldn’t be more spot on if she tried.
Professionally, my life has moved mountains compared to the life I almost had, but personally, I’m stuck somewhere in a place where I can’t forgive and I definitely can’t forget—and the anger, the sadness, the utter confusion I feel when I allow my mind to wander into the past practically eats me alive.
“Thanks again, Mo.” Without waiting on her to reply, I open the door and step out.
I’m too cold and heartless to ever forgive Bryan for what he did to me, but the real question remains whether or not I can forgive myself.
24
Jake
Almost two weeks have passed, but I raise my hand and knock. Dread starts to work its way into my mind, but thankfully, she opens her door, reminding me of why I came to see her in the first place.
“Jake?”
The second I hear her voice, a thrill of excitement courses through me, the same feeling I get when I’m on the field.
“You weren’t answering my calls or texts, so I thought I’d come and check on you.”
Lacey is wearing loose boxer shorts and a tight tank top. Her hair is piled on the top of her head and those gorgeous blue eyes are shining brightly at me.
“Come in. I was just working on a case.”
I can’t help but feel relieved knowing she’s home alone on a Saturday working rather than out at a bar doing things I won’t allow myself to think about. The tension I’ve been feeling starts to settle the second I step inside her crappy little apartment.
“This is the first time I’ve seen you work on anything at home.”
Lacey looks over at the folder spread out on her coffee table with concern. “This is actually a case I’ve taken on personally.”
“Oh, really? Are you trying to start up your own firm?” I can’t keep the hope out of my voice. I’d love for her to do something like that, maybe even in the same city I live in.
“Oh God, no. I still have a mountain of debt to pay off, but maybe one day.”
I follow her over to the couch and take a seat across from where she was working. When she left California almost two weeks ago, something had changed. She tries to act like we’re completely different, when the truth is, we’re a lot alike.
“You want to tell me why you retreated back into your own head the last time I saw you?”
Her smile is replaced with a frown. “You want to tell me why you really asked me to come to San Diego?”
“Outside of spending the weekend with you, I didn’t have any other motives.”
She suspiciously watches me. “You mean having a date, a girlfriend perhaps, wasn’t the perfect song and dance to get you the contract you want?”
“What the fuck,” I growl.
“Oh, your agent told me all about your little plan.”
My hands start to tremble with anger. I’m going to fucking strangle Harvey when I see him next. “My agent is a fucking asshole. I told him I was bringing a date, he decided it would be valuable if I impressed the owners with a girlfriend. That was completely his idea, not mine. I had already asked you to come.” I lean forward and add, “Because I wanted you there with me.”
She nods as if she believes me. “I still don’t know where that leaves us.”
“Stop stressing about shit we don’t need to worry about. I like you, I’m pretty sure you like me, and for the time being, I’m willing to come to you.”
&
nbsp; She arches a brow. “You act like you have everything figured out.”
“Right now, the details don’t have to be sorted out. What I know for a fact is there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
“For now,” she quickly adds, hoping to put me in my place.
Instead of arguing with her, I stand up and put my hand out for her to take. “When I close my eyes at night, I envision your legs wrapped around me. Your body trembling beneath me. Your intoxicating moans are like music to my ears. I can’t get enough. I…can’t get enough of you.”
Her eyes grow heavy with desire as her tongue brushes across her lower lip.
“What do you say we go to the bedroom and turn these fantasies into reality?”
Without a word, she slides her hand into mine. Sex is easy for Lacey. Sex is something she can relate to. Talking, especially about a future—and a future with me—scares the hell out of her. But, I’m determined to do whatever it takes to break down her firmly built walls.
I arrived at Harvey’s office ten minutes before our scheduled meeting. I’m ready to drop his ass for what he told Lacey. I’m already fighting an uphill battle where that woman is concerned, and I sure as fuck don’t need my money-hungry agent causing me any more problems.
My head turns when I hear a door slam.
“The offer is thirty million for four years.”
I glare at Harvey as he walks around his desk. “Let me make something clear to you.”
His eyes flare when he sees the anger that’s clearly written across my face.
“I pay you to do a fucking job. That job is easy. You get me the best fucking contract available, preferably with the Cards. What you don’t fucking do is tell me I’m worth sixty million last fall, then tell me I’m worth fifty for five years, only to come in here with some bullshit contract about thirty million for four years. And you sure as fuck don’t do that after I find out you made Lacey think I only invited her to the Super Bowl because I was looking to do your job—which is deliver a fucking contract.”
“Girard, come on. We’re talking thirty million dollars. Don’t act like a fucking fool over some damn pride, and I only hinted around that it was good for her to play along.”
“Play along?” I growl. “If you so much as talk to Lacey again without my permission, I’ll fire your ass so damn fast your head will be spinning.”
Harvey fixes me with a stare, but he’s smart enough not to remind me of the signed contract I have with him.
“You’re the one who told me not to settle, and I’m not about to do that now. I want to know about every fucking offer I’ve received, no matter the dollar amount.”
Harvey raises his chin. “This is a good deal, Girard. Seven and a half million dollars a year is nothing to cry about.”
“I’m not crying about shit. You’re the one who filled my head with how much money I should get, now all of a sudden you’re…” I trail off as a light bulb goes off. “Did you sign Kruse?”
Harvey’s eyes flash with fear, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Well, did you?”
“I won’t discuss my other clients with you.”
“You have to be fucking kidding me.” I start pacing back and forth in front of his desk. “Steel made an offer, but it includes Kruse?” Again, he doesn’t deny my claim.
I signed a four-year contract with Harvey two years ago; otherwise, I’d tell him to fuck off and walk out of his office, but as it is, I’m stuck at least for the near future.
“I want every goddamn offer you’ve received faxed over to my house by the end of the day, and you better hope you send every single one to me; otherwise, I’ll sue your ass for every penny I’ve ever paid you plus some.”
I should’ve known something was up. Harvey has never given a damn about anyone on my team unless they’re also clients of his. I quickly believed his song and dance about the fucking salary cap being the reason keeping Kruse was best for everyone, when in reality, it was best for him and his own payday.
I walk out to my truck with rage traveling through me. When I’m pissed, there’s only two things that calm me down: sex and exercise. With Lacey thousands of miles away, sex is not an option; therefore, I drive straight to the gym.
After spending the week in San Diego, I caught a flight back to New York. I’m trying my best to show Lacey a life that includes me without forgetting the one I have with my family.
When she arrived home from work tonight, she seemed to quickly accept the idea that I was back.
She’s not ready to discuss a future, but I’m ready to show her what one could look like. Therefore, instead of taking her straight to bed, I forced her out the door.
“You’re back with the same young man? I think this calls for a celebration.” Lacey rolls her eyes at Rosa’s comment.
“Maybe our celebration warrants a different server this time?” I question.
“My Alfonso had a school dance tonight. His companion is a very beautiful young lady.”
I clear my throat. “A teenager, I hope?”
Rosa laughs but doesn’t reply to my comment. “Will this table work?”
“Yes, Rosa. Thank you very much,” Lacey answers before I have the chance.
I wait for her to sit down, then I take the chair across from her. A skeptical attitude seems to be blooming in her expression.
“Are you seriously going to keep flying out here every weekend?”
I smile instead of telling her how tempted I am to figure out a way to move somewhere nearby. “What can I say, you test my resolve to stay away.”
Lacey doesn’t answer my calls, but so far, she hasn’t turned me away when I show up at her door; therefore, I’m racking up the frequent flyer miles. Getting her to place her faith in me might very well end up being a full-time job, but it’s a job I’m enjoying.
“You don’t work on the weekends, so what does it hurt to allow me the chance to sway your opinion of me? After all, what would you be doing if I wasn’t here?”
Her eyes suspiciously watch me, looking for something before she sighs. “I’m still working on that case, the one I brought home last weekend.”
I nod my head before our waitress comes and takes our order. Once she’s gone, Lacey picks back up where she left off.
“A grandfather who doesn’t have custody of his granddaughter believes she’s being mistreated at the foster home she’s currently living in.”
“Well, shit,” I mumble. “Have you found anything out?”
“No, at least nothing that proves any wrongdoing. And what’s worse, I can’t find the grandfather. He kept popping up out of nowhere and now weeks have passed and I haven’t seen him.”
My eyes thin in confusion. “How did you meet him?”
She chews on her lip, almost nervously. “He stopped me in the street.”
“He what?” I scowl, waiting for her to answer me.
“Look, I know what you’re thinking, and I was a little worried about his intentions at first too, but then he told me about his granddaughter, and I don’t know…I had the urge to check on her.”
“But you didn’t find anything wrong?”
She huffs in frustration. “I didn’t personally go and check on things. The little girl is out in Queens, which is out of my way to and from work, but I called the local police and social services, who both assured me everything appears fine.”
Our waitress returns with a glass of wine for Lacey, which she immediately picks up.
“I can’t stand the idea of a little kid being neglected,” she adds.
From the moment I met Lacey, she’s wreaked havoc on my mind, but this right here…it’s beyond anything I can ignore. She’s hell bent on acting so fucking strong, but the second she hears of a child who might need help, she’s ready to turn her life upside down.
“Tomorrow we’ll go out to Queens together and check things out for ourselves.”
Her eyes widen in shock. “You’d be okay wasting your time going wit
h me?”
“Lacey, if it’s important to you, then I’m not wasting my time.”
She blinks several times, almost as if she’s taken aback by my comment. “Okay…thank you.”
I’m officially making it my mission in life to win this woman over, and like it or not, my plan is working.
25
Lacey
I’m a bitch plain and simple, but here’s the thing…I’ve never pretended otherwise. Where Jake is concerned, I’ve let my guard down. I’ve allowed him into my world, and occasionally—at least for a few brief moments—I forget who I really am.
I want to let go like Morgan suggested. I want to go back to the teenage version of myself, the one who still trusted herself, and give that girl to Jake. I’m beyond fucking scared, but no matter what I do, he won’t go away.
He shows up at my apartment every damn weekend acting like he was invited, and every time I see him, my resolve to be a bitch slowly fades. I’m not even sure who I am anymore.
“Second house on the left is the address you gave me,” the cab driver informs us.
“Wow,” Jake murmurs under his breath.
Neither Jake nor I grew up wealthy, but we didn’t grow up in this state of poverty.
“Wait here. I’m going to go up to the door and pretend I’m selling something.”
“No, wait.” I attempt to grab his arm, but he jumps out of the cab before I can stop him.
Nerves, fear, and possibly full-blown hysteria take over as I watch the door to the run-down house open. Instead of Mary Ownings, a younger man opens the door. He talks to Jake for far longer than I feel comfortable with before he finally closes the door.
My anxiety spikes as Jake takes his sweet time walking back to the cab. “What the hell? Did you find anything out?”
“We’re ready to leave,” he says to the cab driver before finally looking at me. “Oh yeah, there’s something going on it that house.”
Living With Doubt (The Regret Series Book 2) Page 19