Jasper’s: Takoda Outreach Center #1

by Cee, Sammi

  I turned to slump my back against the prep table. “Yeah, well, I’m well aware of how much I like him. What’s not to like?”

  Ben nodded sagely. “That’s true. Our Jasper’s a special kid.”

  I stood up straight. “And that’s just it, isn’t it? He’s only a kid, who for whatever reason is in a bad situation and needs help. I can’t just...prey on him. He needs a place to stay and I have more than enough space, so I’ll just have to ignore—”

  Ben’s cackle cut me off. “Good luck ignoring that kind of attraction. The other volunteers have been placing bets on how long it will take you two to couple up ever since the first night you came in together after the storm. Even some of our regular guests wanted in on that action.”

  As much as I hoped that was true, I didn’t see a way to approach it without crossing a line. If he stayed with someone else, maybe I could ask him on a date, but the thought of him leaving my home depressed me. Getting out of bed in the morning had taken on new meaning knowing Jasper would be waiting for me to get up so we could decide what to do with our morning.

  “Okay, I’m not sure what you’re thinking about,” Ben said, breaking into my thoughts, “but you look like you’ve been sucking on a lemon. Sit down.” He pointed to one of the high stools that sat along the side of the silver prep table. The actual employees often had lunch together back here and some of the older ladies liked to come back and help, so it was nice having a place for them so they didn’t have to stand on their feet. I obeyed the old man’s orders and planted my butt on a stool.

  “Here’s the deal. Compared to me, Jasper’s a kid. You all are. How old are you?”

  “Thirty-four.”

  “And Jasper’s twenty-two.” I opened my mouth to protest because in my opinion that was a huge age difference. He had time to explore and live so much life before he reached my age; meanwhile, I’d sought a job here out of some kind of early mid-life crisis. Ben barreled on, though. “And I don’t know Jasper’s story. He hasn’t shared it with any of us, but he’s also never moved in with any of us. If he unburdens, I think it’ll be to you.”

  I shrugged. “I think a friend of his made him stay with me. I’m not sure he even really wants to.”

  Ben chuckled. “Oh, he wants to alright. I’d be willing to wager he’d prefer not staying in the guest room.” I gasped, much to Ben’s amusement. “Listen, all I’m saying is don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. You’re dismissing something that could potentially be great over reservations that may be valid for some, but I don’t think they are with our Jasper. His life obviously hasn’t been easy. He’s good to people, helpful, and observant. As a matter of fact, that young man helped Zach and Avi get their crap together. You’re saying a friend got him to stay with you; I say whoever told him to, just gave him the permission he needed mentally to do something he already wanted to do. You get me?”

  Hope, wonderous and beautiful, thrummed through me as he spoke. “How do I know?”

  “How do you know if you can make your move?” I nodded. “Oh, I suspect if you’re looking for it, you’ll know.” With that, he turned and moved toward the doorway. Before leaving the kitchen, he got in one last shot. “And, Caleb? That was me giving you permission to allow yourself to pay attention and follow your instincts.”

  Huh.

  * * *

  I pulled a teaspoon out of the drawer and dipped it into the sauce I had simmering on the stove. After tasting it and deciding it was perfect, I said, “Come here,” to Jasper as he sat watching me prepare our shrimp scampi for dinner.

  “What?” Even as he asked, he walked over to where I stood at the stove.

  Dipping the spoon back into the pan, I blew on the sauce to cool it enough to not burn his tongue, then held it up toward his mouth. “Here, taste.”

  Jasper’s eyes widened and the loveliest pink bloomed on his neck and worked its way straight up onto his face. When he didn’t move, I said, “Did you want me to get another spoon? I’m sorry, that was rude to—”

  He laid his hand on mine lightly. “No, that’s fine.” He licked his lips and I practically dropped the spoon. He leaned forward and his lips parted, his little pink tongue darting out and tasting the liquid with just the tip before he closed his upper lip over the top of the spoon and sipped it off. The sexist moan I’d ever heard—whether in porn or in person—vibrated through the spoon into my hand as his eyes closed in pleasure.

  Holy crap. If that was how he reacted to good food, I could only imagine how beautiful he’d look and sound in the throes of passion. He stood back and we both cleared our throats at the same time as he turned and staggered back to his seat and I whipped around back to the stove. “Don’t wanna overcook the shrimp,” I said. Or, since I’m in sweats, have you freaked out that I’m half-hard. We’d have to eat at the actual kitchen table because there was no way I’d make it through dinner with him making those noises without a noticeable bulge appearing in my pants.

  That ended up being a good call on my part. Jasper moaned obscenely with every bite, his eyes closing in bliss until he swallowed. I was the most distracted I’d ever been during a meal. As I loaded the dishwasher after, I realized I must’ve been on auto-pilot because my clean plate suggested I’d eaten, but all I remembered from our meal was the battle to make my cock behave.

  “What’re you thinking about?” Jasper asked.

  “Oh, just trying to remember the name of this movie someone told me about. I thought maybe we could watch it.”

  Jasper’s silence concerned me, so I glanced over my shoulder. He stood propped against the wall of the archway staring at the floor. “You okay?”

  His eyes snapped to mine. “Yeah. Um, so, I thought maybe we could talk for a little bit before watching anything.”

  I shut the door to the dishwasher and turned off the water. As I dried my hands, I walked toward him. “Everything okay?” Please don’t say you’re moving out. Please. Please. Please. I like your company so much.

  “Yeah, I thought, well, I know you’ve asked how I ended up out there.” He waved in the general direction of the window. “I thought maybe I’d tell you. If you’re still interested, that is.”

  “Yes, please. Absolutely. Let’s go sit on the couch.”

  Ben’s words from earlier came back to me as I followed Jasper into the family room. He said pay attention to the signs, and if this wasn’t a sign, I didn’t know what one would look like.

  Chapter Twelve

  Jasper

  I stood in the middle of Caleb’s family room, slowly spinning in circles while I tried to decide where to sit. It was my favorite room in the house after the kitchen. The chocolate brown sectional was oversized with recliners on either side of an armrest of the same material in the middle that opened for storage. Caleb’s remotes for the TV and sound system were in there for easy access. Normally when we watched movies, we each sat in one of the recliners, but… there was a definite division there and I needed...something else tonight.

  So lost in my own confusing thoughts, I hadn’t even noticed that Caleb had flicked on the gas fireplace, then walked to the far end of the longer side of the couch and sat down, until he said, “Do you want to sit over here with me?”

  “Yes,” I said, only mildly surprised that he knew what I needed. If I hadn’t suspected that he would, we wouldn’t be about to have this conversation. It’s not even that I wanted to sit right next to him; I could’ve had that if we were in the recliners, but I didn’t want a barrier between us like the armrest. Deciding that I did need a little space, I sat halfway down the couch from him and pulled one of the throw pillows into my lap.

  We sat in silence for several minutes, me staring into the fireplace and him staring at the side of my face. I could feel his eyes studying me, but he didn’t push. Caleb never pushed. Well, he hadn’t since I’d agreed to stay here, anyway. He put things out there and then gave me time to process what I thought or wanted. Resting my head against the back of the c
ouch, I turned so that my cheek was pressed against the soft fabric. A small smile graced Caleb’s face. “Take your time, Jasper. We’ve got all night.”

  “Thanks,” I whispered. We both quietly traced over each other’s faces with our eyes. Except for my best friend Kamari, I couldn’t remember ever being this comfortable in another gay man’s presence. Honestly, Kamari didn’t really count since we’d only ever kissed and fooled around to practice. Once we got past the explosive, confusing age of teenage hormones, the thought of touching each other sexually made us both nauseous.

  “How about we talk about something else until you’re ready,” Caleb suggested kindly.

  “Sure.” I nodded back, then said, “Actually, I have been wanting to ask you about Judson. I know you’ve only known him a couple of weeks, but did he look...strange to you earlier?”

  Caleb sighed and rested his head like mine so he was facing me, but he drew his legs up onto the couch and sat sideways. “Yeah, I thought that a couple of days ago. It seems as if maybe he’s tired mentally.”

  “That’s what I was thinking. I wonder if he needs help with the kids.” Caleb’s lips twisted and he wrinkled his nose, a sign that he had a question but thought he was overstepping or being rude. “Out with it, Caleb. What’re you thinking?”

  He blanched. “That obvious?” When I merely snickered, he said, “I know that those are his kids, one hundred percent. He loves them and they very obviously adore him. But…”

  “But how does a little white ginger with pale green eyes end up with three little dark-skinned kids?” I asked, smiling so that he knew I wasn’t judging his curiosity.

  “Yes, that. I didn’t want to be rude and ask him, and they call him dad, and they’re light enough that maybe he’s their biological father?”

  I snorted. “No. From what I’ve picked up in conversation, he and his ex-husband were fostering and had started the process to adopt a child. Joel, Adam, and Megan’s parents died in a house fire, leaving them orphaned, and they were temporarily placed with them. As a social worker, Judson knew better than anyone the chances of the siblings ending up together, so he talked to his ex about adopting them, he agreed, and six months after the judge signed off, the ex bailed.”

  “What?” Caleb asked, jerking into an upright position.

  “I know. Can you imagine?”

  “Those poor kids, they must have felt so…”

  “Unimportant, unwanted, unlovable,” I said, turning my gaze back to the fire.

  “That’s a whole lot of un-somethings, Jasper,” Caleb said quietly. “Sounds like you may have some personal experience with that.”

  My eyes burned with the telltale promise of tears to come. If I didn’t want to cry and embarrass myself in front of Caleb, I needed to stop now, but I’d held everything in for so many years. The only people who truly knew everything about me were Kamair and Saul, but that’s because they’d stood by my side at the time.

  Even Miss Emma and the boys didn’t know everything. It had only taken a couple of days of being with them to know that Archie was definitely not eighteen yet, and I had no idea how young that made PJ. I didn’t want to know. Miss Emma and I kept them safe and that’s all that mattered.

  “Hey.” I turned my gaze back to Caleb, and he said, “Why don’t you stretch out?” When I didn’t respond, he patted the seat next to him. Come on, put your feet up here. I have a trick.”

  “Okay.”

  I scooted around, and then put my sock-clad feet up next to Caleb’s hip. He winked at me, then proceeded to jerk off one of my socks. “Hey,” I yelped.

  He chuckled while grabbing my other foot. “Just trust me. One of my nannies used to do this when she knew I needed to come clean about some mischief or other or if I needed to talk something out. It works.”

  “What works?” I asked incredulously. Watching with a tiny amount of horror as he lifted my feet, slid his own body down the couch cushion toward me a little, and then rested them feet, as in my feet, back in his lap. “Are you going to...hold them?”

  “Yep.” I wrinkled my nose in disgust because, feet. He rolled his eyes back. “Trust me. It’s soothing.”

  “If you say so.”

  “I do. Now what did you want to talk about? Maybe tell me how you know so much about all those un-words.”

  “Yeah.” Before I said another word, his big, strong, warm hands picked up my right foot and cradled it. “Uh.”

  “Just talk, don’t mind me.”

  Stifling a squeak when his fingers massaged the bottom of my foot, I jerked my leg back, but he grabbed my ankle and encircled it with one hand and went back to pressing his fingers into my instep with a little more pressure than he’d originally used. It didn’t tickle as much and my body relaxed under his ministrations. I sighed, letting the couch back support all my weight. And then I told him my story.

  “My mom and step dad got married when I was three. I don’t know much about my real dad, other than he wasn’t a very nice man. Howard, my step dad, used to tell me that all the time, when my mom wasn’t around, that he’d rescued her from my piece of shit ol’ man, but it was always hard for me to understand, until I was older, anyway.”

  Without missing a beat with his hands, Caleb asked, “What didn’t you get?”

  “Well, when Mom wasn’t around Howard wasn’t nice to me. In front of Mom he wanted me to call him Dad and we were this cookie-cutter, happy family. But the minute Mom was out of hearing distance, he told me Lachlan, that’s my little brother, was the only one who got to call him Dad. Even in front of the neighbors and stuff he made me call him Howard. My poor mother was so oblivious that I never said anything. When she died, I’d wished I had.”

  Caleb paused. “I’m so sorry, Caleb. What happened to her?”

  “She had an aneurysm. She was so young when it happened. I was fifteen and she’d just started teaching me to drive. Lachy was only eleven. It was terrible.”

  He hummed in the back of his throat and switched feet. Setting the one in his lap and picking up the other. I took comfort in his touch, allowing myself to remember my mother. When Caleb asked, “How was your step dad with you after that?” I swallowed down the bitterness.

  “Cruel. For as long as he let me stay anyway. My mom had been gone about two months when he didn’t show up to pick me up from the pizza place I worked at. It had been my and my mom’s special place to go grab a slice since I was little, and Saul, the owner, had hired me as soon as I was old enough. If it hadn’t been for him and my best friend Kamari, I don’t know what I would’ve done after my mom died. Working with Saul and Kamari’s house quickly became my safe places since Howard had made me feel unwanted and like I was a burden from the minute we got home from the funeral.”

  “What happened when he didn’t get you? How did you get home?”

  I cleared the lump from my throat and lowered my gaze to find my hands clenched tightly in my lap. I hadn’t even realized it, so I made myself unclench and shook my hands out, then said, “I called Kamari. We’d been besties since before we even started elementary. He made up some story to his parents about why Howard hadn’t come to get me, and so they did. When we pulled up to my house, my suitcase and a couple of boxes were on the front steps.”

  “Oh shit, Jasper.”

  He dropped my foot and I sensed him getting ready to lean toward me, so I held up a hand to hold him off. If he pulled me into his arms right now, I’d fall apart and I wouldn’t be able to finish. “Well, Kamari’s mom said, ‘Go get your stuff, Jasper. You’re coming home with us. You might as well since you’re always under foot, anyway.’ She kept her tone light, but her voice had trembled with anger. I knew she wasn’t mad at me, so Kamari and I got out and got my stuff.”

  “Did you ever see Howard again? And what about your brother?”

  I bit back a bitter laugh. “Howard showed up to my high school graduation. Can you believe the nerve of that guy? He had Lachy with him and I really wanted a picture of us toge
ther in my graduation gown, so I played nice, but after the picture was taken and he suggested one of the three of us, Kamari’s dad stepped in and whispered politely that it was time for him to go.”

  Caleb settled those steadying hands back on my ankles, his thumbs moved in soothing circles, but his words were angry. “I’m surprised he let him stay that long. I’d have kicked the guy’s ass.”

  “Not if you didn’t want to go to jail, you wouldn’t have. Howard’s a cop.”

  “Oh shit, Jasper. That’s… I can’t even fathom what you went through. But if you lived with Kamari and his family, how’d you end up on the streets?”

  “Death happened,” I mumbled.

  “What?” he gasped.

  “So Kamari got a few scholarships to different colleges and his parents had wanted to move for years, so he picked the school that was close to where they wanted to go so he’d still be close to them. They offered to take me too, but I didn’t want to leave Lachy. When he was in middle school, Kamari’s mom used to take me over once a week so I could see him on the downlow. Then as soon as the first one of his friends had a license, they’d come into Saul’s to eat, so we still saw each other all the time. I love my brother, you know? Howard always acted like we were step-whatevers and like our connection didn’t matter, but not Mom. She raised us to be close.”

  “Your mom sounds great.”

  I finally lifted my head and met his gaze and my breath caught at how softly he stared back at me. “Thanks,” I said, sounding as flustered as I felt. “Anyway, in the end, Saul offered for me to come stay with him. We’d gotten closer over the years, and he felt more like a cranky, old, doting grandfather than a boss.”

  “That’s amazing.”

  “He was. And then he was gone. Dead. Heart attack right in front of me in the store. He’ll be gone a year next month.”

  “Jasper?” I looked up. “Can I hold you now?”