Marry Me...Again

by Cheryl St. John

  Kissing Dev was a rush every time. Sex with him was hot and intense and all-consuming, and she would never have enough of him. The man did something to her that intensified her hunger and multiplied her enjoyment. He was an aphrodisiac, a stimulating drug that once in her veins took control and ran its course. He embodied her every fantasy and he was hers to do with as she wished.

  At one time, she wouldn’t have considered herself sexy. She was educated, talented in her profession, hardworking and considerate. Sexy was for other women, for girls who knew how to flirt with boys, for women who enjoyed dating and men. That hadn’t been her.

  But once she’d met Dev, all that had changed. The way he looked at her, the way he made her feel—the way she felt and the things she thought when she was with him—changed her. Dev made her sexy. She became adventurous; she created fantasies and he fulfilled them; she was a physical, highly responsive partner, and Dev had brought that about.

  Brynna wiggled on his lap, creating friction, wet skin to wet skin, and eliciting the desired response from Dev.

  His nap had apparently done wonders, because he rose to the occasion handsomely, joining their bodies and allowing her to take her pleasure leisurely. He kissed her, withdrawing from time to time to rake his gaze over her face and breasts, to trickle water from his fingertips to her nipples and watch it run off.

  Brynna felt beautiful and seductive when he looked at her, his green eyes glowing with passion and appreciation. A sad, sweet regret ripped at her heart and brought tears to her eyes, so she quickly leaned forward and kissed him so he wouldn’t see.

  He wasn’t really hers, and everything they’d built their relationship on had been yanked out from under them. He still wanted her in this way, but what about a commitment? What would happen when they had to face the hard cold reality of day and decide what to do from here on out?

  Life wasn’t just ferry rides and moonlight dances. Life was also work and hardships and family problems. And so far they’d been unable to handle any of the trials. If she lost Dev, she didn’t know how she would face an empty life.

  Sensing her urgency, he adjusted their positions and helped her movements by grasping her hips and leaning her back to nip her neck with his teeth and then follow each bite with a hot kiss. Stars exploded behind her eyelids. Waves of pleasure throbbed through her body.

  Dev uttered her name and found his release swiftly.

  With a splash that erased her tears before he could see them, Brynna pulled him down into the swirling water.

  They slept in Sunday morning, not that Estelle would have noticed, because she didn’t come down to the patio for coffee and quiche until after ten herself. Dev and Brynna had been there for about twenty minutes, sharing the newspaper with Dev’s father.

  “You two look positively refreshed,” Estelle said, pouring herself coffee and taking a seat at the glass-topped table. “Time away obviously did you both good.”

  “I do want to thank you for coercing us into coming,” Dev said, laying the sports section aside. He got up to help himself to more of the egg dish and a slice of melon. “We’ve had a great time.”

  Brynna had finished her breakfast, and now pushed her plate aside. This was where she should return the invitation and welcome Dev’s parents to their home anytime. She held her tongue. The future was too uncertain and nothing had been resolved.

  “How is your family, dear?” Estelle asked. “I only met your parents one time, at the reception you held for your wedding.”

  “That’s the last time I’ve seen her parents, too,” Dev said, resuming his seat.

  “I couldn’t tell you where they are right now,” Brynna added.

  “They travel extensively?”

  “Yes.” Brynna allowed Estelle to imagine a jaunt along the coast of France, rather than extended camping in a Winnebago. Brynna met Dev’s gaze and he grinned, obviously thinking the same thing.

  “And the rest of your family?”

  “My sister’s family is fine. My nephews are growing like crazy. My brother, Kurt, is a pharmacy tech in Rumor and Tuck will be going to college this fall.” She hadn’t talked to her youngest brother for a couple of weeks and felt guilty about abandoning him. “I should call and see how he’s doing.”

  “He’s doing great,” Dev told her.

  She glanced over at him. “You’ve talked to Tuck since flying him to California?”

  “Uh-huh. He got settled in the apartment and is working full-time at a video store until school starts.”

  “An apartment without roommates?”

  “Yes,” Dev replied.

  “I’m off to the office,” Dev’s father said, standing and excusing himself.

  Brynna looked up, his abrupt departure a surprise. Maybe he simply had a pressing business appointment.

  “And you’ll have to excuse me, too,” Estelle piped up. “I have a brunch to attend this morning.” Estelle kissed the air beside Dev’s cheek, then blew a kiss in Brynna’s direction. “Bye!”

  Dev and Brynna were left alone on the patio.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Brynna didn’t want to think of their hasty leave-taking as rude, but the woman had practically insisted they come for this visit, and now, after five minutes of conversation, she had removed herself for another, obviously more important, engagement.

  Dev ate his breakfast as though nothing unusual had happened. And Brynna realized their running off hadn’t been unusual. Dev was as used to his parents’ disinterest as she was used to hers. The Holmeses were more like her parents than she’d ever thought, they were simply in a higher economic class. The revelation gave her further insight into Dev’s personality.

  She resumed their conversation where it had been interrupted, asking. “What’s this about Tuck having an apartment of his own?”

  “Sharing space can be trouble,” Dev replied. “Tuck’ll be better off on his own. He could get stuck with some really sorry roommates and not be able to do anything about it because of a lease or because he needs help with the rent. This is better.”

  Brynna stared at him. She’d been so self-involved for the last couple of weeks she hadn’t paid much attention to what was going on, but apparently Dev had been in the middle of things. “I meant to help him with a place.”

  “It’s okay, you had other things on your mind. You had yourself to take care of.”

  “You paid for his apartment, didn’t you?”

  “Actually, it’s my apartment. I’ll stay with him when I’m on the coast,” he replied with a shrug.

  Brynna had made a point of not accepting Dev’s money for herself. It was a point of pride. She’d made it this far on her own, and she was proud of her accomplishment. But she’d struggled, and her brothers had struggled along with her. She and Kurt had both attended college on grants and student loans, living in crowded dorms and working part-time jobs to pay for books and food.

  Because of Dev’s generosity, Tuck would have it easier. He wouldn’t have to scrape by as she had. But she had let down her brother, and someone else had picked up the slack; no, not just someone else—Dev.

  Dev’s dubious expression revealed his uncertainty over her reaction. Was she so stubborn and proud that he anticipated anger? Maybe a while back she would have reacted differently, but today, at this moment, she felt nothing but humble appreciation for his kindness.

  “Does he have everything he needs?” she asked.

  He nodded. “It’s okay that you took care of yourself first,” he told her. “I admire your dedication to your sister and brothers, Brynn, it’s something I don’t have with my family. But sometimes you need to let others help—or even let them find their own solutions to their problems—or make their own mistakes.”

  “They never had parents to take care of them,” she said defensively. “They deserve someone to look out for them.”

  “Neither did you, and you turned out okay.”

  She turned that one over in her mind and studied him.
/>
  “Maybe if I’d had to work as hard as you did, I’d have turned out to be more responsible,” he said. “Who knows?”

  “You’re not irresponsible, Dev,” she stated truthfully. “You’ve just never had people relying on you all the time the way I did. It takes some getting used to.”

  “Your brothers and sister have turned out okay, too,” he told her. “But maybe Melanie and Tuck rely on you so heavily because they’ve never had to rely on themselves.”

  “You’re full of surprises,” she said, and placed her hand over his on the table. “I’m the one who took the psychology classes, and you’re the one counseling me.”

  Turning his hand to cradle hers, he grinned. “Who said I didn’t take psychology classes?”

  The flight home was more relaxed than the flight to Seattle had been. There were still things they hadn’t worked through, but this temporary respite was going so well that neither seemed inclined to wake the sleeping giant. They made small talk, touched often and smiled.

  But the closer they got to home, the less they spoke and touched and the more they avoided looking directly into each other’s eyes. By the time they reached the airstrip, they had stopped talking altogether, and a heavy cloak of reality had dropped over them.

  The sky was still dark with smoke and soot, and the air held the acrid stench of acres of timberland going up in flames.

  They stood on the landing strip, and Dev stared at the sky, his face once again unreadable.

  “You’re going, aren’t you?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

  “I have a business transaction to handle first,” he replied, “and then I’m going.”

  And though she wanted to touch him, she kept her distance. They were back in Rumor now—back to their real lives.

  That night, alone in their bed, Brynna remembered how he’d driven her car home and carried her bags inside. After transferring his flight bag to his truck, he had stood in the driveway, the renewed tension between them awkward.

  “I guess we’ll have to talk later,” she said. “After the fire is taken care of. Decide what we’re going to do.”

  Not a word of the lawsuit or their illegal marriage had been spoken between them the entire weekend. They had temporarily swept all that ugliness aside and ignored it. But it was real, and it was their life, and they would have to deal with it, no matter how much they wanted to ignore it.

  Dev studied her for a moment before turning to open his truck door. From the seat, he took his black Stetson and placed it on his head, making a habitual adjustment. “Later then,” he said.

  So much hung in the precarious balance between them, but neither seemed willing to voice the issues that were driving them apart. Her chest ached with the loss of the easy familiarity they’d shared for the past two days.

  He looked at her as though he wanted to say more, as though he was torn between speaking or leaving well enough alone. Finally, he had bade farewell with a nod, climbed up to the seat of the Lariat and shut the door.

  Brynna had turned toward the house, so as not to watch his truck disappear down Lost Lane and head back toward the airstrip, where he would fuel a plane to fly into the midst of the fire.

  There was more to the man than he’d ever let her see. He was more unselfish, braver; less the thoughtless, carefree, good-time Charlie that she’d believed. He played the part perfectly, though, perhaps as a result of having to define himself in his own family.

  There was more to him than met the eye—even though what met the eye was pretty great.

  Brynna rolled over in the bed and stared at the dark ceiling. There had to be more to their relationship, too, more than just sex. More than even mind-blowing, every-nerve-ending-aflame sex. There had to be trust, respect. There had to be love.

  The following morning as Brynna grabbed a bagel and a glass of juice between rounds, her pager went off. She checked the gadget to find Melanie’s number and used the phone at the nurses’ desk to call her sister. “What’s up, Mel?”

  “I’m strapped for a sitter tonight,” her sister said breathlessly. “Frank has to work, and I’m supposed to be starting my first real estate class.”

  “Real estate? When did you decide to do that?”

  “I’d been thinking about it, and Frank finally agreed we could make it work. But he claims I have to manage to find proper care for the boys, even though he’s the one who messed up the schedule by having to work.”

  “Well, good for you, Mel,” Brynna told her. It sounded to Brynna as though Frank still needed to adjust his thinking, but she didn’t remark on it.

  Instead, she thought about the conversation she’d had with Dev the morning before, how he’d pointed out her tendency to allow Melanie and Tuck to rely on her, even at the expense of her own needs. There was no reason why Melanie couldn’t find someone trustworthy to watch the boys when needed.

  “I’m sorry, but I have other plans,” she told her sister for the first time ever. Not because she didn’t want to keep the boys, but because their care was something for which Melanie needed to take responsibility. “Why don’t you call Susannah at Rugrats? I believe they take drop-ins.”

  “Oh,” Melanie said, obviously surprised. “Oh, well…okay.”

  Brynna waited nervously for her sister’s reaction, holding herself back from justifying her decision with an explanation.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “I guess I could try there,” Melanie said at last, having had a minute to think over the situation.

  Brynna breathed a sigh of relief and felt tension she hadn’t noticed was there leave her shoulders.

  “Susannah might have some evening time available,” Mel continued, “or at the least, she’d probably know someone she can recommend.”

  “I’m sure she can,” Brynna told her, biting her tongue to keep from adding that Mel could call her if she didn’t find someone.

  “Okay, then, have a good evening.” Melanie wished her goodbye and hung up.

  Brynna stared at the phone after placing the receiver in the cradle. An odd sense of freedom washed over her, a feeling she hadn’t expected, because she hadn’t known she was feeling imprisoned to start with. Standing there thinking, she realized she had taken responsibility for her siblings ever since she was old enough to recognize that their parents weren’t doing a good job. She’d been about eleven at the time.

  For the most part, she’d behaved like an enabling mother, allowing Mel and Tuck to take advantage of her, though she didn’t think they’d grasped the fact any more than she had. Kurt had always been his own person, not as needy or as dependent.

  “Everything okay?” Rae Ann asked from where she stood, making notes on a chart.

  Brynna looked over at the young woman. Everything was better than it had been for quite a while. And she had Dev to thank. “Yes.” If only things between the two of them could be solved that easily. “Almost everything,” she added.

  Rae Ann answered the phone. “Just a moment, she’s right here.” She put the caller on hold and gestured to Brynna. “It’s for you. Line seven.”

  “Thanks.” Brynna answered the call. “Dr. Holmes.”

  “Got a minute?” Kurt asked.

  “Sure. What’s up?”

  “I was wondering if you had time to meet me for lunch today.”

  “I can work that out. What time?”

  “Eleven-thirty?”

  “That works. Where?”

  “Well, the Calico Diner has the best food.”

  “See you there,” she said.

  She hung up, looking forward to seeing her brother, while at the same time, wondering why he’d wanted to meet her. Whenever one of them called to plan a lunch, there was usually something to discuss. She guessed she’d know when the time came.

  Dev accepted the check and signed papers that would turn ownership of Sky Spirit over to the man who stood beside him. He tucked the check into an envelope and placed it in the flight bag which held the personal
items he’d taken from the ultralight.

  “I know you’ll enjoy her,” he told Craig Hanson, the dark-haired fellow from Helena who’d immediately arranged to meet Dev at the airstrip after Dev had called him the night before.

  “I know I will, too,” Craig replied with a smile. “I’m glad you kept my number and called me when you were ready to sell.”

  “I’d had a couple of offers, and yours was the best.”

  “You’re not giving up flying?”

  “No. I’m just removing a point of contention from my life.”

  “Don’t tell me. The little woman’s jealous,” Craig said. “I’ve been divorced for two years now, so that won’t be a problem for me. My wife thought I never paid enough attention to her, too. Women,” he said with a shake of his head.

  It wasn’t like that at all, but Dev wasn’t going to discuss his decisions and his relationship with a stranger. The plane hadn’t come between them, but his behavior had. He’d let Sky Spirit be a symbol of freedom, which he didn’t really feel the need for anymore. Selling it was a gesture of commitment to the woman he loved.

  The friend who had flown Craig to Rumor, and who had been waiting until the sale was agreed upon, now taxied his plane down the runway and took off.

  Dev and Craig spent a few minutes discussing the differences in flying an ultralight, and Dev pointed out some modifications he’d made to the instrument panel. Within minutes Sky Spirit was airborne and a dot on the horizon.

  Without a backward glance, Dev strode to his Cessna and tossed his bag in. Selling the aircraft, seeing it go, was not as difficult as he’d once thought it would be. And the check would allow construction on the log home he’d been thinking about.

  He’d had his eye on a place between Rumor and the Holmes ranch that would be a perfect spot. Plenty of land to have horses. A good location to raise a family.