Never Try To Explain

by Donna McDonald

  “I hope Della is as good as Mariah at hooking people up. If any woman ever deserved to marry a rich man, you definitely do,” Georgia said firmly. She looked at Trudy. “You may just be right about Henna. Maybe she just needs to get laid. That jackass she divorced probably bombed in the sack. He’s so into himself that I’m sure he preferred partying solo to sharing the fun. No wonder the girl is so grumpy all the time.”

  “It certainly turned out to be the problem her wicked step-mother was suffering from,” Trudy said with a smile.

  Georgia considered Trudy’s insult and then shrugged. “I can’t deny it. Brent’s made me happy again, even at my age.”

  “Amen to that,” Ann said, letting out the breath she’d been holding over the awkward conversation. “But now it’s Jellica’s turn. We’re here for you, honey. Whatever you need. If all you want is a rich and smart friend, then that’s what we’ll help you find.”

  Jellica’s gaze raked the table and she shook her head. “I have a lot of rich friends, Ann. What I need—as much as it pains my inner feminist—is a knight in shining armor to rescue me. I’ve managed to do it alone for sixteen years as a strong, independent woman, but it’s been tough.”

  Georgia waved a hand. “You don’t need a man to save you—they only have one or two ideas about women. I think you should sell photos of yourself doing erotic yoga poses. Sex sells, you know. Then when the money from that dries up, you can write a book. I can see it now… Kama Sutra for the Modern Woman by Angelica Quartz. Your spectacularly-maintained body would be on the front cover, of course.”

  Ann’s mouth dropped open in shock as she stared at a beaming Georgia before turning to Jellica. “The book is a great idea. Nix selling the erotic photos though.”

  Trudy bounced in her chair as she laughed. “No. No. Jellica puts the book out, makes some sexy yoga videos, and then she sells the photos. She’ll get more for them that way. And she can start charging higher prices for her classes. With our help, she’ll be rich in no time.”

  “But I won’t be able to afford her classes if she gets rich,” Ann protested. “Don’t you think one celebrity in this group is enough?”

  “I know I certainly do,” Jellica answered firmly, jumping in to stop the fruitless conversation. “Georgia’s bad enough now. Imagine how big her head’s going to get when she marries Brent. She’ll be signing everything ‘Dr. and Mrs. Brentwood Colombo’ and think she’s too good for us.”

  “Hey,” Trudy said, giggling. “You think Georgia’s the celebrity in our group?”

  “I’m barely over forty so I’m from a different generation compared to the three of you,” Jellica began, her mouth twitching. “Georgia’s the one with the awful step-daughter which makes her life more reality TV show worthy. Face it, Trudy, your relationship is just not rocky and unstable enough. Today’s celebrities have to have a bitter edge.”

  “Doesn’t it count that my lover is a much younger man than me?” Trudy demanded, fighting her laughter to stay in the game.

  Ann snorted and waved an elegant hand. “Young lovers are passé, darling. Even I have one of those.”

  Trudy snickered over Ann’s pretentious teasing as she went back to eating. Georgia cackled as she drank her wine and gloated for coming up with the book idea they’d all thought was great.

  Jellica sighed with relief that the conversation had finally shifted away from her as Ann winked from across the table and went back to eating.

  Feeling like she’d narrowly escaped more revelation than she was ready for, Jellica returned her attention to the wonderful meal in front of her as well.

  “Did you hear what those women were discussing? I think they were trying to talk the hairspray woman into becoming a porn star! Apparently, she needs money in a desperate way. Not surprising since she has enough makeup on for several people. Probably blew an entire year’s budget on all those layers and layers of expensive foundation. That’s the kind of stuff people wear when they go on TV.”

  Greg reluctantly lifted his eyes to give his gossiping sibling his attention. “Why would I listen to other people’s conversations? I prefer minding my own business.”

  “Honestly, Greg,” his sister exclaimed. “Business. Business. Business. It’s no wonder you can’t get a date.”

  “Hey now—I can get a date,” Greg said sharply, automatically defending his manhood. “I get dates all the time.”

  His sister laughed. “Not ones you haven’t paid for. At least if you were spending your date money on prostitutes you’d be getting some sex out of the deal. Instead, all you get is the check for dinner.”

  “Brittany… stop.” Greg looked around the room. He needed to distract her before she got going. One day he was going to learn to stop inviting his sister to have dinner in public. “Which women are you yammering about?”

  “The ones all laughing at everything each other is saying.”

  Greg’s gaze searched the restaurant until it landed on what had to be the right table. “I know them. The loudest one is Chef Trudy Baker who owns this restaurant.”

  “OMG, you’re lying. She’s eating in her own restaurant with those crazy women?” Brittany asked in surprise, forcing her head not to swivel on her shoulders to take a better look.

  “I dated the woman on Chef Baker’s right. Her name is Ann and she’s a perfectly nice person. We simply had no chemistry. And you already know the oldest woman at the table. I heard you and Mother exhaustively talking about her love life during brunch last Sunday.”

  Brittany’s face wrinkled. “Really? I don’t remember that.” She did turn to look then. Her eyes widened as memory returned. “Is THAT the woman who’s marrying Dr. Colombo? She’s got to be three or four times older than his last wife. No, that can’t be her. She’s not well-groomed enough. He’d never let his real wife have that many lines on her face.”

  “Trust me. It’s her. That’s Georgia Bates. Her daughter runs The Perfect Date agency,” Greg explained as his irritation with his sister grew. “And will you stop staring at them? They’re going to catch you gawking and then you’ll be embarrassed to be caught.”

  Brittany snorted as she put her attention back on her boring, goody-two-shoes brother. “Since you seem to be in the public know for once, who’s the budding porn star?”

  “I’m sure you misunderstood their comments,” Greg said.

  “No, I didn’t,” Brittany insisted.

  Greg frowned at his sister’s denial. “I don’t know who she is but I distinctly heard her say she teaches yoga. They were suggesting she write a book. Selling erotic photos of herself was just her friends teasing her. I’m sure she’s perfectly nice too.”

  “I thought you weren’t paying attention.”

  His mouth twisted into its usual sneer at his sister’s taunts. “I like being underestimated. It gives me an edge.”

  “If that overly-painted hussy’s a yoga teacher, I’ll eat my shoes,” Brittany announced. “Look at all that makeup, Greg. And that hair… no one that much into their body would put on that much crap for any reason. The evidence is all there, bro. She’s a porn star in the making. I rest my case.”

  “I don’t know how Mason puts up with you,” Greg said dryly.

  Brittany smiled and laughed. “I’d tell you, but you’re too innocent to hear my secrets.”

  Greg shook his head. “You have a poor opinion of your big brother.”

  “No, I don’t. I love you like the suns, but I’m a realist.” Brittany smiled and then giggled. “You know what you need? You need to date someone who can teach you how to be sexy. You got the brains and the body, but you have zero game.”

  “Thanks, Brittany. You always manage to ruin my day.”

  Brittany pointed a manicured finger. “I want you as happy as I am. You can’t get that way pretending everything is fine.”

  Greg huffed and stared. “You want me to be happy, Britt? Fine. Divorce my best friend. My game with women was much better when Mason was hanging around with
me instead of sleeping with you.”

  “Dating Mason’s cast-offs does not count as having game.”

  Greg looked at the table of women. “How about I date your porn star over there? Is that what you want?”

  Brittany laughed. “Well, she couldn’t be any lamer than your other dates who didn’t put out. Who knows? Maybe she really is a yoga teacher. They’re very flexible I hear. That could be fun for you.”

  “Okay. Time for us to leave,” Greg said tiredly, rising from his chair.

  “So are you really going to ask the porn star out or were you just bluffing? You’re forty-seven, Greg. You might not be able to handle someone like her. Despite all that makeup, she looks a lot younger than you. I’m guessing mid-thirties. Women peak in their thirties, you know.”

  Greg glared for good measure. “I’m not exactly over the hill yet. Goodbye, Brittany. I’ll see you Sunday. If Mason doesn’t come with you, I’m not coming either.”

  “Would you really tell Mom no to brunch? You never tell Mom no,” Brittany said in surprise. Her face wrinkled in thought. “Well, you did refuse to marry Shari Norton when Mom asked you to, although that turned out to be a great call. OMG, the kids she and Fred Harrison made together are so homely. Why are you so upset about coming to brunch?”

  Greg frowned. “Because I’m sick and tired of trying to explain myself to my own family. I want you all to stay out of my love life.”

  “It’s not like that…”

  “It’s exactly like that and I’m tired of dealing with the judgment. When the right woman comes along, I will get married and live the Skyler acceptable life. But you can bet money on the fact that I will never force my wife to come to some bogus brunch where the bored wealthy pick apart other people’s love lives for the hell of it.”

  “Gregory, don’t be like that. Mom loves you. She just wants you to find someone.”

  “It doesn’t matter to me what she wants… or what you want. I want what I want, so get off my back. I’ll let the two of you know when I find my perfect match.”

  Greg tucked enough extra cash with the bill to keep two wait people happy. He didn’t feel like doing the math to calculate the tip. His sister’s nosiness did that to him. It took away the one thing in his life that always gave him a complete sense of control over his future. One day soon he was going to figure out how to get it back.

  Chapter Four

  Jellica had been silent for several minutes when realization dawned. She’d shuffled past thirty potential dates already. How were there so many men in Mariah’s database willing to pay money to go out with her when she hadn’t had a real date in a couple years? “I don’t understand, Della.”

  “A woman with children ought to know the basics, but I can explain romance to you if you need a refresher.”

  “Do you tease all your clients, Dr. Livingston?” Jellica demanded.

  “No,” Della replied, smiling. “I only harass the ones pretending they don’t know they’re attractive to the opposite sex.”

  “Ha. Ha,” Jellica said with no humor. “This is not attraction. This is dating aberration.”

  “Or liberation,” Della countered as she swiveled in her leather desk chair. “I think it was the picture of you bent into the Matsyasana pose.”

  “I did not send that pose. I sent Vriksasana.”

  “Sorry,” Della said, giggling. “Guess I got my sanas mixed up.”

  “There are so many guys that my finger is tired of swiping. And they’re all good-looking. How am I supposed to choose?”

  “I don’t know. People do. Want me to pick for you?”

  “That won’t help. I’m going to feel guilty about the rest no matter what,” Jellica said flatly, pushing the tablet back onto the desk.

  Della picked up the tablet and slid through a few screens. “Here. Let me help you.” She turned the tablet to face Jellica. “This a nice guy. His name is Lincoln Walker. He’s in his late forties and a hot balloon operator. I think he’d be lots of fun for you. He’s fished a lot in our dating database, but women tend to toss him back. They say he’s too nice.”

  “I’m not that much out of touch. Too nice just means boring,” Jellica said.

  Della shrugged and moved to her second choice, holding the tablet where Jellica could see. “Now here is Justin Bickley. He’s in his late twenties and is a software developer, or what many would call a gamer.”

  “I’m over forty and he’s too young for me. I prefer some maturity,” Jellica said firmly.

  “Now, now. Don’t write him off so fast. Justin likes older women. He’s not looking for a relationship—just a fun date. This makes him compatible with your goals. Plus, he’s a health nut. You two actually have a lot in common.”

  “He’s barely a decade older than my sons. I can’t go out with him and come home to them without feeling ashamed,” Jellica insisted.

  Della moved the screens one other time. “Okay—let’s go for someone a little older. This is Caleb Morgan. He’s 35 and a corporate real estate developer. He practices yoga so you might have a lot in common as well.”

  Jellica crossed her arms. This was so counter-productive. If she was going to fulfill her one dating obligation, she might as well make it productive for her. She’d just have to find a way to make it up to the guy for spending so much money on her.

  “How about Greg Skyler? He’s an accountant, I hear. Ann dated him. I think I’d like to go out with him.”

  “He’s our client, but… he’s not on your list,” Della said.

  “Well, how do I get him on my list?” Jellica asked, leaning forward in interest.

  Della straightened in her chair. “Why do you want to date him? Greg’s reviews read a lot like Lincoln’s. He’s a nice guy, but most women think he’s boring. While he practices Tai Chi and rock climbs, he’s not so great at making conversation over dinner… or so I’ve heard.”

  Jellica waved a hand. “See if he’s interested. Tell him I’m interested,” she said, letting her arms fall. “Be honest with him. Tell him I’m looking for companionship and friendship. I think it would be nice to be friends with someone very different from me.”

  “All these great guys on your list and Greg Skyler is your only pick?”

  Jellica frowned at the question. “Yes. Why is that strange?”

  “No reason, I guess. I’ll pass the word along to him and see what Greg thinks,” Della said briskly.

  Jellica took in a deep breath and let it out. She put a hand on her stomach. “This is worse than sitting at a bar and waiting to be picked up.”

  “No, it’s much better than that,” Della said sincerely. “I’ve done plenty of bar hopping and that’s awful. One of the best things about The Perfect Date is that our guys aren’t out there trolling for one-night pickups. They’re at least looking for genuine relationships, though not always marriage.”

  “Marriage is not on my goal list. I just want to have some fun and get to know a great guy. So are we done here?” Jellica asked, longing for escape.

  “For the moment,” Della replied, nodding slowly. “Let me talk to Greg.”

  “Thanks for stopping by the office,” Della said sincerely. “This is one of the rare times where what I need to share is best done in person rather than over the phone.”

  Greg reached up and adjusted his tie. It felt like a noose around his neck at the moment. He really needed to liberate himself from activities that dragged his male ego into the pits of hell.

  “Are you and Dr. Bates kicking me out of The Perfect Date’s database?”

  “No,” Della denied instantly. Her face creased into a frown. “What in the world gave you that idea? Was it something I said?”

  Greg laughed roughly. “No. I don’t know. How about my utter failure in two years to find anyone suitable to date more than once? Don’t you all have a time limit?”

  “Not that I know of… finding the perfect person has its own timing. I believe that just as much Mariah does,” Della said firm
ly. “And I called you because a new woman in our database has asked me to pass along her interest in you. However, she’s… well, she’s a special addition to our database so she’s not at liberty to ask you out directly and pay the fee. But if you’re interested in her, then I can make the normal arrangements. If you’re not, no harm—no foul. I’ll talk her into one of the other thirty guys wanting to date her.”

  Greg leaned forward. “Thirty guys? Jesus. She can pick from thirty guys and yet she asked for me—like me, in particular.”

  Della tried not to laugh at his shock, but in the end, it couldn’t be helped. Greg’s stunned reaction was just too funny. He and Jellica both underestimated their attraction to the opposite sex.

  “Yes. The client insisted on you. Apparently, you went out with her friend who gave you a great recommendation as a date. She’s looking for someone smart with real-life skills—those were her words, not mine.”

  “I see,” Greg said automatically, but of course he didn’t. No one had ever asked for him before.

  “Want to see her?” Dell asked.

  What choice was there? “Sure,” Greg said.

  Della passed the tablet over. Greg took one look at the woman and laughed.

  “What’s so funny?” Della demanded.

  Greg looked up. A grin was plastered on his face. “Nothing really. It was something my bratty younger sister said to me. Life is strange, isn’t it?”

  “If you say so,” Della said carefully, watching the expressions change his face. “You look like a different man when you smile. Anyone ever tell you that?”

  Greg’s head snapped up and his grin fell away. “Not in a very long time,” he said.

  “Well, it’s true,” Della insisted. She pointed to the tablet. “Swipe right.”