Falling Hard

by Tina Wainscott

  “I didn’t know I meant that, but yeah, I think I did subconsciously.” He leaned against the wall, pressing his head back. Every word sounded breathless, painful.

  Her chest felt lighter and lighter, but she hurt for Pax, for the shock on his face. “Like you said, it was easier, and better, to believe I was the bad guy. What made you change your mind?”

  “When I think about it, and I was doing a lot of that on the drive here, a lot of things. A lot of comments and actions that separately didn’t mean a lot. But together, they add up. You never acted like a girl who was so emotionally insecure that she’d make up such a horrific lie. Or misjudge a man’s actions so badly. And immersing myself in the past as I’ve been doing lately, I realize you weren’t so completely wrapped up in Blake that you’d wreak that kind of revenge on him.”

  “How?”

  A hint of that smile returned. “Because you were always looking at me when you were with him.”

  She sank down on the edge of the bed. “I was so stupid.”

  “For looking at me?”

  She laughed, relieved to hear it come out as nowhere near a cry. She met his eyes, biting her lower lip. “I was stupid for dating your brother. Not only because of what happened later.” She needed to tell him, to clear up the pain between them. “I’d gotten into trouble in New York. I hung out with an edgy crowd.”

  “The Misfits Posse?”

  “Yeah.” He remembered. “They were good friends, but we did things we shouldn’t have. My mother buried herself in her photography business after she and my dad divorced, and I was left to my own devices. A recipe for trouble, though I thought it was totally cool at the time. She discovered we’d been drinking at the apartment while she was working, so she started hauling me everywhere.”

  She glanced away, embarrassed to remember how that had turned out. “I was resentful, of course. At a charity event she was covering, I snuck drinks from unattended glasses. Awful, I know. Disgusting, really, but not as bad as ending up drunk. I embarrassed my mother. And that was the last straw. She shipped me down here after having one of those ‘She’s your daughter. You deal with her!’ conversations with Dad. I heard something about boarding school. Though that scared me, it was my shame that ultimately made me straighten up.

  “At first I clung to my”—she raised an eyebrow at him—“goth-candy ways.” She recalled the first moment she’d spotted Pax, incredibly easy to do. “You were a recipe for trouble, too. I sensed it at first sight, and talking to you didn’t do a thing to dispel it. I mean, I wanted to kiss you when you were showing me your car, and we’d just met! I’d never felt anything like that before.”

  He remained leaning against the wall, slouching slightly. “That was crazy, wasn’t it? I figured you’d slap me if I leaned forward like I wanted to. I would have done it if they hadn’t called my name. I thought we’d have a chance to talk more, until I saw you getting an earful from Emily. I’m sure she warned you to steer clear of me.”

  “The second I went back to her. She confirmed that you were definitely trouble. When she introduced me to Blake, I had no idea he was your brother, I swear. I didn’t feel what I did when I met you, but I saw him as someone my dad would approve of. I really wanted to make him proud of me, because I hadn’t done a good job of that.”

  “I get that. Trying to be something you’re not.” He rubbed his stomach.

  “Being a cop?” she guessed.

  “You got it. My old man presented me with a deal the night Raleigh and Mia crashed. Either I get busted and lose my ride or he pulls some strings and, poof, I wasn’t there at the time of the crash. But I had to promise to go to college for law enforcement. I should have paid the price for my sins the proper way. Like you said, we make bad decisions when we’re young.”

  Her gaze swept up his jean-clad legs, the cotton button-down shirt, to the column of his throat and his sharp jawline. Finally she scanned his face, realizing with a humiliated start that he’d caught her perusing.

  “Why aren’t you a cop anymore?” she asked, diverting her embarrassment.

  “My dad tried to railroad Raleigh for murder just recently. I couldn’t be part of that. Couldn’t work for a man I didn’t respect. I quit.”

  “Murder? Raleigh?”

  “Yeah. His father was found dead in a pond. Turns out he didn’t take off again to pursue a supposed job like everyone thought. My father’s always hated Raleigh, blamed him for all the trouble we got into, even though I was the instigator most of the time. As the sheriff, he wanted to wrap up the murder with a bow, quick and tidy. When I saw that he was hyperfocused on Raleigh and wasn’t looking at any other suspects, I quit. I wanted nothing to do with that kind of law enforcement.”

  “Good for you. How could your father get away with that, though?”

  “Sadly, that kind of thing happens all the time. Cops zero in on one suspect and cast a blind eye on the lack of real evidence or other leads. Luckily Mia figured out who the real murderer was and got her to confess.”

  “I’m glad Raleigh was exonerated. He seems like a good guy.” Like you.

  She stepped out onto the small deck and inhaled the sea breeze, suddenly needing fresh air. “At least you stood up for your rights. And won. I ran back to the city, my tail between my legs.”

  He leaned against the railing a foot away. “I don’t blame you. Things were rough here. Don’t call yourself a wimp because of that.”

  “That’s not the time I was a wimp. It was…” She searched his eyes. Yes, she needed to tell him this, too. “Dating Blake instead of you. Choosing the guy who would impress my dad instead of following my heart. What happened after…maybe that was the universe teaching me to never live a lie.”

  Something changed between them. The air felt charged, as though lightning were about to strike.

  “What did you feel when you met me?” he asked, his voice husky.

  “Probably what you felt when you crossed the finish line first.” She dropped her gaze to her fingers gripping the railing. “I didn’t let myself analyze it much. There was no point when I’d stomped on it by making the choice I did.” She took a deep breath and spoke the words she needed to say before she leaned closer to him. “It’s funny—not ha- ha funny—how a couple of months affected me so much. In a bad way and in a good way. Blake in the bad way.”

  “And I’m the good way?”

  “Those few times we were together impacted me in a way I can’t explain. Still do, if I’m honest. But there’s no point analyzing it now, either.”

  He blew out a breath, looking across the street toward the Gulf. The breeze caressed his hair, making her wish it were her fingers moving through the waves.

  “I know. It’s damned complicated,” he said after a few moments, rubbing his hand over his mouth in slow strokes that made her belly twist.

  She thought of the “It’s complicated” Facebook relationship status and had to squelch a laugh. This was so much more than complicated. But did that mean he still felt the same draw, too?

  He looked her way. “When I thought you might come back to town for your dad, I was all set to revive those angry feelings. The moment I saw you, I couldn’t. And, as much as I tried to at least not like you, I couldn’t. Damn, even my dog likes you.”

  Every word sank into her soul like melted butter. But she couldn’t let herself go there, and he’d given her a perfect diversion. “Where is Harley?”

  “I left him in the truck. I knew you’d seen Blake and that you might be upset, and the last thing you needed was Harley trying to make you feel better. He’ll climb all over a person if he senses they’re upset.”

  She liked Pax’s way of comforting her better. She traced her fingers down his arm toward where his hand was planted on the railing. “Thank you for believing in me.” She still couldn’t wrap her head around it. Pax, the one person who mattered most, after her parents. “I’m sure it wasn’t easy to face that. We’ll keep it between the two of us.” She didn’t
expect him to take a grand stand against his brother, and thus his family. “Just knowing it is enough.”

  Pax watched her hand as intently as if she held razor blades between her fingers. He lifted his hand and turned it, sliding his fingers between hers. She took in the wonder and the agony in his eyes, the way his jaw tightened. What was he thinking? That they should both back away before things became even more complicated? Yes, she could imagine that was exactly what he was thinking, and rightfully so.

  When his gaze lifted to hers, though, she saw empathy and desire and restraint. The same restraint she’d seen when he’d thoughtfully left her an escape route from the confines of his embrace. When he’d loosely held her so that she wouldn’t feel trapped.

  Because he believed her.

  She wasn’t sure if it was the breeze or blood roaring in her ears as her heart spun. She sank against him and held him as tight as she’d wanted to then, giving him permission to do the same. His arms came around her, enveloping her in his warmth.

  “Thank you,” she whispered. She pressed her cheek against his chest, hearing his heartbeat. “For making me feel safe earlier, when you didn’t block the doorway or hold me too tight.”

  “I didn’t want to frighten you.”

  So, yes, he had done it on purpose. She lifted her face to his. “And for making me feel, period.”

  His hands came up to her cheeks. “Feel?”

  “Like I crossed the finish line first.”

  He uttered a sound, soft and low, and lowered his mouth to hers. Her knees nearly went to jelly. Even that soft, gentle kiss as his mouth slid back and forth over hers turned her upside-down. Like something she’d wanted for so long and never thought she’d get. It brought back all the sweet memories of living here. His flirtatious smile as he showed her his car and explained how the races worked. The way his biceps moved as he battled the pinball machine, the flashing lights gilding his face.

  And now, as his fingers slid through her hair, his thumb brushing her jawline while he chastely kissed her, pulling at her lower lip with his teeth. He was doing what he’d done before, not pushing. Keeping her safe.

  She had been playing it safe since that night seven years ago. Dating men who didn’t make her feel. Giving only a tiny portion of herself. Suddenly she wanted to push the line further out. She opened her mouth to his, sliding her tongue over his lower lip. He growled softly and engaged her, invading, parrying with her. God, to feel this way, hungry and alive and wanting.

  She ran her hands up and down his back, pausing where it curved in just above his waistband. Her breasts were crushed against his chest, the heat at her nipples something she’d never felt before. All of this was new and exciting and scary.

  When she became breathless, he kissed along her cheek and nibbled at her earlobe. Pressed his lips on the sensitive skin beneath her ear, making her head drop back in sheer pleasure.

  This was how it should have been all those years ago. She was supposed to be with Pax, lost in his gentle kisses and tender caresses. He was supposed to have been hers.

  But he wasn’t. He belonged to someone else. Reality intruded on her bliss. It was complicated, in so many ways.

  She reluctantly placed her hands on his shoulders. “We can’t…shouldn’t…” So hard to finish the sentence when he’d reached the curve of her shoulder, sending tendrils of heat all through her body.

  “I won’t do anything you’re not ready for,” he whispered, his breath warm against her skin. “Just say the word, and I’ll stop.”

  “I know.” She twined her fingers into his soft hair, closing her fist around it. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me. It’s just…there’s Janey.”

  He sighed as he pulled back. “Yeah. I don’t want to lose her.” He leaned against the railing, tilting his head to look at the dark night sky. “This would be unforgivable. The absolute end. I wish we could turn back time.”

  He looked agonizingly gorgeous and tortured, and she hated herself for putting him in that position. Even as she did, she wanted to wrap her arms around him again, feeling his hard body against hers. What did that say about her?

  “Me, too.” She wrapped her arms around herself instead. Now that she’d had a taste of him, of both safe sensuality and the edge of desire, she wanted more. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” She gestured toward the two of them. “Knowing about Janey. I feel awful.”

  “How do you know about Janey? Your dad?”

  She nodded. “I heard you talking to her at the beach earlier. And…I asked Dad about her.” There. She’d admitted she’d been nosy. “I don’t want to mess things up with her. I’m sure she’s a wonderful lady.”

  His mouth curved in a warm smile. “She’s incredible. Smart. Pretty. The light of my life.”

  The words stabbed her, even as Gemma told herself she was glad Pax had found someone worthy of him. Yet if she was all that, why had he kissed her? He didn’t strike her as a casual cheat.

  They’d simply been caught up in the moment, tasting something they’d both wanted long ago and been denied. That was all—and all it could ever be.

  “She sounds great,” Gemma said, the declaration weak.

  “I wish you could meet her. Course, that would be sticky.”

  “Well, yeah.” Gemma ran her fingers across her lips, trying to seal in a kiss she’d never have again. “I doubt she’d be too happy about what just happened.” Not to rub it in, but she wanted to see a bit of remorse. Pax was entirely too cavalier about his transgression.

  “What, us kissing?” he asked.

  “Us anything.”

  Instead of looking regretful, he actually grinned. “Funny thing, she picked up on the fact that I liked you before I did.”

  Gemma’s mouth dropped open. “She accused you of liking me?”

  “I told her how you helped surprise me with the bleachers, just telling her about my day. She said I was smiling here.” He touched the corner of her mouth, then drew his finger to the outer edge of her eye. “And here.” Her heartbeat jumped to her throat as he remained close, his finger stroking her skin. “And dang if she wasn’t right.”

  Gemma batted his finger away, stepping back before she leaned forward. “You are shameless.”

  He dropped his head for a moment. “I know. I can’t help myself. Being close to you does that. Always did.”

  “Wasn’t Janey upset?”

  “Upset? Nah. Thankfully, she didn’t make a big deal of it.”

  “Please show some shame for kissing me.”

  “I don’t feel ashamed. It’s more like…” He lifted his chin, as though searching for the right word among the stars.

  “Like?” she prompted.

  “One time I was out hunting and I got all tangled in these vines. I thought I could pass through them, but they almost had a life of their own, wrapping around my arms, my ankles. That’s what I feel like with you, all tangled up.”

  Gemma stuffed her disappointment. “So what you’re telling me is you have no problem cheating.”

  “What?”

  “Oh, my God, and you don’t even see it. Just because you’re gorgeous and charming you think you can just tromp all over your girlfriend’s heart?”

  He waved his hands and shook his head, as though those vines had a hold on him again. “Wait, wait, wait. Girlfriend? What girlfriend are you talking about?”

  “Uh…Janey.”

  “You think Janey’s my girlfriend?”

  Something lifted in Gemma’s chest even as she tried to sort through the confusion. “That’s what my dad said.”

  “Your dad did not say that. Tell me exactly what was said.”

  Great. Now she had to really admit that she’d been asking about Pax’s love life. “My dad…” This was even worse. “Dad insinuated that I was, uh, infatuated with you. I have no idea where he got the idea.” She wasn’t going to admit that she’d taken a picture of Pax’s rear view. “And I said it didn’t matter because you had a girlfriend or a wife
. Janey. And he said girlfriend.”

  “Was he pumped up on morphine?”

  “No, but he was drifting off to sleep. He kinda laughed when he said it, now that I think about it.”

  “He was laughing because you thought Janey was my girlfriend.”

  “Who is she, then?”

  “My little sister.”

  Gemma had to stop herself from sagging with relief. She hadn’t corrupted a committed man. Pax wasn’t a casual cheater. And now, cue the embarrassment. She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I feel so stupid.”

  He leaned sideways against the railing. “You cozied up to me thinking I was in a relationship?”

  “And I feel dirty,” she added.

  He was chuckling, though.

  She dropped her hand. “That was entirely wrong of me. I don’t go around kissing committed guys. Heck, I don’t go around kissing guys at all. It’s just that…”

  “Just that,” he prodded, his expression serious.

  “I wanted one taste of what could have been. What should have been.” She remembered something he’d said that had corroborated her belief that Janey was his girlfriend. “You said if we…if something happened between us that you could lose Janey. How can that be if she’s not your girl?”

  “I thought your dad told you. He’s one of the few people who know. My parents are…they say overprotective of her, but I say controlling. Janey has Down syndrome, but she’s high-functioning.”

  That hit her like a punch to the chest. “How old is she?”

  “Eighteen. She is smart and more than capable of living pretty much a normal life. She’s hungry to learn and grow and even move into a group home for people with mental challenges. But Mama won’t let her go. Won’t let me teach her how to manage in the world because she claims she wants to protect her. I came to realize long ago that it’s more than that; Janey’s the one person in the family she can control. Dad’s a controlling son of a bitch, and he keeps his finger jammed down on both her and Blake. He hates that he can’t do it to me, so they punish me by banning me from the house. And, since Janey hardly ever leaves the house, they’re banning me from her, too. I’m barely allowed to come over now, what with me quitting the Sheriff’s Department and working with your dad on the speedway. I have to sneak around to see my own sister alone. If I…if we…”