Home Invasion

by A. American

  While he knew this needed to be done, he wasn’t a fan of running around anymore. He was quite happy to sit on the porch in a rocking chair with Miss Kay at his side. For the first time in his life, he felt as though he had a home. Not in a physical sense, because if that were the case, he wanted to be back on the river. But the grubby little collection of houses and idjits living in them was his home now. And he couldn’t ask for anything more. Not that he’d say it to anyone there. They’d just get all dew – eyed and make it into something it wasn’t. Bunch of booger-eaters.

  Mike was driving the MRAP. As the camp came into view, he looked at Ted. “Hey, ask the old man if we can go in there and look around.”

  Ted’s head rolled to the side to look at him. “You ask him.”

  Mike’s lip curled and he replied, “You’re right. We ain’t got time.”

  Ted smiled. “That’s what I thought you’d say.”

  Mike looked over at him. “You think the old man is getting weird?”

  Ted snorted. “How could you tell?”

  Mike’s head rocked back and forth. “I know what you mean. But he seems different. I don’t know,” Mike got a sour look on his face, “meaner, if that’s possible.”

  Ted laughed. “Yeah. I don’t think that’s possible. I think he’s just getting older. He’s had a long hard run at it and done more shit than you an me put together.” Rolling his head over to look at Mike again, he added, “And that’s saying something.”

  “Yeah. Maybe,” Mike replied. “I think that old woman’s getting to him.”

  “Miss Kay,” Ted replied, making a point out of emphasizing her name, “is the best thing to happen to him. He needs someone in his life. Shit, I, for one, am happy for him. Gives him something else to focus on besides us.”

  Mike smiled and licked his lips. “I guess you’re right. It’s kinda good, really. I’ll be taking over this outfit soon.”

  Ted laughed and slapped his knee. “You? You think you’re going to take over from the Old Man?”

  Mike’s eyebrows narrowed. “Yeah. Why not?”

  Still laughing, Ted replied, “You couldn’t organize a troop of Cub Scouts! Let alone this outfit!”

  “Whatever, dickhead. You were probably in the damn Girl Scouts.”

  “I was. But they kicked me out,” Ted replied. Then he sat up and pointed his hands like pistols at Mike, “when I ate all the Brownies.”

  Mike shook his head. “That’s just fucked up!”

  Ted sat back in his seat. “Whatever, Scrub Scout.”

  We watched as the two trucks disappeared down the road. Turning to head back to the buggy, Jamie asked, “What do you want to do with the bodies?”

  I shrugged. “Someone will sort them out when they start to stink. I want to hook a strap to that truck of theirs and drag it home though.”

  Perez grunted, “What do you want that wreck for?”

  “I don’t know,” I replied. “Just want to take it with us.”

  My radio crackled. “Hey, Morgan, it’s Baker. We’re not going to be ready today. Cecil is installing that valve now, but we still need to test it.”

  Keying my mic, I replied, “That’s fine. We’ve got our hands full as it is.”

  “What was all the shooting? We saw the column haul ass your way.”

  “We found a couple of Russians and tried to have a word with them. They didn’t want to talk to us though.”

  “Already, huh?” Baker said. “Thought it would take longer.”

  “Me too,” I replied. “We’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

  “We’ll be ready in the morning,” Baker replied.

  I looked at Perez, “Let’s get that rig hooked up and get the hell out of here.”

  We got a strap hooked to the truck and Perez and I watched as Jamie got in the war wagon and pulled it off the porch. It had a flat tire on the front, but it should make it back with us. Watching it as Jamie pulled it out onto the road, I glanced at Perez, “Hey, man, you’re going to need to get in to steer that thing.”

  Perez cocked his head to the side and pointed at it. “Have you seen the fucking blood in there? I ain’t about to sit in that shit.”

  Nodding, I replied, “I know it’s nasty. But we can’t just drag it.”

  Perez snorted. “You get in it.” Then he crossed his arms and shook his head. “I ain’t doing it.”

  I was shaking my head when I looked back at Jamie. She wagged a finger at me, “Don’t even think about it, Sheriff.”

  I had to laugh about it. Not that I could blame them for not wanting to sit in that shit. I walked over and opened the driver’s door. It was a disgusting mess. There was blood, tissue and bone all over the interior. I shook my head as I pulled the poncho out of its pocket on my vest. I laid it out over the seat. As I was tucking it in, Lee Ann walked up and looked in. “You really going to sit in that?” She asked.

  “Looks that way. Hop in and let’s head home.”

  She pointed back at the buggy, “I think I’ll ride in that one.”

  Everyone got in the buggy and gave Jamie a wave and she pulled off. Perez decided it was siesta time and pulled his hat down over his eyes in the passenger seat. As we headed home, I looked around the cab of the truck. I really wished it hadn’t been shot up so bad as it was a pretty cool ride. But it had been. One thing I hadn’t noticed upon first inspection was the large piece of the steering wheel that had been shot away. It made steering a real adventure.

  As we passed the Altoona market, we drew some serious looks. Not that I blame them. No doubt, the folks here heard all the gunfire. And to now see the shot-up remains of a foreign truck being towed surely piqued their curiosity.

  But it was the girls and Aric at the bunker that were really surprised. Jamie stopped by the side of the fortification and stepped out. Jess, Fred and Aric all came over to inspect the truck.

  “Is everyone Ok?” Aric asked. “We heard the radio call.”

  “And the shooting,” Jess added.

  “We’re alright,” Fred replied.

  Aric had his head in the window of the truck. With a whistle, he said, “Doesn’t look like these guys are though.”

  I looked around the cab of the truck. “You could say that.”

  Jess walked over and looked in. Her face twisted in disgust. “Oh, that’s so gross!” “How can you sit in that? That’s so disgusting!”

  I shrugged. “It’s not so bad once you get used to the smell.”

  She jerked her head back, covering her nose. “Oh God, that’s gross.”

  Jamie asked Perez to drive back to my house; she and Lee Ann were going to stay at the bunker. So Perez towed me the rest of the way to my place. Danny and Thad were both there when we pulled in. I indicated where I wanted to park the heap, and Perez pulled around to the side of the house where we unhooked the truck.

  Thad looked inside and shook his head and muttered, “Damn.”

  “What the hell happened?” Danny asked.

  Perez and I relayed the story to them as they looked the truck over. Thad listened as he opened the hood of the truck. He was inspecting the engine as we wrapped up our story. He peered under the hood at a couple of large holes in the radiator and said, “Shame this thing’s so shot up.”

  “Yeah, I felt the same way,” I replied.

  “It’s an interesting truck for sure,” Danny said.

  “The stuff in the buggy is the real interesting part,” Perez said.

  “Oh yeah, we got all their stuff,” I replied as I stepped over to the buggy.

  We set the packs and bags out on the ground, then laid the weapons out along with the ammo. When everything was laid out, Danny stepped back and looked at it. “That’s quite the haul.”

  Thad knelt down and picked up a radio. Inspecting it, he asked, “Have you tried this thing yet?”

  I shook my head. “No. You speak Russian?”

  Thad smiled and shook his head. “Nope.”

  Danny nodded at the small ra
dio, “Turn it on. Let’s see if we can hear anything.”

  Thad looked the device over for a moment before finding the power switch. A short burst of static let us know it was on, but that was the only sound it made. Danny asked for the radio and Thad handed it over. Danny fumbled with the knobs and buttons which all had more markings we couldn’t decipher.

  “Well, this is useless,” Danny announced.

  I laughed. “Wish someone knew Russian.”

  “Doesn’t Dalton know it?” Thad asked.

  Nodding, I replied, “He knows some, I think. Maybe he can make sense of this thing.”

  Danny was looking at the gear and asked, “How many guys did you say there were?”

  “Four.” I replied.

  “There’s only three radios. I would think they’d all have one.”

  Thad knelt and opened one of the bags. “Maybe there’s another one here.”

  But there wasn’t another one. But just like going through the pockets of the men at the scene, it was interesting here to see what was in all the packs and bags. Danny started to laugh as he pulled a magazine out of one of the bags.

  “Check this out,” he said, holding it up.

  He handed it to me and I too had to laugh too. “I had no idea Penthouse printed a Russian edition. That’s too funny.”

  “What’s the date on it?” Thad asked.

  I flipped it over and looked at the cover. “It’s from last month.”

  “Nice to know the porn industry wasn’t affected,” Thad replied with a smile.

  “Really? Really?” I looked up to see Mel standing over me with her hands on her hips. “This is what you’re out doing, getting porn magazines?”

  I looked at the magazine and back at her. “What? No. This was just in this stuff we’re going through.”

  “Mmm, hmm,” she replied in snarky tone. Then she waved a finger at the truck and the gear on the ground. “And the one thing you pull out is a porn mag?”

  “What?” I asked again and looked at Thad. He held his hands up and shook his head. “Not me.” He looked at Mel, “I ain’t touched it.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at him. “Coward,” I said.

  Little Bit came running out of the house. I saw her coming and stuffed the magazine back into one of the bags. Looking at Mel, I said, “Don’t let her near that truck. It’s a bit of a mess.”

  Mel looked at it, then back at me. “Why did you bring it here?”

  Shrugging, I replied, “I don’t know. We took everything they had.”

  Mel looked at the equipment laid out on the ground, then back at the truck again. Then, looking at me, she asked, “Do I want to know what happened?”

  I shook my head. “Probably not.”

  Her eyes narrowed and she started to turn away, then stopped and pointed at me. “I better not find that thing in my house.”

  I smiled. “Does that mean the bathroom too?”

  With her head cocked to the side, she said, “Oh, you think you need that? Is that it? Then I suggest you keep it. Because I can promise that you will need it.” With that, she spun around and headed for the house. She intercepted Little Bit on her way and took her back to the house.

  Thad was laughing at me and pulled the bag over to him. Pulling the magazine out, he folded it and tucked it into my vest. “You better take that with you; sounds like you may need it.”

  I snatched it out and tossed it back at him. “Keep it for Mikey, smartass.”

  Danny was laughing at me as well. “You’re an idiot.”

  I cocked my head to the side. “Can’t help it. I like to mess with her.”

  Thad slapped his leg. “Don’t sound to me like he be messin’ with her any time soon.”

  “Nope,” Danny added with a laugh.

  “Everyone’s got jokes, huh?” I asked.

  They both laughed ad replied, “Yep.”

  Grabbing a couple of the bags, I said, “Well, you jokers, let’s take all this gear and put it in the shed out back.”

  We stowed all the gear in the shed and headed over to Danny’s place. One of Sarge’s Big Green Monster radios was set up there as there was usually someone around his place. That way, if they called at any time, someone would be around. It was getting late in the day and supper would be on soon. Mel was in the kitchen with Kay and Bobbie when we came in.

  Looking at Mel, I smiled and said, “Hey, babe.”

  She narrowed her eyes but didn’t reply. Danny nudged me from behind. “Gonna be a while.”

  I laughed. “No it ain’t. Watch.”

  Walking into the kitchen, I slapped her ass. She looked over her shoulder and said, “Hands off, magazine boy.”

  I smiled and kissed her cheek. “Love you too.”

  “Whatever,” she replied.

  “What’s for supper? It smells good in here.” Thad asked.

  Kay smiled. She loved to feed people, getting genuine joy from it. “We’re having meatloaf with gravy and greens.”

  “You cooking those sweet potato greens tonight, Miss Kay?” Thad asked.

  “Yes I am, Thad. Thank you for bringing them in. I think you’re going to really like them.”

  “I had no idea you could eat the leaves of sweet potatoes,” Bobbie said.

  “We’re lucky we’ve got Thad’s garden,” Kay said.

  “I got a surprise for you guys,” Thad said. “It’ll take a little while, but we’re going to have some potatoes in the fall.”

  Kay looked at him. “What kind of potatoes?”

  “That I don’t know,” Thad replied. “I found the plant in what was someone’s compost pile. I dug it up and brought it back and planted it in the garden.”

  “Does that mean we can have French fries?” Little Bit asked.

  “French fries!” Little Edie shouted.

  “Yes we can!” Kay shouted.

  “It’s only one plant and we’ll have to see how it grows. We’ll probably have to use most of the first ones for seed so we can get more plants.” Thad said.

  Kay rested her elbow on the counter. “I don’t care how long they take. It’s probably the only potato around here. If we can get more plants out of it, that’s a good thing.”

  “Makes me wonder what other vegetables we won’t see anymore.” Mel said.

  “Like broccoli,” Bobbie replied.

  “Yeah! No broccoli!” Little Bit shouted.

  Thad smiled. “Sorry, Little Bit. I’m growing some in the garden now.”

  “Really?” Mel asked. Thad nodded and Mel continued. “I wish we had some garlic. I love sautéing it with garlic.”

  “Sorry, Miss Mel, I don’t have any garlic in the garden.” Thad said.

  “Thad, you and I should probably eat so we can go take our turn at the bunker,” I said.

  “Oh, Morgan. You’re just trying to get your supper early,” Kay said.

  Looking at my watch, I said, “No, we really do have to be down there to let those girls and Aric take a break. But we can wait till we get off later.”

  Kay swatted at me with a dish towel. “No, no. I don’t want Thad going down there hungry.”

  Smiling, Thad thanked her. I shook my head, “Hey! What about me?”

  Kay smiled at me. “You’ll get yours too.”

  “Well, Thad, I’m glad folks around here like you,” I said.

  He sat down at the bar and smiled. “Don’t worry, Morgan. I’ll make sure they feed you too.”

  Mounting a stool beside him, I slapped him on the back and laughed. “Don’t go out of your way or anything.”

  Kay and Bobbie had prepared a meatloaf of bear and pork. It was the first time for this particular dish and I was impressed. Though I did inspect it closely, getting the stink eye from Kay.

  “Just what are you looking for?” Kay asked as she wiped her hands on a dish towel.

  “I’m just making sure it’s cooked all the way.”

  “You think I don’t know how to cook meatloaf?” Kay asked.


  “It’s not that. It’s just that bear meat is notorious for carrying Trichinosis. It’s so bad in fact that about ninety percent of all cases in the US come from eating under-cooked bear meat,” I replied.

  Thad looked down at the nice thick slab of steaming meatloaf on his plate and said, “Why do you always come up with this kind of thing at just the wrong time?” He looked at me and appeared he was about to cry. “Why now? I’m so hungry and it smells so good.”

  I laughed and looked at Kay. “Did you check it with a meat thermometer?”

  She crossed her arms over chest and leaned against the counter. “Of course I did. But not for the bear meat. Pork is where you get Trichinosis.”

  I pointed at her. “Used to. But when the government made it illegal to feed domestic pigs uncooked garbage, the Trichinosis disappeared from the domestic population. You can still get it in wild hogs though.”

  “So what temp does the meat need to reach, Mr. Science?” Kay asked.

  She pursed her lips. “To a hundred and forty-five degrees, if you don’t trust me!”

  Smiling, I said, “Come on now, Kay. You know that’s not it.”

  Thad looked at his plate again, then at me. “You gonna eat it?” He asked.

  I nodded. “It’s safe. I was just saying we need to be careful. Even if you get it, it’s not that bad in normal times. But as we all know, these ain’t normal times.”

  Thad looked at my plate and nodded. “You first.”

  I cut a big piece out with my fork and held it up so Kay and Thad both could see it and shoved it in my mouth and started chewing. With my mouth full, I mumbled, “Wow, Kay, this is really good.”

  She waved her hand at me. “Too late, mister.” She turned to the sink, muttering to herself, undercook my meatloaf.

  I had to laugh about it, but it was a real concern. Thad watched me as I took another bite before taking a tentative bite himself. But a broad smile quickly spread across his face, and he said, “This is really good, Miss Kay. Wow.”

  She turned from the sink and smiled warmly at Thad. “Thank you, Thad. You know I enjoy cooking for you.” Then she looked at me and scowled before turning back to the sink.

  With sweet potato greens dangling from my fork, I pleaded, “Oh come on, Miss Kay. Don’t be like that.”