Procrastination

by Jane B. Burka

  Take a hard look at your commitments (the un-schedule will be useful for this). Are you spread too thin? Is this a setup to procrastinate on something that matters? Aren’t there things you really could give up? You may lose something in the process, but is it necessary for the sake of the greater goal?

  We learned this lesson the hard way, when we tried to write the first edition of this book while working full-time. Guess what happened? We couldn’t do it! In addition to being teased mercilessly about procrastinating, we felt very bad that we weren’t making more progress. Finally, with great reluctance, we decided to try working only part-time and writing part-time. This proved to be successful. Although we missed our colleagues and our paychecks, we were able finally to have enough time to write.

  Identify Your Prime Time. If you promise yourself that you’ll do thirty minutes of exercise each morning before work, but you’re not really a morning person and you barely make it to work on time as it is, you’re setting yourself up for failure. We each have a natural daily biorhythm. Think about when during the day you have the most mental energy, when you are most physically energetic, when you feel most sociable, and when you feel depleted. There’s no point in planning to spend every night after work writing your novel, if all you have the energy for is taking a nap or reading someone else’s novel.

  You probably recognize the problem here for procrastinators: identifying your prime time means acknowledging that some of your time is less than prime. It’s admitting that you can’t work at top capacity all the time or whenever you think you should. It means realizing that you have human limits.

  Work on Balancing Your Perspective on Past, Present, and Future. It’s important not to get stuck in time. If you’re stuck in the past, you can’t enjoy the present or plan for the future. If you’re stuck in the present, you’re at the mercy of the immediate moment, with no connection to past and future; you can’t benefit from your experience. If you’re stuck in the future, you’re locked in a world of fantasy, either positive or negative, and all you do is plan or worry. In The Time Paradox , authors Zimbardo and Boyd emphasize the need to achieve a balance among these time orientations and offer many suggestions for resetting your time perspective clock.11

  Enjoy Your “Free” Time. It is obvious that procrastinators have difficulty working effectively, but it is often overlooked that they also have difficulty relaxing. Even if you indulge in fun activities while you’re procrastinating, chances are you’re not fully enjoying them, because you know you’re using them to avoid doing something else. Or, you may not even let yourself have these diversions because you feel unproductive and therefore undeserving. In either case, you’re not having real fun.

  Pleasure is so important in life. Try to plan for it, and give it to yourself without guilt or desperation. Play time is necessary for everyone, no matter how degenerate you feel you are. If you deprive yourself of true relaxation, you will run out of energy the way a car runs out of gas. And you will steal leisure time by procrastinating.

  14

  Learning to Say Yes and No

  Procrastination can be an indirect way to say no when we are unable to say no directly; it can also represent “stealing” time to spend on things we can’t openly say yes to. Deciding what to agree to and what to refuse can be a challenge. In our consumer-driven, acquisition-oriented society, one word that characterizes modern life is “more.” We have more information, more speed, more choices, more cars, more stuff, more TV channels, more mobility, more demands on our time. More, more, more. Yet, with this seemingly insatiable press for more, many of us end up feeling like we actually have less of what matters most: less downtime, less privacy, less opportunity to pursue our passions, less time with the people we love, less time for our creative pursuits. It is easy to get caught up in the push for more. Procrastination may be a reflection of our feeling overwhelmed by too much, or it may express a yearning for something we are missing. Instead of relying on procrastination, we think it is important to say yes consciously to what enhances life, to say no to what detracts from it, and to say it directly rather than using procrastination to say it for you.

  LEARNING TO SAY YES TO HELPFUL PEOPLE AND ACTIVITIES

  Say Yes to Support from Others

  Procrastinators are usually ambivalent about asking for support from others. They may feel ashamed of waiting until the last minute, so they believe they don’t deserve help. Some people are so convinced they can and should do everything by themselves that relying on someone else feels like failure. In some cultures, asking for help outside the family is shameful. Some procrastinators interpret asking for support as being rescued, hoping someone else will take over and finish the job for them. However, asking for support doesn’t have to carry any of these meanings. Finding support can mean using your connections with other people to help you take actions that are important to you and move you forward. Let’s look at some ways you can say yes to getting support from others.

  Choose the Right People. When you’re looking for support, the first issue is to find the right people to help you. Social networks are a powerful influence: research has shown, for example, that smoking cessation and obesity are closely tied to whether the people around us stop smoking or are obese.1 Look for people who are kind, encouraging, and nonjudgmental, but also realistic and able to focus on your task. Choose people who are on your side, who can see things from your point of view. Sadly, we sometimes yearn for help from the very people who are least able to give it. You may crave support and encouragement from a parent, spouse, manager, or sibling—only to find repeatedly that what they offer doesn’t feel like support. “Whenever I’m in trouble, I call my dad,” said one businesswoman. “If I have a problem at work, I think he’ll know how to handle it. But instead, he criticizes me for having the problem in the first place. I probably shouldn’t keep calling him, but each time I hope it will be different.”

  Think about who would be most helpful in which circumstances. We have a friend who is a terrific sounding board for our ideas. She has a tough intellectual mind and asks challenging questions that help us clarify our thoughts—once we know what we’re talking about. But if we discuss our ideas with her when we’re in the brainstorming phase, just starting to think, her skepticism and her eye for contradictions are demoralizing rather than helpful. Another friend is always ready for fun. On any given evening, he knows where there are several interesting parties, which old movies are playing in town, and where to find a free concert. It’s great to plan rewards with him—but he’s not a good working partner, since all he wants to do is play.

  You can discuss your procrastination issues or your behavioral goal with a supportive person. Try to listen openly and nondefensively to feedback and suggestions. You never know when you’ll hear an idea that could help you get going. Just having someone listen to your experience can be a great support, helping you feel less alone in your struggle.

  Make a Public Commitment. Tell people what you’re working on and when you’re aiming for completion. People are more serious about a public commitment than one they keep to themselves, and the more public the promise, the more reluctant they are to change it.2 Having to account to someone else makes it harder to abandon your goal or interrupt your steps toward that goal, because someone else knows your plan. You can no longer avoid your goal in secret. If you tell a friend that you’re determined to lose ten pounds, for example, you’ll probably find it harder to eat dessert. You know she’ll check in with you and ask how you’re coming along, and you won’t want to confess that you ate two pieces of apple pie last night.

  In addition to your friends, you can turn to the Internet for help. You will find chat rooms for procrastinators and help from Procrastinators Anonymous. We also recommend the Internet site, StickK.com to help you make a commitment and stick to it. Founded in 2008, the site was developed by two Yale University economists who understand the psychological and economic principles behind “commitment contracts.”
3 People don’t always do what they say they will do, but if they make their intentions public, and if they make a commitment of money, they are more likely to succeed. On the site, people make commitments to work toward goals they need help with, such as losing weight, exercising regularly, and stopping smoking. You can set up any goal you choose, post it publicly on the site (using your name or not), and connect with other people who are working toward similar goals. To increase your motivation even further, you’ll be given the option to make a financial commitment to your goal. If you achieve your goal, you get your money back; if you don’t, the money is donated to charity.

  Make a Plan Together. You can talk with another person to create a plan for action. If, like most procrastinators, you are vague about what you need to do, the simple act of articulating your plan to someone else can help clarify your thoughts. You may realize that you’re attempting too much, or you may discover that your plan seems more feasible as you explain it to someone else. Perhaps the next steps will become obvious as you talk it through.

  Talking with someone whose strengths are complementary to yours may be especially helpful. If you’re good at seeing the final outcome but can’t figure out how to get there, talk with someone who’s good with the nitty-gritty. If you’re good at working out details but have a hard time seeing the big picture, talk with someone who thinks in grand fashion.

  You might also benefit from hearing how someone else has approached and solved a problem you’re grappling with. We once interviewed a prolific writer, comparing ideas about how to integrate writing with our other commitments. In contrast to our attempts to fit writing around the rest of our lives, he said, “I think of writing as my main priority. I work at it every day from nine till twelve, and I don’t let myself be interrupted. I don’t even answer the phone.” We were startled. Not answer the phone? Actually let it ring when it could offer the possibility of a friendly chat, an invitation to escape, or a dire emergency? We could see from his clarity of purpose that we needed to change our perspective.

  Keep in mind that if you ask for help, you’re not obliged to take it. And don’t be intimidated if the other person has insights you have overlooked. It’s almost always easier to help someone else craft a plan than to design your own. When we work with groups of procrastinators, we ask people to formulate a goal and then discuss their plans with two other people. Over and over we see that procrastinators can be very levelheaded and realistic about another person’s project, while remaining muddled and idealistic about their own. You might help someone else think through a project of theirs to discover some of your own creative organizational and time management skills. You could even imagine that one of your friends is facing your project and think about how you would offer help.

  Ask for Help When You’re Stuck. When brain lock hits, it’s time to call for outside help: if you’ve procrastinated yourself into a bind, chances are you can’t easily see a way out. Rather than give up, this is a good time to ask for help. But it may also be a time when you feel so reprehensible that you’re not sure you deserve to be helped. One procrastinator told us, “When I’m stuck, going around in circles, I hate myself so much that I don’t even want to talk to other people, let alone ask them to help me. I feel unfit for human contact.” It is precisely when you have sunk to the depths of self-loathing that support can bring you the greatest relief. Someone else can treat you decently even when you can’t be decent to yourself. On the practical side, talking with someone else about your dilemma may offer a way out that you hadn’t considered, enabling you to take a small step forward and realize that all is not lost.

  Work Together. Talking is great, but it has its limits. You still have to do something to make progress. One way to take action is to enlist a partner in a joint effort. We weren’t sure that either of us could write this book alone, but we were much more optimistic about doing it together. (And we were right!) When two people are committed to the same goal, there is more incentive for each of you to live up to your commitment. If you don’t, it’s not only your life that’s hurt, but someone else’s, too.

  Having a partner also helps because you can create intermediate deadlines together, and the closer the deadline, the more likely you are to take action. If you set up regular meetings with your partner, it gives you some impetus to get to work—even if you wait until the night before the meeting to do it. And it can be comforting to know that you’re not the only one going through the agonies and deprivations of working hard. Our temptation to procrastinate would have been much more powerful had either of us been working alone. On a beautiful, sunny California day, when we were both sequestered indoors writing or rewriting, we knew that there was at least one other person in the Golden State who was not outside enjoying the weather.

  You can work with a partner as an equal, as we are coauthors, or you can engage a partner specifically as a check on your individual progress. You could use your manager at work as a partner by setting up a regular time to discuss your progress on a project. A writer struggling with the draft of his first novel hired a friend to be his “editor.” He arranged weekly meetings so that he would feel pressured to write something for his friend to read. A pair of procrastinating friends enlisted each other as task partners, setting up a regular schedule to check on their respective efforts. No matter how little you’ve actually accomplished, at the very least, meeting with your partner will be a consistent reminder to stay on track.

  Parallel Play. When children are toddlers, they go through a stage in which they engage in “parallel play.” That is, they play beside each other with their own toys, rather than with each other. In the same way, you can arrange to work on your project with someone who works separately on his or her own task. For example, we know a group of people who hate to prepare their tax returns, so they get together every March for sessions they call “Tax Torture.” Each person brings a laptop, plus a large box filled with the forms, checks, receipts, and papers he or she needs. Then they all sit down together at a large table, moaning and groaning, but gradually, they get their taxes done.

  You can use parallel play to work on all kinds of things that you’ve been postponing. Two women, each feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of creating a family scrapbook, took turns going to each other’s houses and worked side by side putting their scrapbooks together. An accountant arranged to meet a friend at the local library on Saturday mornings, so that both could catch up on work they hadn’t finished at their offices. They agreed that their homes were distracting environments, and the library was a setting in which they could focus. By making a date to meet each other, people can help each other get their work done, and just as important, they can reinforce a social connection at the same time.

  Social Rewards. Sometimes progress is its own reward, but more often people are a better reward. One woman who worked at home told her husband to call one hour before he left his office. If she made a dent in her work by the time he arrived home, they would go out to dinner together. She spent the hour between the call and the dinner reading rather boring background material assigned by her company. Looking forward to going out with her husband gave her the incentive she needed to spend time on drudgery.

  You can use social events as rewards at every step toward a goal: call a friend after you’ve taken your first step and get some encouragement to continue; take a walk with someone when you need a break; go to the movies at the end of a long day; plan a holiday after you’ve completed a large project.

  Say Yes to Time with People You Love. Too often, procrastination interferes with spending guilt-free time with the people who are most important. If you put off work at the office and bring home a bulging briefcase on weekends, you may not feel you can take time to have fun with your family and friends, but you miss out on precious experiences. Life is short. Use your work time for work and your family time for family. Remember to put first things first.4 If time with people you love is a priority, fit your projects around them and not th
e other way around. And if you don’t have friends, now is the time to make some. When you feel loved and connected, procrastination may not seem so seductive.

  Say Yes to Personal Growth

  Try New Challenges. Procrastination is often a way of retreating from challenges; instead, remember that tackling challenges can benefit you. Does this challenge stretch you? Does it help you develop and grow? New challenges keep you learning, learning keeps you vital, vitality keeps you feeling alive and happy. And new challenges are good for your brain. Remember that your brain changes every day. New challenges encourage your brain cells to grow and connect in more complex ways.

  Do More of What You Love. Procrastinators get so focused on the dreaded tasks hanging over them or feel so guilty about all they haven’t done, they often don’t allow themselves to do things that give them joy. Whatever it is you love to do, do more of it. Whether it’s planting a garden, learning a new language, reading to children, quilting with friends, closing a deal, raising money for a cause you believe in, cooking with your family, spending time in nature, reading novels, taking care of animals, playing or dancing to music, or creating art—if it makes you feel alive and enriched, add it to your life. These are the activities that make life worth living, and they deserve to have more time in your life, not less.