“He did love you, Kelly.” Jared paused. “You said you didn’t have any doubts about that. What did you have doubts about?”
“Nothing. That was the wrong choice of words.” She didn’t like the way Jared was looking at her as if he could see into her head, and he knew what she was thinking. That was the problem with him; he’d always gotten a little too personal with her, a little too in her face. “There’s no point to this conversation. Brian is gone. So whether we were right for each other or not isn’t worth discussing.”
“But your life isn’t over. You deserve to be happy, Kelly. And I hope someday you’ll be able to move past this, maybe even come home for good.”
She drew in a big breath and slowly exhaled. “I will be happy, and I want to feel normal again. Unfortunately, it’s a little hard to move past what happened when it’s still happening.”
“You’re talking about the fire.”
“Yes. Who would have done that?”
His gaze darkened. “I have some ideas but no proof.”
“You don’t think it was an accident?
“No, especially not after what happened to Alicia’s car yesterday.”
Her pulse leaped at his expression. “She said she ran out of gas.”
“Someone cut her fuel line.”
“No.” She started shaking her head. “This doesn’t make sense, Jared. Things like that don’t happen around here.”
“It makes perfect sense. Rafting season is about to open, and some people in town don’t think the Haydens paid for Brian’s death. They want their business shut down permanently. And I’m guessing this latest blow might be fatal. It will be hard to replace all their equipment. And even if they do, will they get any customers?”
“I don’t like this,” she said, the sick feeling coming back to her stomach. “I don’t want Brian to be used as an excuse for destruction. He wouldn’t have wanted that.”
“Maybe Brian wouldn’t have wanted that, but Russell is a different story. He wants revenge. I kept thinking time would heal, but time is only making him crazier. I tried talking to him the other day after he punched Alicia’s friend, but he couldn’t hear me. He didn’t want to hear me.”
“You think he did it, don’t you?”
He met her gaze. “I wish I didn’t, but I don’t know who else would go that far.”
“Let’s get back to town,” she said, getting to her feet. “Someone has to talk some sense into him. Maybe he’ll listen to me.”
Thirteen
Are you sure you don’t want to come with us, Alicia?” Keith asked as Justin and David hopped into his car. “Get away from all this?”
“I just want to get Justin away from all this.” She frowned as she saw her father heading down the hill. She’d been trying to keep him away from the ashes all morning, but there was no stopping him now. He was moving faster than he had in a long time, as if anger had given him renewed energy and a will to be well again.
“I’ll make sure Justin has a good time, but I’m worried about you.”
“I’ll be all right, and I have a lot to do.”
Keith shut the car door so the boys couldn’t hear their conversation. His gaze was extremely serious now. “Alicia, you’re a fighter, and I respect that about you, but maybe it’s time to give up.”
“Even if I did, my father wouldn’t quit.”
“Would he have a choice? You’re his only hope of bringing his business back to life.”
“Not just me—Gabe.”
“Does Gabe know anything about rafting?”
“He’ll do whatever it takes to learn. He made a promise to Rob, and he’s determined to keep it.”
“I’m betting Rob asked him to promise to keep you safe. Encouraging you to reopen your business won’t accomplish that.”
“I hear what you’re saying, but you don’t know what my father and I have been through, Keith. You don’t know how much he loves this river. Being on it is when he’s the happiest.”
“He can still be on it without leading tours. You can get him a kayak, and he can paddle around all he wants.”
“My father would never be happy with just paddling around.”
“But you could be fine with it. You have your garden, your friends, Justin, and me. You can have a wonderful life without being a river guide.”
Everything he said was true, and a part of her wanted to have that wonderful existence just as he’d described. But the other part of her didn’t know how to give up something she’d clung to her entire life. “I want it to be my choice to quit. I don’t want it to be someone else’s.”
“Now it’s about pride?”
“Honestly, I don’t know what it’s about. I’m worried and overwhelmed. I need some time to think.”
He leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips. “I’ll see you later.”
“Okay. Have fun with the boys.”
“I always do. Although I have to admit I’m getting a little tired of hearing about Five Arrows Point and the challenges to becoming a great warrior.”
She smiled. “Justin is obsessed with that story. I’m going to have to find some time to take him out there. I just don’t know when.”
“That’s what you should be thinking about—all the things you could do with Justin if you didn’t have to rebuild your business.”
“Hey, I still need to eat. That’s our livelihood you’re talking about, Keith.”
“You would find a way to make money,” he said confidently. “One thing I know about you, Alicia, you always find a way to make things work.”
She was still thinking about Keith’s words long after he’d left. She’d been able to make things work in the past, but she wasn’t the only one involved now. She walked down the hill to join her father.
Gabe had pulled some items out of the building earlier: a melted laptop computer, piles of paperwork, the desk chair, and one of the side tables that was charred on the top. To think this was all that was left of their business added another weight to her shoulders.
Her dad leaned heavily on his cane, staring at the water as if his beloved Smoky River could give him strength. She hoped it could, because they were both going to need all the strength they could get.
“Don’t say it,” her dad said abruptly.
“Don’t say what?”
“That you’re quitting.” He turned to face her. “That’s what you came down here to say, isn’t it?”
She saw the pain in his eyes and wanted to erase it. “No. I think we should rebuild.”
He jerked as if he couldn’t believe he’d heard her right. “What did you say?”
“Don’t make me say it twice, or I might change my mind.”
He eyed her with approval. “I’m proud of you, Alicia, proud you’re not buckling under. I knew I didn’t raise a quitter.”
“It would probably be easier if we both knew how to quit, because there’s no guarantee that this is the end of the sabotage, Dad. If we start buying new equipment, someone might come back.”
“We’ll have better security. Gabe already told me he would help with that. And Bill said he might be able to store some equipment at the hardware store. No one is going to go after his store.”
That was probably true. Bill was beloved in the town. Although the Haydens used to be well liked, too.
“Gabe said he’d go through the rubble today, see if we can salvage anything else.” Her father paused. “We’re going to be getting some money from Rob’s life insurance, but if you’d rather put that away for Justin’s college, I wouldn’t blame you. We need to make sure he’s taken care of. We own the houses outright, so we won’t be homeless, but things will be tight for a while if we can’t get the business going again.”
“Maybe we can split the difference,” she said slowly, wanting to be a good mother, a good daughter, and a good sister. “Rob would want us to rebuild. He loved rafting, and he loved this river, and, more important, he loved you, Dad. And he knew how much it
meant to you. I love you, too,” she added, her eyes tearing up. “Gosh, it’s still smoky out here, isn’t it?” she lied as she wiped her eyes.
“Yeah,” he said gruffly. “I—” Whatever else he was going to say was cut off by the sound of a car turning into the drive. “That’s Bill,” he said with an edge of relief in his voice. Her dad didn’t handle emotion very well. “We’re going to go to his store and look online, see what kind of deals we can get on new equipment.”
She was happy to hear that her dad was going to get away from the house for a few hours. It would give her time to start in on some cleanup.
They walked up the hill together. Bill got out of his car and gave her an empathetic smile. “How are you doing, Alicia? Sad business, this is.”
“I’m hanging in there.”
Her father opened the passenger door, then paused. “Damn,” he said regretfully. “I didn’t say happy birthday to you, Alicia. I thought about it when I got up, and then we moved on to other things. We should have a nice dinner or something.”
“I have plans for later,” she lied. “I hope you don’t mind.”
“No, okay, good,” he muttered awkwardly. “Then I’ll probably catch a bite with Bill.”
“That’s fine.”
She watched Bill’s car pull out of the drive. When she turned around, she saw Gabe. He’d showered and shaved, his hair still damp, his cheeks glowing, and he’d changed into clean jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt that clung to his nicely formed chest. She drew in a quick breath. Now was not the time to have a physical reaction to him. She just wished he wasn’t so damn good-looking, that he didn’t make her heart beat a little faster every time he came around.
He gave her an odd look as he drew closer, and she quickly schooled her expression. “I thought you might be taking a nap after your long night on the porch,” she said.
“I did for about a half hour. Did your dad take off?”
“He and Bill are going to order some new equipment.”
“I guess that means you’re rebuilding.”
“How could we not? My dad loves the river and loves his job, and he doesn’t know how to do anything else. I don’t know how to do much else, either.”
“Did you ever want to do anything else?”
She shook her head. “I never really had time to think about it. I dropped out of school when Justin was born, and I love being a mom. Working for my dad gave me a schedule that I could handle and still have plenty of time for my kid. Anyway, we’re getting off track. Just because we replace equipment doesn’t mean we’re going to have any customers.”
“Oh, you’ll have customers. I’ve already got some lined up.”
“I thought you were a marine, not a miracle worker.”
He smiled. “Sometimes I have to be both. And speaking of the Marines, I called a few buddies. I’ve got six guys so far who would love to shoot the rapids with you and your dad. I gave them a couple of dates three to four weeks out, and they’re going to get back to me with a confirmation.”
“Wow, you are a miracle worker,” she said, both touched and impressed. “But I don’t want you bringing anyone out here under false pretenses. They should know what we’ve been through.”
“I told them what they needed to know.”
She tilted her head, giving him a considering look. “And what was that, exactly?”
“Semper fi.”
“Always faithful,” she murmured.
“Exactly. I told them a marine’s family needed help, and most of them knew Rob, so I didn’t have to say any more.”
“‘No man left behind,’ Rob used to say. What builds that bond?”
“It starts from the first day of boot camp, and it’s unbreakable.”
“I can’t imagine what that’s like,” she said, her thoughts drifting to Kelly, the woman with whom she’d thought she shared an unbreakable bond.
Gabe dug his hands into his pockets and gazed out at the river. “I never believed that someone would put down his life for me until I joined the Marines.” He turned back to her. “Rob saved my life five years ago.”
“I didn’t know that,” she said in surprise.
“He wouldn’t admit to it, but I knew it was him who knocked me out of the way.”
“Rob was fearless. You should have seen him run the river. He and my dad were exactly alike. They lived to take on Gambler’s Chute and Wilderness Falls.”
He raised an eyebrow. “The rapids have names?”
“Yes. The river has multiple personalities. Sometimes she’s calm and peaceful, and other times she’s a woman scorned.”
Gabe smiled. “Now you sound like your father.”
“Well, I’ve listened to enough of his stories. They couldn’t help but rub off.”
“I want to go out on the river with you.”
She drew in a quick breath. “Well, we’d need a raft for that, and we’re fresh out.”
“What about the rafts in the garage?”
“I don’t even know if those are still intact. They’re just rafts we used for family trips, and I don’t have time to check them today.” She tried not to look at him, but it was impossible. His quietness was more compelling than any words would have been. “I don’t,” she repeated.
“Alicia, you’re going to have to face the river.”
He was right, but she could only take one monumental hurdle at a time. “I will, but today I just want to clean up a little.”
“I want to make sure the structure is sound before you start digging around in there.”
“That’s fine. I need to clean up the house, anyway.”
As Gabe disappeared around the corner of the house, Jared’s tow truck pulled into the drive. Maybe he had news on her fuel line. She walked toward the driveway, stopping abruptly when she realized that Kelly was with Jared. Her heart thumped against her chest. What was she doing there?
Kelly and Jared got out of the truck. Kelly walked across the drive, while Jared hung back by the truck, apparently wanting to give them some space.
Kelly gave her an uncertain look and then turned toward the devastation. “Oh, my God,” she said, looking back at Alicia. “I didn’t think it would be so bad.”
Alicia didn’t know what to say to that—or what to say about anything, for that matter. Their last conversation hadn’t gone too well, and Kelly had made it clear that she wasn’t interested in a truce.
“What are you doing here?” Alicia asked.
“I heard what happened, and I had to come by.”
“So you could gloat?”
“No! God, no!” Kelly said, her brown eyes shocked. “I’m sorry about what happened, Alicia.”
“Really? Why would you be sorry? You don’t want us to go back on the river.”
“But I didn’t want this.”
“Do you know who did it?”
“Of course I don’t know who did it. I just heard about it a little while ago.”
“Well, whoever did it probably did it for you.” The angry words burst out of her. She’d wanted to make peace with Kelly. For six long months, she’d thought of nothing else, but numerous apologies hadn’t been enough. And after their conversation the day before, it was clear that nothing she could do or say would ever be enough. Kelly was done. And maybe she was done, too.
“You can’t think I would condone something like this,” Kelly said, disbelief in her eyes. “You know me, Alicia.”
“And you know me,” she retorted. “But that didn’t stop you from accusing me of all kinds of terrible things. You weren’t even on the rafting trip, but you believed what everyone else told you—everyone except me.” Pain and fury filled her. “You wouldn’t even listen to me, Kelly. We were best friends, and you wouldn’t even talk to me, take my calls, answer my letters.” Now that she was rolling, she couldn’t seem to stop. “And then the worst thing in the world happens to my brother—someone you supposedly loved. But where were you? You should have come to Rob’s funeral. He w
ould have been there for you. No one could have kept him away, because he loved you. And I thought you loved him.”
“I did love him,” Kelly protested.
“But you couldn’t honor him by coming to his memorial service. And I don’t believe the bullshit you gave me yesterday that it would make things harder for me. You were only thinking of yourself. That’s all you’ve been doing the last six months.” She shook her head, feeling overwhelmingly frustrated. “I felt horrible for you, Kelly. I know how much you loved Brian and how much he loved you, but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep saying I’m sorry. I can’t keep asking you to listen, to think, to forgive, and to understand that it was just a tragic accident. If you want to hate me, that’s fine. There’s a whole group of haters in this town. You’re not alone.”
Kelly’s face was white, her eyes wide, her lips parted, but she couldn’t seem to come up with a reply. It was just as well. There was nothing left to be said.
“Go home, Kelly—wherever that is.” She turned and walked back into the house.
Once inside, she shut the door and collapsed against it, bursting into tears.
She slid down along the door to the floor, crying for everything she’d lost, including the best friend she’d ever had. There was no way in hell they were ever getting back together now.
“You okay, Kelly?” Jared asked quietly as he pulled away from Alicia’s house.
She stared out the window, not seeing anything because her eyes were blurred with tears. She’d never anticipated Alicia attacking her like that. She’d been so angry, so hurtful.
Was she also right?
“Kelly?” Jared repeated.
“I should have come back for Rob’s funeral.” She glanced over at him. “I knew it at the time. I told myself it would be too awkward, too uncomfortable, but Alicia was right; I was only thinking about myself. I didn’t want to face everyone. But Rob was as much my brother as Alicia was my sister. He looked out for me in school, he listened to my problems, he was there for me. Even after he joined the Marines, he always kept in touch. He was so good about that. After the accident, he wrote me e-mails every day, and he sent me this beautiful poem about life and death and grief. It meant so much to me. I must have read it a hundred times. I should have been there for him.”
The Way Back Home Page 18