Enigma

by Dee Davis

  Cullen shrugged, his eyes still dark with remorse, the two expressions at odds with each other. “Partly because the information was need-to-know. And partly because I wanted to protect you.”

  “Protect me?” Payton’s voice raised to an octave he hadn’t known he possessed. “How the hell did my thinking I killed Mariam protect me?”

  “In the beginning, you weren’t thinking like that. In fact, she was the reason you survived.”

  “Until I found out she was dead.” Even after all this time it still hurt to remember. He could see Gabe and Nigel standing by his hospital bed uncomfortable in their own skins in a way he’d never seen before.

  “And seeking revenge for her was the only thing that kept you going for a hell of a long time. If I’d told you, you’d have had nothing.”

  Payton stared at Cullen, his nemesis for so long. He’d hated the man, blamed him for Mariam and Kevin’s death as much as he’d blamed himself. And now it turned out it had all been a lie. Mariam had double-crossed them all. Lied to them, betrayed them and made a mockery of Payton’s young heart.

  “Payton, I’ve never met anyone like you in all of my life,” Cullen said. “And believe me, I’ve met a hell of a lot of people. Your loyalty is unwavering, your life attached bodily to the people you love. I couldn’t take that from you. You have to understand. It was my fault that I sent you and Kevin and the others into such a volatile situation. Hell, it was my fault my employee wound up there in the first place. I couldn’t take away the only thing you had left.”

  “My hatred?”

  “Yes. Because in the end, it’s just a crazy circle. Hate, love, all of it. You needed a reason to live. I let you have it. It’s that simple. If you can’t understand that, then so be it. If I had to do it all over again, I’d do it just the same.”

  “But she was a traitor.”

  “And she paid for it in spades. People do things for all kinds of reasons, Payton. We’ll never know hers. But remember that one person’s traitor is another’s hero. Just look at Nigel.”

  Payton nodded, his thoughts still on the woman who had been his wife, his chest tightening at the implications of his involvement with Mariam. “I didn’t know.”

  “Of course not. No one ever thought you did. There was a cursory investigation, of course, but it was dropped almost immediately. Your patriotism was never questioned, Payton. Until it suited you to put it in doubt.”

  The last was a reference to the fact that most of what he did was government-ordered, not government-sanctioned. If something ever went wrong, Payton would be hung out to dry. And frankly, until recently, the notion had suited him just fine.

  “So what happens now?” He knew the answer, but he needed to hear Cullen say it.

  “Nothing. It was all over a long time ago. No one cares anymore about our little expedition. We’ll remember forever, of course, but no one else gives a damn. The fact that Nigel told you has no bearing on how the rest of the world will perceive what happened.”

  “So that’s the end of it.”

  “Is it?” Cullen asked, sitting back in his chair, his eyes narrowed as he studied Payton’s face. “Are you ready to let it go?”

  “I don’t know. I only just found out the truth.” He frowned, trying to decipher the true meaning of Cullen’s words.

  Cullen sighed. “I think the importance of the revelation, now, is that you’ve got nothing else to hang on to. You almost lost your life trying to save your brother.”

  “But I failed.”

  “Yes, you did, but not for lack of trying. And no matter how much you beat yourself up about it, you can’t bring him back. And I can’t believe for a moment that he’d want you to throw your life away.”

  “I haven’t been throwing it away.” Payton hated the defensive note in his voice, but Cullen was hitting too close to home.

  “I saw you in the jungle, remember? You were just a hairsbreadth away from blowing yourself to oblivion.”

  “Along with about fifteen of the baddest hombres south of the equator.”

  “You know what I mean.” Cullen sat back, his face full of compassion. “Let the news of Mariam’s betrayal put an end to this. Take your life back. Even if you did have a debt to pay, you’ve more than paid it.”

  “So I’m just supposed to pick up and go on?”

  “People do it every day. And most of them don’t have someone like Sam waiting in the wings for them.”

  The mention of her name sent a strange sense of calm flooding through him. As if just the thought of her was enough to ease his tormented spirit. Payton looked up to meet Cullen’s somber gaze, and for the first time, he saw a man, not a mogul. A man who, for better or worse, had made decisions based on an attempt to protect Payton from himself.

  “Thanks for your honesty.” It had never been easy for him to thank anyone, and the idea that he was thanking Cullen Pulaski didn’t sit all that well. But it was the right thing to do, and, in a way that nothing else could have, it brought a form of closure. The past for once was just that—the past.

  And if he wanted a future, it was time to reach out for it with both hands.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  SAM DROPPED DOWN onto the bed, exhaustion warring with concern over Payton. She’d noticed that both their bags were in the same bedroom, and while some part of her insisted that for propriety’s sake she should move across the hall, she simply couldn’t find the energy to do so. And considering everything that had happened today, she didn’t really want to.

  She’d left Harrison and Madison upstairs playing cards. The two of them had tried to entice her into joining them, but she was simply too exhausted to try and keep up with the intricacies of playing poker.

  There were guards at the gated entrance to the house, and armed men at the doors. Cullen was leaving nothing to chance. The house itself was situated at the end of a cul-de-sac on an out-of-the-way road that no one would be able to find unless they knew it was there.

  Which meant that, for the moment at least, she was safe. Although she had to admit she’d feel better when Payton got home. Not that she was expecting him anytime soon. He and Gabe had gone out with Nigel. For all she knew, they’d stay out a good long while. It was pretty obvious they’d had things to talk about.

  There was something compelling about the kind of friendship the three men had. Sam had never experienced anything like it except maybe with her father, and as close as they were, it was still different from the bond that Payton, Nigel and Gabe shared.

  She’d simply never had the opportunity to form that kind of relationship with anyone. Since she’d been a kid, she’d always been on the move. Different bases, different towns, hell, different countries. Somewhere along the way, she’d learned to insulate herself. To make sure that she didn’t connect with others in a way that would ultimately mean the pain of separation. What had started as self-defense had wound up a personality trait. She simply didn’t know any other way to operate.

  And until recently, she hadn’t really cared. But now for the first time in her life she had someone worth keeping around, and she wasn’t really sure how to proceed. Of course, the ball wasn’t exactly in her court. She needed Payton to engage. And although she was certain he had feelings for her, she wasn’t as certain that he would ever acknowledge them.

  At least with any permanence.

  Not that permanent was in the cards if the bomber had any say about it. She’d been over it all a thousand times, and there wasn’t really anything new she could add to the mix. Someone out there was playing a game—it was as simple as that. And Sam always played to win. It’s just that at the moment, she wasn’t even certain what game they were playing.

  She blew out a breath and sat up. Despite her exhaustion, she wasn’t going to be able to sleep. What she needed was a distraction. She toyed with the idea of going back upstairs to Harrison and Madison, but rejected the idea. Casual banter wasn’t what she needed. Instead, she reached into her bag for the cell th
at Gabe had given her. Maybe talking to her mother would help calm her nerves.

  And if not, at least Sam would be certain her mother was all right.

  Elizabeth answered on one ring. “I was just going to call you.”

  Sam let her mother’s voice wash over her. Even with the distance, she felt immediately better. “I wanted to be sure you were okay. Gabe said the trip was uneventful.”

  “Actually, it was sort of exciting. But then I guess you’re used to that sort of thing.” She could hear the smile in her mother’s voice. “He’s a nice man, Gabriel. He told me all about his wife, and how they met. Sounded a little like you and Payton.”

  Sam considered the notion and then rejected it. Madison and Gabe were polar opposites. What he lacked, she provided, and vice versa. It was nice to see them together. “They complement each other, Mother. Payton and I are more like mirror images.”

  “It takes all kinds. And you’ve never been the type to choose an easy relationship.”

  There was definitely truth in that, but Sam didn’t want to discuss it. “How are Aunt Maggie and Uncle George?”

  “Enjoying the notoriety, even if no one else can know about it. We’ve got men stationed at the house, and several more patrolling the property. Aunt Maggie spent the afternoon cooking for them all.”

  “I’ll bet that was a hit.”

  “It was.” Her mother laughed. “Only George is worried that they’ll all lapse into food coma, leaving him to defend the womenfolk.”

  Sam sighed. “In an insane kind of way, it sounds wonderfully normal.”

  “You don’t sound so good.” Her mother as usual could sense what she was feeling. “Something more to do with the bomber?”

  “Just general concern, I guess.” She had no intention of worrying her mother with their latest theories about the bomber’s motives. At least not unless it was absolutely necessary. “I just keep feeling like I’m missing something. Like the answer is staring me in the face, but I’m not interpreting it right. Does that make sense?”

  “Perfect sense. I think the hard part about what you do is working backward. You’ve got an answer but no question, which has got to be frustrating as all get-out.”

  Sam swallowed her surprise. It seemed her mother not only followed her career, she actually understood it. “Yeah, and this one is worse than most.”

  “Honey, don’t let the fact that he’s targeting people you care about distract you. That’s how you make mistakes. Just concentrate on the facts and let them tell the story.”

  “I’m trying, Mom, but it’s hard. I just keep seeing your house on that monitor. I couldn’t even breathe.”

  “But I wasn’t hurt. I’m sitting right here talking to you, on our supersecret spy phone, I might add. It’s going to be all right, Sam. You just have to keep your focus and everything else will fall into place. The bomber may be good at what he’s doing, but you’re better. Don’t forget that. It doesn’t take all that much to destroy things. It’s the people like you, who fight to stop them, they’re the ones who really matter. And in the end, I honestly believe you’ll win the day.”

  “I wish I had your confidence.” Sam lay back against the pillows, moonlight streaming across the bed. “I just feel like this guy has me by the balls.”

  “Well, there’s your first problem. He can’t have that kind of hold on you, Sam. You don’t have balls.”

  Sam smothered a ripple of laughter. She’d never heard her mother use crass language before. “Well then he’s got me by the hair. Is that better?”

  “He hasn’t got you at all. That’s what’s driving him crazy. And I’m betting that’s why this thing keeps escalating. He’s trying to get your attention. And when you figure out why, you’ll figure out who he is.”

  There was truth in the idea, but she was just so far away from understanding his reasons. “Well, I’m just sorry you got caught up in all of this.”

  “Better that than the alternative.” Again her mother’s voice was purposefully light.

  Sam shivered, thinking of Ruth and her boyfriend. “I feel sick about your friends.”

  “Me, too. But like I said before, the only person responsible here is the man who planted the bomb. And when you find him, I’ve no doubt in the world that he’ll get his due.” Her mother’s voice had turned serious, tight with emotion. “The important thing now, honey, is to take care of yourself. Let Payton and the others watch your back. This is not the time for mavericking.”

  It wasn’t like she hadn’t considered the idea. Sam had always preferred to work on her own, but somewhere along the way, she’d come to depend on the people she was working with. Maybe Last Chance was about more than solving crimes. Maybe it also offered hope to terminal loners.

  “Sam? Are you listening? I want your promise, that you’ll play it safe.”

  “I hear you, Mom. And I promise I’ll be careful.” It was as far as she could go. There was nothing safe in anything she did.

  “Even if you’re afraid of whatever it is between you and Payton, you can’t lose sight of the fact that you need his help.”

  “I swear, Mom, I’ll keep him close no matter the cost.” The idea was actually somewhat appealing. Not that she was going to admit it to her mother. “Are you happy?”

  “I’ll only be happy when this is over, Sam. When I know you’re safe.”

  She nodded into the phone, then realized her mother couldn’t see. “I love you, Mom.” And she realized that for the first time in a long time, she really meant it. Whatever gulf had opened between them with her father’s death was gone now, closed by the necessity of pulling together, and by the fact that Sam was seeing her mother in a whole new light.

  “I love you, too.” The smile was back in her mother’s voice. “And remember, honey, I’m right here anytime you need me. I mean, how many mothers and daughters have their own special hotline.”

  Sam clicked off, her heart feeling a little lighter. She might not know who was behind the bombings, but she was getting closer. And for once, she wasn’t alone. She had her mother, and her new friends—and Payton. She snuggled down into the sheets, letting her eyes drift shut.

  Her sleep was fitful, filled with images of a faceless man holding a detonator, his laughter sending bolts of icy fear chasing through her. Then suddenly, Payton was there, his body warm against hers as he slid into the bed, and she relaxed, her nightmares fleeing in the wake of his strength. She nestled close, settling into the curve of his arms, and sighed, knowing they should talk, that she should ask about Mariam.

  He kissed her hair, and told her to sleep, and she did, dreamlessly, waking much later to the feel of his hands on her body, his lips on her face, his penis hard against her thigh, and she opened herself, letting him make love to her.

  The ferocity of their earlier couplings was gone, in its place a tender intensity that filled her with wonder and incredible joy. This was a union of both spirit and body. Sam recognized the walls that were tumbling down, and she let him take her, heedless of anything beyond the two of them.

  This was a safe place, where nothing could touch them. Not the past, not the future, not the bleak darkness of their nightmares. There was only love. The two of them, moving together, faster and faster, until they found release, pleasure whispering through her like a summer breeze.

  Afterward, they lay together, limbs entangled, bodies intertwined, and Sam relished the rise and fall of his chest beneath her cheek. “I know about Mariam.” The words came out of their own volition, somehow in the afterglow of their love-making not quite as fearsome as she’d thought they’d be.

  “I know.” He kissed the top of her head. “Nigel told me.”

  “I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

  He was very still, and she bit her lip, her heart pounding for fear he’d shut her out again. Then he tightened his arms around her. “I haven’t really processed it yet. It’s like finding out that your whole life has been based on a lie. Every decision I’v
e made since I got out of the hospital was predicated on the fact that I’d been responsible for Mariam’s death. Mariam’s and Kevin’s.”

  “And now?” she prompted.

  “And now it seems that honor belongs to Mariam, and I don’t know what that means for me.”

  She waited for him to say more, stroking the scars on his arm, her fingers tracing the jagged patterns in his skin. “And me? Where do I fit into all this?”

  “You don’t.”

  She froze, her heart constricting with agony, unable to say anything. She started to jerk away, to break all contact, but he pulled her around to face him instead, his gaze locking on hers.

  “You’re not part of my past, Sam. You’re part of my future. And nothing that happened before can affect how I feel about you. I want you in my life. And nothing, not Mariam’s betrayal, not Kevin’s death, not a twisted lunatic with a bomb is going to get in the way of that. Nothing.”

  She started to breathe again, tears filling her eyes.

  “So will you stay?”

  It wasn’t a declaration of love, but it was a beginning. “As long as you want me.” They were the same words he’d used with her earlier, and somehow they seemed right. A promise of things to come.

  He cupped her face, his gaze tender, and then they kissed, their passion rising anew, and he smiled, his expression turning a little wicked. Sam laughed, pulling him close, feeling him harden inside her, and as he started to move, she concentrated on the sensation, allowing it to carry her away, her last clear thought that, at least for the moment, everything seemed to be right with the world.

  J.T. LOWERED HIS BINOCULARS and sat back in the darkness, anger filling him beyond all measure. He’d managed to elude the guards at the perimeter, at least enough to get a quick look at the house. He doubted he could gain access, but that hadn’t been his objective.

  All he’d wanted was a look at Samantha, his need overriding all caution. And he’d gotten an eyeful all right. He clenched his fist, forcing himself to retreat, to pick his way back down the outcropping of rock, before the guards made another circle.