The Novice

by Ava Lohan

  I was nauseated. I was angry.

  I spent the next five minutes trying to fold all the clothes I had brought with me. T-shirts, jeans, the makeup bag that I was supposed to have thrown out. Clothes and accessories I hadn’t seen or touched in two years. There was even a stuffed animal. Every few minutes I reached up to touch my veil, forgetting I had taken it off, along with my novice’s habit. Wearing a black tank top and white jeans, I felt like something was missing. I wasn’t used to wearing things like this anymore. It felt like standing completely stripped down in the middle of a crowd.

  The hardest part would be lying to Sara.

  “I didn’t even know you had a great-aunt.”

  Neither did I. “She’s really old. I haven’t seen her in years.”

  “You’ve never even mentioned her.” Her eyes were burning holes through my skin as she watched me pack. “Has she ever called or written here?” Her words betrayed her suspicion.

  Lying to her was killing me. I wanted to spill my guts, to tell her about this mess I had gotten myself into. I needed a shoulder to cry on, and knowing I had one right in front of me hurt. It was just the two of us. I was about to give in. All I had to do was turn and speak. It would have been so easy, but I couldn’t do it. I refocused my attention on my bag and folded the last T-shirt.

  I shrugged. “I write to her.”

  “I thought you only wrote your best friend.”

  She wouldn’t let it go. I turned toward her. Sara knew a lot about me. I had told her why I joined the convent and how I had lost everything. She’d never judged me. She’d only shown me affection, and now here I was, lying straight to her face. I’d told her about the boy in the confessional and how much that encounter had upset me. But I didn’t want to bring up that story again. Maybe she would get suspicious. Maybe she would think I was going to run away with him, something that was much closer to the truth than the great-aunt story.

  “I send letters to my great-aunt as well,” I lied.

  “I have a great-aunt too, my grandmother’s sister. She’s almost a hundred, thirty years older than my grandmother. My grandmother could be her daughter.”

  I nodded. “You’ve never told me about her.”

  Immediately, all suspicion vanished from her face. I was right, after all: she had never mentioned a great-aunt either.

  I zipped my bag closed, the sound sending shivers down my spine. Even though I knew it wouldn’t be forever, and that the two weeks would pass by fast, I felt like I was about to say goodbye to everything I knew and begin a new life. Again.

  Sara hugged me. “Don’t be sad, Rose. You’ll be back in time to take your vows. What you’re doing is an act of altruism and generosity. Every day we are apart is one day closer to us becoming sisters, real sisters.”

  I nodded in agreement, but all I really wanted to do was cry. We were the same age, but we couldn’t have been more different. She had never even kissed a boy. We would never have been friends in high school, though she was the kind of girl my parents would’ve wanted me to spend time with. She had two older sisters outside of the convent, and inside it she had me.

  I hugged her back. “I’ll return in time for our vows.”

  That was exactly what I intended to do.

  Chapter Four

  Southampton, Long Island—a paradise for the rich. Judging by the security walls, Lust was massive. There was nothing else in the vicinity. The luxurious homes with ocean views were long gone. All I could see were trees and the tall cement wall that hid everything away from those who didn’t have a pass or who weren’t invited to come inside. There must’ve been hundreds of security cameras. The car stopped at the gate. From the back seat I leaned forward to get a better look as the driver talked to the security guard through a microphone in the car.

  The gate opened onto a wide driveway, and we entered slowly. I relaxed back into the seat. All I could see from the window were trees. And gravel. They could’ve built another Mall of America in this place. The parking lot on its own was as big as my hometown.

  “This place is huge,” I blurted out.

  “And this is only the exterior, madam.” The driver spoke to me for the first time since picking me up. “Just wait until you see the place. Then you’ll really be speechless.”

  I took his word for it.

  The more I saw, the less I believed my eyes. Luxury cars sat parked under the sun, glistening as if they were brand new. Any one of them alone was worth as much as the convent. Seeing the building nearly knocked me off my feet, just like the driver had said. It was majestic, the perfect setting for a film about the filthy rich. I was so taken aback by its beauty that I almost forgot what it was: a brothel. A glorious container for the filth inside.

  When the car stopped, my eyes were still glued to the building. The driver got out of the car to open my door and get my bag from the trunk. I thought he would lead me inside, but he explained it wasn’t his job.

  “I only do the transportation. Enjoy your stay at Lust.”

  With a nod, he vanished from my sight. I looked behind me. With all those trees, the place seemed so pure. There was no sex in the air, no sin. All I could smell was the ocean.

  “You just gonna stand there forever, sweetie?”

  I turned to face the entrance. The woman who now stood in the doorway was dressed elegantly. She was nothing like the women I’d imagined I would see there. Her fake blond hair was styled to perfection, no doubt the work of a talented hairdresser. She looked down at my shoes in disgust, as if I were Cinderella standing before a real princess. At least, that’s how she made me feel. From my shoes, her eyes made their way on up to inspect the rest of me as she sensually brought a cigarette up to her fire-red lips. I couldn’t figure out exactly how old she was: older than thirty, but younger than forty. Of that much I was sure. She didn’t like me and she had no intention of hiding it. I returned her hostile gaze. A whore who looked at a nun in disgust. Now that’s something I never thought I would see, let alone experience for myself. When her eyes finally landed on my suitcase, she chuckled.

  “You won’t be needing that here.”

  I couldn’t decipher her tone. Was this her idea of fun?

  I frowned and clenched my fist tighter around the bag’s handle. “Oh, I think I will,” I challenged her.

  I had everything in there, all my clothes and underwear. I wasn’t about to walk around this enormous luxury villa completely naked.

  “Suit yourself.”

  She shrugged and strutted down the hallway, without making sure I was following her. I did anyway. Like a diva, she wore five-inch heels that click-clacked along the shiny wood floor. Compared to her, I looked like a little schoolgirl in my sneakers. I hadn’t worn a pair of heels like that in over two years. I probably didn’t even remember how to walk in them. She put out her cigarette in an ashtray on the reception counter. This must’ve been where they welcomed their guests, judging by the doorman seated behind the counter, who called us ladies. I stifled a laugh.

  My amusement soon turned to a sense of inadequacy as I looked around. This place was the definition of luxury: a nonstop flow of servers passed by with trays and bottles. The interiors were so opulent only the White House could rival them. Jesus. I knew Kegan had money, but I never expected all of this. Laughter reached my ears, but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.

  “Don’t get used to it.”

  I stared at her, not understanding.

  “Don’t get used to all this,” she clarified, gesturing around the room. “I would bet all of tonight’s tips that you won’t last a day in here. You’ll be saying goodbye to Lust before tomorrow night.”

  The confidence in her voice surprised me. I should’ve been irritated by her frankness, but I secretly hoped she was right. I wasn’t made for a place like this, dripping with luxury. It was amazing, sure, but it wasn’t worth my dignity. And it was thanks to the Lord that I still had any. I didn’t know if I could say the same for the woman who
kept looking me up and down. She studied my every movement, from the way I held onto my suitcase to how I twirled a piece of hair when nervous.

  A couple of attractive guys passed by without even looking at us.

  “Where is Kegan Anderson?”

  The doorman looked at me curiously, but he didn’t answer.

  The woman laughed. “Follow me, sugar. I’ll bring you to your room.”

  I turned back to the silver screen divinity and followed her lead. She greeted someone as we walked down the hall, but didn’t stop. I stared at the ground to avoid making eye contact. Lust was enormous. I had no idea how many bedrooms the place could have. And I had no intention of finding out what other kinds of rooms there might be.

  We made our way up a shiny white staircase. It was immaculate, as if a maid stood by just waiting to clean up after every person who used it. The woman finally stopped.

  “Here you go, doll, this is your room.” She opened the door wide. “Pity we don’t have any toys here, other than sex toys.”

  She flashed me a knowing smile I didn’t repay.

  “Where is Kegan?” I asked again, not even looking into the room.

  I didn’t take my eyes off the woman for an instant. She tapped her nails against the doorframe, meeting my cold stare with an even icier one.

  “Where did he find you?” she asked, genuinely curious.

  But I didn’t back down. Was it possible that she didn’t know I was a novice? Maybe nobody here knew about the extortion I was facing. Maybe if I told her she would help me. I opened my mouth to speak but immediately changed my mind. She didn’t seem like the friendly sort, but rather like the type who would just ridicule me more if she knew. She’d already labelled me as a little girl. There was no way I was going to cry in front of her or show any weakness.

  “He’ll get tired of you,” she said, surprising me. “He’ll try you out today, and if you’re not good enough to become one of us, you’ll be gone tomorrow.” There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation in her voice. “Kegan Anderson never fucks the same woman—or man—twice. Unless, of course, they’re paying him thousands of dollars.” She examined my outfit. “And you can’t afford him.”

  I was just about to say something rude when a voice saved me.

  “I see our nun has arrived.”

  It was a guy. He, too, began to examine me. I sealed my lips shut. I was getting tired of this constant indiscreet examination like I was some kind of freak show.

  “Nun?” the woman blurted out, incredulously.

  I didn’t respond. The guy shrugged his shoulders.

  “Apparently,” he said, winking.

  He was handsome, for sure, but he had nothing on Kegan. Then again, nobody compared to that arrogant bastard.

  “Kegan has taken up interest in religion… or should I say... the religious?”

  Nobody laughed at his stupid joke but him.

  I brought my suitcase into the room. It was nothing special. The walls were a soft white. The bedspread was also in a neutral color, as were the rest of the items in sight. There was nothing in the room to suggest I was in a brothel.

  I looked up to see the man and woman still standing in the doorway, both seemingly watching my every move. I left my suitcase next to the bed. I was tempted to ignore them and plop down on the bed to get some sleep. I just wanted to forget the past two days, but there was something I had to do first, before I could even think of lying down.

  “Is it to your liking, our chaste little room?”

  I ignored the man’s provocation. “Where is Kegan? Take me to him. I have to see him, now.”

  “Someone’s in a hurry.” He looked me up and down again. “Can’t wait to get started here, is that right, Sister?”

  He started to approach me. I took some steps back and fell onto the bed. He kneeled in front of me. Now we were face to face. He placed his hands on my knees. My own hands, however, stayed firmly planted on the mattress.

  “I could take care of you myself. The boss wouldn’t mind. Or, we could just keep it to ourselves,” he whispered with a mischievous grin.

  “I won’t say a word,” swore the woman at the door. “You can do her here and now for all I care, Finn. I’ll leave you two alone.”

  Their little act inflamed the rage I was trying to control. I pushed the guy back, causing him to lose his balance and fall onto the floor. The woman laughed. The guy cursed. I stood up.

  “I’m sick of this bullshit,” I snapped, leaving their jaws gaping.

  This was definitely inappropriate for a nun. But Sister Rose was gone now, and filling in was Old Rose. The Rose who didn’t take shit lying down, who never turned the other cheek. If I was going to get any respect from the assholes here, I would need to dust off the weapons I had kept hidden for two years. I couldn’t afford to be tolerant if I wanted to survive these two weeks at Lust. I wanted respect, and treating these people way they treated me was the best way to earn it. Having to confess that I said a few swear words would be nothing compared to what Kegan had in store for me.

  “I told you to bring me to him, and it’s in your best interest to do so. I think he’ll be very interested in what I have to say. And if he gets mad about the delay, he definitely won’t be taking it out on me.”

  I was lying. I was sure what I had to say would have no effect on Kegan whatsoever, but Finn didn’t need to know that. He seemed to think about what I'd said, then jumped up quickly, looking at me in a new light. It wasn’t quite respect that I saw in his eyes, but it was close enough. His voice was more serious now.

  “That wasn’t part of the plan, but follow me.”

  The woman stared me down as we walked past her, as if she were trying to kill me with her eyes. I pretended not to notice as we made our way down the hallway. Finn pointed out some of the closed doors, telling me what was behind them. A staff room. An entertainment room. A poker room.

  “...And this is my room. If you’re ever feeling lonely, I just want you to know that Finn is more than happy to take care of you when he isn’t busy satisfying clients.”

  His words had no effect on me. “I’ll try to remember,” I responded, playing along.

  He laughed.

  We kept walking. I forgot how far away the staircase was.

  “And here we have some more staff rooms,” he explained, pointing to another hallway. Then he pointed to the elevator. “On the third floor we have theme rooms, some of the most expensive rooms here. Don’t go to the fourth floor, especially on Wednesday nights. That is Excess Night, and high society can be very perverse.”

  He stopped to look at me. “In fact, it’s probably best you avoid the fourth floor altogether.”

  He flashed me an ambiguous grin. I chose not to ask any questions.

  “The top floor is all Kegan’s. That’s where he lives. He never brings anybody up there.”

  I nodded and decided I preferred the stairs.

  “Selections take place on the ground floor. Those who arrive first have first pick. Lust is always open, but clients usually start arriving at midnight.”

  We now stood in an enormous room with waiters serving hors d’oeuvres to people sitting on black leather couches.

  “Clients who arrive first pay much more. An hour early, two thousand dollars. Two hours early, four thousand dollars, and so on.”

  He gestured toward some men in suits with tablets in hand.

  “Regulars,” he said. “They’re looking through our catalogue to decide who they’ll spend the rest of the day with, and the whole night.”

  He looked over my outfit, but without the disgusted expression of the woman. He did so with honest curiosity.

  “You are eighteen, right?”

  “Twenty-one,” I said with a grin.

  I knew I naturally looked younger than I was, and my casual outfit and makeup-free face didn’t help. Not that it mattered; in fact, it might even work to my advantage. Maybe my underage look would spare me from undesired attention. The idea of
sleeping with Kegan didn’t bother me as much as it should have, but the thought of ending up in bed with anyone else disturbed me. I pulled out my crucifix from under my shirt and prayed to God for forgiveness.

  “I didn’t mention it before, but you can have sex and drink alcohol here. Hallelujah.” Then Finn turned serious. “Come here.”

  He led me to see more rooms, similar to the one with the leather sofas. Each of the rooms had a big screen TV. In one of them, a group of guys were watching a football game while sharing a bucket of popcorn. In another, some girls were sprawled out on sofas reading fashion magazines or watching a movie. They were all sexy, provocative, and nearly naked. In another room, there was an older group of men and women dressed elegantly, like the bitch who welcomed me at the entrance. I got the feeling that Lust had employees to satisfy all tastes, in every way that the word taste can be interpreted. We arrived at another big-screen TV. It was almost like a multiplex had been squeezed inside a mansion.

  My guide on this luxurious tour stopped to look at the giant screen.

  “At night, these little rooms are full of clients who like watching from not too far away. Some of the rooms are equipped with cameras, allowing clients who enjoy being watched to put on a show for another room.”

  My eyes widened. It sounded too perverse to be real.

  “Now, I’ll take you to the beast,” Finn said.

  I wrinkled my brow. He left me at the door and went to talk to a handsome man. Finn said something, and both of them looked in my direction and laughed. I tensed up. I was sure they were saying bad things about me. Maybe the women here didn’t know that I was a nun, but I bet that Finn and the other men had been let in on the secret. I crossed my arms across my chest and stiffened up. Still laughing, the men clinked their glasses together.