I turned to look at Amari with this new closed-eye sight.
"Oh Gods," I whispered, feeling tears well up under my lids. I could see our connection—the lines of energy linking us together. The energy he still pushed into my neck was a soft, supple thread of warm purple, skipping and twirling on my skin. A shimmering red rope of energy, reminding me of ruby slippers, connected his chest to mine. The rope intermingled with Amari's other energies as it branched out from him, adding to it and making it thicker and heavier. By the time his energy got to me the sparkling red was pure white.
He'd given me everything. All he had.
My stomach sank when I saw my rope to him was half as thick and muddy with uncomplimentary colors.
Do I hold so much back? Am I really so closed off and selfish?
I opened my eyes and looked at Amari's smiling, beautiful face.
"Hi," he said, looking down at me.
Gods, he didn't know. He was totally unaware that I only gave him pieces of me.
No more.
I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled him into a desperate, needy kiss. I needed him to feel how much I cared for him, and maybe I needed a little convincing as well. I breathed him, seeped into him, felt our energies merge and become one.
I could see every move he made moments before he made it—he telegraphed it in his energy. It gave me the few seconds I needed to open to it, to be more receptive and experience everything more fully. Now, everywhere he touched me glowed. I gave everything I had, fully vulnerable and in the moment.
We didn't need words or reassurances. Our bodies knew what to do, exactly when and how. Eyes closed and legs wrapped around Amari's hips I pulled him into me. We stayed frozen for a moment, letting waves of brilliantly colored energy wash over us. Amari's connecting rope grew until we were both cocooned by his white light.
"Am-a-ri," I whispered as I came to a full body orgasm. Neither of us had moved, but the energy swirled and lapped us into climax. It was the strangest, calmest, most otherworldly orgasm I'd ever had. I watched behind closed eyes while Amari had the same experience.
His white cocooning energy retreated, and Amari curled up next to me.
I couldn't feel my body; I wasn't really in it. Amari didn't seem to be in his either. We were everywhere.
Eventually, the world and our bodies equalized. We lay there, barely grazing fingertips, playing with our leveled-up energy.
"I love you," I whispered and watched as a new color melded into my rope to Amari.
Amari answered with energy. Bird-wings of lavender light traced down my torso, leaving a trail of raised gooseflesh in its wake.
"I know," he said. I could feel him watch me watching his energy.
I didn't remember falling asleep but the next morning I woke softly, gently, as if being petted out of sleep. I rolled over to cuddle, but Amari wasn't there.
"Amari?" I called when I didn't see a note on the pillow.
"In here," he said from the bathroom.
I walked across the loft nude to find him in the bathtub.
"What are you doing?" Amari never took baths, yet there he was, chin deep in a foamy bubble bath, complete with candles and incense.
"I made us an altar bath," he said and held out his hand. I took it and stepped into the antique claw-footed tub. I sank into the just-right water, facing Amari, but he guided me the other way and pulled me against his reclined chest. I leaned against him, feeling his chest rise and fall against my back as we enjoyed the water and the earthy scent of the incense.
After a few moments Amari broke the silence. "Last night was—"
"I know," I interrupted.
"It wasn't what I expected."
Something in Amari's tone didn't sit well with me. "How do you mean?" I asked.
"I suppose I expected something more intense, more fiery and wild."
"Sorry to disappoint."
"No, you don't understand, Z. That's what I expected. That's what sex with you is normally like, and I assumed once you fully accessed your ancestral stuff that it would be the same, just dialed up. But I got exactly what I needed. It was as if you reached inside of me, read what I needed most, and gave it to me. It was incredible."
I didn't know what to say to that.
"You met me exactly where I was. I've never felt so connected before."
I shut my eyes to peek at our linking ropes. Amari's was just as beautiful as before, glimmering red at the start and pure white when it reached me. Mine, I was surprised to see had grown in diameter. New colors mingled along the length of my rope, making it far less murky.
Amari whispered, "I felt like you gave me parts of yourself you never had before."
"I did."
"Well, I'm glad," he said and laid a kiss on the top of my head. "Now I've got to meet with the farming co-op."
"I thought that's where you went yesterday?" I tried to keep him from getting out of the tub. He was a comfy pillow.
"I met with a local farmer yesterday. He got me in the door with the co-op. According to him, they are really excited about the farm-to-table concept I've been working on."
"Do you think your practitioner patrons will go for it?"
"Oh, no. This isn't for the bar, Z. I'm feeling out my options for a new restaurant. I’d like to open a place where I can actually serve all my food projects." Amari got out of the tub and toweled himself dry. "The timing really couldn't be better. Since I don't have to buy your mother out anymore, I've got a sizable down payment for a new location. Plus, I've been grooming Jade to take over all the managerial stuff here so when the time comes, the transition will be smooth."
"Wow. Just make sure you try all the new dishes on me first, OK?"
"Deal," he said, and left me to soak in my altar bath.
49
I was really happy for Amari. Only a tiny part of me worried that the new project would steal away what little time we had together.
After a much-needed luxurious soak in Amari's tub, I felt like I could take on the world. I got dressed, tried to tame my hair, and even put on some eyeliner. "I'm going to finish this manuscript today," I said to myself in the mirror.
I marched over to my makeshift desk, put a few pillows on the floor, and tried to make some headway. But as hard as I tried, I could not get comfortable at the coffee table. My legs stuck to the hardwood floor, the sofa was too hard against my back, and the table seemed higher than before.
"Oh, what the hell?" I said when I looked at the clock. An hour had passed and I hadn't finished a single page.
Fine. If I wasn't comfortable on the floor I'd just have to rearrange. I took everything off Amari's real desk and set up the typewriter and our laptops there. There was just enough room for everything, but I had to plug both laptops into one power strip. Probably not the best idea, but it seemed better than snaking an extension cord through the whole loft.
Sitting at a proper desk in a real office chair was the solution. Pages and pages poured from my fingers. I knew exactly what and how to say everything. There were no spelling errors, no fumbling about, or struggling for phrasing. Everything flowed out of me as if I'd written it before, even when I reached new material.
It was easy and fast, and when hunger led me to the kitchen I was shocked to see five hours had passed. I microwaved a hot dog, woofed it down, and got back to work.
Finishing a manuscript feels different for each story. The first manuscript I finished left me giddy and proud. I wanted to tell anyone that would listen what I'd done. But every book after that left me feeling more and more empty. I'd spent all my time and all my spare thoughts thinking about the project—and then suddenly it was gone and done. Finishing a manuscript had almost become a weird breakup.
Finishing this manuscript was not like a breakup at all.
As I typed the last word, I was overwhelmed with so much joy that I let out a little squeak. I hopped out of the chair and onto the coffee table to do a funky happy dance.
Amari caught m
e in the second round of hip shakes and "Oh yeahs."
"Did you finish?" he asked with a full grin.
I nodded with the same goofy grin.
Amari pulled me off the tabletop and spun me around as he hugged me. "I know I haven't been as supportive as I could," he said in my ear when he stopped making me dizzy. "But I want you to know that I am very proud you didn't give up. Even when I told you to. You're amazing, Z," he said and kissed my forehead. His deep brown eyes sparkled with happiness for me.
I beamed at him.
"Hey, why don't we celebrate after closing, huh?” he suggested. “Invite some people over, and we'll have an impromptu Finished The Book From Hell party."
I nodded. Amari's excitement only added to my own.
"Great!" he said and gave me another kiss. "I came up to ask if you wanted some dinner.”
“Nope. Too excited for dinner,” I said.
“I figured,” Amari said. “I've got to get back down there, but I meant what I said. You're amazing."
I was giddy. I danced around the loft, singing my triumph at the top of my lungs. I was a terrible singer, but I didn't care. When I'd thoroughly winded myself, I gathered all the pages of the manuscript into a large manila envelope and addressed it to my editor in New York. The post office was closed, and after everything I'd been through with this manuscript, I wasn't taking any chances. I'd wait until tomorrow and send it certified; I couldn’t trust a regular mailbox pickup. I toyed with the idea of taking the manuscript to a copy place and making a backup copy, but I didn’t think Gunnar was the type to have someone physically break into Amari’s apartment. Subterfuge and elegantly written manuscript-eating programs were his style, not brute force.
The party wasn't until tonight, but I wanted to treat myself now. I gathered my things, stuffed the manuscript in my laptop bag, and headed out with the bag snugly slung over one shoulder.
Better safe than sorry.
"I'm getting some ice cream!" I yelled to Amari over the heads of his patrons. He smiled and blew me a kiss.
The best ice cream shop in the area was a short walk from The Laughing Cat. Ice cream was my thing. My treat, my-stuck-on-a-deserted-island food. I never got sick of it, was always in the mood for it, and I loved every kind. Chunky, smooth, slow-churned, gelato-style, all of it was good and all of it made me happy.
"Hey, Zora. I haven't seen you in a while," said the counter girl at the ice cream shop. She was always so nice to me even though I never spoke to her.
I smiled, read her name tag, and walled my energy. "Hi, Karly. I've been really busy with work lately."
Karly dropped her ice cream scoop. "I—sorry—you surprised me," she said and got a clean scoop. "You know you've never talked to me before, right?"
"I was in a weird place, before."
Karly nodded, and not knowing what to say next, she fell into her routine. "Well, what'll it be today? We've got a new peanut butter flavor, and…” Karly’s words trailed away as three police cars wailed by the store front.
"I'll have a scoop of that and a scoop of chocolate on a waffle cone," I said when the cruisers were no longer distracting.
"You got it."
I paid for the ice cream, stuck a dollar in the tip jar, and meandered back to the bar. The ice cream was really good. I swirled the peanut butter and chocolate together with my tongue, adjusted my laptop bag, and thought about who I would invite to the party.
Brody, Pilar, and Jade for sure. Hopefully, Annie was feeling better and would come too. I didn't know about my mother, though. Would Soraya want to come? Would I care if she didn't?
I'd think about that later.
What about Lucy? I really liked her, but I couldn’t risk her telling Gunnar that the manuscript was complete.
The fire engine that sped past forced me to cover my ears, or try to at least. I almost got ice cream in my hair.
Brody's sisters had to be there, and maybe even Peter the computer guy. I finished my mental guest list just as I rounded the corner to the bar.
My half-eaten cone fell from stiff fingers and I ran the rest of the way to the bar.
"Ma'am. Ma'am! You can't go past the line," said a police grunt when I hopped over the rope cordoning off the street. I'd counted two fire engines and five police cruisers but nothing prepared me for what I saw when I got past the roadblock.
50
Amari's loft was on fire.
Smoke and flames billowed from each of the second-story windows of The Laughing Cat. Patrons and cooks stumbled and pushed their way out of the bar. I searched the faces. Practitioners, firefighters, police grunts—none of them were Amari.
"No, no, no," I mumbled over and over, elbowing my way against the crowd. "Amari!" I yelled. "AMARI!"
I'd pushed through the whole crowd and didn't see him anywhere. I sank to my knees a few hundred feet from the entrance and yelled again. "AMARI!"
Someone threw a blanket over my shoulder and tried to move me. I twisted out of their grasp and screamed some more. "AMARI! PLEASE!"
I felt everyone’s eyes on me, watching, pitying—and I didn't care. I closed my eyes and saw our ropes. Amari's was just as ruby-slipper-red as ever. I threw off the blanket and sprinted to the entrance.
Before I'd gotten to the first step Amari appeared in the doorway, carrying an unconscious Jade. Shirttails ablaze, he brought her to the closest EMT.
I ran to him as firefighters attacked him with blankets. When he'd put Jade into the waiting arms of an EMT, I threw myself around his neck.
"Shhhhh," he said in my ear. "It's OK. I'm OK," he said over and over, stroking my hair until I was done shaking and crying.
"I found her passed out upstairs," he said while the EMTs tried to tend to a burn on his forearm.
"Ma'am, would you mind letting go of him so we can treat his injuries?" Amari waved them away.
“You don’t think…” I started, unable to finish the question. Jade wouldn’t. She couldn’t be a part of this. But what was she doing upstairs?
“Z, I don’t know what to think.”
When I finally let go of his neck and stepped back Amari started laughing.
"Why are you laughing at me?" Oh no. Maybe he hit his head? Or maybe this is what shock looks like. Or some kind of weird adrenaline-fueled reaction to stress?
All he could do was laugh harder. Amari held his sides he was laughing so hard.
"Amari! What the fuck is so funny?"
"You," he wheezed, "you cried your makeup into a panda bear."
"Sir, ma'am, we need to clear the area—please step behind the rope," said a brusque detective grunt in a suit. "This way, please," he said and pushed Amari and me away from the building.
I spun around as soon as his hand touched my lower back. I didn’t do well with cops. "Hey! Hands off!" I trickled a zing of heat at him. His eyes widened when the energy reached him, then his gaze narrowed on me.
"Get behind the line!" he yelled.
Amari and I stepped just behind the police barricade and watched as firemen pumped enough water into his loft to fill a pool. We held each other and watched as everything he owned was destroyed.
51
"You don't know that."
"Amari, you didn't see it from the outside. There was fire coming out of every window. Whatever the fire didn't get, I'm sure the water would have destroyed. And they were counting on it."
Amari shook his head and continued chopping mushrooms. After Detective Grunt or whatever his name was finished questioning us, Amari and I picked up some essentials for him, some groceries—since my fridge was always empty—and holed up in my condo.
"Z, you don't know for sure until they’re done with the investigation. Let’s not jump to arson just yet; it could have been anything, like a wiring malfunction or an overloaded outlet. It's pointless to get worked up until you know for sure.
I really hoped it was arson.
“Besides," he said, and put the chef's knife on the cutting board. "You have your
manuscript, and I’m so well insured I might make a profit from the settlement. Please stop worrying.”
Amari saw I wasn’t having any of his perfectly reasonable logic. “Let's make a promise, OK? Let's treat the time we have here like a vacation. Until we hear back from the arson investigator, there's absolutely nothing we can do, so let's make the most of it."
"That could be a long time."
"Possibly, but I spoke with the detective after you stormed off, and he assured me these kinds of cases are usually resolved within forty-eight hours."
"How can that be?"
"They'll know whether it was intentionally set or not within that time, and let us back in."
"So what are you saying?"
"I'm saying let’s focus on you and me, just until we get the call from them. No talking about it, no worrying about it. Let's pretend we're on a mini staycation. OK?"
I couldn't do that. I was too worried that I’d caused this. "Amari, I think it might have been my fault."
"What do you mean?"
"I couldn't get comfy, so I moved things around and plugged two laptops into one power strip. I know you’re not supposed to overload them, but I thought it would be OK, and Gods, if this is my fault—I’m so sorry."
"Hey, oh, Z, it's OK," Amari hugged me close and let me cry the tears I'd been afraid to let out. "Hey, look at me," he said and pulled me off him. "The octopus you made the day before was more of a fire hazard than two laptops in a single strip. Those things are meant to handle just that sort of thing."
"Really?" I wiped my nose on my wrist.
"Really. I don't think you had anything to do with it. Now, why don't you get me the spinach so I can finish making dinner?"
Amari tried. He made a beautiful, delicious meal and tried to keep my mind off things. But no matter what he did, I couldn't keep from thinking about the possibility that I'd destroyed his entire life. His home, his business, his everything.
When we'd cleared the table and the dishes were done, I decided I was going to go to bed early.
Enthralled Magic (The Circle Series Book 1) Page 18