Buried in Sunshine

by Matthew Fish

  As Emma can make out the faint grey light of the coming dawn, she feels a sense of completion, a strange contentment. She may not have understood the point of the journey, but she is glad that she has made it. She is happy that she never gave up and continued to follow the answers—to make connections with the other versions of herself. These past six days may have been difficult, but they made her feel more alive than ever before—they made her feel truly real. As they reach close to the end of the tunnel, Alexis turns back to Emma and smiles. Emma looks to Elizabeth, just as Ethan’s flashlight shines against the back of her head.

  “Wait…” Emma says softly as she reaches her hand forward and grabs onto Elizabeth’s hand.

  “What is it?” Elizabeth asks, confused.

  “Your head…” Emma whispers. “You have an injury to the back of your head.”

  “It’s healed up,” Elizabeth says as she reaches behind her head and touches upon the scabbed up spot that lies just beneath her hair.

  Emma reaches to the back of her own head. There is no wound, no scar—there is nothing. It is the same with Alexis. “We have to stop.”

  “We don’t have time,” Alexis says as she begins to pull Hope along with her.

  “Just give me a moment,” Emma says as she looks to Elizabeth. Emma closes her eyes. She has a brief memory of pulling someone up from the bathroom floor. She remembers forcing someone into the room. It was Emma, not Elizabeth. Emma’s mind wheels wildly as she attempts to reconnect thoughts of the last six days. She remembers Hope saying that she had power—maybe she was the most powerful one. Emma begins to realize, she may not be the real Emma.

  “Do you remember the first day we met?” Emma asks as she grips Elizabeth’s hands and prevents her from moving onward.

  “Of course,” Elizabeth whispers.

  “Why did you choose the name Elizabeth…?” Emma asks.

  “I couldn’t really remember who I was. When I asked your name, you said your name was Emma…” Elizabeth says as she pauses as though attempting to remember. “I chose…Elizabeth because there was…something I read in the therapist’s office. Something about the seven stages of grief, it was written by an Elizabeth…Elizabeth Kubler-Ross…”

  “What does this matter?” Alexis asks as she points to the glowing sky at the end of the staircase to the greenhouse. “We’re running out of time.”

  “Stay here,” Emma says to Elizabeth.

  “No…” Elizabeth says as she shakes her head. “I’m meant to go—“

  “You only believe that because I took over—I was strongest. I’m not real. I’m one of the three. You were real all along; you just convinced yourself that you weren’t. You believed you weren’t real because I believed so fiercely that I was the real one. I followed your will…it’s you—you are the one that is meant to stay.”

  “I’m going,” Elizabeth says as she begins to walk away. “You’re not making any sense—I was the weakest of all of you.”

  “You’ll remember who you are.” Emma says as she releases Elizabeth’s hand.

  “Take care of her,” Emma says as quickly hugs Justine and then kisses Ethan on the cheek. “Both of you…take care of her—she’s the real Emma.”

  “I hate to do this to you,” Emma says as she places her hand upon Elizabeth’s back. “Stop…”

  Elizabeth freezes in place.

  “I don’t understand,” Justine pleads as she attempts to run forward to stop Emma from leaving.

  “Don’t…” Emma whispers as she turns and smiles, although her eyes look saddened. A single tear falls from her eyes and shines in the dim grey light.

  “Emma?” Ethan asks, confused.

  “Stay…” Emma commands with a whisper as she begins to run hand in hand with the others.

  As they reach the staircase. Emma pauses as the first beam of light shines between the trees and illuminates a golden path set out in front of the three.

  “It could have been you,” Alexis says as she shakes her head. “You could have stayed.”

  “This is what we were made to do—this is our fate,” Emma says as she nods confidently and takes a step onto the golden path. “We’re not real.”

  “You certainly had me fooled,” Alexis says as she looks back once to the staircase. “I’m sorry you didn’t know.”

  “It’s okay,” Emma whispers. “I’m ready.”

  “Let’s go home,” Hope says as she looks up to her companions and smiles.

  Hand in hand the three walk along the golden path as it leads through the woods. Dark clouds gather, but they dare not stray into the path that leads from the sun. They form a perfect circle of glowing orange wisps around the sun. As they walk on they begin to rise into the air. Emma points down to a pack of white deer running through the trees as Hope giggles at the sight. As they take one step further, they are spirited away and shot off into the sky.

  Darkness fills their view as they enter into the void. The three fly to the brilliant glowing sphere. When they land, they are met with the shimmering globe.

  “What is this place?” Hope asks as she places a hand curiously against the strange bluish glowing light.

  “This is the end,” Emma says as she tightens her grip on Hope’s hand and steps into the light.

  As they continue into the shimmering light, the electric hum begins to grow in their ears. Finally, the come face to face with the masked nude girl that bears their resemblance. She is just as Emma remembers—her eyes are unmoving, always gazing off ahead. Her face in contorted into a strange grin. She is tilted forward, her arms and legs bound against a wall by chains. In the dim blue light that waxes and wanes in brightness, Emma steps forward.

  “We’re here,” Emma says to the figure.

  “Who is this?” Alexis asks.

  “I am the ending,” the voice resounds in their heads. “I am Sol—I am your creator and your destroyer. I see that you have accepted you who truly are—the one that calls itself Emma.”

  “I have,” Emma says aloud. She still does not understand completely how she came to believe that she was the true Emma. It does explain a lot—why she did not have all of the memories. In some strange way, it made sense that the seemingly weakest of the four would be the real one.

  “If I had not brought her back…?” Emma asks.

  “Everything would have ended.” The voice answers.

  “Why did you keep this knowledge from her?” Alexis asks, her voice sounds angry.

  “If she did not believe she was real—what incentive did she have to strive to live?” The voice booms back causing the three great pains. “If there was no reason to try, she would not have completed her task. Believing that she was the true Emma gave her the courage to unravel the past and bring you all together—to make you whole.”

  “You tricked her—“

  “I understand,” Emma says as she stops Alexis’s anger. “Thank you for giving me purpose, and life. What little it was, I do appreciate it. I am glad that I could help the real Emma become herself again.”

  “What happens now?” Hope asks.

  “Now is the time that one of you must take my place.” The voice replies in a softer, less painful tone.

  “Can I ask one last question?” Emma asks as she steps forward and comes face to face with the figure.

  “I will permit you one last question,” the voice softly replies.

  “Did you intend for this to end this way—was this all part of your plan? I know you say you care not for life, but you went through such great pains to help someone who felt as lost as you do.”

  “Do you remember that you once called me cruel?”

  “I do…” Emma admits.

  “I am neither cruel nor kind—I simply am.”

  “I will take—“Emma begins.

  “I will take your place,” Alexis says, cutting of Emma from volunteering her commitment.

  “I accept,” the voice softly replies.

  “You don’t understand,” Emma
says as she reaches for Alexis’s hand. “This is…forever.”

  “You’ve gotten us this far,” Alexis says as she nods. “Let me finish it. Let me do something important.”

  “I don’t understand,” Hope says as she watches Alexis reach out to the statuesque form. “Aren’t we all going home together?”

  “Emma will take care of you home now,” Alexis says as her fingertips touch the cold skin of the form. “Goodbye... I will miss you both. I will remember you both—always.”

  Before Emma can react, she feels herself begin to burn. She watches as the statue form of the girl falls away and Alexis takes her place. Everything turns dim—she watches in horror as Hope is turned to black dust and glowing ember. Emma feels her own body being ripped apart. Soon there is nothing left—no thoughts, no memory…only and ending.

  *

  8/16/12

  “I know that pain can bring you setbacks, Emma.” Dr. Riley says as she nods to me. “You had a great week where you were doing fine, but bad things happened—this does not mean that you are back to square one. It just means that we have a different place to work from.”

  “I know, I say as I feel the same overwhelming sense of sadness in my heart. “I just…I thought that things would be different once I remembered everything.”

  “It’s a lot to take in,” Dr. Riley says as she rests her hands in her lap. “I mean, given everything that has happened to you—with the attack and finding out your stepfather was murdered…I am still surprised you are doing as well as you are. I hear that you sold the house and moved into an apartment close to Justine. You and her are getting along quite well still?”

  “She’s a good friend,” I say softly. “She’s teaching me how to paint—getting me interested in art again.”

  “That is wonderful,” Dr. Riley says with a smile and a nod. “And I know that the relationship is confusing given the circumstances, but you and Ethan are giving it a try?”

  “We are,” I reply with a small smile as I feel my cheeks grow red. “We’re both trying to work past what happened and just move on.”

  “So at least you have friends that you can count on,” Dr. Riley says.

  “I’m working through the depression—I’m eating normally again. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t eating,” I say as bite my lower lip.

  “It is not uncommon to forget to do things when we feel overwhelmed,” Dr. Riley adds. “And the clones…you don’t see them anymore?”

  I shake my head as I look down to the floor. “I don’t.”

  “I see that brings you a great deal of pain,” Dr. Riley says as she sinks back into her leather chair. “I believe that they were your mind’s way of trying to explain everything to you, without overloading you and causing you to completely relapse—once they served their purpose, they moved on.”

  “I just…” I say, as I attempt to hold back tears. “I just miss them so much.”

  “They will always be a part of you,” Dr. Riley says reassuringly.

  “I know,” I say.

  “Well it was a great session,” Dr. Riley says as she gets to her feet and begins to slowly make her way towards the door. “I believe that you’ve made a lot of progress…even if you feel that there have been quite a few setbacks with your anxiety returning and the depression—just give it time and keep at it. Do what makes you happy, whenever you can, and as best as you can.”

  “I will,” I say as I get up from the couch and head out to the waiting room.

  Justine walks up and takes me by my hand. “So…how was it going back?”

  “It was alright,” I reply. “I miss the others still—I can’t believe that they are gone. I was so sure that I was meant to go.”

  “You remember when you told me that you had memories of being the person you were before they arrived?”

  “I do.”

  “You remember that when you were Alexis for those few years—you aspired to do something great…to be remembered.”

  “I remember.”

  “She helped save us all. I can think of no greater act.”

  “I just wish I knew what part of me the other Emma was,” I say as I shake my head and fight back the urge to cry once more.

  “She was the strength you needed to live,” Justine adds as she smiles. “Cheer up—prove to her that she is still with you. Want to grab a pizza and watch a movie?”

  “Sure,” I say. I always appreciate Justine’s company.

  “Good, because I already called Ethan and he’ll be at your place in about half an hour,” Justine says with a laugh as she wraps her arm around Emma’s shoulder. “When are you going to start selling your pieces in my shop?”

  “When they stop looking like shit,” I say with a laugh.

  “I don’t know if that will ever stop happening,” Justine adds as she playfully jabs Emma in her ribs. “But I’ll allow them to hang next to my masterpieces.”

  Epilogue

  Emma awoke. Her head felt hazy and dizzy from everything she had gone through. All around her was a complete darkness. She wondered if this was her final resting place. The ground felt soft beneath her, almost as though she was lying against a bed of grass. This was not so terrible. At least, in some manner—she still existed.

  “Emma…?” A voice rang out in the darkness a short distance away.

  “Hope?” Emma asked. “Is that you?”

  “It is…” Hope whispered. “Where are we?”

  “I don’t know,” Emma said as she painfully got up from her cushioned spot of earth. “I’m heading over to you.”

  “I’m here…” Hope spoke as she heard footsteps approaching her.

  Emma placed her hand around Hope’s as she helped her up to her feet. “Here we go…other than the darkness—this place isn’t so bad is it?”

  “There’s a light,” Hope said as pointed off into the distance. An act, which held little consequence as Emma could not make out the direction that she was pointing in.

  “Where…?”

  “There,” Hope added in a frustrated tone as she pulled Emma’s hand and pointed it off to the distance.

  The white light grew closer and closer as Emma and Hope huddled close together. As the light reached them, a form could be seen in the brilliant glow.

  “Why are you so sad?” A young man’s voice asked as he reached out a hand. “I mean you no harm. What do you call yourself?”

  “Emma…” Emma said as she took the strangers hand.

  “Aaron,” the young man replied.

  A rush of memories filled Emma’s head.

  *

  As everything turns to black, snapshots of Emma’s past filled her mind. She remembered going to school—meeting a young boy with dark hair and light hazel eyes. He always attempted to speak to Emma, who mostly kept to herself. He would always try and make her laugh. As they grew older, they grew closer. Aaron Chase—that was his name, Emma remembered that he had anxiety problems as well. He was always running. Emma used to try and keep up, but she never could. He would laugh as he ran; he would always slow down so that Emma could keep up. One night he confided in Emma that when he was thirteen he attempted to drown himself in his family’s pool. They were always fighting. He felt neglected and did it as a way to seek their attention. It did, although not as he intended. Their parents divorced shortly after and they bounced him through the therapy system like a rubber ball. Emma never confided in him her horrible past—for she did not remember it. Aaron always said he was never depressed when he was with Emma, although sometimes she could still sense that he was. They began dating in college. Aaron was Emma’s first love. Aaron still ran—he said it was his way of keeping depression away permanently. He died before he could graduate.

  *

  Aaron chase released Emma’s hand as he stepped back in shock. He then reached forward and threw his arms around her, embracing her tightly. “Is it really you?”

  “I remember you…” Emma whispered. “I finally remember you.”
/>   Emma could feel a light of her own begin to glow within her. Soon, the air was filled with a pair of brilliant white lights.

  “And who is this with you,” Aaron said as she reached down and extended a hand of friendship. “Don’t worry, it won’t bite.”

  “This is my sister,” Emma said as she placed her hands on Hope’s shoulder.

  “I’m…Hope,” she replied as she reluctantly took the hand. As she did, her own light began to illuminate the area around them.

  “There you go,” Aaron said as he got back up as a smile spread across his face. “All fixed now.”

  “Where are we?” Emma asked as she marveled at the sight around her. Beneath her feet the grass shimmered in the reflection of their combined lights. Branches of a tree hung overhead, and a rock path existed a short distance away.

  “I’ve only just arrived myself,” Aaron said as he shrugs his shoulders. “Not but a an hours ago I’d guess.”

  “How is that possible,” Emma asked. “You—“

  “I know,” Aaron said as he nodded. “I don’t know how it works.”

  “I’m so happy to see you again,” Emma said as she placed her arms around Aaron. “It has been a long journey to get back to you—to get here…wherever this place is.”

  “I don’t know where I was before you arrived—but you brought me back,” Aaron said as he kissed Emma. “Thank you for bringing me back.”

  “Where does the path lead?” Hope asked as she began to head for the stone walkway.

  “A whole town—“Aaron said as he took Emma by hand and began to lead them up a large hill. “I was about to head there until I saw two falling stars off in the distance.”

  As they crested the tall hill, Emma let out a gasp. It was beautiful. Strange flicking lights illuminated a city made of dark stone with flecks of white that glittered like fresh snow in the moonlight. Large towers and twisted spires loomed high into the air. A single tree resided at the entrance to the city, a large globe that made a strange electric grinding noise hung from its largest branch. A series of cables held the globe in place. The entire town seemed to produce a hum, a blooming sound that would growl and quiet as its luminance faded and exploded brilliantly. The black stone road twisted in odd places, as though it was set by a madman. Emma squinted her eyes as she looked into the town—she could make out more lights, only these lights were constant and moving. “There are others…”