Wings of the Morning

by Beryl Matthews

  ‘It’s good to see you, too,’ Annie replied with a touch of sarcasm.

  He studied her face and drew in a deep breath. ‘Are you ill, my darling?’

  ‘No, I’m fine.’

  ‘You don’t look it, you’re so thin and – ’

  ‘Stop badgering the girl,’ Rose ordered sharply. ‘All she needs is rest and plenty of good food.’

  He looked up quickly. ‘Oh, hello, Rose,’ he said belatedly. ‘I’ve been so worried about my Annie.’

  Annie clicked her tongue in exasperation, and realized in that instant that she had changed. The danger and grief had made her tougher and not quite so ready to put up with this nonsense.

  ‘You don’t own me, Paul.’

  ‘Not yet.’ He smiled affectionately. ‘But I will one day.’

  She was about to say something about this when Rose interrupted.

  ‘Sit down, Paul. Do you want some suet pudding and treacle?’

  ‘Yes, please!’ He pulled up a chair, his good humour back in place.

  Annie raised her eyebrows to her sister, who winked back, piling a plate high with pudding.

  Paul would never get over this obsession with her and Annie knew that she was going to have to deal with it one day – but not just at the moment.

  15

  September 1941

  ‘The CO wants to see you, sir.’

  Reid eased himself out of the cockpit and jumped down. ‘Thanks. I’ll just report in first.’

  ‘No, sir, he said you were to go as soon as you landed.’ The WAAF smiled, not trying to hide her admiration for the handsome man standing in front of her. ‘He was insistent.’

  ‘All right.’ Reid sighed, removing his jacket and draping it over his shoulder, then headed for the office. He wondered what the hell could be so urgent. All he wanted to do at the moment was report in and then find himself a large beer.

  The office door was wide open in an effort to catch any breath of air. It was unusually hot for September.

  ‘Ah, Reid, come in and shut the door.’

  The officer indicated a chair and he sat down, not taking his eyes off the man on the other side of the desk. He was shuffling papers around for no apparent reason and Reid wished he’d get on with it. This was unusual for the commanding officer; he was a brisk, decisive man and he never wasted time. Reid couldn’t help wondering what had made him so ill at ease.

  Suddenly he looked up. ‘I’ve received some bad news. I’m afraid your brother, Paul, was killed today.’

  Reid felt as if he’d been punched in the stomach and his mind started racing. He must be talking about someone else. Paul couldn’t be dead. They must be mistaken …

  ‘I’m so sorry.’

  Slowly Reid’s mind began to clear and he looked at the officer, who was obviously unhappy about telling him this terrible news, and took a deep breath. Pilots died every day and they accepted it, but he had never thought his brother wouldn’t make it through to the end of the war. A vivid picture of Paul laughing flashed through his mind, and he only just managed to stop himself from doubling over in agony.

  ‘There’s no mistake? He hasn’t bailed out somewhere?’ he asked, clutching at a last thread of hope.

  The officer shook his head. ‘No, he crashed in a field just after crossing the coast. His body has been recovered and it looks as if he might have been dead before he hit the ground – he was badly shot up.’

  Reid felt paralysed with shock. Paul really was dead. It was impossible to grasp; he’d had such enthusiasm for life. And at that moment he would gladly have swapped his life for Paul’s.

  ‘I’ve given you leave,’ the officer told him. ‘Your family will need you.’

  ‘Do they know?’ It didn’t sound like his voice as he struggled for control. His parents were going to be beside themselves with grief.

  ‘Yes, and you needn’t return until after the funeral. You’ve earned a rest.’

  At least they would be able to give him a proper burial, and Reid knew this would be some comfort to his parents, but it was a small consolation. They’d lost a dearly loved son and he’d lost a brother he’d thought the world of. He stood up, but it was an effort, and a feeling of the utter futility of war swept over him. At that moment he hated Hitler with every fibre of his being. The madman was causing anguish and pain to untold millions of people. He had to be stopped!

  ‘One more thing before you go, I do have some good news for you.’

  Reid wondered how anything could be considered good on a day his young brother had died.

  ‘You’ve been awarded the DFC and promoted to the position of Station Commander at Tangmere. That’s if you want it?’

  Reid nodded, not really taking in the implications of this change. ‘Yes, I do.’

  ‘Good. You take up the post as soon as you return from your leave.’ The officer smiled for the first time.

  ‘You deserve this decoration and promotion.’

  Reid felt sick. It seemed obscene to be standing here talking about medals and promotion, but somehow he controlled his emotions. The only thing on his mind now was to get home as quickly as possible.

  Reid’s journey to his parents’ house in Thatcham, in Berkshire, was a blur of pain and disbelief. It was so difficult to grasp that he would never see Paul again that he expected him to be in the lounge, with his usual easy smile, as he walked in the house. But that feeling was shattered when he saw his mother prostrate with grief and his father struggling valiantly to hold himself together.

  ‘Oh, it’s good to have you home.’ He clasped Reid in relief, gazing at his elder son as if he couldn’t take his eyes off him in case he too disappeared from their lives.

  Reid’s mother was on the settee and he went and sat beside her, taking her hands in his.

  ‘Did he suffer?’ she asked hoarsely. ‘You hear such terrible things … fire …’

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘They believe he died at the controls and that was why he crashed.’

  She nodded, seeming to draw a little comfort from that news. Then the tears began to flow again as she looked at him with frightened eyes. ‘Are we going to lose you as well, darling?’ she asked.

  ‘I’ve just been given a station commander’s job,’ he told her, relieved that he could at least put her mind at rest in this way. Suddenly it hit him what this was going to mean – he would be leaving his squadron – and that was going to be damned difficult. He’d been too numb when the job was offered to realize this …

  ‘Does that mean you won’t be flying any more?’

  ‘I expect I’ll be too busy.’

  ‘Thank God!’ His mother laid her head back and closed her eyes.

  ‘We’ll go into the garden,’ his father said quietly, ‘and let her rest. The mind’s a strange thing, you always believe that these things only happen to other people, don’t you, and it comes as a terrible shock when it’s one of your own.’

  Reid agreed, knowing exactly how his parents were feeling, and followed his father. It was a pleasant evening, and they walked in silence, each lost in memories of the boy they had loved so much. After a while they stopped in the rose garden and sat down on an old wooden seat. Reid closed his eyes as the heady perfume from the flowers acted as a balm to his grief. He took in a deep breath.

  ‘Beautiful evening, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes.’ Reid knew what his father was thinking; that his younger son would never sit here like this again. He opened his eyes and looked around. He could almost see his brother as a ten-year-old, running wildly across the lawn, and their mother calling for him to mind her precious flowers. Paul had always done everything with such enthusiasm.

  His smile was bittersweet as the happy memories flooded in. How they’d loved this old house with its huge gardens. There was also a wooded area with a small stream on the boundary, and many times they’d had a severe telling-off for coming home soaking wet and covered in mud. It had been a happy childhood, and it was sad to know that any childr
en Paul might have had wouldn’t –

  Reid shot to his feet and cursed fluently.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ his father asked in alarm.

  He swore again. ‘Paul’s girl, Annie something or other …’

  ‘Annie Webster.’

  ‘That’s right.’ Reid raked his hand through his hair. ‘Have you ever met her?’

  ‘Yes, a few times. She’s a very nice girl, and Paul adored her.’

  ‘I know he did, and he made me promise that I’d look after her if anything happened to him.’ He started to prowl along the rows of bushes, touching one colourful rose after another. Damn, damn! he raged inwardly; he could do without this.

  ‘She seemed a very capable girl, Reid, but Paul always did fuss over her too much. I think that’s why she wouldn’t marry him.’ His father came and stood beside him when he stopped in front of a pale apricot bloom. ‘But she must be told, and I’m ashamed to admit that in our shock we never gave her a thought.’

  ‘Neither did I, but I must tell her. I did promise Paul, but I never believed for a moment that I would have to carry out his wishes.’ Out of respect for his father, he cursed quietly under his breath. He should never have let Paul talk him into this stupid promise, but he must honour it now.

  ‘Do you know where she is?’ His mother had joined them looking much more composed.

  ‘All I know is that she’s a wireless operator in the WAAF, so I should be able to track her down all right.’

  ‘Do that as soon as you can.’ His mother came up to him and slipped her hand through her son’s arm. ‘They’ve been friends for a long time and I expect she’ll want to come to the funeral.’

  It was the next afternoon before he managed to find out where she was stationed. He decided to go at once. He had no wish to meet this girl his brother had been besotted with but it had to be done.

  ‘Have you got any petrol in your car?’ he asked his father.

  ‘Yes, the tank’s nearly full and there’s a spare gallon in a can.’

  ‘That should be enough to get me to Cheadle and back. Can I borrow it? I’ll try to replace the petrol for you.’

  ‘Of course, and you might as well take the car back to base with you. I won’t be using it.’ The keys were handed over. ‘You’ve found her?’

  ‘Yes, but I had to pull in a couple of favours. This place she’s at is very hush-hush, evidently.’

  ‘Ah,’ his father said knowingly. ‘She always did strike me as a very bright girl. Paul told us she spoke French and German fluently.’

  Reid raised his eyebrows and sighed. He was sick and tired of hearing about this paragon of virtue, and as soon as he’d seen her he wouldn’t bother with her again. Promise or no promise!

  ‘What’s the matter, Reid?’ his mother asked, not missing his exasperated expression. ‘Don’t you like Annie?’

  ‘I’ve never met her, but from the way Paul went on about her I shall expect to see someone with wings and a halo.’

  ‘He loved her,’ his mother reprimanded gently. ‘I wish they had married and then we might have had a grandchild to remember him by.’

  Her eyes filled with tears and Reid was immediately sorry for his sarcasm. ‘I apologize. I’m sure she’s a charming girl, and I must tell her before she hears it from someone else.’

  ‘Yes, that wouldn’t be right.’ His father picked up his son’s bag. ‘I’ll help you get the car started; she hasn’t been used for a while and might need a bit of persuasion.’

  ‘When will you be back?’ his mother asked anxiously.

  ‘I’ll get back tonight if I possibly can. I’ve been given permission to go into this place so it shouldn’t take long.’

  ‘You will be kind to her, won’t you?’ she asked. ‘It will come as a great shock.’

  He bent and kissed her cheek. ‘I will do my best.’

  At Cheadle his papers were checked carefully before he was allowed to enter.

  ‘I’ll wait for her here,’ he told the sergeant who was escorting him. When the man looked doubtful Reid said, ‘I have some bad news for her and I’d rather see her alone.’

  ‘Very well, sir, but I must ask you not to wander around.’

  ‘I understand.’ As the man hurried away, Reid lit a cigarette. He wasn’t looking forward to this and felt it might be easier to talk to her in the open. He hoped she wouldn’t be long because he wanted this unpleasant task out of the way.

  The cigarette was nearly finished when he saw a slim, fair girl come out of a building and head towards him. He ground the cigarette under his foot and waited.

  ‘Annie Webster?’

  She saluted. ‘Yes, sir.’

  She looked puzzled; he knew he bore a slight resemblance to Paul but not enough for people to immediately identify them as brothers. But one thing was abundantly clear – she was quite lovely in a delicate way, and he began to understand Paul’s protective feelings towards her. However, there was something his brother had missed – this girl was no weakling. He could see it in her eyes, in the way she stood, and he could feel strength coming from her and touching him. It was almost tangible and he couldn’t help wondering why Paul had never seen it.

  ‘You wanted to see me?’ she asked, breaking the silence between them.

  ‘Yes.’ He pulled in a deep, silent breath, steeling himself for this. ‘I’m Reid Lascells.’

  Surprise flashed across her face and the colour drained from it, but she remained silent, and he guessed she knew what he was going to say. It wasn’t very hard to figure out, because there could only be one reason for him being there.

  ‘It is my sad task to tell you that Paul was killed yesterday.’ He heard the words as if spoken by someone else, and he cursed himself for breaking the news in this stilted way.

  He watched her sway slightly and close her eyes as the shock hit her, then she opened them again and he caught a glimpse of the gentleness and compassion in her.

  ‘I’m so sorry. How did it happen?’

  ‘He was on convoy protection and got shot up badly; he crashed as he crossed the coast. He was nearly home but they think he was dead before he hit the ground.’

  She nodded and reached out to touch his sleeve in a gesture of sympathy. ‘It’s a terrible loss, he was a lovely man.’

  Reid narrowed his eyes, perplexed by her composed demeanour. He had the strong feeling that this was not the first loss she had suffered in her life. But he could feel anger building inside him. Apart from that first moment of shock, there wasn’t a sign of a tear, and surely his brother warranted some display of grief from the woman he had worshipped? If she was such a caring creature, as he’d been told many times, then where was her sorrow?

  He took a note from his pocket and handed it to her. ‘The funeral is being held here next Thursday and you’ll be welcome, if you want to come?’

  Her eyes locked on to his and blazed with anger. ‘Of course I want to come. Paul was my friend and I loved him.’

  ‘Not enough to marry him, though,’ he snapped.

  ‘You are wrong. I loved him too much to condemn him to a marriage that couldn’t last.’

  ‘Well, it wouldn’t have lasted, would it?’ He was boiling now. The death of Paul had finally sunk in, and he was consumed with a raging anger. Just what did his brother see in this heartless creature? ‘He died, didn’t he?’

  She took a step towards him, hesitated, and then moved back again.

  My God, he thought, she was going to hit me. He knew he should back away as well, but some devil was driving him and he couldn’t move. He was going to let this little madam know exactly what he thought of her.

  ‘Don’t pretend you cared for him. He spent his time fretting about you and you couldn’t even be bothered to write or answer his calls.’

  ‘That’s not true!’

  ‘Oh?’ His laugh was humourless. ‘What about January? He was beside himself with worry because he couldn’t contact you.’ He could remember Paul’s frantic efforts to
phone her when they’d been in the Midlands for a rest from combat, and being fobbed off with the excuse that she couldn’t be contacted.

  He noted the change in her expression. ‘I see that hit home.’

  ‘I wasn’t in the country then.’

  ‘You don’t expect me to believe that, surely? There’s a war on, so where would you go?’ His voice was laced with contempt. What a ridiculous excuse!

  ‘That’s none of your business, and I object to the tone of your voice, Squadron Leader.’ She lifted her head defiantly. ‘I am not a liar.’

  Whatever modicum of decency he had left was telling him to stop this, but he couldn’t stem the tide of bitterness from pouring out. ‘If you couldn’t marry him, why didn’t you at least sleep with him?’

  She held his gaze firmly, and then spoke softly.’ Because he never asked me.’ She turned and walked away.

  Those few words made everything clear about Paul and Annie. His brother had put her on such a high pedestal that marriage between them would have been impossible, and this sensitive girl had had the sense to recognize that fact.

  ‘Miss Webster,’ he called. ‘Annie.’ But she didn’t look back and soon disappeared from sight.

  Reid lit another cigarette and drew on it deeply, trying to calm himself down. Why had he treated her like that? She hadn’t deserved to be attacked by him, but there was something about her that riled him. Still, that was no excuse, his conduct had been inexcusable and he was thoroughly ashamed of himself. He would have some apologizing to do next time they met.

  ‘I’m sorry, Paul,’ he muttered, as he made his way back to the car. ‘I made a terrible mess of that.’

  Annie managed to reach her quarters before breaking down. She had been determined not to blubber all over that swine. She would mourn for Paul in her own way – in private.

  This was turning out to be a terrible year. First the loss of Jack, and now, eight months later, Paul had been killed. Two men she had loved dearly, in different ways, and they were both gone. It was hard to believe, and there was now a big empty gap in her life. But it was fast being filled with dislike for Reid Lascells. How dare he stand there with that accusing look in his eyes? What had she done to deserve such treatment? How could brothers be so different?