Ride a Rebel Wind

by Brieanna Robertson

  He grimaced and opened one eye just in time to see her expression of horrified concern. “I tried to pave the cement with it,” he grumbled. “Thought it would look better red.”

  Her look of horror intensified and she flung her purse down and knelt in front of him. “Oh my goodness, Hayden! Are you okay?” Her fingers went up immediately to tangle gently in his hair, and her touch soothed the stinging in his face and the throbbing of his knee. He closed his eyes and basked in it for a moment, in her ability to make him forget everything around him but her.

  “I’ll live. My pride hurts more than anything else.”

  “What were you trying to do?”

  “Ollie up to grind on a rail.”

  Her stroking fingers stopped and he opened his eyes to see her staring at him with mouth open and eyebrows raised. “How old are you?” she questioned.

  “Old enough to know I probably shouldn’t be ollying up to grind on a rail.”

  She laughed softly and framed his face with her palms, feather light over his scratches. Her expression softened and warmth filled her eyes. “Are you in a lot of pain?” she crooned.

  Deciding to milk the situation for all he could get out of it, he stuck his bottom lip out and sniffled. “A little bit.”

  She giggled and brought her lips close to his. “Does this help?” She brushed a kiss across his lips, tender and teasing.

  “Still hurts,” he murmured.

  “Hmmm…” She leaned in again and nibbled along his bottom lip, igniting his insides and causing his heart to stutter. “How’s this?” She pressed her lips firmly to his.

  He sighed and reached for her, pulling her onto his lap, mindful of his swollen knee. Her arms went around his neck and Hayden deepened the kiss, indulging himself. The pain vanished and the restlessness within him was nonexistent, although he actually couldn’t remember it bothering him all day.

  He tangled his fingers in her hair and lost himself within her sweetness, her compassion, and her astute assessment of himself and his life. Gina was an extraordinary judge of character. She saw more than anyone he’d ever met. She saw parts of him he had been afraid to examine too closely, and she made him remember what was most important in his life. She had brought a small bit of order to his chaotic existence in only a weekend. He didn’t know what was better—that, or the fact that she liked kissing him as much as he enjoyed kissing her. He wanted to know more of Gina, all of Gina. A weekend was not nearly enough time.

  Suddenly, the smoke alarm in the kitchen started blaring.

  Hayden tensed and pulled away from Gina’s addictive mouth. “Crap!” he exclaimed. “The garlic bread is burning!” He moved without thinking and knocked Gina off of his lap. She rolled over the side of the recliner and landed on her butt. He launched himself out of the chair, forgetting his knee, and almost collapsed as fiery pain shot through his leg. Gina’s arm around his back stabilized him.

  “Whoa there, Bucky Lasek,” she laughed. “Take a chill pill.” She propped him up against the kitchen counter, took out the burned bread, tossed it out, and aired out the kitchen and living room. In the meantime, Hayden managed to limp to the stove, drain the pasta, and finish dinner with his remaining amount of dignity.

  When the pasta had been dished up and the kitchen fanned out, Gina joined him at the dining room table. “Well, that was an adventure,” she said.

  Hayden glanced up at her. She was flushed and slightly disheveled from moving so swiftly and he found it incredibly sexy to see her looking so untamed. Why could he see her in every single scenario he pictured for his life? He could see her hiking next to him and camping with him in the mountains. He could see her white water rafting or horseback riding. He could see her at his side on a trip to any country he could imagine himself going to. He could even see her standing next to him, handing him a beer while he barbequed for friends and family on a weekend. It made no sense, but she just fit. Into every aspect of his life, she fit. “Gina, I have had more adventure in the last two days than I think I’ve had in my entire life,” he replied. Her words from the day before came back to him. “Sometimes, the most amazing adventures can be had right where you’re standing if you have the imagination for it, and some of the greatest journeys can happen within yourself.”

  She looked up at him and grinned, then motioned to her dinner plate. “What is this masterpiece?” she teased.

  “My sausage in red wine sauce over pasta,” he said, pouring them each a glass of red wine. “By the way, you must know your pro skaters.”

  She sat down and cocked an eyebrow at him while she sipped her wine.

  “You mentioned Busky Lasek earlier. Most people with limited knowledge would say Tony Hawk since he’s the most well known. Don’t tell me you used to skate too?”

  “I used to play Tony Hawk Pro Skater on Playstation all the time when I was a teenager,” she admitted. “That’s the only reason I know anything.”

  He chuckled. “Yeah, well, Jack and I used to pretend to be Tony Hawk when we were teenagers. This morning, I woke up and decided it would be an awesome idea to try and reclaim some of that. Look what happened.”

  She laughed softly and reached across the table for his hand while she took a bite of the pasta. Her eyes lit up as she chewed. “Hayden, this is amazing! Where did you learn to cook like this?”

  He beamed at her. “My mom initially, but I’ve always enjoyed experimenting in the kitchen. I used to entertain the idea of being the executive chef of my own restaurant one day.”

  “Used to? You don’t anymore?”

  He shrugged. “Yeah…I don’t know why. I guess I just got too used to being a temp.” He laughed, but it felt hollow, and it sounded like a lame excuse even to him. Why hadn’t he pursued his career ambitions? What was stopping him? Fear of being stuck, or fear of failure? When had he started becoming afraid of everything? And how had he been managing to do such an awesome job of hiding it from himself? He felt like a loser. And a pansy. A pansy-loser-douchebag…who had a blown out knee and half his face left back at the skate park. This weekend was killing him.

  “Hayden?”

  He glanced up at Gina and only then realized she had said something. He shook his head. “I’m sorry. What?”

  A strange, knowing expression crossed her face and she caressed the back of his hand with her thumb. “I said, if you want to do something, you should do it. You have nothing to lose. The only person standing in your way is yourself.”

  He stared at her for a moment, and the truth of her words caused his heart to clench. Ever since he’d bailed all those years ago, he’d convinced himself it was because he’d felt stuck. That his dreams had been denied because of what had happened to his parents. Well, who was denying his dreams now? He was. He was running from them. Why? Because he was lost, that was why. He’d been lost ever since Jack had gone away to college. Suddenly, Hayden’s reason for existence had been gone, his routine, his life, all the things that had come to define him. He’d been left with no place and no purpose.

  Crap, he had gone through some kind of weird empty nest pre-mid-life crisis because his brother hadn’t needed him anymore. Except his brother had needed him, and he’d abandoned him. Because he was lost. Because he had no path. Because he was afraid of failing his life. Because he was freaking backwards.

  He glanced up at Gina while she ate, then at where she still held his hand. He was tired of standing in his own way. He wanted those days like today with Jackson again, and he wanted nights like this with Gina. But he didn’t know how to quit the life he knew. The life he knew was safe. It was cowardly, but it was his.

  He had never felt so confused in his life. And he knew, pretty soon he was going to have to pull his head out of his butt and figure it out, or else he might lose everything that mattered to him. And he’d have no one to blame but himself.

  Chapter Eight

  Gina couldn’t remember a time when she’d ever had as much fun with a man as she’d had with Hayden over th
e past two days. He was kind, easy-going, and attentive. He was roguish, masculine, and rebellious, but with a gentleness that made her wish she’d met him at any other time in his life.

  She wanted more than anything to see what might be possible for them if their budding relationship was allowed to flourish, but the timing was all wrong. Hayden had so much he was at war with, so much he needed to figure out. She wanted to be a partner, not a therapist, and as much as she liked him, the things he needed to deal with were things he needed to find the solutions to on his own.

  She was getting ready to go home after dinner, dessert, a bottle of wine, and a leisurely evening of wonderful conversation, music, and erotic kissing when she got a text message from Shelby. As she looked at her phone, Hayden’s went off also.

  They both laughed simultaneously.

  Gina glanced up at him. “What does yours say?”

  He held up his phone. “From Jack. All he said was, ‘oh my gosh, she is so hot.’”

  She laughed. “Mine was from Shelby. Hers said, ‘he’s not insane as far as I can tell, which is an improvement from the guys I usually date, and he’s growing on me. He has an awesome sense of humor.’”

  Hayden grinned. “Of course he’s not insane. I’m the only one in this family allowed to be insane.” He set down his phone and wrapped his arms around her.

  Gina traced the lines of muscle on his shoulders and sighed. “You’re not insane, Hayden. You just got off track is all. You’ll figure it all out.”

  His sigh was sad, defeated-sounding. “Will you be here when I do?”

  She looked up into his eyes and her heart twisted. She had been dreading this inevitable part of the conversation. “Hayden…it’s dangerous for me to get my heart more involved than I already have. I like you…very much, and I can see us going somewhere…somewhere special and long-term…” She swallowed hard as sudden tears stung her eyes. “But I’m rooted here at the moment. I have my family and my job. I want to travel, but I don’t want to pack up and become a gypsy…and right now, that’s what you’d want me to do.”

  His arms around her tightened. “Whoa, wait a second. I never said I wanted you to do that, Gina. I—”

  “Hayden…” She let out a slow, calming breath in order to keep herself from losing her courage. “You have so much potential. You’re a wonderful man. But you’re so lost.” She hated the hurt reflected in his eyes. “You need to take care of those turbulent things inside of you. Your heart is split up between too many things. If you don’t sort that out, your heart really isn’t free to offer to anyone, is it?”

  He stared at her for a long, silent moment before he shook his head and averted his gaze. “No, I guess not.”

  A muscle worked along his jaw and she cupped his cheek in her hand, her heart aching. “I’m not abandoning you. All I’m saying is that, until you know which direction that wind you love so much is going to blow you, I have to put the brakes on whatever this is between you and me. Otherwise, you’re going to be too distracted with us to figure out what you really want, and I could get hurt. Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I don’t want to get hurt, Hayden.”

  He trapped her palm against his cheek with his hand, then brought it to his lips and kissed it. “I don’t want you to get hurt either, Gina.”

  His voice was low and husky with emotion. The ache in her heart intensified. Why did the one man she really, really liked have to be in the midst of his own personal crisis? It was killing her to have to tell him any of this, as necessary as it was. She felt like she was sabotaging any potential they may have as a couple, but she also knew that she couldn’t be in a relationship with a person who was only half a man. Hayden had lost himself and his path long ago. Until he found that again, she knew he would never be happy, even with her.

  “Thank you, Gina,” he murmured. “For the most amazing weekend of my life.”

  Her cheeks grew warm at his compliment and she slipped her arms around him, hugging him close. “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes,” she whispered. “Or Jack’s. If you could, you’d never doubt yourself again. Be careful not to go chasing after what you will never find. Pay attention to the things you already have.”

  He held her for a long moment, and she listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Finally, she pulled back and raised herself on her toes to press a gentle, lingering kiss to his lips. “Thank you for everything,” he murmured.

  “Have a safe ride home.”

  “I’ll call you, okay?” he said.

  She forced a sad smile while her mind and her heart fought a terrible tug of war. Her mind said he wouldn’t, that something else would spark his interest and she would end up just another story to tell. But her heart hoped he would call, and that he would keep on calling.

  “Okay.” She nodded and reluctantly moved out of his embrace.

  He walked her to the door, kissed her one more time, and with one last look at his beautiful face, she took off before she broke down into tears.

  * * * *

  Hayden swore that the door closing echoed through the chambers of his heart. He stood there and stared for awhile, tingling from the aftereffects of spending the evening in Gina’s presence. She filled his life in more areas than he’d realized had been empty.

  With a heavy sigh, he turned away from the closed door and hobbled through Jackson’s living room. He settled on the sofa and his gaze fell on a few framed pictures on the entertainment center. One of them was of their parents, the same one that was tattooed on Jackson’s arm. There was one of Jackson and some of his cop friends laughing, and there was one of the two of them, taken during one of Jackson’s visits—one of the many.

  Jack had come to see him more times than he could count. He’d sacrificed time and money he could have spent elsewhere on him. Because he was his family. Because he was his friend. Because Hayden mattered more to him than any grand vacation or adventure. His brother had chosen to spend his adventures on him.

  Some people spent their whole lives looking for that.

  Gina was right. His heart was all screwed up. He had no business offering anybody anything until he stared at himself in the mirror, took a long, hard look, and asked himself if he liked what he saw.

  And if he didn’t, he needed to stop being a baby and start fixing problems instead of running from them.

  Chapter Nine

  One week later

  “Shelby, I swear on my life, if you say you’re cold one more time, I’m going to murder you.” Gina meant it too. She looked over at her sister, who was attempting to get a fire going and failing miserably.

  “Well, I am!” Shelby cried. “I seriously think we should just go charge a hotel room.”

  Gina closed her eyes and prayed for patience. It’s bad to strangle your sister. It’s bad to strangle your sister… “It is not my fault that you didn’t come prepared. What part of ‘we are camping in the redwoods’ didn’t clue you in to the fact that you might need to bring warmer clothes? Or maybe even a blanket with some substance?”

  Shelby scowled up from where the damp wood was smoldering uselessly. “Geez, who peed in your Cheerios this morning, Crabby Patty?”

  Bad to strangle your sister. “You did! By keeping me up half the night with your incessant whining!”

  “I had the stomach flu, and I was frozen!”

  Gina heaved a long-suffering sigh. Shelby bellowing at her wasn’t going to get her point across any faster. “Yeah, if you’ll recall, I had the flu too, and I was trying not to yak all night while you kept waking me up and wailing like an infant.” She went over and yanked the matches out of Shelby’s hand. “Who taught you how to build a fire anyway? Which family did you actually come from? Dad would be disgraced.”

  Shelby stepped back and put her hands on her hips. “Now that was just rude.”

  Gina smirked up at her and started to reassemble the fire. She yawned. “Last night was a nightmare.”

  The first two days of their relaxing trip to
Fort Bragg had been spent luxuriating in a bed and breakfast with a hot tub. And, of course, on the day they had to go set up their camp site in the redwoods, they’d both come down with the 24-hour stomach flu. They’d spent the entirety of yesterday trying to put up their tents—scratch that, Gina had spent the entirety of yesterday trying to put up their tents while Shelby had done a lot of moaning and screaming about the banana slugs that were everywhere.

  To top it all off, they were in the scariest hillbilly campground they had ever seen, and in the middle of the night, some drunk dude had decided to start screaming and running around with a chainsaw. Gina had thought for a bit that Shelby was actually going to climb in the tent with her.

  “Are you feeling better?” Shelby asked.

  “Yeah, you?”

  She nodded. “I’m actually hungry this morning.”

  Gina finished with the temperamental fire and sat down in a camp chair with a sigh. “Only we would end up in a Hills Have Eyes campground with the flu,” she grumbled.

  Shelby giggled and sat down also. “No kidding.” Her phone beeped and she pulled it out of her pocket. She read the text message and grinned giddily.

  Gina arched an eyebrow.

  “It’s Jack. He says he misses me, that I’ve been gone too long. Then he said something else I can’t repeat.”

  Gina rolled her eyes and tried to ignore the way her heart clenched. There had been a lot of Jack this and Jack that on this trip. He and Shelby had grown rather fond of one another, and while Gina did not begrudge her sister happiness, every time Jack was mentioned, it just made Gina think of Hayden and how he had vanished like the wind he chased.

  Shelby’s phone beeped again and she giggled. “He says he can’t stand not seeing me, that it’s killing him. And that he has a surprise for me.”

  Gina fought the urge to groan.