“Memorials are more for the living than the person who is gone,” Jared said quietly. “Rob knew how you felt about him.”
“I hope he did, but I pulled back from Rob after Brian died. He wrote me, but I didn’t always write back, because he was connected to Alicia.”
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think Alicia meant what she said.”
“Yes, she did. She meant every word. She’s always been direct and honest, but I’ve never seen her so angry, so bitter.” She paused. “How can she be mad at me when she’s the one who’s wrong?”
He gave her a half smile. “Obviously, she doesn’t believe she did anything wrong. Maybe you should cut her a little slack, at least for today. Someone is trying to hurt her and her family. You caught her at a bad moment.”
“We can’t seem to find a good moment.” She thought about their conversation the day before. “Alicia was different yesterday, trying to make peace, but I shut her down. And today she shut me down. She thinks I’m part of whatever is going on.” She stared straight ahead for a moment, then looked at Jared. “And the thing is, maybe I am a part of it. I’ve heard Russell and others put her and her father down, and I’ve done nothing to try to change their minds.”
“Because you agree with them, right?”
“I did.” She frowned, wishing she didn’t feel so confused now. “But you’ve put doubts in my mind about Brian’s behavior during the trip, and now so has Alicia. She was right when she said I didn’t listen to her after the accident. I refused to hear her explanations. I didn’t defend her to anyone. I just did nothing but cry. I was so caught up in my own grief I couldn’t see anyone else.”
“Of course you couldn’t think of anyone else. You’d just lost your fiancé, Kelly.”
“You’re letting me off the hook.”
“And you’re beating yourself up for something that isn’t your fault. You didn’t set fire to Alicia’s property.”
“No. But was I wrong to blame Alicia?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know, Kelly. A lot of time has passed since that day. I’m not even sure what I remember or what people told me. There was a lot of chaos, a lot of people in the water.”
“But you still think it’s a possibility that Brian drank during the lunch break?”
“Like I said, it’s just a gut feeling.”
“If he was drinking with someone else, why didn’t that person come forward and say that?” Jared didn’t reply, but she could see the answer on his face. “Because they were protecting Brian?”
“And maybe themselves. You should talk to Marco and John. They were with Brian.”
“I’ll have to see if I can track them down.” Marco and John were two of Brian’s friends from college, and they didn’t live in the area. “But why didn’t you ask them, Jared?”
“I did ask Marco. He said Brian was just taking photographs from higher up.”
“Why didn’t you believe him?”
“I didn’t care much for Marco and John. They were friends from a different time in Brian’s life.”
“I don’t know them, either. I only met them for a few moments before they left that morning.”
“I probably shouldn’t have said anything. My doubts are just hurting you more.”
“I’m starting to have my own doubts. Alicia isn’t perfect, but she’s never been a liar.”
“Just because she thinks it was an accident doesn’t mean it was. She was in the water, too.”
She sighed. “You’re very good at arguing both sides.”
“I’ve had a lot of practice.”
There was an odd note in his voice that made her curious. “What do you mean?”
He didn’t answer right away, then said, “You want to know why I try to stay neutral? Because picking sides never got me anywhere. I learned that when my parents divorced, and they fought over everything. I wanted to bring them back together, but my involvement backfired. When they wanted to prove a point, they brought me in to be the mediator, the judge. I had to decide who was right and who was wrong. But picking one of them only hurt the other one. It was a no-win situation. And I couldn’t stand it. I was relieved when they each finally remarried. Now I make it a point not to get involved in their relationships or anyone else’s. And frankly, what’s going on with you and the Farrs and the Haydens feels very much like a no-win situation to me.”
Kelly felt like someone had just turned on a light over her head. She’d known his parents to be possessive and loud, their fights well documented by the gossips in town, but she hadn’t known the position he’d been placed in. No wonder Jared had turned into Switzerland. “I’m sorry you grew up feeling like a wishbone, and I apologize for taking my frustration out on you. I seem to be misreading a lot of situations these days. I used to think I had good instincts—not so much anymore.”
“You just need to find a way to move on. Because the past is gone.”
“I wish that were true. But it’s not going to be gone until the attacks on Alicia and George stop.” She drew in a deep breath, feeling that she was about to take an irrevocable step. “I need to make them stop. I was Brian’s fiancée. I loved him, and I lost him, and I don’t want there to be any more pain associated with his death. We should go by Russell’s house.”
“We?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes. You’re friends with Russell, too. I need someone to help me figure this out.”
“I thought I irritated the hell out of you.”
“You do—sometimes. But you’ll help, right?”
“Yes, but before we get to Russell’s house, you should think long and hard about what you’re doing. You have a relationship with the Farrs, and they’re loyal to Brian. They want you to be loyal to him, too.”
“Wanting the truth isn’t being disloyal.”
“It could be.”
He was right. The Farrs wouldn’t like her defending the Haydens in any way, but Alicia’s words rang through her head: You believed what everyone else told you—everyone except me.
“I need to do this, Jared. Not just for Alicia but for myself.”
Fourteen
Gabe had expected Alicia to be on his heels all day, wanting to get into the office, to dig through the rubble, but the front door to her house had remained closed for the past two hours. It was just as well. He had a hard time concentrating when she was around, he thought as he ripped off some drywall so he could determine whether the walls of the office were structurally sound.
Alicia was even more beautiful now than she’d been three years ago, which seemed strange considering all she’d been through in the past year. Maybe that was part of it. She’d grown into a woman, strong, courageous, and independent.
When he’d first met her, he’d been torn between reupping and getting out of the service, and he’d chosen to go back to the Marines, which had hurt her deeply. He just hadn’t had the courage to make a different decision back then. He’d gone with his comfort zone instead of the woman who’d taken him way out of that zone.
The attraction certainly hadn’t gone away—not on either side. Even when she said she hated him, he could see the desire in her big blue eyes. But she was fighting it as much as he was. Because neither one of them wanted to go down that road again.
Maybe this time would be different.
But would it? Once Alicia’s business was going again and he was confident that she was going to be all right, he was leaving. He wasn’t a small-town guy. And he was horrible at relationships. The only commitment he’d ever made was to the Marine Corps. And he’d made that commitment because there was no doubt in his mind that if he was there for his fellow soldiers, they would be there for him. He’d needed that certainty after eighteen years of unpredictability.
What Alicia needed was a family man. That wasn’t him. He didn’t have the first clue how to fill that role. So he would move on. He had a job waiting—a job he knew how to do.
Still, the last couple of days had bee
n a nice change. Despite the animosity Alicia was encountering from some of the people in town, he liked the small-town feel of River Rock. It was a simpler life by the river. He could see why Alicia liked it. He could also see why Rob had been a little bored. No doubt, he’d be bored, too, if he stayed for too long. Or would he?
The doubt surprised him. He’d been focused for the last twelve years, knowing exactly what he had to do and how to do it. But now there were a lot of options, and it had been a long time since he hadn’t been following orders.
He pulled off another large chunk of drywall, then stepped back to look at what he’d done so far. He needed to get some lumber and put up some supports before he let Alicia or anyone else inside. The roof was going to need work, too. It was doable. They could recover. They could reopen.
But when they did, would Alicia be ready? Her fear of the river was not going to be fixed as easily as the building.
His gaze drifted to the house again, wondering what the hell she was doing. He had a bad feeling. Something was wrong. She’d been gung-ho earlier to get going on the cleanup. So, where was she?
Stripping off his work gloves, he headed toward the house.
He was almost to the porch when Alicia opened the front door, a rifle in her hands.
“Good,” she said briskly. “I was just coming to find you.”
“With a gun?” he asked.
“I need a refresher course. If whoever torched our building comes back, I’m going to be ready.”
“Why don’t you let me handle security? And would you mind putting the gun down?” he said, seeing the angry fire burning in her gaze. Her eyes and nose were a little red, as if she’d been crying. Had something else happened, or had the events of the past twenty-four hours finally caught up to her?
“You can’t guard our house twenty-four hours a day, and I’m not going to let anyone get this close to my home again.”
She was right, but he didn’t like the idea of her watching over the property with a loaded gun, especially since he doubted she really had the mettle to shoot someone, someone she might even know.
“We can set up a target or go to the shooting range,” she said. “There’s one about twenty miles from here.”
“The range sounds like a better idea,” he said slowly, still trying to think of how he could talk her out of it. “But don’t you want to focus on cleaning up today?”
She shook her head. “Right now, I really want to shoot something. You’ll have to drive. My car is still in the shop.” She headed across the grass, and he had no choice but to follow.
Alicia put the gun behind the seat in his cab, then buckled her seatbelt while he slid in behind the wheel. Instead of starting the car, he said, “You’re going to have to tell me what happened, and don’t say nothing again,” he warned. “Because your mood has gone from bad to worse since I saw you earlier. And I’m not taking you anywhere to shoot a gun while you’re this pissed off. You’d probably shoot me.”
“Fine. Kelly came by. We had a big fight.”
“When was that?”
“While you were in the garage.”
“I was gone ten minutes.”
“Yeah, it was a great ten minutes,” she replied sarcastically. “When I saw Kelly, I just snapped. I’ve tried to make peace with her, to understand her attitude, to be patient with her grief. But she can’t give one inch. Yesterday I tried to talk to her again, but she wouldn’t listen to me. It’s as if she’s completely forgotten everything we shared. We were best friends since kindergarten. But when Brian died, she turned her back on me, and that was that. She blamed me for his death, and she still does. It hurts.” She blinked rapidly as her eyes filled with tears. “So, when she showed up today, I just let her have it.”
“What did you say?”
“I don’t really remember, but I think I asked her if she was happy now, if she’d come to gloat.”
“Do you think Kelly had something to do with the fire?”
“I don’t think she lit the match, but she’s with the haters who want to destroy my family. If my best friend can turn on me, then I can’t trust anyone in this town.”
He understood where that feeling came from. When his father had walked out on him, he’d felt exactly the same way.
“Start the truck, Gabe,” Alicia ordered.
“I still don’t think this is a good idea. If you want to get away, we’ll go somewhere else.”
“I want to shoot,” she said firmly. “And don’t try to handle me or calm me down. I don’t like it.”
He smiled, recognizing a no-win situation when he saw one. “I wouldn’t dare.”
“Now you’re making fun of me like Rob used to do.”
“Believe me, I do not think of you like a sister.” The air between them suddenly crackled with a new kind of tension. He mentally kicked himself for taking things in that direction. And suddenly, shooting a gun seemed like a damn good idea. They both needed to release some stress, and the other ideas he had for doing that were far more dangerous. He started the truck and backed out of the driveway.
Alicia’s anger slowly ebbed away as Gabe drove down the highway. Once they left the outskirts of River Rock, she shifted into a more comfortable position, her gaze fixed out the window. She’d spent too much time crying that day; she needed to take action, to take back control of her life, and this seemed like a good way to start. She was tired of being a victim. That was going to change now. She had let others’ doubts become her own.
Last year’s accident had been just that—an accident. She’d gone over and over in her head what she could have done differently, but riding the white water was always fraught with an element of danger. Brian’s death had been a tragedy, but she had to move on.
She glanced over at Gabe. He’d been wonderful the last few days. Was it just because of his promise to Rob? Or because he cared about her, too?
That was a dangerous thought but one she couldn’t get rid of. Or maybe she didn’t want to get rid of it, because she liked him. He’d dumped her before, but she was finding it hard to drum up that old anger anymore. A lot had changed in three years. She’d changed; perhaps Gabe had, too.
But so what? She was seeing Keith now. And he was a good man, an excellent father, and a caring boyfriend. Maybe he didn’t send her over the moon, but she’d already taken that ride, and look what it had gotten her: a heart full of pain. She needed to be smart this time, make good choices—not just for herself but for Justin, too. Justin adored Keith and David. He would love to have Keith as his stepfather and David as a brother.
What about her? Was it enough to give her son the family he wanted and deserved?
It should be enough. She should only be thinking of Justin. He was the most important person in her life, and she owed him more than a biological father who was never around. And she cared about Keith. Maybe he was a little impatient when it came to her father and the business, but that was understandable. He didn’t really know what the river meant to them. He hadn’t been around before the accident. He hadn’t rafted with them, hadn’t experienced the thrill of the white water.
A voice from deep down inside suggested that maybe he didn’t know her as well as he should.
But if that was the case, it was her fault. She was the one who put up walls. Keith just hadn’t figured out how to maneuver past those walls.
Would Gabe be as patient as Keith if the two of them were involved?
Memories of their one night together flashed through her head. Gabe hadn’t been at all patient. He’d ripped the buttons off her shirt with the same desperate, hungry need to be together that she’d felt.
She drew in a quick breath, her cheeks warming as the memories came alive in her head, the feel of his hands on her breasts, his mouth trailing down her stomach …
She reached for the air conditioning and turned on the fan. “It’s hot,” she said as Gabe looked at her. Then she quickly glanced away, afraid of what he could see in her eyes.
/> “Not much development out here,” he commented.
“I’m sure it will happen in time, but I hope not for a while. There are enough condos and highways in the world, don’t you think?” She felt better now that they were talking about nothing important.
“In some parts of the world. In other parts, our basics are someone else’s luxury items.”
“Rob used to say the same thing, that he never realized how much we had until he saw how little others possessed.”
“It’s an eye-opener.”
“The Marines have taken you all over the world, haven’t they?”
“I never would have seen it otherwise.”
“What were you like before you became a marine?” she asked curiously.
“An angry teenager on the road to nowhere. The day before I enlisted, I was driving around in a car with a couple of guys. We stopped at a gas station, and one of the guys went in. I didn’t realize until he came out that he’d robbed the place. I’d never been so scared in my life. Not just because I was afraid I was going to pay for his crime but because I realized where I was headed. The next day, I enlisted. I figured a roof over my head, food to eat, and a salary were a step up from nothing. I didn’t have any other options.”
“You were so young,” she said. “Did you even realize that you might die?” Her voice broke a little on the last word.
“No,” he said quietly.
“Rob never thought about that possibility, either. Or if he did, he didn’t share it with me. He saw the Marines as the biggest adventure of his life.”
“He loved being a soldier, and he might not have thought of that possibility when he enlisted, but it became clear soon after.”
“He had opportunities to quit, but he couldn’t. He was addicted to risk, and I think you were, too.”
“Maybe, but it wasn’t that simple.”
The Way Back Home Page 19