The Road Without You

by H. M. Sholander

  Graham steps in front of me, walking backward. “Jax here”—he points to Jax, who’s walking in time next to me—“will show you a good time. Think of it as a club. You didn’t seem to have a problem there.” He grins before he grabs Arya’s hand and pulls her away.

  My mouth goes slack as I openly stare at the back of Graham’s retreating form. Arya peers over her shoulder, winking at me, as she blows me a kiss.

  He seems like a handful. I hope she knows what she’s doing.

  “It’ll be fine,” Jax says, wrapping his hand around mine.

  I’m not worried about the other people here. I’m worried about the trouble I’m going to get myself into with him. I’ve already proven alcohol and Jax are a bad combination.

  When he leads me inside, loud dance music assaults me as it blares through the house. Smoke clouds waft through the air from people smoking joints, making it harder to breathe in the already-heavy air.

  I’ve definitely never been to a party like this.

  We wade through the crowded house, and everywhere I look, a girl in a skimpy costume is draped over a guy. They leave little to the imagination with their cleavage on full display and dresses so short, I can see the bottoms of their asses—not cute in my opinion.

  Halloween is just an excuse to get laid when you’re in college.

  A girl in fishnet stockings and a corset steps in front of us. She runs a purple manicured fingernail down Jax’s chest.

  I narrow my eyes at her as my face burns, the intense desire to bitch slap her overwhelming me.

  He scowls and removes her hand, dropping it back to her side. She pops her hip out as she flips her blonde hair, her eyes dropping to where our hands connect. He sidesteps her and pulls me through the crowd in the living room.

  The fact that she thought she had the right to touch him makes my stomach twist in knots. She did it because she knew he’d hooked up with one girl after the other. She probably assumed she could be next in line.

  Why would Jax be interested in me when he could have a blonde bimbo like her?

  I bet Travis would have told her to meet him upstairs when I wasn’t around.

  “Hey, Jax. Wanna dance?” someone dressed as a French maid asks, pouting her lips.

  “I’m here with Raegan.”

  He pulls me closer, and the girl’s face sours as she saunters off.

  He brushed both girls off, but it doesn’t change the fact that I want to throat-punch them and tell them to back off.

  I don’t want anyone else to have him. I don’t want anyone else to know the real him.

  My breath catches in my throat because, now, I know this isn’t a casual-dating thing. As much as I didn’t want anything with Jax, as much as I hated him, I want nothing more than to be the one he calls his.

  My stomach drops at the realization, as I know he could hurt me.

  Jax isn’t the same as Travis. He’s the opposite, and he can end me, dragging my heart through the mud when he’s done with me.

  My breathing escalates, my chest heaving, as I fight to inhale the thick air.

  I drop Jax’s hand and turn around, needing to leave this house before everything caves in on me.

  Why is this happening?

  I’m completely overreacting for nothing. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but that’s exactly the problem.

  If I had a magic crystal ball to tell me everything would work out, then maybe I wouldn’t be stumbling through a mob of people, trying to push my way out.

  Someone latches on to my hand, and I whip my head around, seeing Jax looking as confused as I feel.

  He shouts, “What’s wrong?”

  I grab my chest, my nails digging into my skin, like I can yank my thrashing heart out my chest to make the panic subside.

  When I don’t answer, he drags me in the opposite direction of the front door. I try to pull away, but he tightens his grip on my hand. He guides me up the stairs and down the hallway until he opens a door.

  He leads me inside and shuts the door behind him. “Red, what’s going on?”

  I shake my head, not able to talk as I take in as much air as I can, glad this room isn’t as suffocating as downstairs.

  I have this overwhelming fear of trusting someone again. When Travis broke my heart, I felt like he threw a boulder at me. I was broken and bruised on the inside. My scars and pain were hidden by flesh and a brave face, but just because no one could see it, doesn’t mean I didn’t feel it.

  Jax guides me to the bed and pushes me down, kneeling in front of me.

  His gray eyes cloud with worry, and his lips turn down. He pushes my hair away from my face, his thumb trailing across my flush skin.

  Breathing becomes easier as I watch Jax trying to comfort me in a way Travis never did.

  Travis might have taken care of me financially, but he didn’t know how to ease my mind.

  Even though Jax is the reason I’m freaking out, he’s calming me down without saying a word.

  Sometimes you have to take a chance. If you ever want to find an epic love, you must be willing to fall. And if you’re lucky, the person you love whole-heartedly will be there to catch you before you hit the ground. All you have to do is trust them.

  “Raegan,” he says, bringing his other hand to my face, “I can take you home. Just say the word.”

  That’s not the problem. I’m the problem. I’m stuck in my own head.

  “What is this?” I whisper.

  “What do you mean?” His brows furrow.

  I gesture between us. “This.”

  He exhales, searching my face before he drops his head. “I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know?” I question, pushing his hands away from my face.

  His head snaps up, and he grabs me around the waist, moving closer to me. “I don’t know, but I feel something I haven’t before.”

  “How vague of you.” I shove away from him and stand from the bed.

  “Red, what do you want me to say?” He gets to his feet. “This is new. It’s…I don’t know.”

  He fumbles for words as he draws nearer, but I circle around his room, keeping him as far away as I can.

  “Am I just some girl you like to hang out with? Someone you’re trying to screw?”

  He flinches. “You know that’s not true.”

  “Do I?” I balk. “Because you can’t seem to figure out what we are, and I refuse to be another one of the many girls Jax Andrews has slept with.”

  I stare at him, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn’t.

  The door opens, music from the party filtering through the room, and a girl wearing a bikini struts in.

  “Jax, I’ve been looking for you,” she whines, her voice squeaky.

  I wince from the sound.

  He walks to the door and steers her out of the room. “Leave.”

  Her mouth falls open as he shuts the door in her face, locking it behind him.

  “Who was that?” I ask, crossing my arms.

  “No one.”

  “Really? She seemed like more than no one. A late-night fuck buddy?”

  He throws his hands out in surrender. “Raegan, I have no fucking clue what her name is.”

  “You’re telling me a random chick thought it was okay to barge in here when she wasn’t invited?” I stare at him.

  He tugs on the ends of his hair. “That’s not who I am, not anymore. We’re…you’re…” He groans in frustration, not able to get the words out.

  I drop my hands to my sides. “Tell me something, Jax, because I need to know we’re more than I think we are.”

  I need him to give me something because the epiphany I had downstairs hit me like a freight train, and if he doesn’t feel the same, then whatever we’ve been doing needs to stop before I can’t come back from this.

  He walks toward me, backing me up against the nearest wall. “You’re not just another girl. You’re the one who has changed everything.”

  My eyes
search his face as he presses his body against mine.

  “I’ve fought with myself since I first saw you running down the sidewalk past my house before I met you in class.” His gray eyes hold mine, like he’s staring into my soul. “You have invaded every one of my thoughts and become the person I want to be around more than anyone else.”

  I bite my lip, but he pulls it free before resting his hand on the side of my face.

  “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like every other girl because you’re not…not even close.”

  His mouth crashes against mine, swallowing me whole, and I let him. I fist the side of his shirt, pulling him closer until the only thing separating us is our clothes.

  His hand leaves my face, traveling down the side of my body. He grabs my waist, picking me up off the ground, and I wrap my legs around him as he flips us around, walking away from the wall.

  He leans down, bracing himself on his mattress, as one hand stays firmly wrapped around my waist. He drops me to the bed, the smell of mint surrounding me. I inhale as his lips move down my neck, loving the fresh scent that engulfs me.

  His arms cage me in as I flatten my palms against his chest, feeling the hard lines under his shirt.

  Neither of us has had any alcohol, so I know this is real. We aren’t playing pretend. We aren’t being fueled by lust but by words.

  He backs away, hovering above me. “What are we to you?” he asks, a quiver in his voice.

  “More than I ever thought we would be.” I clasp my hands behind his neck, yanking him down. “You’re a dangerous addiction I don’t want to resist anymore.”

  “Then, don’t,” he whispers.

  His lips collide with mine, and my fingers slide through his short brown hair, and I allow him to swallow me whole.

  My body sinks further into his bed as I lose the last bit of fight I was holding on to.

  Jax

  I push Raegan further into the bed and taste every part of her I can as my hands slide under her shirt. I groan into her mouth, feeling her smooth skin under my fingers.

  I have no idea why I was holding back before when Raegan asked me what we were. I guess I didn’t want to admit to her that she had become the person I wanted to be with when I woke up and before I fell asleep. She quickly invaded my life, and I don’t know how I’d gotten by so long without her.

  Her hand tugs at my hair as my tongue sweeps across hers. Her nails dig into my side, and my abdomen tightens, as I know she’ll leave a red mark on my skin.

  She pulls the string around my neck, and the red cape slides down my back, falling to the floor. She pushes the Superman shirt I’m wearing up, and I’m ready to yank the damn thing over my head when my phone rings.

  We both pause, gazing at each other, as the sound echoes through the room.

  The music from the party muffled by my bedroom door and the faint voices of people walking down the hall reminds me we aren’t alone. It snaps me back to reality.

  I don’t want Raegan like this. I want her alone, not in a crowded house. I’m going to give her more than a quick lay. When I take her, she’ll know I cherish every part of her—body and soul.

  I push off the bed and yank my phone from my pocket, Arya’s name on the screen.

  I swipe Answer as I stare down at Raegan, her chest rising and falling and lips red. “Yeah.”

  “You stole my friend,” Arya shouts over the music and laughter in the background. “Come outside and play beer pong.”

  I hold my hand out to Raegan, and she takes it. I lift her from the bed as I say, “We’re coming.”

  I hang up the phone and shove it in my pocket.

  “What’s going on?” she asks, smoothing out her hair with her free hand.

  “We’re going downstairs.” I tug on her hand, leading her to the door, but she pulls me to a stop.

  “Why?” Raegan asks as I flip around. She blinks several times. “We were...” She glances over at the bed.

  I take a step closer to her, placing my hand on the back of her neck.

  “I know, but you warrant more than this.” I kiss her temple. “Let’s go downstairs, and I promise when it’s the right time, I’ll worship every part of you. You’ll feel how much you mean to me.” Her lips part, a gasp escaping her mouth. “It’ll be just you and me, not this.”

  “Okay…yeah…that’s…” she stammers, and I grin, knowing my words have her speechless.

  I throw open my bedroom door and guide her downstairs around the mass of people taking over my house.

  The stairs vibrate as the music blares from the living room stereo. When we hit the last step, I glance out the front door, and I’m surprised I don’t see any red and blue lights. We weave through the living room, and I navigate us outside where I know the beer pong table is set up.

  “It’s about time,” Arya says, a hand on her hip. “Boys against the girls.” She reaches out and grabs Raegan’s arm, hauling her to the end of the table, opposite Graham, Trent, and Luke.

  “This is Trent,” I say to Raegan, nudging his shoulder. He half-smiles at her, his posture relaxed, like he smoked a joint recently. “And that’s Luke.” I throw a thumb in his direction, and he grins.

  “I’m Raegan.” She takes the dog ears off her head, pushing her hair out of her face, before putting them back on. “How come you guys aren’t in costumes?”

  Trent chuckles, running a hand through his chin-length hair. “Halloween’s for chicks.”

  Graham flicks him on the forehead. “Watch it.”

  “Why would I dress up as someone else when I can be me?” Luke runs his hands down his chest.

  “Full of yourself much?” Arya jokes, tugging at the bottom of her white dress. “All right, let’s play. You boys sit back and watch how it’s done.”

  Trent rubs his hands together. “This is going to be easy.”

  Arya snorts. “You wish.”

  “You ladies do realize there are four of us and two of you, right?” Luke asks, his dimples on full display.

  I walk toward Graham, watching Arya and Raegan stand straighter, confidence radiating out of them.

  “That won’t be a problem,” Raegan answers, picking up the two plastic white balls from the table.

  “Want to bet on it?” Luke taunts, his eyes shifting between Arya and Raegan.

  I know he’s thinking he can take them for all the cash they have, but he shouldn’t underestimate them.

  Arya places her hands on the table and leans forward, staring Luke down. “I bet you a hundred bucks we win.”

  He winks. “You’re on, babe.”

  She pushes off the table. “Go for it, Raegan.”

  Raegan throws the first ball and lands it in the red Solo cup in front of Trent. She smirks as he picks up the cup, downing the beer.

  “Beginners luck.” Trent pushes his hair out of his face.

  Raegan throws the second ball, and it splashes in a cup. Trent’s face twitches as Luke throws back the amber liquid.

  “They’re playing us.” Trent crosses his arms, glowering at the girls on the other side of the table.

  I belt out a laugh as Arya and Raegan smile.

  “I’m not a beginner. I learned from the best.” Raegan’s eyes land on Arya.

  “Still wanna play?” Arya taunts.

  “You bet,” Graham says, smirking.

  Arya drops to the couch next to me and Raegan in the living room, tossing an empty cup on the coffee table.

  “Andrews, you throw a pretty good party.” Arya tucks her feet under her butt, leaning her head on Raegan’s shoulder.

  A balled-up napkin flies across the room and hits Arya in face.

  Her head shoots up. “Hey!”

  “I’m the one who threw the party,” Graham corrects. “Jax was too busy courting Red to lend a hand.”

  I shrug, wrapping an arm around Raegan’s shoulder.

  “Fine, you threw a good party. Too bad you aren’t as good at beer pong.” She grins. “Though, you did help
me and Raegan win a hundred bucks.”

  He sits on the coffee table. “My teammates were holding me back.”

  “Is that why you didn’t make a single shot?” Raegan pipes in, and I chuckle.

  “How ‘bout a rematch?” He gets to his feet, pointing toward the back door. “Just the four of us?”

  “I’m out.” Raegan snuggles into my chest, burying her face in my shirt. “I’m too comfortable to move.”

  “Sorry, man,” I answer. “I’m with her.”

  Graham outstretches his hand. “What about you, angel?” He wags his eyebrows. “Trent and Luke followed a couple of girls to another party, so it’s just you and me.”

  Arya stands from the couch, straightening her angel wings. She takes the halo off her head and tosses it on the couch. “Let me show you how it’s done…again.”

  She stalks past him, ignoring his hand as she heads outside. Graham follows behind her, dropping his cowboy hat on the floor.

  I’d bet twenty bucks she kicks his ass.

  I look down at Raegan. Her eyes are closed and breathing shallow. I slowly stand from the couch and pick her up. Her arms slip around my neck as I cradle her against my chest.

  “What are you doing?” she mumbles.

  I kiss her forehead. “Putting you to bed.”

  “’Kay.”

  I walk up the stairs and step into my room, kicking the door shut as quietly as I can.

  I place Raegan in bed and take off her shoes before I throw mine off, too.

  I lay in bed behind her, drawing the covers over us and haul her back to my chest. She snuggles closer, and I hold her as tight as I can, never wanting to let her go.

  Raegan

  Sitting on my couch, my fingers fly over the keyboard, typing out the last paragraph of our paper.

  Jax throws his arm over my shoulder and leans his head back on the couch, staring up at the living room ceiling. “Why do you hit the keys so hard, Red?”

  I hold up a finger. “Hang on.” I finish typing and hit save, not wanting any of our work to disappear. I look over at him, and ask, “What did you say?”

  “The keys.” He lifts his head and jerks his thumb at the keyboard. “Why do you hit them like you’re punishing them for existing?”