Epic Sins (Epic Fail #1)

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Epic Sins (Epic Fail #1) Page 18

by Trudy Stiles


  Regret sweeps through me. I need to make this right. I hear her downstairs in the kitchen and look for her so I can apologize.

  She’s assembling clean bottles and pouring formula into them for the night. She lines them up and grabs the soft cooler from under the cabinet. She puts the filled bottles into the cooler along with two bottles of water for herself. This is her nightly routine, and I don’t dare interrupt her. She’s limping around the kitchen, obviously in pain and flustered by what just happened.

  “I’m sorry,” I say.

  “You should be.” She snaps back at me. “Why did you kiss me? You shouldn’t have done that. We shouldn’t—” Her eyes are filled with guilt. The pain on her face is evident.

  “Why don’t you sit down. Let me get you some ice.” I walk past her to the freezer and grab an ice pack.

  I’m surprised by how quickly she agrees and she hops into the den, throwing herself on the couch. She’s breathing heavily and squirming in pain. “I really think I broke something.” She seems to forget why she was yelling at me a few seconds ago, and I sit on the couch and pull her feet onto my lap.

  “Ouch. My God, it hurts bad.”

  I look down and see that bruising has already started on the top of her foot, spreading toward her big toe. There’s some swelling, but not a lot. I place the ice gingerly on the spot that looks the worst, and she stiffens. “Cold, cold, cold,” she repeats, and eventually her foot relaxes under the ice pack.

  She leans back and props a pillow underneath her head. She’s staring at the ceiling, I’m sure contemplating what insults to hurl my way.

  “I don’t know what came over me. I shouldn’t have kissed you,” I apologize again as I carefully hold the ice in place. I look down at her feet and admire how cute they are.

  “Don’t look at my feet. They’re gross. I haven’t had a pedicure in months, and I can’t imagine what they look like right now.”

  “They’re not bad, considering you just dropped a ten-pound box of formula on one of them.”

  She takes a deep breath and tries to stretch out her injured foot. “I should probably go to urgent care or something.”

  “Let’s see if the swelling goes down with the ice on it,” I suggest. I don’t want her to leave. “Besides, it’s your driving foot, and I’m sure you won’t be able to get anywhere on your own.”

  She looks over at the clock on the wall, and we both notice it’s after ten. “It’s too late to call Peggy,” she says and shifts a little on the couch.

  We sit in silence for a while, and I say, “I’m an asshole.”

  “Yes, you are,” she replies through a smirk.

  “Tonight was really weird for me. After I calmed down Kai, I felt invincible. I almost convinced myself that if I had to, I could do this on my own. I stared at him in his crib, looking peaceful and calm, and it felt good. I was proud of what I could accomplish. You gave me that strength.” Her eyes soften and she smiles.

  I realize I’m rubbing her foot softly, and since she’s not complaining, I keep doing it.

  “Then I started to panic, thinking about everything and anything that could possibly go wrong. I pictured him screaming and crying in pain again and I felt helpless. I’m not a father. I can’t be a good father. I freaked out and came downstairs to calm down. That’s just before you came in. My emotions were high, and I’m sorry I grilled you about D—I mean Richard.”

  She tilts her head so she can look at me. There’s pity on her face, and I don’t like that look. “You did great tonight, Garrett. Seriously. And you did this on your own. I didn’t give you anything you didn’t already have inside yourself.” I want to tell her how wrong she is.

  She tries to shift and move her foot.

  “Stay still before you hurt yourself more,” I scold her and hold her foot firmly in place on my lap. “For a nurse, you sure are a difficult patient.”

  She nods her head. “Yes, I always have been.”

  We sit quietly for a few more minutes, and she speaks again.

  “Richard means nothing to me, just so you know. I went out with him as a favor to Marcie. He’s her cousin. She’s been bugging me for months. Now who’s the asshole?” She takes a deep breath and her eyes soften. “I’m sorry I missed Pizza Thursday, Garrett. I would have rather been here.” She nestles into the couch further, and I continue to rub her foot.

  “I’m sorry,” I say again.

  “Things are a bit strange here, huh?” she says, and I shrug my shoulders.

  “We’re thrown together like this, and it’s unnatural. We’ve been playing house for months and spending a lot of time together. Is that why you kissed me?” she asks quietly. There’s nothing unnatural about the way I feel about her.

  “I don’t know, Sam. It just felt… right. In the moment.” I’ve wanted to claim her lips for so long.

  She raises her fingers and slowly brushes her bottom lip. I kissed her so hard they look swollen, puffy. “I’m really sorry,” I say. “It won’t happen again, I promise.”

  The look on her face confuses me. Is it regret? Disappointment? Curiosity?

  “A little advice: you should warn a girl if you’re going to dive in like that. I think you broke my tooth.” A smile spreads across her face, and I feel the tension leave her body.

  “Next time I promise I’ll warn you.” I throw my head back on the leather cushion and sigh. “I’m such an asshole.”

  “I’m glad you’re finally admitting it,” she jokes, and I pinch her good foot.

  “Owww!” she screeches, and I bring my finger to my lips.

  “Please don’t wake him up. Let’s hope he sleeps at least another hour,” I say.

  She smiles again and I’m captivated by her. Even in pain, she’s flawless. Her curls cascade around her face, and I have a sudden urge to wrap them around my fingers. She’s cast a spell on me, and I feel weak.

  “I’m sorry I got mad at you,” she says. “It’s just, we didn’t get off on the right foot when I first came here. I was so angry with you and your lack of empathy for your own child. I didn’t understand why you couldn’t bring yourself to love him and care for him. I’ve worked with critically ill babies for so long, and I don’t remember ever having to convince a parent to be there for them. You confused me. And worried me.”

  Her instincts were right on so many levels. Kai scared me. He still scares me. “If I avoided everything, I thought it would go away.”

  “That’s cowardice,” she says.

  “I know.”

  “When you told me about your parents’ reaction to Kai, it made me happy. Your mom gave you good advice.” She smiles warmly, “She seems like a great lady.”

  My parents were supposed to come visit Kai several weeks ago, but they changed their plans when Bill got sick. He was in bed with the flu for almost ten days, and they decided to wait a little while longer before coming up. They’re worried about bringing germs with them. I FaceTimed with them last week, and they were so happy to lay eyes on a sleeping Kai. My mother had tears in her eyes when she saw him in my arms.

  “She is. She’s been through a lot in her life, and she got through it all with shining colors. Bill has been a great husband and father to me, and I’m grateful for that. Even though I don’t show it as much as I should—or ever.”

  “You’re lucky, Garrett. You have two parents here to love you and Kai.” Her face is solemn, and I feel compelled to ask about her parents again. The last time I did, she shut it down. She’s reluctant to reminisce, and I feel intrusive when I ask.

  “Yeah. My gene pool isn’t perfect, but I shouldn’t complain about where I’ve come from.” Now I want to change the subject because the thought of my birth father makes my skin crawl.

  Her eyes are heavy, and she looks like she’s about to fall asleep.

  “I’ll make you a deal,” I say, surprising myself.

  “What?” she says groggily.

  “Take the rest of the night off. Completely. I’ll stay with
Kai in his room, and you can sleep in the guest room.” For once, she’ll get a good night sleep without any interruptions. I want to do this for her.

  She raises her eyebrows and shakes her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You haven’t done a complete overnight with him ever. I’m usually an arms-length away. I don’t think you know what you’re agreeing to.”

  Neither do I, but I continue, “If I can make it through, we can talk about a schedule so I can give you back some time to yourself. You’ve been caring tirelessly for Kai for months, and most of the time you’ve done it on your own.”

  She nods in agreement, but she still looks worried.

  “Do we have a deal?” I press, and she slowly nods again as she yawns.

  “I’ll sleep right here,” she says. “No need for me to mess up one of the other guest rooms. Besides, I don’t think I can walk upstairs again.” She tenses her leg, and the ice pack slides from her foot. The swelling hasn’t gone down yet, and the bruising is darker, more pronounced.

  I carefully slide her foot from my lap and stand up. She looks alarmed as I stand over her and scoop her into my arms. “What are you doing?” she asks.

  “Put your arms around my neck and hold on tight.” I take a step forward, and she does as I say. Her arms slip around my neck and she settles into my chest.

  “You don’t have to carry me,” she says sleepily.

  “You’re right, I don’t.” I pretend I’m going to drop her, and she squeals and tightens her grip around my neck, burrowing her head into my chest.

  “Hey!” she says playfully. “Not funny.”

  I take my time walking up the vast staircase. I want to savor our connection as long as I can. We reach the first guest room on the left, and I open the door. A large king-sized bed is across the room in the center of the wall. Pillows are piled high, and the oversized down comforter looks so inviting.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever been in this room,” she says as I carry her toward the bed.

  “I’m not sure I have either.” I chuckle. The house is huge, and this is one of nine bedrooms on this floor. “I’m not sure anyone has.”

  I know Peggy keeps all of the rooms in pristine shape, so the sheets and bedding are clean and fresh, regardless if the door has ever been opened to anyone else.

  I pull back the covers with a free hand and slowly lower her onto the bed. She stares into my eyes as I reluctantly place her down. She is casting a spell on me, and I don’t want to leave her. Her eyes are heavy and I know she’s tired, but I don’t want to let her go. I release her and lean over her to grab one of the spare pillows. I brush against her breasts and she shudders.

  “You cold?” I ask, knowing she’s reacting to me.

  “A little,” she whispers.

  I gently raise her foot and place the oversized pillow under it. “Try to keep it elevated, okay?” I say and reluctantly remove my hand from her leg.

  “Okay,” she says and closes her eyes. I pull the covers over her, but not before I take in the beauty of her entire body. Long, lean legs. Perfectly toned. Narrow hips and soft, toned stomach. Her breasts are small but full, leading to an elegantly long neck. I lick my lips, trying not to act on my urges.

  “Goodnight,” I say, forcing myself to leave the room.

  “Good luck,” she says and turns onto her side.

  I rush downstairs to grab the cooler from the counter and return to the second floor. I change my shirt before I head back into Kai’s room. He’s fussing in his crib but not crying.

  “Hey, little dude,” I say as I approach the crib. He’s staring at the stuffed Dalmatian intently. He’s still swaddled so tight. I’m amazed. He grunts when I pick him up and continues to squirm in my arms. After I struggle through another diaper change, we settle into his chair so I can feed him. I’ve only done this a few times completely on my own, and I’m suddenly terrified.

  What if he cries again? Or chokes?

  What if I can’t handle this?

  I loosen his blankets and adjust him in my arms. He takes the bottle immediately and begins sucking it down like I’ve never seen him do before. Before I know it, the bottle is gone and he’s been burped successfully several times. He’s passed out on my shoulder, and I begin rocking the chair slowly back and forth.

  As I close my eyes, I relive the mistakes I made today. I vow to keep Sam at a comfortable distance so I don’t scare her off. I also vow to keep the booze locked up, at least for a while. I inhale deeply and for once, I don’t smell spit-up or sour milk.

  Today was a good day.

  SOFT SNORING WAKES ME UP and Kai is still out cold. He’s warm and nestled tightly into my chest. But the snoring isn’t coming from him. Did I imagine it?

  I open my eyes further and see Sam asleep on the bed across from me. I also notice that an extra blanket is draped over me and Kai. She’s curled up on her side, and her foot is resting high up on a pillow. Her mouth is open slightly and soft noises escape her perfect lips.

  I could stare at her like this forever. I’m holding my son and Sam is here with us. I take a mental picture of our unconventional ‘family,’ and I don’t want this ever to end. I don’t know how we wound up here, together, but it feels right, and I will do what I can to protect this moment. Bottle it up so I can remember the peace that I feel right now. With Kai. With Sam.

  Kirsten’s words from not too long ago ring in my ears.

  Love will find you at a time and place when you least expect it.

  Sam

  Present

  Six Weeks Later

  Villanova, Pennsylvania

  Age 24

  “HEY, YOU HAVE YOUR FOOT BACK!” Cassie says as we walk toward the car. She drove me to the orthopedic doctor to get my final x-ray to confirm the bones in the top of my foot have healed. I had fractures in the first and second metatarsal bones, and I had to wear a large boot on my foot for six weeks. It feels great to walk without that stiff contraption on my foot. “I want to drive,” I state. It’s been a while since I’ve driven.

  “Sure,” she says and tosses me the keys to Garrett’s SUV. My car has been at the house that I share with Aunt Peggy since I haven’t been able to drive for the past six weeks. She, Garrett and Cassie have all split duties in helping chauffeur me around.

  Garrett has been incredible. Since my injury, he’s really taking a lead in Kai’s care. In fact, he’s home with Kai and the occupational therapist right now.

  “Jim wants to know when you’re coming back to work,” Cassie says nonchalantly.

  I want to go back. I really do. But I can’t imagine not being here with Kai. And Garrett.

  “I don’t know, Cass.”

  “You’ve been gone for almost six months. They reversed your suspension almost three months ago. It’s time, don’t you think?”

  “I’ll think about it,” I say, trying to dismiss her question.

  “Sam, you know I love you, and I’m so proud of everything you’re doing for Kai, but you’re a nurse, not a nanny.” She pauses and pulls something from her purse. “Maybe this will help change your mind,” she says, slipping an envelope into my bag.

  “What’s that?” I ask, curiously.

  “It’s a letter… from Olivia.”

  My heart starts to race and I grip the steering wheel. Ben’s mother.

  “What?” I ask and start to feel faint. Thankfully, Garrett’s driveway is just ahead, and I press the button to open the security gate. I slam on the brakes when we reach the top of the driveway and throw the SUV into park.

  “Hey, don’t stress out about it. Jim actually read it before he gave it to me. He wants you to read it.”

  I open the door and swipe my bag from the center console. “I’m going inside. Are you coming?” I ask and don’t wait for her to respond before I head toward the front door.

  “I can’t,” she calls after me. “My shift starts in an hour, and I have to go home to get my scrubs. Pink monkeys today. Jealous?” She smiles warmly
, trying to make me feel better.

  She walks to her own car and blows me a kiss. “Call me later?” I wave goodbye without confirming.

  I enter the house, and I immediately hear giggling coming from upstairs. “Aunt Peggy?” I call out but no answer. I walk up the stairs and follow the giggles obviously coming from Kai’s room.

  When I open the door, I see Garrett’s face close to Kai’s bare belly, and he moves closer, blowing raspberries on him. Kai laughs, screeching and kicking his legs. His arms are flailing around, and he’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him. Garrett does it again, and Kai’s giggles get louder. He’s barely able to catch his breath when Garrett tickles him again. “Do you like that?” Garrett asks his son, unaware of my presence.

  “It sure looks like it!” I respond, and Garrett turns his head, startled.

  Kai claps his hands in front of him and kicks his legs, laughing hysterically. The sight in front of me warms my heart. “Look who it is, buddy,” Garrett says, picking up Kai from the table. Kai continues to giggle and clap his hands. Then he sticks his tongue out and blows raspberries into the air, causing drool to drip from his mouth.

  I rush over and grab a baby wipe from the table and dab Kai’s mouth and chin. He giggles and blows raspberries again, causing more drool to fall.

  “I think it’s a lost cause,” Garrett says and places his hand over mine, taking the wipe away. Kai continues to giggle and drool, and it’s beautiful. He reaches his arms out in front of him and leans toward me. “Oh, Sam’s back and suddenly you want her, not me?” he teases Kai and passes him into my arms. Kai opens his mouth and places it on my cheek. It’s his idea of a sloppy kiss. And I love it.

  Garrett reaches out with the baby wipe and dabs it on the wet spot on my cheek.

  “Has he had a nap yet?” I ask.

  Our rhythm feels so much like a family right now. It’s wonderful, but I know it isn’t real or permanent.

  “No, I was just getting ready to put him down.” Garrett turns on the lullaby music and walks through the room, closing the blinds. Last week, we started putting him down in the crib awake so he can put himself to sleep. We’re slowly weaning him off of his dependence on us being physically present in order to sleep. He’s doing great, and it’s a strong sign that his recovery is progressing positively. His fits of screaming have almost all but stopped, as his body and mind heals.

 

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