Chasing Fireflies

by Paige P. Horne

  “True.”

  “I wonder what kind of personality she is going to have. What she is going to like to do and what she will think is funny.”

  “Me, too,” I say, looking over at Ellie. She does nothing but lie there, swinging and watching everything, but it’s the most entertained I’ve been in a while. “I could watch her all day.”

  “I could, too,” Sara says, laying her head on my shoulder. I link my fingers with hers and bring her hand to my lips, kissing it lightly before resting it back on my leg.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” she says, giving me a smile.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Five Years Later

  Cash

  Fog rolls past the trees and sweeps across the street. Early birds wake and deer run wild through the woods, while the road winds and my feet hit the pavement. The sun lightens the sky, but hasn’t shown yet. Sweat slides down the side of my face, and my thigh muscles ache as I make it into town. Bear stayed home, sleeping beside Ellie’s bed so it’s just me out here this morning. Sara stayed up all night and finally laid down as I was lacing up my shoes. Her eyes were closed when I left, so I’m hoping she’ll be ready for Little Miss’ birthday party this afternoon.

  I stop running once I get closer to Chevy’s, and I stretch before I walk in the door and feel the air conditioner.

  “Morning, chief,” Piper greets me, setting down a glass of water as I slide onto a stool.

  “Morning.”

  “Where’s Bear?” she asks.

  “Can’t get him to come with me anymore. He stays with Little Miss.”

  Piper smiles. “That girl is adorable.” She slides her hands into her apron pockets and leans her hip against the counter.

  “She looks like her mama,” I say.

  Piper nods in agreement. “You want the usual?”

  “Yep.”

  *

  I’m showered and dressed for work when Sara walks out of the bathroom in a towel and wet hair. “Sleep okay?” I ask.

  “Kinda.” She sits on the bed and grabs her lotion from the nightstand. Little Miss walks in with sleepy brown curls and no shirt. What can I say? She’s got a little bit of me in her.

  “Good morning, baby girl,” Sara says, and the smile on Ellie’s face constricts my heart. She runs over to her mama and jumps into her arms. “Did you sleep well?” Sara asks Ellie as she kisses her all over her face. Little Miss giggles, and I don’t want to go to work today.

  “Somebody turns five today,” I say, getting my girl’s attention. She looks over at me and grins.

  “I do, Daddy.”

  “Yep, you’re one whole hand now.” I hold up all five fingers and walk over to her. She reaches her arms out for me to grab, and I swing her up into the air, blowing kisses on her little belly just to hear her laugh more. I look down at her mom, seeing she is smiling at us. I then hear Bear as he walks in. Ellie wiggles her feet to get down, so I let her.

  “Bear, you snore, but I love you,” Little Miss says as she gives him a hug. Sara gets up and walks to the closet to find some clothes.

  She no longer works at the library, choosing to stay home with Ellie now. I make more money as chief, and I’ve paid my mom off so we are doing better than we once were. Life has been okay. Sara went through a little postpartum, but the doctors expected it. We were prepared, and we got her through it. She still has rough times where she can’t seem to get out of bed, and Ellie doesn’t understand why her mommy doesn’t feel well a lot or why she gets mad easily, but all in all Sara is great with her and I see how hard she tries to stay focused and keep her emotions on track. She still visits Dannie and takes her medication like she should. We haven’t had any scares over the last five years, and for that I thank God every day.

  Sara grabs her clothes and walks into the bathroom, only cracking the door so she can get dressed.

  “Let’s go downstairs and I’ll make you some breakfast,” I say to Ellie as I lift her up from behind.

  “Come on, Bear,” Ellie demands. “You’ve got to eat your breakfast, too!”

  *

  “Look, Daddy. Bear likes cereal just like me and you.” Ellie laughs as Bear licks out of her bowl. I shake my head and walk over to the table.

  “He has his own food, Little Miss,” I say, taking it away from him and putting it in the sink. Ellie makes a sad face.

  “But he likes it, Daddy.”

  “He likes a lot of things,” I tell her and look up when Sara walks in. She has a white tank top on under some black overalls, and she has tossed her curls up.

  “What are you girls going to do today?” I ask.

  “Today, we are going to the library for story time,” Sara answers excitedly to Ellie. “Does that sound like a fun time to you, Little Miss?”

  “We going to see Aunt Maci?” Ellie asks.

  “Yes.” Sara grabs the coffeepot and her mug. I hand her the cream and grab my ball cap from the counter.

  “Well, I guess I’ll see you two later. I’ve got to check on the Kingsleys. Anne has already called and told me their neighbors have been calling in. Ben is still at home with Shelby and the new baby for a few more days, so it’s just me.”

  “Tell them hello for us,” Sara says.

  “Will do.” I kiss her lips quickly and then kiss Little Miss before I head to the door.

  *

  I park my work truck in front of the office and step out, giving a few folks a wave before I step inside, hearing that same bell that’s been above the door for longer than the eight years we’ve lived here.

  “Good morning,” Anne says, looking over at me. She stands over her green flowing flower with a watering pot in her hand and her reading glasses sitting on top of her gray hair.

  “Morning,” I say, walking over to the coffeepot and filling a cup. You can’t come in here and not have a cup of Anne’s coffee.

  “Did you run this morning?” she asks me as she moves to another plant.

  “Yep.”

  She smiles and tilts the pot. “I ran across an old photo this morning of Drew in high school. He was so good-looking,” she tells me. “Sometimes I miss him so much I have a hard time breathing.” She stops watering and puts the pot down. “I forget that he’s gone even after five years, Cash. Last night I decided I wanted a sandwich, so I went into the kitchen to make it, and then I thought to ask him. I actually started to say his name.” Anne looks down and takes a shaky breath. When she looks back up at me, her eyes have glossed over. “And then I remembered and I cried like it happened yesterday. I didn’t eat the damn sandwich. I came up here and sat in his office.” She casts her eyes down the hall and shakes her head. “Your office now, which you haven’t changed a bit,” she says, looking back at me.

  “It’ll always be his office. I can’t change anything in there,” I say, sliding my hand into my pocket and taking a sip of my coffee.

  “You’ve only added a picture of you three.” She smiles. “How’s Little Miss doing today? It’s her birthday, right?”

  “Yes, it is. She’s a happy little girl. Going to do story time with Sara at the library.”

  “That’s good. Kids need to read more books. They’re too busy with their video games these days.”

  I nod and put my coffee down. “So, what about the Kingsleys? What are the neighbors saying?”

  She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “You’d think after all these years those two would calm down. I thought once Joe stopped drinking they finally would.”

  “Well, it has been a while since we’ve been over there.”

  “You’re right. It may just be Elizabeth’s pregnancy hormones. I still can’t believe they are having a baby.”

  “Not just one,” I say.

  “No! Twins?” Anne asks with wide eyes.

  “Yep. They found out last week. I saw them coming out of the doctor’s office. Joe was white as paper, and Elizabeth had a wrinkle between her brows. I stopped and said hello. Eliza
beth turned to me, and with a concerned expression, she said, ‘Twins.’ And then she started fussing at Joe about how he had to give her twins. Couldn’t just be one baby, but two. How they couldn’t afford diapers for two babies.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I didn’t say anything. I drove off.” I laugh.

  “Oh, Cash,” Anne says, slapping my arm as she laughs, too.

  *

  I pull up to the Kingsley’s place like I have a million times before and shut the truck off. I see a big box that’s been thrown out into the yard and on it is a picture of a crib. Walking past it, I step onto the porch and knock on the door. Elizabeth opens it moments later.

  “Cash, what can I do for you?” she asks, smiling like the sun never goes down and it’s always a perfect seventy degree day.

  I narrow my eyes and adjust my hat. “Just came to see how you guys were doing.”

  “We’re just fine. Would you like to come in? I’ve got some chocolate chip cookies that just came out of the oven.”

  My eyes grow wide, and I’m not sure if I’ve stepped into the twilight zone or if this is actually the Kingsley’s house. I want to touch her forehead and make sure she hasn’t come down with some deadly fever.

  “You made cookies?” I ask.

  “Yes,” she says, looking at me. “Come in,” she insists so I do. I step inside and smell the cookies. I hear an electric screwdriver and see Joe in the middle of the living room with a big ass crib. He notices me and stops his work.

  “Cash, how the hell are ya?” he asks, putting the power tool down and standing up.

  “I’m doing well. Just got a call from your neighbors earlier. I came to see if everything was okay.”

  Joe shakes my hand, and Elizabeth shoves a tray of cookies in my face. I look from it to her before I take one. I’m still confused as shit. It’s like an episode of Leave It to Beaver without the Beav. I’m looking at Ward and June instead.

  “Oh yeah, we got into a little argument over this here crib. You see, I bought the wrong color,” Joe says, taking a cookie for himself. Elizabeth walks back into the kitchen, and Joe leans in. “She gets a little nuts sometimes. I think it’s the hormones,” he whispers, looking over my shoulder. “I told her I’d paint the thing after she got done screaming at me and tossing the box out into the yard. You see it when you walked up?”

  I nod.

  “She did that,” he says, taking another bite. “That’s a big ass box, Cash, but she threw it like it was nothing. It still had parts of the crib in it. I had to go outside and fetch them.”

  “You two want some milk?” Elizabeth asks. Joe, wide-eyed, looks a little terrified that she might have heard him. I’m still in the twilight zone.

  “I’ll take a glass,” he says, then looks at me, nodding for me to get one, too.

  “Umm…me, too, thanks,” I say, still looking at him. He smiles big and goes back to the crib. I follow.

  “Joe?”

  “Yeah, chief?”

  I lean in like he did to me. “Are you scared of Elizabeth?” I ask quietly.

  He laughs like I’m crazy for saying that, so I laugh a little, too, but stop as his face grows serious. “Cash, she threw a box full of crib parts out into the yard. One minute she’s baking cookies, the next she turns into the damn Hulk. Wouldn’t you be a little scared? She has two humans growing inside her that are probably going to be just like her. I’m scared to death and the happiest man on the planet at the same time.”

  I nod my head at his smiling face and put the rest of my cookie into my mouth before I pat him on the shoulder. Elizabeth hands me the milk, and I down it.

  “I’m going to get going now. Elizabeth, thanks for the cookies and milk. Joe, I’ll see you later,” I say as I hand her the cup.

  “Anytime, Cash,” she says, smiling and putting a hand over her stomach. I walk out and shake my head.

  Everybody in this town is having babies or losing their damn minds. Hell, some of them are doing both, I think to myself.

  *

  I step out of the truck with more balloons than the movie Up. Tables are set up outside in the front yard, and my little five year old is standing on top of a chair with a red cape on her back. “Daddy, look. I’m Superman and I can fly!” she yells before she leaps and spreads her little arms out wide. She has blue lips from the Popsicle in her hand. I tie the balloons onto the side window of my truck before she runs over to me and jumps into my arms. “Did you bring all those balloons for me?” she asks.

  “Yep.” I kiss her cheek and look up when Leigh walks out of the house. “Come on, Supergirl. Your mama wants you to change your shirt.”

  “What’s wrong with my shirt?” Ellie asks, looking down. It has blue stains all over it.

  “Looks like you got a little dirty, Little Miss.”

  She giggles. “Daddy, that’s not dirt. That’s Popsicle.”

  “Oh, right,” I say, kissing her again and moving her brown hair from her shoulder. She looks like her mama in almost every way, has her blue eyes, her pretty face, and her fun personality. But she has my brown hair, and she likes doing what Daddy does—fishing, playing with Bear, and watching sports. She’s a little Sara and a little me all in one.

  *

  A few kids run around us screaming and blowing bubbles while Mark and I sit on the porch steps nursing the beers in our hands. Sara sits with Leigh and Maci out at one of the tables as Anne talks to my mom. I look over at my dad who is chasing Little Miss around the yard. She has two balloons tied to her wrist, and Sara put her hair up into some kind of messy something. It’s falling all around her face, and she swipes it out of the way as she runs from her grandpa. He catches her, though, and lifts her into the air. I can’t help but smile as she laughs.

  We’ve come a long way. We still don’t see eye to eye on everything, but these past years have been good…better I should say. I hear the door open, and Banner walks out with Ben’s kid.

  “How in the hell did I end up with a newborn? Where are this kid’s parents?” he asks, walking past us.

  “Ben and Shelby snuck out back, said they were giving you some practice.” I laugh.

  “I’m not having kids, so I don’t need the practice. He keeps making a weird face, man. You think he’s pooping?”

  I lift my chin, looking at the kid’s face. “Yeah, that’s definitely a poop face.”

  “Fucking hell. I’m going to find those two. I don’t give a shit what they’re doing. I’m not changing a brown diaper. I’ll throw up, man. I’ve got a weak stomach.” He gags. “I smell it,” he says. “I fucking smell it.” He walks off with Mark and me laughing.

  “Cash, where are the birthday candles? Don’t y’all think it’s time for us to do the birthday cake?” Debbie asks. I look back.

  “Ask her mama,” I say, taking a sip of my beer.

  “How many of those have you had? Do you think you should be drinking at your daughter’s birthday party?”

  “Debbie, this is my damn house. If I want to drink a beer, I will.”

  She huffs and lets the door slam behind her.

  “You do seem a little drunk off that one beer you haven’t even finished,” Mark says with a grin.

  “Shut up,” I say, downing the rest.

  *

  After the birthday cake is passed out and the presents are opened, my daughter smiles big with icing on her face as my mom snaps a picture of us three. Bear eats his own plate of cake, and Little Miss gets down from her chair and runs over to Walter. He lifts her up and bounces her on his knee.

  “Pa, your mustache looks like a caterpillar. Will it turn into a butterfly?” she asks him. I don’t hear his answer because my attention turns to Sara who appears to be fussing with her mom. I tell a few people bye as they leave and take their kids with them. My eyes look toward the porch, and I see Maci and Banner swinging. Those two have been together for a long time now. He still hasn’t asked her to marry him, but I think she is okay with that. Lucas
did a number on her. He got out a while back I heard, but I never told her. I’m not sure if she already knows or not. He hasn’t shown his face around here, so that’s all that matters. I feel a pat on my shoulder and look back to see my dad.

  “Your mama and I are heading out. Thanks for inviting us.”

  “Of course.” I nod and stand to give Mama a hug.

  “Love you, baby boy. We’ll talk later this week,” she says, giving me a kiss on the cheek. I shake my dad’s hand before they go over to tell Ellie bye. My eyes go back to Sara who is shaking her head. She throws her hands up like she is defeated before storming off into the house. Mama looks her way after she puts Ellie down. She looks back to me, and I give her a small smile. She doesn’t return it. She looks worried, and I don’t like it. I clear my throat and walk past Debbie who has taken a seat.

  “What did you do to piss her off?” I ask low enough for only her to hear.

  “She’s not taking her medication, Cash.”

  “How do you know this?” I ask.

  “I looked in her weekly medicine container. It’s slap full. Don’t you check these things?” she asks like she didn’t do anything wrong.

  “What the fuck are you doing snooping through her stuff?” I ask.

  “Cash,” Walter warns.

  “No. You don’t go into someone’s house and look through their shit.” I speak louder than I should have.

  “I was just looking out for my child because obviously her husband doesn’t.”

  “That’s enough,” I say. “You need to go, Debbie. The party is over, everybody.”

  Leigh now has Ellie, and she’s crying. Leigh nods at me, letting me know she’s got her, so I head inside to find my wife.

  “Be gone when I come back.” I look behind me to say to Debbie.

  The screen door slams hard when I walk in and I hear Maci tell Banner to help her clean up.

  “Sara,” I call out. I hear nothing, so I walk through the house in search of her. Seeing she isn’t downstairs, I run up the steps. Walking into our bedroom, I turn the corner to see Sara sitting on the floor. Pills are scattered around her, and the bathroom mirror is cracked. Blood covers her knuckles as she grips onto a fistful of her dirty blonde curls. Her shoulders shake from the sobs coming out of her mouth, and her head is down. Like the mirror, my heart cracks at the sight of her. “Baby?”