Opening Up

by Lauren Dane

  “Did you see the stuff for the next few jobs? I told Lottie to set up a box for you in her space.”

  PJ watched him carefully. “Yes. Thanks. You’re being weird.”

  “I am not being weird.” Of course, his denial was far too vehement—another danger sign where she was concerned. She was a test to his control.

  He had earned that control with blood and a hell of a lot of hard labor. No matter how hot she was, he needed to keep it. That control made him a man he could be proud of.

  She slowly raised the brow with the piercing and then pushed her glasses up her nose. Imperious. He nearly groaned and one corner of her mouth tipped up slightly. She knew that got to him.

  He changed the subject. “Have you ever thought about surgery? For your eyes, I mean.” And ended up being weird again.

  She paused and then ate some more of her ice cream. “I like glasses. Plus, I can’t even put drops in my eyes. I am the worst with that stuff. The few times in my life I have to have drops, my brother Shawn sits on me while Julie keeps my eyes pried open.”

  Asa guffawed. “Sorry. I just…” He tried to stop snickering.

  She flapped a hand his way. “So, as I’ve made clear, I’m not a good candidate for letting lasers near my eyes. I also take eyebright and other supplements for eye health because I like to avoid being a woman in her twenties calling her brother and sister over every time she needs eye drops.” Then she grinned.

  The ground at his feet was shaky. He liked her. When he was around her, he was pleased. Satisfied that she was in his shop.

  The only other people he felt that way about were his mom and sisters.

  She watched him. “So, you gonna tell me what’s going on with you, or am I going to keep pretending you’re not being sketchy?”

  “Sketchy? I’m not sketchy!”

  “Oh, so you’re mad that you’re acting weird and I’m calling you out on it? That’s sketchy. Go on and deny it, buster, but you know what I’m talking about and I’m not playing that game. Not with anyone.”

  PJ mad was blistering hot. He had to breathe out in one slow exhale to pull the tattered shreds of his control around him.

  Sometimes when he was seeing someone he would divert them when he didn’t want to deal with whatever they wanted to talk about. Which was, actually, shady.

  “Drug dealers are sketchy. That clerk at the deli across the street is sketchy. Don’t go over there in the afternoons unless you’re with me or Duke.” He paused and swallowed hard. His dad was sketchy. Asa would never, ever be that. “I’m not sketchy.”

  Her anger softened and she cocked her head. “I’m truly sorry that I hurt your feelings. It was a poor choice of words. I’m just saying that it’s important to me that I never let myself be lied to. It’s not cool. So you can say you don’t want to talk about something and I’ll respect that. But I’m not going to pretend there’s not something we’re not talking about. Do you get that distinction?”

  “I accept your apology. Thank you. I apologize for overreacting.” He sighed, reaching out to close his door. The way he’d acted only underlined why this had to stop. He couldn’t be doing this at work.

  “What happened two weeks ago, it can’t happen again. I mean, it was fantastic, don’t get me wrong.” He didn’t want her thinking he hadn’t enjoyed himself, because fuck yeah they had mad heat in bed.

  The look on her face told him she wasn’t going along with this the way he’d hoped she would. “So if it was fantastic, you want to stop why?”

  He had to tread very carefully. She might be young, but she was smart and the gleam in her eye told him she was dangerous when pissed off.

  Which made him hard, and then he frowned at his lap.

  “We have heat, I can’t lie. That night was… well, it was unreal. But I have a rule and I broke it with you.”

  “If you tell me you’re married or with someone and you fucked me, I’m going to punch you in the balls.”

  He winced. “No. I’m not with anyone or I wouldn’t have slept with you. My rule is that I don’t enter any relationships with people I work with. It creates complications.” And damn it, he felt it when he was with her. Which led him to other reasons, but ones he wasn’t going to get into right now.

  It was easy to sleep with a woman for a while and then move on when they both got tired. But this was more. He could feel the outline of something far bigger than he’d really wanted to deal with.

  He’d already done things he’d never done before. Lost his control. It mattered what she thought and how he made her feel.

  Casual sex that would end after a time would ruin this thing they were building. He and Duke loved the work she did. It was best to nip this in the bud.

  PJ dropped her half-eaten ice cream into the trash can. “Complications?”

  “Yes, complications. Like this one we’re having right now.”

  “I came in to drop off an invoice and have an ice cream bar. I didn’t leap on you or wear an I Love Asa Barrons button. You started this whatever-it-is you’re doing right now.”

  This was not going the way he’d hoped.

  “No, that’s not what I’m saying.”

  PJ drew a breath and fought her temper. She’d had such a weird day and decided to drop by Twisted Steel. No big, just a few minutes of fun, maybe tell Asa about how she’d just quit her job and then go about her business.

  Instead he was talking about complications as if she didn’t want to keep this thing between them mellow in public, especially in a work setting.

  And then, like a man, he doubled down. “You’re too young for me. I’m too old and jaded for you. We’re not right for one another for a host of reasons. But I like you. I like the work you do. I certainly like flirting with you and having you as a friend.”

  She blinked, incredulous. This guy teased her for months. Flirted. Looked at her like he wanted to take a lick every time she was around. Ate her pussy in her bed before he fucked her. Three times.

  “This is the hill you want to die on? Really? A we-can-be-just-friends speech?”

  “No. I’m sorry. I’m not handling this right. It’s why I have the damned rule in the first place, to avoid this business. We were already friends, I like to think. It’s a this-is-why-we-can’t-fuck-anymore speech.”

  This was so fucking dumb. If he wasn’t as hot and didn’t take up as much of her thoughts as he did, she would have stormed out.

  He was being dumb.

  “Okay, so I think it’s totally fair that you have this rule. It would have been better to have known before, but whatever. I do now. But why this assumption that I wouldn’t also want to keep the fact that we’re sleeping together private? It’s hard to be taken seriously when you’re female. When you’re young it’s worse. I have to constantly overcome an assumption that I’m a spoiled, dumb, pretty but useless burden. Sort of like how you’re acting right now. I haven’t given you a single reason to think I’m going to boil a bunny or start sleeping on your porch and telling people we’re married.”

  He scrubbed his hands over his face, and she didn’t feel bad for agitating him. He was being a dingus.

  “I like riding crops. I like to use them on the backs of a woman’s thighs and her ass. I like to flog her nipples and her pussy.”

  She shivered, but not from horror. My.

  “All right.” She held a finger up. “So can we admit I’ve disabused you of the other reasons you’ve tossed at me?”

  He frowned, his dark brows pointing in a sharp V. His hair had started to come out of the tie holding it back from his face because he kept shoving his hand through it.

  “I admit no such thing.”

  She rolled her eyes and his brows flew up. “Oooh, are you mad at my impudence? You can say whatever you want, but I won those other arguments.”

  She held a hand up and kept speaking. “You made that announcement about crops because you’ve concluded I wouldn’t like that? Or that I’d be shocked and run the other wa
y?”

  “Do you?”

  “Like crops? I don’t know. I’ve never been cropped. Cropped? Is that what it’s called?”

  “You’re killing me.”

  “I’m killing all these dumb excuses. You’re calling a halt to this based on what, that I might not like it? I mean, look, if you don’t dig me that way, fine. But now you’re just throwing stuff at me and flailing around.”

  “It’s not dumb. You’re too young. I’m thirty-seven years old. More than that, those were a really rough thirty-seven years. You’re not that.”

  She stood. “So your cock is going to send me to dirty hell? Do I get a say in any of this, or have you already decided that a decade and some change makes such a difference I’d run screaming if you slapped my ass with a crop?”

  “Your being younger is a reason. You don’t know what you like yet. Us working together is a reason. If it ended badly it would ruin our working relationship and our friendship.”

  PJ grabbed her purse. “You know how you feel about the word ‘sketchy’? That’s how I feel about men explaining to me how I feel and what I believe. You’re full of excuses and they’re all bullshit. I’ve already made it clear I don’t play like that. Have a nice day, Asa.”

  “Don’t leave it like this.” Asa blocked her way to the door. “One hundred percent truth. I do like you, PJ. I want us to continue being friends. I want you to continue doing work for us too.”

  She grabbed the doorknob and pulled. “I’ll continue to do work for you.” She kept pulling because it gave her something to do other than cry or get even angrier.

  “The rest?”

  “I don’t know. But I do know if you don’t let me out of this room it won’t happen at all.”

  He opened the door and she moved out to the hall. She’d planned a parting shot over her shoulder, but really she just wanted to go home. So she kept walking and hoped he appreciated looking at her ass, because he was a dumbshit who blew a chance to look his fill any time he liked.

  PJ showed up at her sister’s door two hours later, once she knew Julie had gotten home. When Julie opened up, PJ shoved a six-pack and a bag full of burgers and rings at her sister.

  “This appears to be more than just quitting your job. Come in and tell me.”

  “Only if you tell me about what happened after I left.”

  “Deal. Come on and let’s get these beers open and plates for our burgers.”

  “I told you I slept with Asa Barrons.”

  Her sister raised her beer. “You did indeed. Just from watching the two of you together that first night you met it was pretty clear you had the hot hot tinglies for each other.”

  “See, what I love about you is that no one would ever guess you’d say this stuff just by looking at you. Anyway. After I left Colman I went home, dropped stuff off, changed clothes, and then thought, Hey, I’m going over to Twisted Steel to have ice cream and flirt with Asa.”

  “Don’t even say he blew you off or I’m going to run him over with a tow truck.”

  “I love you.” PJ hugged her sister tight and then gave her the story. “I was pretty much like, dude, we’ll keep it chill in public, but we can still have sex. I’d bat away one thing and he’d bring something else up.”

  “Ew. Well, whatever. Better to know now than after a few more times with him when you’ve really started to like him. You can have sex with hot guys, PJ. Plenty of them around. You’re gorgeous, so that part is covered. If this guy wants to be a dick, who cares? His loss.”

  PJ dunked an onion ring in some ranch dressing. “I’m just over it. People thinking that because I’m young I don’t know what I want. Or that because I’m female I don’t understand things. What even is that? Jay totally eats that shit up.”

  Julie sighed, knowing PJ was still dealing with quitting her job too. “I don’t get it. To be honest, even if you weren’t my baby sister I’d have supported your plan. It’s economically clever. Nimble. Fee? Well, he’s just foolish and so desperately freaked out that he’s not very smart. He blocks you because you’re smarter as well as totally full of girl cooties. He manipulates Jay because he’s got Dad’s ear and Jay has the biggest daddy issues of us all. Jay is going to do whatever he thinks Dad will give him a Scooby snack for.”

  “I’d like a freaking Scooby snack sometimes, you know? Why does it feel like I’m never going to get any of Dad’s time and respect?”

  “I don’t know what his problem is.”

  “I know it took me a while to find a direction. I understand it takes time to prove myself. But it just… it’s never felt like he liked me very much. Oh sure, he loves me because I’m his kid and he’s not a Sith Lord. But I’m beginning to wonder if there’s anything I can do to satisfy him. It’s not like he ever said anything about my sales record either.”

  Julie sighed heavily. “He has the most trouble connecting with you. Which isn’t because of you.”

  “Ha! Of course it is. Part of it is that I’m female. I don’t know where Dad and Fee got that. Grandma was awesome and Grandpa always treated us with respect. But another part is that he and I just don’t fit. I’ve tried doing exactly what they said they wanted and even then it’s not enough.”

  “He’s a jerk, but he doesn’t like anyone. I feel like even though I’m technically higher up at Colman they listen to Shawn way more than me. They don’t listen to Mom at all.”

  PJ had left Julie alone when she’d quit her job earlier that day. “And here I am whining about my problems and I’ve made one for you. I’m sorry I didn’t see it.”

  Julie flipped her off. “No apologies. You have to leave to come back. Do you know what I mean?” Her sister shrugged one shoulder. “You have to do it this way. They’re not going to hear you if you stay. And if you’d stayed after that crap from earlier? Being told, Hey, be quiet and sell tires, we don’t need your newfangled ideas? Oh man, if you’d stayed, they’d do it to you again. Because you took it. Your leaving actually supports me more than your staying and taking that.”

  “I can do this. But I’m freaked. Just between you and me.”

  “Freaked about what? You’re good at this. You have clients already. You have a shop space. They underestimated you, PJ. Don’t do the same. Fuck them and fuck Asa. You got this.”

  “I’m so glad I came over here instead of revenge-making-out with an ex. That would have ended so badly.”

  Julie laughed. “If I hear you’re getting your lips anywhere near Aaron, unless you’re hitting him with a bar of soap in a sock, I’m going to kick your ass.”

  “You’re vicious. And also, um no. No Aaron of any type. I have other options for the sort of instant feel-good drunken make-out, and then there’d be regret the next day. Maybe.” PJ grinned. “Don’t you have that guy friend? You’ve never actually had intercourse but you’ve made out half a dozen times. He’s hot. You’re hot. It’s fun but you’re really not ever going to be with him and he doesn’t want that anyway.”

  Julie’s eyes widened. “There is not such a thing.”

  “Oh my god. Julie, there is totally such a thing. You won’t necessarily be kissing that friend, but one of your friends is that guy. What about Noah? I’d totally make out with Noah if he was that friend.”

  Her sister shook her head. “You think you know someone. Okay, who? In your group, I mean. Who is your make-out friend? No, wait, let me guess.” Julie thought as she ate. “Well, so I’d like it to be Chris.”

  “Chris is on-fire hot, but I’m not his type. He’s never even looked at me twice. It’s Craig. He just broke up with someone two weeks ago. Prime rebound time.”

  Problem was, she didn’t want to make out with Craig and masturbate alone before she fell asleep.

  “You have a look.”

  “I’m going to focus on getting PJ’s Custom Work set up. I got asked to do some more modeling, which is great because it’s like five or six hours’ effort and a nice check. I don’t actually need it; I have money in the bank, so get
that look off your face. But it keeps me busy and making connections too.”

  “And he’ll hear about it. Asa.”

  “Maybe. Of course he needs to suffer, be shown just exactly what he’s missing. He digs me, Julie. I know it. I can see it every time he looks my way. We have major chemistry. Like when we’re in the same room it’s sort of intoxicating. And yet I can’t moon or pine. I have too much to do. Also, hello. No. I’m not going to be doing that.”

  “So essentially your plan is to be you and to do it so well he can’t resist. Which is a good plan, I think.”

  They clinked beers and went back to gossip. “Jay,” PJ demanded.

  “He’s a spineless jerk. He knows he was wrong and as much as he’s capable, he’s sorry for not backing you up. But he’s desperate for Dad to pet him and tell him he’s pretty. And he’s smart. He’s a good person to take over when Dad steps down. But he needs to stop being a tightass.”

  They snickered a while. “I sort of feel bad for him,” PJ said.

  Their oldest brother had never really had the childhood the rest of them did. He traveled with their dad from a very early age, and their father never lost his reserve. Not with Jay, who wanted their father’s approval and affection so badly he’d alienate his siblings, and not with his other kids or his wife, for that matter.

  Julie said, “Yes, sure. It sucks. But we all have our shit to shovel. He has to figure it out and stand up on his own two feet. We all know Fee would be a disaster at running the company. Jay’s going to have to take him on at some point.”

  PJ tipped her chin at her sister. “Why don’t you do it?”

  “No thanks. I don’t want to run the company. But I’ll gladly shove Fee out an airlock and take his spot when I can. Can you believe he told me I was too pretty to be wasting my time at a job where I wasn’t meeting rich men regularly?”

  PJ reared back in horror. “What the ever-loving fuck?”

  “Ridiculous. Anyway, do you have plans tomorrow?”

  “I have a job first thing in the morning, but it’ll be a quick one. I’ll be free by one or so. You want to grab lunch and a movie?”