"Zora, it's not even eleven yet. There's no way you'll be able to fall asleep."
"Watch me," I said, and went to the bedroom. Amari sighed behind me but let me go without an argument.
I couldn't pretend anymore. I couldn't pretend that I wasn't upset and worried. I wanted to wallow in my misery, and Amari was making it hard.
But he was right. I couldn't fall asleep. I kept replaying images of the day in my head. Fire shooting out of all the windows, water being pumped in them. Seeing Amari, shirt open and on fire, carry Jade out of the bar.
Jade. Was she a part of this? My stomach tightened at the thought of such a close betrayal. I didn’t think she was, but why was she upstairs?
It played on a loop over and over. Amari lost everything and whether it was my fault or not, it still sucked. I was going to feel as much of the suck as I wanted.
When I was in the fleeting space just between asleep and awake, Amari's phone jarred me fully into the land of wakefulness.
"Hello?" Amari answered quietly. "Jade, glad to hear from you. Did they release you from the hospital?" Pause. "Good, good." Short pause. "Yeah, I'm OK. I've had worse burns in the kitchen, and Z's handling it the best she can. …I know, I know. I'm trying to keep her mind off it until we know for sure, but she's not having it. …OK, I'll keep you updated on the reopen. Thanks for checking in. OK. Bye."
52
The first few moments you're awake before your brain is fully turned on and you can't remember all the shit that happened yesterday, are the best. Cocooned in a comforter and motionless—and next to a softly snoring Amari—I tried to hold on to those pure, peaceful moments, hoping to stretch them beyond moments into seconds and minutes.
I wanted to feel better, not tired and defeated, but that's exactly where I was. No matter how much positive thinking I tried, no matter how many good things I listed, no matter how many times I tried to look on the goddamn bright side, Amari had still lost everything, and Jade might have caused it.
And if she hadn’t, then I had.
And no amount of positivity could change that.
But I didn't have to be a baby about it.
I got out of bed, careful not to disturb Amari, and took a quick shower. After quietly putting on fresh clothes, I went to the kitchen, intent on cooking something. I didn't know what or how, but I couldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself. I was going to learn something new.
I searched how-to videos from my phone, and after watching four on how to cook the perfect egg, I gave up on eggs. They seemed finicky and difficult, and I didn't like eggs much anyway.
Then I found a video on how to make scratch blueberry muffins. It seemed doable. It was just measuring and sticking them in the oven, right?
I double-checked to make sure I had all the ingredients, searched the back of the pantry for a muffin tin, found a misshapen aluminum one, and pressed it back into shape. I didn't have the paper cup thingies, but I was doing it anyway.
The woman in the video was very thorough. She explained why it was important to measure properly, and why we did things in a certain order.
After everything was measured and incorporated—the woman must have said that word four thousand times—I paused the video and compared our batters.
“Well, what do ya know? Mine looks just like yours, Ms. Incorporated.” I poured it into the muffin tin, put it in the oven, and set the alarm on my phone.
When I looked up, I caught Amari leaning in the doorway, shirtless and beautiful. Sleep hadn't pressed the factory-new creases from the pajama bottoms riding low on his perpetually tanned hips.
"How long have you been there?" I asked, dragging my eyes away from his naked, perfect torso.
"Long enough to know those are going to be really good."
"Hope so, or that was an hour of my life I'll never get back."
Amari sighed at me. "Any thoughts on how you want to spend the day?"
Curled up in bed with the covers over my head. "I hadn't thought beyond the muffins."
"Well, I thought we could have a movie day."
Not a good idea.
“You do remember the last time we tried that, right?"
Amari smiled at me. "I do. The beginning credits put you to sleep. High fantasy isn't for everyone, but I was thinking we could find a middle ground." Amari strode across the condo and rummaged through yesterday's shopping bags. "I picked this up while you weren't looking," he said and handed me a DVD copy of Aliens.
"Did you really buy a second copy of that?”
Amari gave me a very Brody-like bobbled-headed nod.
"It's sci-fi, Amari. I'm not going to like it." It was really old sci-fi, from the looks of the cover. I flipped the packaging over and searched for the release date—1986! Gods, this was going to be terrible.
"Trust me. It's much more than sci-fi. It's well-written horror, with bad ass female leads. You've gotta give it a chance."
I shrugged. I didn't have anything better to do. "Is this a sequel?" I asked after reading the back of the box.
"Yup. She's already been through this once. She knows how screwed up these Aliens are, and wants no part of going back. At first."
That intrigued me. Getting your main character to do the thing they don't want to do, and doing it believably, takes skill and talent. I had to admit, I was curious.
Just as we'd settled into our spots on the couch, my phone alarm buzzed.
"They're not ready yet," Amari said and pointed to his nose. "Give them another five."
"Really?"
Amari nodded. “My nose knows,” he said and started the DVD. By the time he'd skipped through all the bullshit that they stick before the movie, my phone was buzzing again.
"They should be done," he said and paused on the opening title screen.
He was right. The muffins were perfectly golden and bounced back when I pushed their middles. And they smelled divine. Their sweet, homey scent filled the whole condo.
I burned seven fingers trying to pop the muffins out of the tin. That's probably what the paper cup thingies were for. But once they were all free, I piled them on a plate and brought them back to the living room.
"You could have waited for them to cool," Amari said.
"I wanted them now," I said, taking a bite of a steamy muffin.
It was the best muffin I'd ever had.
I took another muffin, tucked my feet under me, and put my head in the hollow of Amari's shoulder.
"Ready?"
"Yup."
The first fifteen or so minutes were devoted to necessary "As you know, Bob…" exposition. It got everyone up to speed and on the same page. It wasn't particularly well done, but it wasn't painfully obvious either.
The first scene on the spaceship was where things really got good.
"What's wrong with that guy?" I asked
"He's an android."
It wasn't a portrayal I'd seen before. Usually, androids are either emotionless husks or strangely bitter about their lack of humanity. Bishop was a departure. He was innocent, almost childlike. It was refreshing and also the slightest bit creepy. It worked for me.
The first time a mucus-covered patent-leather, alien-bug-thing came into frame, a cold chill shot down the back of my legs. It struck something deep and primal within me. The expertly crafted creature hit all the right notes: fear, dread, and disgust.
"Amari," I whispered.
"Yeah?"
"This is really good."
He smiled and put his arm around me as we watched the aliens tear apart everyone but Ripley and Newt.
53
The movie was a nice distraction, but when it was over, I found myself glancing at Amari's phone every few minutes. I couldn't think about anything but when they would call.
"It's good that it's taking so long, right?"
"I'm not sure," Amari said from the couch, thumbing through a book he'd pulled off one of my shelves.
It had to be good. If they weren't calling, then they were investigating.
And if it was taking so long to investigate, that meant they had a lot to investigate. Right? It was a stretch but I hoped that meant I hadn't caused the fire, and destroyed Amari’s everything.
But, if it was arson, then that directly implicated Jade.
I didn’t know which scenario was worse.
I didn’t think Jade had anything to do with this. But then, I hadn’t seen Lucy for what she was either.
"Gods, Z, quit pacing. You're making me nauseous."
"I'm sorry. I can't help it."
Amari closed the book and leveled his warm brown eyes on me. "You just have to let it go."
"Can't," I said, and kept pacing.
If Jade had started it, did that mean the Corporation had coerced her into it? Or had she worked for them the whole time?
Mid-pace Amari vaulted over the back of the couch and put himself in the middle of my path.
"Hey," he said, and grabbed me by the tops of my arms. "Knock it off. You're winding yourself up before you have all the information. Get it together, Z. Or you'll drive us both crazy."
"Told you, I can't," I said, and twisted out of his grasp to pace in the other direction.
Amari put himself in the way again. "How can I help?"
"Don't know."
"You get mad when I calm you energetically."
"Yup."
Amari sighed. "Well I'm at a loss here, Z."
I threw my hands in the air. "Why can't I feel the way I feel? Why is that so terrible?"
"Because it hurts me to see you this way," Amari said softly.
"Well, that's pretty damn selfish of you."
"Is it? Is it really, Zora? Exactly how is it selfish to hurt when I see someone I care about hurting? Because to me, that's empathy, not selfishness."
"There's nothing wrong with empathy, but you keep trying to fix me, and I'm not broken!"
Amari threw his arms in the air. "Fine. Have it your way. Pace a hole in the damn floor," he said, and quietly retreated to the kitchen.
Hopefully, he was making lunch. I was starving.
I started pacing again.
"No," he said suddenly and slammed a pan on the stove loud enough to pull me out of my headspace.
Amari covered the distance between the kitchen and me in three steps. He stood toe to toe with me and just stared at me with those pretty brown eyes.
"What?" I spat, hands on hips.
"There's nothing wrong with trying to make you feel better, and you can't convince me otherwise. Now we're going to figure this out." A muscle in Amari's jaw twitched.
"Fine."
"Did you want to watch another movie?"
I tried not to scoff out loud.
"OK, no movie. Let's get out of here. Why don't we take a walk?"
"I don't feel like a walk."
Amari's patience was wearing thin. But as quickly as I read his expression, his expression changed.
I knew that look, but I didn't have time to brace for it.
54
Amari grabbed me by the waist and yanked me into him. He put his lips a breath away from mine. It was a hovering kiss. He wouldn't continue without my permission - if I didn't meet his lips and finish the kiss, it would end right here.
It was just the distraction I needed. I sighed and sank into him. Sublimating out-of-control-worst-case thoughts into sex probably wasn’t healthy, but I didn’t care.
Amari consumed me. Hands everywhere, hot mouth and tongue hard against mine. When our kiss found a rhythm, Amari spun me around by the waist. My ass pressed firmly into the front of his pants as he ran a flat palm up my back, bending me over.
This was not what I was used to. I liked control, seeing my partner, reading his reaction. Doggy style afforded me none of those things. Plus, I'd always filed the position away as slightly degrading.
"Just trust me," Amari said, running his nails lightly down my back, which pulled a shiver from my toes all the way up through my scalp.
"Take off your shirt," he said.
Still bent at the waist, I shimmied out of my top. Amari put a hand on my hip, keeping me pressed into him while he unhooked my bra. My breasts heaved out, aching with their new freedom. Another reason I didn't care for this position.
Amari bent over me and cupped both of my breasts, sending hot tendrils of energy into each. He only held them, but his energy licked and flicked at them, bringing my nipples to peaks. His hands slowly retreated, brushing lightly at my sides, my hips, and across the small of my back before finally resting on the waistband of my pants. While he tugged my pants down, the energy he left with my breasts intensified. I closed my eyes, watching through my new vision, as Amari's purple energy wrapped around my back, up my neck, and into my scalp. Every place his energy touched tingled with pleasure, pulling coos and sighs from my lips.
Pants at my ankles, Amari's lean finger slid between my legs, testing to see how ready I was.
I was very ready.
I arched my back invitingly, tempting him with the sight of me naked and waiting. Instead of entering me, his hands slid down my leg, lifted it out of my pants, and put it back on the ground in a wider stance.
I felt Amari's weight shift. He might have been kneeling behind me—I couldn't tell exactly; the energy he'd left with me was too distracting. It pulled more from me - more fire, more sensations, more gasps.
Then Amari's mouth was on me. My body bucked and arched with surprise - and, oh Gods, he licked everything perfectly, with just the right pressure, the right movements. The combination of what his mouth was doing and the energy play brought me to the edge. I was about to go over, about to fall into waves of pleasure, when everything stopped. Amari pulled his energy and his mouth away.
"Why'd you—"
"Shhhh, just trust me," he whispered. I felt his weight shift again, and suddenly I was covered in his energy. Hot tingles danced across my whole body, racking me with uncontrollable shivers. This was more than he'd ever given before, but I didn't feel stifled or suffocated by it. I let it all in, enjoying the sensations, soft-focused on all of it.
"You OK?" Amari breathed, his voice in the air around me.
I nodded, sweaty curls bobbing in my face.
"Good," he said, a dark smile clear in his tone. His hands found my hips, and Amari eased himself into me. His deliberate, slow pace was maddening, and his grip on my hips kept me from moving. "Settle down," he smirked. "You don't have to do anything but receive. Let me do this."
For the first time ever, I let Amari take the lead. I quit bucking, quit trying to control everything. I let him do what he wanted, how he wanted.
I was totally receptive.
He found an easy pace, hips matching the now-violet energy pulsing through my whole body. I had to brace against the balcony door, both palms flat against the cool glass.
It was too much - too much sensation, too much energy, too much everything. I couldn't handle it. I tried to squirm away, but Amari kept my hips locked against him. "You can do this." His words were quiet but heavy in the air around me. "You're a goddamn sex goddess. Open to it, open all your channels." Amari bent over me and whispered in my ear, "You can do this, Zora."
I didn't know what other channels I had to open, but I looked anyway. Eyes closed and focused on the violet energy cocooning me, I released my own sex magic.
Delicious fire tore through my core. An uncontrollable snake of power and deep-red lust shot through me. My skin glowed and my red ancestral magic met Amari's violet energy. They swirled together, heightening my sensations and making a beautiful spectral dance.
"Amari, I don't think I can—"
"You can," he said, and not only sped up his pace but brought my hips crashing into his as he did.
"Amaariiii!" I screamed. This was building like nothing before. I didn't think I could survive it. I felt it everywhere: my skin, toes, even my hair felt like it was on the brink of a devastating orgasm.
With one hard shove of energy and hips, Amari brought me crashing i
nto a staggering climax. I screamed and writhed, bucked and squealed. Energy poured from my skin, blood red and hot. It seeped out of my palms into the glass door.
Amari shoved again, hips and energy, and the magic pouring from my palms broke the terrace door.
Glass shards fell around us, making beautiful tinkling sounds as I was wracked with another orgasm.
He pushed a third time, harder than the two times before, and I collapsed into the broken glass. I twisted and wriggled, contorting with blinding orgasm.
I lay in the wreckage of our sex, staring at the prisms the glass threw on the walls and ceiling. But when I was able to focus, when I felt like I was in my body again, I saw Amari lying in it right next to me.
"Hey," he said, smiling when our eyes met.
"Hey," I said back.
"Think you can get up?"
I honestly didn't know. Amari pulled me up by the wrists and all the glass fell from my skin. I didn't have a single cut. None of it so much as scratched me.
I expected to be shaky, or at the very least sex-foggy. I wasn't. I felt pretty good, actually. Intensely satisfied and a bit high, but physically, I felt great.
Amari watched me stretch and try to shake the glass from my hair. I was about to suggest a quick shower when his phone rang.
We both reached for it, but Amari got to it first. He didn't even say hello, he just nodded as the person on the other end spoke. I bounced around him, trying to hear what the mystery person was saying.
"Get dressed," Amari said, ending the call. "We've got to go."
55
I was still picking glass from my curls as Amari drove us to The Laughing Cat. He wouldn't tell me who called or what they said and, from his expression, it was clear I couldn't persuade him otherwise.
Cleared of police tape and emergency-response vehicles, the building looked normal. If not for the broken, charred windows and smoky tinge to the air, a casual observer would never have known The Laughing Cat had been ablaze. I crossed my fingers that this was a good sign.
A uniformed cop met us at the door. "Prepare yourselves. The fire marshal tells me the building is structurally sound, but it's quite a sight."
Enthralled Magic (The Circle Series Book 1) Page 19