Enthralled Magic (The Circle Series Book 1)

by Naomi L Scudder

  "I don't know if it's relevant, but she's weirdly able to slip in and out of enthrallment," I said, trying to stitch together to edges that just wouldn’t stay put.

  I really hated wards.

  "Highly unlikely. Once a non steps over the enthrallment line, there's no going back. Also, if you didn’t try so hard, your wards would be a lot stronger.”

  “Excuse me?” I said and dropped my hand, mid-spell. How did she know I was casting a ward?

  Pilar shifted in her seat. “The other thing the Corporation did to help me work with nons, besides controlling my energy was…”

  “Oh just tell her, she’s going to be mad no matter how you say it,” said Brody.

  Pilar sighed, “I—I can, um, I can read your thoughts.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah, I can hear your internal dialog. Your wards aren’t as bad as you think they are. You just push a little too hard.”

  That was good to know - about the wards. Then I thought back to every rude, mean thing I’d thought about her.

  Pilar blushed at the mental recounting.

  “Sorry,” I said. I had to be more careful about what I thought around her.

  Pilar looked uncomfortable again.

  “Fuck! How am I supposed to do this? I can’t very well edit my thoughts.”

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s uncomfortable for both of us. That’s why I don’t normally tell people.”

  I changed the subject. I’d had enough thinking about Pilar in my head. "I know what I saw. Lucy was definitely not enthralled at points."

  Pilar thought a moment. "Perhaps you misread it? Maybe you just saw the enthrallment at its thinnest?"

  I wasn't going to argue with her. "After she left, I discovered all the work on my new manuscript is gone. No trace of it on my machine."

  "Hmm. Weird. Interesting. But probably unrelated," Pilar said.

  Something in my gut told me Pilar was wrong.

  "What are you going to do?" Brody asked.

  "Rewrite it. Unless you can think of a way to pull it out of whatever electronic abyss it's in, I don't have any other options." Brody's posture sunk; he genuinely felt my frustration about it. "It's OK. It was only four chapters. I'm behind but I can make my deadline."

  I couldn't help noticing my connection with Brody seemed very one-sided. Sure, I physically felt better when he was around, but I didn't get nearly as much emotional information from him as he seemed to get from me. It made me wonder if my initiation with Amari was also so one-sided.

  Pilar shifted in her seat; I didn't need to look up to know the look she had on her face. "Go ahead," I relented.

  "Each experience is different. You'll drive yourself crazy comparing one to the other, especially since you're involved with Amari. That adds another layer entirely."

  "Does it?" I asked.

  "Of course. When you add sex to anything, it intensifies the energies, whether it's intended or not. I'll bet you and Amari have a few talents that other practitioners don't."

  Amari's ability to be with me energetically came to mind.

  "That's a good one," Pilar said, "and I'm sure there are many other things you don't realize are unique to the two of you."

  I wondered if—

  "Yes, that's one too," Pilar said before I had a chance to fully think it, and then she managed to flush a sunburned shade of ugly.

  Sex wasn't something to be embarrassed about.

  "I'm not embarrassed," she said with a quiet, defensive tone. "And I'm not defensive, either."

  Pilar finally met my eyes and softened. "OK, fine. I'm a little defensive. You're not the only one going through changes here."

  There were always side effects to being an initiate sex partner. They were usually good things, so the thought hadn't occurred to me that Pilar might be struggling.

  Unless…

  "Pilar, were you and Brody a couple before his initiation?" Her downcast eyes told me I'd hit the nail on the head.

  "No."

  That must have been really awkward. I'd never heard of someone becoming an initiate sex partner if they weren't already an established couple, or, at the very least, a practitioner. This really complicated things.

  15

  "I know. It doesn't happen, except it did."

  "You're dealing with it really well."

  "Except when I'm not," she murmured.

  Poor Brody sat next to me, wanting to leave but unable to. I put my hand on his. "It's not your fault," I said.

  "I know. It's still hard not to feel weird about it."

  Pilar leaned into him. "Don't misunderstand; ninety percent of the time, I feel so lucky and happy that we have what we do, Brody. But our bond scares me. It was so sudden, and I'm afraid of getting lost in it. I mean, before a few days ago I was single, and happily so. Now I've got an instant and lifelong relationship. Sometimes I feel like I didn't get a say in it."

  Pilar's words hit Brody so hard, so deeply, his entire frame collapsed.

  "I never meant for this to happen," he said.

  "I know you didn't."

  I couldn't help thinking if he'd cut ties with her like I told him to, none of this would be an issue.

  "Honestly, I don't think it would have mattered, Zora. The initiate sex experience is supposed to bond practitioners. Me being a non complicated the intended dynamic. Calling it quits afterward wouldn’t have helped."

  It was interesting that Pilar could switch so easily from an emotional state to a logical mindset.

  Pilar smiled at me. "And if he had cut all ties, you wouldn't have access to all my logic and reasoning."

  I nodded.

  Pilar leveled with me: "I've got to be honest, Zora. When you thought about what other couple talents you and Amari have, it brought up some insecurities."

  "I hadn't even thought the whole thought."

  "I know, but I felt its weight and intention; I knew the crux of it." She dared a glance at Brody, who sat stoically staring into his lap. "Brody and I haven't had sex since the first time, since the initiate sex. Honestly, I'm scared to," she whispered.

  To his eternal credit, Brody didn't move or show any discomfort at the topic.

  "Maybe it's for the best," I offered. "Taking it slow could be what the relationship needs. You were sort of thrown into each other."

  "Right, but it's not that. Our bonding process takes care of the emotional stuff. I'm not waiting to have sex because of a morality conflict. I'm scared."

  "What are you scared of?"

  "Zora, I've never had sex like that before. It was - there was," Pilar shook her head and started again. "There were LIGHTS, for God's sake! That's not something they prep you for in the program at the Corporation, ya know?"

  I couldn't contain my laugh. Brody and Pilar each gave me their version of death stares. "I'm sorry," I said, trying to swallow the last bits of laughter. "I didn't mean to laugh, but of all things to be scared of, good sex doesn't rank high on the list for me."

  Pilar opened her mouth for a rebuttal but I cut her off. "This is your reality now, Pilar. This is what sex will be like for you. You're having practitioner sex now, and there's no going back."

  "I don't think you understand," Pilar said.

  "I understand," I assured her, "you're afraid of it. You're experiencing energy that you don't have space to hold yet. You said it yourself: sex intensifies energies, whether intended or not. It's overwhelming."

  Pilar nodded in agreement.

  "There are some techniques you can try to help increase your tolerance for the energy, but the best thing is practice and communication. If it's too much, you have to tell him. Just like non-practitioner sex."

  "I'm not sure Brody can control it."

  I could only imagine how uncomfortable Brody was with this conversation. I dared a glance at him. He was intent on burning holes in his jeans with his gaze. "First," I started, "initiate sex is a one-time thing. It will never be that way again." Pilar's entire body relaxed. "T
hat's not to say you'll go back to having the same sex you did before. The process has opened up different energy channels in you. There's no going back. It will always be staggering, Pilar, but it won't always be devastating." I gave her a moment to let it sink in.

  "Brody will learn to control the energy he pushes - with time and patience from you. But you've got to be proactive about telling him where, how, and exactly when it's too much."

  "I didn't hurt you, did I?" Brody still stared at his lap, face still neutral as ever.

  "God, no!" Pilar squealed. "Is that what you think?" Pilar asked, and took both Brody's hands. His eyes were still locked on his lap. "Look at me," she said softly. "Brody, nothing happened that I didn't want to happen, do you understand?"

  Now I was the uncomfortable one.

  Unconvinced, Brody nodded once.

  "I'm not telling you this to make you feel better. I'm telling you because it's the truth. That night was the most—" Pilar stopped, searching for words she didn't have.

  Brody read her pause wrong and pulled his hands out of her grasp. "No!" Pilar said. "You don't get to be hurt or upset by this. We're figuring this out together and your ego isn't invited. Clear?"

  Startled by her harshness, Brody snapped out of the negative spiral. "OK," he said with a slow nod.

  "This is new to both of us, and new things can be scary. But let's look at it like an adventure instead."

  Brody seemed to like the idea, cheesy or not.

  "But do you really feel like you didn't have a choice in this?" Brody whispered to Pilar, leaning into her and forming a literal tête à tête.

  "Only when I'm feeling insecure or I'm in a bad head space. I did notice you. How could I not? We live on the same floor and you—" Suddenly self-conscious, Pilar cut herself off and shot a glance at me.

  "Pretend I'm not here. I would let you two have some privacy, but," I waved at my knee, "who knows when this will heal properly."

  It was couples therapy in my living room.

  The thought earned me a glare from Pilar, but she quickly continued. "Of course I noticed you, Brody. You are gorgeous, and just my type. I never approached you because I was afraid if things went wrong, we'd be destined to meet awkwardly in the elevator and halls until one of us moved out."

  Brody nodded, but something still bothered him. "I initiated because I never wanted to feel like I didn't have a choice again. How can I reconcile that with you feeling like you didn't have a choice in us, even if it's only an occasional feeling?"

  "I think we both have insecurities about this - natural given the strangeness of our beginning. We just have to be careful with each other, and I mean that in a physical sense as well as every other sense."

  Brody was still unconvinced.

  "I want to make you feel better about this, but it's not something I can do. You need to work it out on your own because no amount of reassurance I give you will be enough."

  Brody nodded, absorbing Pilar's words. I had to give her credit: She had a pretty healthy outlook on a very strange situation.

  Pilar rewarded me with an eye-sparkling smile. "Thank you, Zora. That really means a lot."

  A nod in her direction was all I could manage. I was overwhelmed with sudden exhaustion. I hadn't felt so tired since pulling all-nighters in college, and even then I didn't feel as drained as this. "I think I need to—"

  "Gods! Zora, what's wrong? You look terrible!" Brody interrupted.

  "I just… I need to—" And the blackness took me.

  16

  I woke slowly, one eye at a time, and gauged my surroundings. My room, my comforter, and my bed, but I was stiff and sore like I'd been in a boxing match. Why did I feel so terrible? And why was I naked? I rubbed my eyes and tried to stretch the stiffness away.

  It didn't work.

  As bad as my body felt, my knee felt perfectly fine.

  "Brody?" I rasped, voice extra husky with sleep.

  "Right here," he said from my clothes chair in the corner.

  "Um, where are my clothes?"

  Brody pointed to the opposite corner, where he'd neatly piled all the shirts that usually lived on the chair.

  "Not those, the clothes I was wearing," I said.

  "You refused to get in bed with them on. You stripped right in front of me and Pilar."

  That sounded about right, but why couldn't I remember it? "Where is Pilar? And hell, why am I so sore?"

  "Pilar left after we got you in bed and you're sore probably because you didn't move. You woke up in the same position you passed out in."

  It had been a rough day. I'd heard of needing coma-like recuperation sleep because of energy abuse. But I'd never heard of practitioners suddenly losing consciousness. I sat up to look at him, bringing the comforter with me. "You stayed here all night?"

  "I did," he said. "So did he." Brody nodded to the other corner.

  Amari, wrapped in an old quilt, sat in the other armchair watching our exchange.

  "Hey you," I said

  "Hey yourself," he replied with a sleepy smile. He looked just as delicious as always. "I came over after closing The Laughing Cat but you and your pup—I mean, Brody, were already out. You must have slept for sixteen hours."

  "I guess we needed it."

  "You did; I mostly sat here," Brody said with a warm smile.

  "Really?"

  "I told you I wouldn't leave until your knee was fixed for good and I meant it."

  "And there was no way I was leaving him to sit vigil alone, so you got both of us," Amari said.

  Amari was the best. He was here even though we fought the day before. I wanted to apologize, but I wasn't about to continue the couples therapy tradition Pilar and Brody had started. Instead, I offered Amari my hand and pushed soft, sweet energy to him.

  When the energy reached him, our eyes locked. He knew what I was saying, and I knew he understood. I put pieces of what I felt for him in the energy I flowed.

  Amari smiled, pushed the curls out of my face, and gave me a sliver of his energy in return. His was full of sparks and fire. It was only a small bit of energy, but the heat Amari poured into it brought a flush to my cheeks.

  "Um, I can feel that," Brody said, a mix of shock and amusement on his face.

  I snatched my hand out of Amari's. So much for being discreet.

  "You two have an interesting connection," Amari said with a smirk.

  "That's putting it mildly," I said and rubbed my perfectly healed knee. "Maybe it's time to start putting walls up between us, Brody."

  "I don't know; I like being connected," Brody said with a smile.

  "It's intrusive," I said quietly.

  "Is it?" Brody asked in earnest. "It seems like it's part of the process. Maybe there's something to it."

  "Maybe, but it's still intrusive," I said again. Brody shrugged -indifferent to my opinion.

  "Put up a barrier," Amari insisted from the armchair. "I don't think it's too much to ask."

  That earned him a weird look from me. Amari wasn't in the habit of coming to my rescue. I had no clue why he'd step in now.

  "It's not really your concern," Brody said evenly.

  "Zora is, and that makes this my concern," Amari said just as evenly.

  "Except it doesn't. Our bonding process is for me and Zora to figure out. Not you."

  "She doesn't want you feeling her every emotion. I'm sure you understand," Amari said with a smile.

  "I understand that you have no business telling me how I should handle my initiation and bonding," Brody said, relaxing into the back of the armchair, and matching Amari’s smile.

  The exchange between them was strangely serene and polite. Like two socialites trading veiled barbs hidden behind false smiles. It made me seasick.

  "It's this simple: Stay out of Zora's feelings. It clearly makes her uncomfortable."

  "You don't like me, do you?"

  Amari let out a belly laugh so loud it probably pissed off a neighbor or two. "Brody, I don't care enoug
h not to like you."

  "I don't think that's true. From the very beginning, you've seemed annoyed by my existence. You even have a condescending nickname for me. That's not ambivalence, that's dislike."

  Amari took a moment to digest Brody’s words. "You're right," he conceded "I don't like you, but it's not you; it's new practitioners in general."

  "What do you mean?" I finally piped in, surprised by the admission. I'd only been initiated a few years ago. I was technically still considered new.

  "You're the obvious exclusion, Z. But generally, practitioners go through all the same stages. It's boring. Brody, right now, you're in the ‘flailing about’ stage, as I like to call it. I know you'll figure it out, but it's so frustrating to watch. I usually keep my distance from newlings, but this situation is making it hard."

  "Maybe there's something for you to learn as well," Brody said.

  Amari wasn't expecting that. "I'll keep it in mind," he said simply.

  I looked from one man to the other. "Brody, you might be right. There might be merit to seeing if our connection leads to something, so hold off on the walls for now. But as I told Pilar, don't make it a big deal; it only makes me self-conscious."

  Brody nodded his agreement.

  "Good. I'm getting in the shower," I said, and walked to the bathroom. Nude.

  Brody followed me to the bathroom, and of course, Amari followed him. I wasn't sure how long my knee would tolerate being away from Brody, but I wasn't going to test it now.

  "I'll try to be quick," I said. My bathroom was large for a condo, but it was not meant to accommodate three. I couldn't enjoy the shower or luxuriate in the steam knowing it was probably suffocating Amari and Brody. I was out, dried, and dressed in record time.

  "What's on the agenda?" I asked Brody while toweling my hair dry.

  "What do you mean?"

  "Well, I can't be away from you, and I can write anywhere, so…" I paused to let him connect the dots.

  "Oh. I cleared my schedule until this is handled, but making an appearance at work won't hurt anything."