The Way Back Home

by Barbara Freethy

  “Exactly,” she muttered, not thinking about the dishes at all. She took the pan out and set it on the counter, then shut the door and started the cycle.

  Her dad walked around the counter with an agility that surprised her.

  “Dad, where’s your cane?”

  “I’m trying not to use it so much,” he said, taking a seat on one of the bar stools. “Especially around the house. I need to get back into shape as fast as possible, and I’ve been babying myself for too long.” He looked her straight in the eye. “I’ve let you carry the burden around here, and that needs to stop.”

  “I’ve been happy to help. You’ve had a rough recovery.”

  He shook his head. “You’re being too nice. When I look at Gabe and all the work he’s doing around here and how he’s watching over us, I’m reminded of how I used to be. And I’m not talking about just since the accident but even a few years before that. When Rob was gone, I leaned on you, let you take over this house and the business. I was always better on the river, and I didn’t care about the rest. I let you pick up the slack, even though you had your hands full with Justin. I don’t think I’ve ever said thank you, Alicia.”

  She was incredibly touched. “I—I don’t know what to say.”

  “You’re a good girl, the best daughter a man could have.”

  “Okay, now you’re getting a little sappy, and neither of us wants me to cry,” she said with a sniff.

  He smiled. “I never could handle your tears. After your mom left, I didn’t know what to do with you. I didn’t know how to raise a girl, so I just treated you and Rob the same, but that was wrong. I should have tried harder.”

  “It was fine. I’m tougher than I would have been otherwise, and I’m proud of that.” She wondered where her father’s sudden attack of conscience was coming from.

  “You should be proud.” He paused, then said, “Gabe was asking me about the accident last night. I told him what I remembered, which wasn’t a whole lot.” He tilted his head as he looked at her. “I knew you went into the water because everyone did on your raft, but I didn’t think much about it. Gabe told me you had a struggle getting back to the boat. And I started thinking that maybe it was worse than I know.”

  She really wished Gabe hadn’t told her father that. “It all worked out.”

  She grabbed a sponge off the counter and wiped off some crumbs, needing something to do, some reason to avoid her father’s questioning gaze. Her dad never asked questions, because he usually didn’t want the answers. When she was growing up, he’d never asked her what she’d done the night before, why she’d come in late, none of the parental-type questions that most kids got. She’d never really known if it was disinterest or if he was afraid to know because then he might have to take some action, when in reality, all he really wanted was to have them grow themselves up and get on with their lives.

  “Well, good,” he said gruffly. “I need you on board when we reopen.”

  “Have I ever let you down?” she asked lightly.

  “No, you never have,” he said, getting up from the stool. “But I’m guessing I’ve let you down more times than you can count.”

  He didn’t wait for an answer, and she was relieved not to have to give him one.

  She finished cleaning up the kitchen, her irritation with Gabe growing with each swipe of the sponge. He had no business getting into the middle of her business. Just because he thought she was scared to go back on the river didn’t make it true. She would get past the fear when she had to and not because he wanted her to prove something.

  Her anger continued to rise as she got Justin ready for bed. When he was finally tucked in with the lights out, she told her dad that she was going to speak to Gabe and slipped out of the house.

  Gabe opened the door at her knock. He’d changed into a dark green T-shirt and jeans, and one of Rob’s records was playing on the old stereo.

  “Can I come in?” she asked.

  He waved her inside.

  She noted the empty frozen-dinner package on the counter and frowned, but she wasn’t going to be deterred. “You shouldn’t have told my dad I was scared of the river,” she said abruptly.

  “Do you want to sit down?”

  “I want an explanation.”

  “I didn’t tell him you were scared. I asked him if he knew what you’d gone through, and he said he didn’t.”

  “So you filled him in. You weren’t there. You don’t know.”

  “I know what you told me.”

  “It’s not your business.”

  “I’m making it my business. Having spent the last ten hours rebuilding your office, I think I have a right.”

  “I didn’t ask you to do the work. You volunteered. You can stop at any point. You can leave at any point, and maybe that’s what you should do.”

  “Why?” he demanded, moving closer.

  She instinctively stepped back until she ran into the back of the couch. “Because you’re getting too involved.”

  “Really? Are you sure it isn’t you who’s getting too involved?”

  Desire glittered in his eyes, and she swallowed hard, trying to remember why she was mad and what she’d hoped to accomplish with this visit.

  Gabe took another step forward, his breath warm against her cheek as he leaned in and said, “We both know why you really came over here, Alicia.”

  “I came over to tell you to mind your own business.”

  He shook his head. “No, you came over for this.” His mouth touched hers, hungry, possessive, needy, and she felt exactly the same way. She put her arms around his waist, pulling him closer. He threaded her hair with his fingers, holding her head in place in case she had any thought of escaping, but escape was the last thing on her mind. He was right. This kiss was exactly why she’d barged into his house. She might not have him forever, but she could have him now.

  Her tongue danced with his, her hands working their way up under his shirt, his following a similar hot path.

  As he broke the kiss, he slid his mouth along her cheekbone, his tongue swirling around the shell of her ear, shooting an electrical charge down her body. She tilted her head as he moved down the curve of her neck, kissing the sensitive spot above her collarbone.

  He pressed her backward to gain better access, and she went right along with him, wanting his mouth on her neck, on her breasts, on her stomach, and lower still, remembering all the things they had done to each other the last time and all the things she still wanted to do.

  Her legs weakened, her body melting into his, and suddenly, one more step pushed her over the back of the couch. She landed on the cushions in bemusement, one foot hitting the coffee table.

  “God, Alicia, are you all right?” Gabe asked, coming around the couch.

  She laughed. “You literally knocked me off my feet.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Prove it.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him close. “Make love to me, Gabe,” she whispered.

  “Do you want to go into the bedroom?”

  “No, here, now.”

  He started to ask something else, and she put her finger against his lips. “No questions. No talking.”

  “Are you sure, Alicia? This never ends well for us.”

  “But it’s really, really good while it’s happening.” And right then, that’s all she cared about.

  “Is that enough?”

  She didn’t want to think about the question. Instead, she sat up, placed her hands on both sides of his head, and kissed him hard. Then she grabbed his shirt and helped him off with it. “I love your body,” she murmured, talking to herself as much as to him. “Hard, powerful, very, very male.”

  “And I love yours. Soft, sexy, very, very female,” he said with a smile as he helped her take off her top. His gaze raked her full breasts. “Beautiful.”

  “Touch me.”

  “Try to stop me,” he said, cupping her breasts with his hands. “Every time we’re together, I want to go
slow, but you make me a little crazy.”

  “And you make me a lot crazy. I don’t want to go slow. I want to go fast, hard, reckless. And I want you to go with me. No control. No second-guessing. Just be with me—in this moment.”

  He pulled open the snap on her jeans and lowered the zipper, then slid her jeans and panties off with one quick move. Her bra followed, and then his clothes, until they were completely bare. There was no hiding in the shadows this time, not for either of them.

  A while later, they lay on their sides facing each other, the blanket from the back of the couch covering them as the evening air cooled their heated bodies. Alicia had her head pillowed on Gabe’s arm. She didn’t want to move, but as the minutes ticked by, she knew that the moment was coming.

  Gabe smiled at her. “Working up an escape plan?”

  She smiled back. “You think you know me so well. Maybe you’re the one wondering how you’re going to kick me out without hurting my feelings.”

  “I’d be happy for you to stay, but we might have to take this party into the bedroom. We haven’t tried out a real bed yet. The first time we made love was on the floor of your house.”

  “I remember—in front of the fireplace and the Christmas tree while Justin, Rob, and my dad were at my aunt’s house. We were supposed to meet them there, but we didn’t make it.”

  “It was your fault. You had to wear that sexy low-cut red dress.”

  “I can’t believe you remember what I was wearing,” she said in surprise.

  “I remember everything about that week,” he said. “I especially remember trying to keep my hands off you, because you were Rob’s sister, and you were untouchable. But one look at you, and all I wanted to do was touch you.”

  “It took me two looks. The first time I saw you, I was a little intimidated. You were abrupt and kind of cold.”

  “Armor. I was steeling myself against your charm. But as hard as I tried, I just couldn’t stay away from you.”

  “We had some fun. Remember the sledding?”

  “I remember you being a daredevil on a trash-can lid. It was unexpected.”

  “You weren’t too cautious yourself.”

  “I like a good adrenaline rush.” He trailed his fingers along her bare arms. “But flying down that hill was nothing compared with the sight of you in that dress, and then you put the mistletoe over my head, and I was gone.”

  “That was my plan,” she said softly. “I wasn’t going to let you leave without being with you.”

  He gazed into her eyes. “It shouldn’t have happened. I knew I was going to hurt you. I couldn’t tell you what you wanted to hear.”

  She drew in a breath. “I naively thought that making love to me would be enough to change your mind about signing up again. But it wasn’t just that you were going back; it was that you were ending it without giving us a chance. You wouldn’t even consider staying in touch. It had to be all or nothing, and it couldn’t be all, so it had to be nothing.”

  “You made the decision very difficult.”

  “It didn’t look that way.”

  He sighed as he looked at her with regret. “It wasn’t because you weren’t enough. I wasn’t enough.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s what I told you before. You needed a family man.”

  “Maybe I just needed you.”

  “You didn’t know me.”

  “You didn’t want me to know you,” she corrected. “But I saw a little of what you were trying to hide.”

  “That scared me, too.”

  “You, the big, tough marine, scared?” she asked in disbelief.

  “Of what you made me feel, hell, yes. I’d never met anyone like you, Alicia.”

  She looked at him for a long moment. “Do you still feel the same way about me?”

  He didn’t answer right away. “You still need a family man, and that’s not me.”

  “Why couldn’t it be you?”

  “Because it can’t.”

  “That’s not an answer.”

  “It’s all I’ve got.”

  “You’re still scared, Gabe. You were talking to me earlier about facing my fears, but you don’t want to face yours.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “You’re making it too hard.”

  “It’s better this way.”

  “No, it’s safer this way,” she corrected, disappointed with his answer. She got up and started putting on her clothes. “I should go.”

  Gabe sat up, running a hand through his hair. “It always ends with regrets, doesn’t it?” he asked wearily.

  She pulled her top over her head. “I don’t regret what happened.” She sat down next to him. “I need to tell you something.” She looked him straight in the eye. “I’m in love with you, Gabe. I’ve been in love with you for three years.”

  “What about Keith?”

  “Keith was my safe choice. He’s a fantastic guy, but he doesn’t challenge me. He doesn’t shake me up the way you do. I don’t spend sleepless nights thinking about him.”

  “But Keith is a good man,” Gabe said, surprising her with the defense. “He is everything that I’m not. He’s a father. He’s been a husband. He coaches Little League and teaches at the school. Hell, from what I can see, he’s damn near perfect. You should pick him.”

  “I wanted to pick him, but then you showed up and reminded me what passion felt like.”

  “Passion doesn’t last.”

  “How do you know? You don’t stay in a relationship long enough to find out.”

  “And you’ve had such shining examples? Justin’s father walked out on you, and your parents broke up.”

  “But I still believe in love. Maybe that makes me crazy or stupid or both. But I can’t live a lie, and I can’t be happy with safe. It’s not who I am. I don’t really think it’s who you are, either, Gabe. But only you can decide that.”

  She got to her feet and walked out, wishing he’d call her back, but he didn’t. She shut the door behind her and let out a breath, knowing that she wasn’t going to be with him again. She’d put it all on the line, and he’d let her go. Her heart ached, because the one man she really loved couldn’t let himself love her back. He felt something for her, but he couldn’t say it, and she needed the words. She wasn’t going to settle for less. This time, she was leaving first.

  Gabe couldn’t sleep; Alicia’s words went around and around in his head. He hadn’t expected her to be so direct, so honest, so acutely aware of what was going on in his head. Not many people looked at him and called him a coward. He had a Medal of Honor and a Purple Heart, for God’s sake. But she was right; when it came to love or personal relationships, he had no guts.

  His life was completely up in the air for the first time in twelve years. He had no one telling him where to go or what to do. He had no unit to lead, no men waiting for him to make a call, just one very pretty woman who came with high expectations and a lot of baggage.

  After tossing and turning, he got up just after dawn, threw on some warmer clothes, and took a long walk. The fog was coming off the river in a smoky mist, casting a surreal glow to the morning sun. The world was peaceful, the only sounds the reassuring rush of the water, the call of a bird now and then. No traffic, no crowds, no guns or explosions.

  He should feel calm, but he couldn’t shake the restlessness driving him, so he kept walking until he finally ran out of steam. He picked up a couple of rocks and spun them out over the water, wondering how he’d ended up there. The idyllic setting was about as far from his childhood home as he could get. And he’d had to go through a dozen different war zones to end up there.

  Now what? Did he leave, or did he stay?

  And if he stayed, for how long?

  There was too much tension, too much attraction, between him and Alicia for them ever to be just friends. If either one of them was going to move on with someone else, it would have to be without the other one around.

  But he couldn’
t go yet. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Alicia.

  After tossing one last rock into the water, he headed back to the house. It was late morning by the time he got back; he hadn’t realized how long he’d been gone. The Jeep that Alicia had been using was not in the driveway. He was just about to go around to the garage to get his tools when the front door opened and George stepped onto the porch.

  “Gabe, I was hoping to run into you. Any chance I could beg a lift into town? Alicia took off early, and I can’t reach her on her cell phone. Bill and I are going to pick up some equipment down in Sacramento, but he can’t leave his store until his assistant gets in, so I need a ride.”

  “Sure, no problem,” he said. “I can bring the truck around.”

  “No need. I’ll walk over with you.”

  “You don’t have your cane,” Gabe commented.

  George gave him a smile. “I don’t need it anymore. I was relying too much on it. When I put it away, I suddenly felt stronger.”

  “That’s great.”

  “I was waiting,” George continued as they walked across the grass. “Waiting for Rob to come home and fix things. All my life, I was in charge, but after the accident, I felt as weak as a baby. I had to depend on everyone, and I guess it got to be a habit—a bad habit. Then Rob died, and I wasn’t sure if Alicia or I could come back from that, but after the fire, something inside me changed. I woke up. I’m not going to let someone else destroy me. If I go down, I go down on my own terms.”

  Gabe was impressed by the fire in George’s voice, the steel glint of determination in his eyes. He could see where Alicia got her core of strength.

  “Some people may think I’m a fool to throw myself into a venture that’s on its last legs, but the rough water is always the most fun to ride. And whatever happens, I’ll know I gave it my all. I can live with that. Giving up I can’t stomach. Thankfully, Alicia seems to be on board. And I appreciate all your help, too. I can’t wait to take you down the river. You’re going to love it. It’s a rush like none other.”

  “I’m looking forward to it,” Gabe said as they got into his truck.

  “Once we get the new equipment, we’ll take a test run, get our sea legs back. It’s all going to work out,” George said confidently. “God, I feel good today.”