Inside and Out

by Stephanie Taylor

  They didn’t bother to sit down; they just grabbed a sausage biscuit and ate it while standing next to the chair.

  “Animals,” Jolie muttered with a shake of her head. She stood from the table and walked to the sink. After a final bite of cereal, she washed the remains down the sink and placed the bowl on the top rack of the dishwasher.

  “Thank you, honey,” Cora said.

  “Hey, I’m fourteen. I need to start pulling my weight around here.”

  Cora shook her head. Jolie had been hit the hardest by her father’s infidelity. As the daughter of a man who hadn’t wanted her as a teenager either, Cora knew it stung. Sam hadn’t come to visit them once since she’d filed for divorce.

  Ashton and Aldin were oblivious…for now. In another year or so, they’d want her to throw a football and they’d soon realize what a useless substitute she made for a father. It was only a matter of time.

  With a sniff, Cora brushed Jolie’s hair behind her ear and shook her head. “So beautiful. Inside and out.” she whispered to her baby girl.

  Jolie was used to the praise, but she still blushed. “Mo-om,” she whined. “You say that every morning.”

  “Because I don’t want you to ever forget.”

  Jolie cocked a hip along with a dark eyebrow. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’ve heard it exactly…” She squinted and pursed her lips, “…4,380 times already.”

  Cora chuckled. “And smart, too.” And she was. Jolie’s high scores in math was something of a miracle considering her own arithmetic ability.

  After a fierce hug, Cora patted Jolie on the bottom and gave her a gentle shove toward the door. Jolie grabbed her backpack off the chair as she walked by.

  She looked over her shoulder just before she opened the door. “Love you, Mom,” she called. Her long, dark hair was fanned out over her backpack.

  “Go on. Bus,” Cora reminded her. “Love you, too!”

  Once the door was closed, Cora sank into the nearest chair with a sigh. Some mornings were worse than others and this morning hadn’t been too bad. She made a mental note to start researching what was best for Jolie and the type of therapy out there. Perhaps there was a sliver of decency left in Sam, and he’d at least take the kids out for dinner soon.

  Before she’d caught him in their bed, on her birthday, with another woman, she could have never imagined Sam behaving the way he did in regards to his children. They’d had their quarrels during the marriage, but he’d always been a good father. Attentive. Caring. Involved. Pretty much the opposite of how he’d treated her.

  Summer was almost upon them. Cora was determined to make the best of it. Her kids needed her more than ever right now, and she was pretty sure she needed them, too. She’d been saving for months now, and she planned to take them on a vacation, just the four of them as a surprise. Sam never liked vacations or spending money if it wasn’t on himself.

  Picking up her cell phone, Cora looked at the screen. She would call Sam at eight and see if he could keep the kids this weekend. It was something she hadn’t done yet, and it had been almost six months since he’d last seen them. She tried not to be bitter, but the sour bile in her throat caused her to cough. What kind of man could go so long without seeing his kids?

  Actually, it was like her younger years all over again. Her parents’ divorce had left her angry and insecure. Her bad grades suffered and she spiraled into self-consciousness over she was and what she looked like. Her mother, bless her, had tried everything in her power to make things right and portray both roles. But the bottom line was, she’d needed her father to tell her she was beautiful on the inside and out, tell her he was proud of her.

  Cora’s father had unexpectedly passed away about a month after Sam moved out. The funeral had been a cold, silent event, one where she didn’t shed a single tear. Oh, they’d come, but much later when she realized she’d never hear the apology she’d yearned for. His death had only validated her precarious insecurity.

  Resolved, Cora decided she wouldn’t wait for eight o’clock after all. Now was as good a time as any.

  He answered on the third ring. “Cora?”

  “Sam.”

  “What do you want?”

  Cora sniffed at his rude tone. “We need to talk.”

  “We do that through our lawyers, remember?”

  “This isn’t about money or possessions. This is about your children. You haven’t seen them in six months!”

  “I’ve been busy, Cora.”

  “I won’t let you hurt Jolie the way my father hurt me.”

  “Oh good grief, could you play your violin a little louder?”

  His snarly voice caused her heart to leap in her throat. He’d never once tried to understand her or her past. If it meant he had to work a little harder for something, he wasn’t interested. Life was all about what Sam wanted.

  “This is about Jolie. She’s hurting. She’s overcompensating and growing up too fast. You know how tender her heart is.”

  “I do. I should’ve toughened her up a little more.”

  Cora swallowed hard. Could something in her life just be easy? “Are you interested in seeing them?” she finally asked.

  “Honey, who is that on the phone?” Cora heard in the background. She gritted her teeth so hard she thought they might crumble.

  His muffled voice came next. “It’s the ex. Gimme a minute.”

  After fifteen years, she was now just “the ex” to him? Who on earth had she married all those years ago? He wasn’t old enough to be having a mid-life crisis.

  “What did you say again, Cora?”

  “I asked if you want to see them. If not, that’s fine, but I need to know if I need to prepare them for your absence.”

  “Look. I love my kids, but now that I’m strapped with all the child-support and alimony, I’m working extra long hours. I just don’t have time. Maybe I could schedule to keep them a full week and take some time off work this summer.”

  She would never keep the kids from him, but she also wouldn’t let him string them along. “You can keep them this weekend and spend quality time with them or I file for full custody.”

  “Aw, Cora. You don’t have to go so crazy over such a little thing. We talk on the phone. I’m sure that’s good enough for now.”

  “Do you want them this weekend or not?” Her voice, as assertive as she could possibly get, didn’t waver.

  “You’re not serious.”

  “It’s a yes or no, Sam. I’m not interested in excuses. I’m not forcing you to take them, but you have missed several visitations the court ordered.”

  “You’re so arrogant. All these years I couldn’t stand it. Nothing’s changed now.”

  She ignored the jab. “Yes. Or. No.”

  “Fine. I’ll come get them Friday after work. I have to work Sunday, so I’ll have to bring them home Saturday evening.”

  “That’s perfectly fine. I’ll have them ready.”

  Sam didn’t bother to say goodbye, but she did hear him say, “Come here, baby” just as the line went dead. Her stomach lurched.

  One day. One day she’d remember not every man was a piece of garbage. One day someone would kiss her and blow all her memories of Sam away like a tumbleweed in a gust of wind. One day, she might decide it was all worth it.

  One day, she feared as Liam’s faced appeared in her mind, one day might have already come, but she wasn’t even close to being ready.

  ****

  That evening, Ashton and Aldin boxed playfully with each other just ahead of her in the cereal aisle at the local Kroger. She was tempted to remind them of their manners, but then figured she’d let them have this one moment. Life was too full of no’s and never enough yes’s.

  It was how Cora felt about the situation with Liam. She could say no until her mind was content, but her heart would forever say yes.

  Had it really only been a year ago he’d found her, in this very shopping center, crying over what now amounted to spilled milk
in Sam’s eyes?

  She was such an idiot.

  Cora wished she could recall all she’d admitted to Liam, but being the gentleman he was, he had never mentioned anything other than a quiet condolence as she’d poured her heart out and laid her soul bare. She vividly remembered his soothing touch, not in a sexual way, but because it was the first time she’d been comforted in years. For so long, she’d always been the comforter.

  Cora focused hard on the two boxes of cereal she held, trying to decide if it was worth all the heartache to try a relationship with Liam. Surely he’d want to do things she’d long grown out of, like clubbing or all-night movie marathons. Cora couldn’t remember the last time she’d stayed up past 10 p.m.

  “Mom! Hurry up!” Ashton called to her, hopping into a different square tile on the floor.

  “Don’t step on the cracks!” Aldin giggled.

  Still, she stared, not seeing the boxes but seeing Liam’s face laid before her, like a sacrificial lamb. Would Liam give up pursuing her if she gave him the cold shoulder? How would she feel about that?

  She took a moment to mull it over. Ever since the family reunion, she’d thought of little else but Liam and his kiss. Sam had made sure to strip her of what little confidence she’d garnered during their marriage, but in one kiss, one stolen moment in a bathroom, Liam had given her something she hadn’t expected: backbone.

  Sure, Sam had needed her in every way a man needed a wife. For so long, it had been enough, and she’d found ways to compensate for what lacked in her life in other areas. Sam needed her every day for something.

  “I need a beer. Can you get me one?”

  “I’m running low on underwear. I need you to do laundry.”

  “I can’t think straight with all the noise. I need some air.”

  And obedient Cora had given him exactly what he needed, sometimes more than what he needed with quiet acceptance of her reality. A loving wife was always the one to do laundry and take care of the kids.

  Then there was Liam, who in the span of about a second had kissed her breathless, held her close and made her remember in vivid detail what it was like to be beneath a man who wanted her, not just needed her. The unwavering hunger had unglued her, the flutter low in her belly turning into an inferno. His touch had lingered, not because it was the thing to do but because he wanted to touch her. And she’d wanted to touch him.

  She let the heated memory envelop her, right there in the middle of the cereal aisle. A passerby would just think she was praying over which cereal to buy.

  “I’d go for the orange box,” a deep voice said just behind her.

  Spinning, Cora dropped the orange box of cereal and gaped at Liam.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, stooping to pick up the box and hating how breathless she sounded. He was dressed in full workout gear, complete with a muscle tee and nylon shorts. His skin shone from his exertion and pink stained his cheeks. The brim of his baseball hat was parallel with his neck and his hair stuck out in cute tufts in the front.

  Liam held up an energy drink. “Getting a drink before heading home.” He eyed the cereal again. “I can see this decision is weighing heavily on you.”

  Cora rolled her eyes and threw the yellow, not the orange, box in the cart and placed the other box back on the shelf. “Good running into you,” she said quickly and tried to push passed him, but his hand snaked out and caught her elbow. His face came closer. His breath tickled her ear as he spoke.

  “Have you thought anymore about going out with me?”

  She huffed, trying desperately to fight against the little piece of her dancing the Macarena at his persistence.

  “It’s not going to happen, Liam,” she reminded him.

  “What if I come over and shoot some baskets with the boys? We’ll order pizza and just hang.”

  Cora sighed again and pulled her arm free. “Women like me don’t hang, we sag. There’s a big difference.”

  Liam huffed. “There you go again.”

  “What?”

  “With the age references. Quite frankly, everything I’ve seen about you is quite…perky. But, I could be wrong.” He stepped closer so his chest grazed her shoulder, stood on tiptoes and tried to look down her shirt. “Maybe I should look for research’s sake?”

  She swatted at him. His fingers found their way under her arms and tickled her ribs. When she started giggling, she vaguely heard the boys cheering Liam on.

  “Just say yes and end the torture for both of us.”

  Her lips moved but no sound escaped.

  “I’m sure Ashton and Aldin could use some guy time,” he pointed out.

  “Don’t you do that! Don’t you play my kids against me.”

  “Is it working?”

  His excitement was contagious, and Cora fought her smile. “Fine. Pizza. Tomorrow night at my house.”

  “No, I want to go out somewhere.”

  “Sam is supposed to pick up the boys tomorrow evening. I have to be home.”

  Liam feigned a long-suffering sigh. “Fine. What time?”

  Cora propped her hand on her hip and cocked an eyebrow. “Why don’t you tell me since you’re apparently calling the shots.”

  He nodded and beamed. “Feisty. I like it. I’ll be there at six with pizza. You still like pineapple?”

  “You have the memory of an elephant, did you know that?”

  “There are other parts of me like an elephant, too. Wanna see?” He wagged his eyebrows.

  She couldn’t help but laugh. “Get out of here. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Cora turned and pushed her cart but heard Liam call out her name.

  “Yeah?” she asked over her shoulder.

  “You won’t regret it.”

  She was pretty sure she already did.

  Chapter Three

  The knock sounded on Cora’s door far too soon. She’d lost track of time while helping the twins pack. Jolie had followed her through the house relaying the latest gossip at school. She hadn’t had a chance to freshen up or change her clothes. With a mental shrug, Cora figured if Liam really wanted to spend time with her, he might as well get to know the real her, not the one that spent two hours getting ready. Those days were long past.

  “Pizza delivery for my favorite people in the world,” he called cheerfully, the boxes hiding his face.

  “Wrong address,” she teased and tried to close the door on him. His foot came out and stopped it just in time. His eyes peeked over the boxes with a playful glare.

  She shook her head and let him in. Liam swooped in and kissed her cheek sweetly, his closeness causing butterflies to take flight in her rib cage. “You can tip me later.” He wore his dark brown hair gel-styled, just the way she liked it. If she’d given him the slightest inkling of her feelings, she’d think he had done it just to unnerve her.

  She closed the front door and called, “Kids! Liam is here with pizza!”

  The thunderous footsteps of three hungry children coming down the stairs made her heart fill with joy. She remembered happier times when Sam was just coming home from work and the kids rushed down to greet him. Cora prayed this weekend would do them good, especially Jolie.

  “I’m starving!” Jolie exclaimed. She was dressed in a nice outfit and her hair was curled. She wasn’t old enough to wear makeup, but she had on clear lip-gloss and obviously was trying to impress her father.

  Cora could cry. Jolie was the kindest and most gentle girl, yet her father had tossed them aside like last year’s Christmas toys. She needed this weekend with Sam so much more than the twins. His phone calls could only do so much to take the place of a fatherly hug or kiss for an impressionable teenage girl.

  “You look pretty,” Liam said to Jolie as he opened cabinet doors and finally located the plates. The twins held a slice of pepperoni pizza in each hand and chewed with gusto.

  Jolie accepted the plate Liam offered and gave him a fist bump. “Thank you.”

  “When’s Dad gonna be here?” Aldin asked w
ith a piece of cheese hanging out of his mouth.

  Cora looked at her watch. “According to my watch, he should’ve been here about ten minutes ago. We’ll give him another fifteen minutes, and then I’ll call him.”

  The kids all fell quiet and ate slower. It was as if they knew something was up, and they couldn’t bring themselves to keep up the excitement.

  Cora fought the tears that formed a choking lump in her throat. Sam had every right to fall out of love with her if he chose to, but he didn’t get to make his children suffer, too. Enough was enough. If he didn’t show tonight, she was filing for sole custody. It was better to cut ties than for them to hold on to false hope.

  Cora caught Jolie’s gaze and all she saw on her sweet daughter’s face was agony. Sadness. At thirteen, her world had been turned upside down by a man who should never have hurt her.

  The clock ticked. Even Liam had fallen silent and patiently prepared the kids something to drink. He affectionately ruffled Aldin’s hair when he grabbed another piece of pizza…his fourth.

  Fifteen minutes passed. Twenty. Twenty-five. Liam cleared his throat and motioned to the door of the bedroom. She understood it was time to call Sam. The second she did, however, it would end the kids’ illusion he was just running late. Soon, they’d know their father had chosen not to show up at all.

  Cora nodded to Liam and went into the bedroom and closed the door. As her phone called Sam, her gut twisted. How had her life become such a mess?

  “’Lo?” Sam answered.

  “Where are you?” she demanded in a low voice.

  He hesitated then swore under his breath. “I forgot to call. I’m not coming. I have to work late, and I have plans.”

  “So you’re telling me you’re passing up another opportunity to see your children so you can work and play. They’re packed and waiting for you. Jolie is dressed up to see you.”

  “You lost the right to be a nag a long time ago,” his grating voice warned.

  Cora took a deep breath. “Unfortunately, Sam, you lost the right to be a father tonight. I warned you. I’ll be filing for sole custody first thing Monday.”