Confessions and Olivia.
Copyright 2014 N.K.Williams
Published by Natasha Williams at Amazon.
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Confessions and Olivia is the sequel to Lies and Olivia.
All characters in this book are fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Table of Contents*
Acknowledgments*
Prologue*
Chapter One:
Chapter Two:
Chapter Three:
Chapter Four:
Chapter Five:
Chapter Six:
Chapter Seven:
Chapter Eight:
Chapter Nine:
Chapter Ten:
Chapter Eleven:
Chapter Twelve:
Chapter Thirteen:
Chapter Fourteen:
Chapter Fifteen:
Chapter Sixteen:
Chapter Seventeen:
Chapter Eighteen:
Chapter Nineteen:
Chapter Twenty:
Chapter Twenty One:
Chapter Twenty Two:
Chapter Twenty Three:
Chapter Twenty Four:
Chapter Twenty Five:
Chapter Twenty Six:
Chapter Twenty Seven:
Chapter Twenty Eight:
Chapter Twenty Nine:
Chapter Thirty:
Chapter Thirty One:
Chapter Thirty Two:
Chapter Thirty Three:
Chapter Thirty Four:
Chapter Thirty Five:
Chapter Thirty Six:
Chapter Thirty Seven:
Chapter Thirty Eight:
Epilogue:
About N.K.Williams:
Acknowledgments*
First of all, thank you to my mum, who has supported me throughout this journey and has been as enthusiastic about my books as I am. My sister beanie, my best’s Jordan and Amy, for giving me the encouragement and honest critics I needed. My daughter who is only six and all she knows is that mummy writes, but always asks if my books are in the shop’s yet at every book store we visit. I reply with; one day.
To the amazing girls on writers blog’s for your help with promoting, advice and laughs. You know who you are.
Also a special thank you to Kellie Dennis at Book Cover by Design for my beautiful book covers.
This journey has been a crazy one and I have felt every single emotion possible and have loved every second.
To my readers, thank you all. It’s over to you.
Prologue*
He was beautiful, funny, and could charm the pants off any women.
I was drawn to him like an addict to they’re dependent.
Yet, apart from his red hot looks, I had no idea why I had begun to need him more than life itself, or why I couldn’t stay away.
So cool and collected on the outside, yet angry and tormented inside. He was holding a dark secret, but kept it hidden well.
I knew that falling in love with this man would ruin me, cut me apart, but I continued to fall, until he did just that. He broke me.
Who was at fault? I? Or this mysterious man I really didn’t have a clue about for leading me on so well?
What was the reason for leaving me?
Broken promises, endless romance. Moments of burning desire for one another. Moments of desperate need.
Did that mean anything?
Did I mean anything?
Yet he’s gone and for what?
To protect me?
Or himself?
Chapter One*
It's been four months since Calvin Blake ripped my heart out and stamped all over it. Yet here I am, at Elise's wedding trying to act on top of the world but truth is, I’m still raw. My body is numb, the same as day one. It's like my life has completely frozen. Time has stood still for me and I’m still at that place. Still at the place where Calvin took my heart with him and left me bleeding his love ever since. I relive it every day and every night.
I wake up thinking, today is the day I will feel better, today is the day I will forget, but that day never comes.
Instead, I wake up feeling dead inside. I have no control over the situation and I hate it. I don’t want to stay in this place inside my head any longer, but it seems I have no choice.
I broke down walls for him and they won’t rebuild. They stay broken down, damaged and fragile.
I have been cut open and wounded, allowing myself to feel see-through, open and venerable and I can’t do anything to change that. Since Calvin left, I’ve lost myself and I can’t find a way back. No matter how hard I try.
I stare out towards Elise and Dante, who share their first dance to Coldplay’s Yellow, in the majestic green gardens of a beautiful rustic country house in Apulia, Italy.
It’s now late evening and the trees around us have all lit up beautifully, like stars in the sky. The scene is truly stunning.
I stare from the candle lit table I’m sat at watching on how blissfully happy the newly married couple are. Not a care in their wonderful new world together.
Elise stands positively glowing and infinitely beautiful in her Vintage lace, ankle high, wedding dress. Its lace, off white and mid sleeved with a V neck and a lilac bow coming across the middle, which has been perfectly sewn in. It's comes out a little from the waist down and it's so Elise.
I was chocked up along with the rest of my family when we saw her walking down the garden aisle with her granddad. It’s great to see that so many family members have turned up not wanting to miss it for the world. Everyone has laughed, cried, danced, and got merry.
All expect me. I’m sat absent minded and lonely. I can’t break out of the emotional trance I have adapted to.
I’m in my perfect lilac bridesmaid dress, which had to be taken in twice due to weight loss; which I hate myself for. This continues to become torture for me on a day to day basis. I can't fathom Calvin leaving me.
I can’t eat properly, I don’t sleep and I’m no company to keep. I’m here on my step sister’s biggest day of her life surrounded by family and friends and all I want to do is be alone.
I’ve put on a brave face all day for her, rightly so. But I feel mentally exhausted from smiling when I don’t want to, chatting away like nothing’s happened, trying to ignore this whole in my heart, but I can't. He’s left me numb, lifeless and vacant.
"Olivia, vuoi ballare con me. Please, come dance with nonna."
Mauricio’s mom, gran Mona Fahoney, ‘nonna’ as we call her here, pulls on my arm, trying to get me up to dance. She looks adorable in her light green dress on her short frame and curly hair all pulled back. I resist, trying to let her down gently until she gives in and pulls my mom up instead. I wave at her smiling as she goes, but my smile soon fades.
The first few weeks post Calvin I didn't come out of my room. I didn’t see the point. Sophia, Mayra and my mom tried endlessly to get me to come around from my emotional coma but their efforts were shunned. I had nothing to live for, nothing to get up for.
The next week I lost my best friend. Tyler has gone to New York and I didn't even get to say goodbye. The way I spoke to him over Calvin finishing with me was nothing more than malicious. I understand I hurt him and I wanted to make it right but by the time he had his call to go to New York the last person he wanted to say goodbye to, was me. Since then, he has rejected my calls. I’ve lost the two men I truly loved in my life, the two men that meant everything to me.
How can my life stoop any lower?
Oh wait, it has; I started working for Mauricio at MF
tailors, having to dress like fucking Sophia for work every day; overly sophisticated.
I swear the word was designed for her name.
I needed money with deciding against going to New York. I never had the mind set to apply for a job of my own either and I wasn’t living off my savings that I had from my parents any longer. I didn’t want to.
Mauricio took full advantage of my state of mind and gave me another opportunity to work for him. What could I say? Fight against him? What am I even fighting for? Is there anything worth fighting for in my life?
Calvin made me see sense for a while. To fight, to have a choice. He made me fight to have my voice be heard. But now, what’s the point?
Now I’m subjected to Mauricio’s offices, working on designs for suits, but that’s not the thing that bothers me the most. The thing that bothers me is having to get on with the step dad who hit me, the step dad who I don't even recognize any more. The man I despise more than my job. Fuck, my life sucks right now.
"Oh, Olivia, I wish you would try and enjoy yourself, at least. It’s hasn't gone unnoticed of how miserable you look."
Yes, my mom has had a dig at me all day, for weeks in fact. Acting like I’m nothing but an inconsiderate nuisance.
"Mom, I’m trying. There’s only so much fakery I can put on."
"Oh for Christ sake Olivia. It’s your sister’s big day, stop being so selfish."
She dances off in her silver satin just off the shoulder, knee high dress. Looking very much Veronica Fahoney. I’m just glad she's taken off that ridiculous oversized hat. I couldn’t take her seriously when she wore it.
I stand up from my chair and walk over to Elise. She brings me into joyful embrace when she spots me.
"It's so nice to see you see happy Elise, you deserve this more than anyone."
“Aw, sis, thank you. I can't stop saying my new name, Elise Parle, isn’t it crazy?"
"It's perfect. Mauricio’s face when he wasn’t allowed to give you away; priceless."
"I didn't mean to be hurtful Liv’s, but my granddad has been more of a father to me than Mauricio has. Besides, it would have been completely hypocritical of me if I did let him give me away. I mean, he doesn’t have me really as a daughter to give away, you know?"
Mauricio was informed a while ago that Elise didn't want him to give her away like tradition. Mauricio went crazy and it was frowned upon up here by her family but she was on the brink of calling the wedding off and going somewhere to get married where it would be just her and Dante. So they soon got accustomed to the idea. I loved the idea.
"And thank you for being here for me today. I know it must be hard for you seeing me and Dante so happy but...”
I put my hand on her arm to stop her talking, shaking my head, "Don’t you dare say sorry for being happy in front of me, this is your day. The rest is my problem."
She smiles warmly giving me another hug before she’s whisked away by Dante for another dance.
"Ah, Olivia, come dance with your old dad?" Mauricio takes my waist, giving me no choice. My body goes ridged. The contact from him is extremely uncomfortable for me.
We start to dance slowly to Norah Jones, come away with me. I don’t want to dance with him but I can’t make a scene.
For a little while we both say nothing. I know Mauricio is waiting for his chance though. Most of my family are looking on taking photos of us dancing, but when the novelty wears off, he speaks, grasping my hand a little tighter, pulling me into his so he can speak in my ear.
"Now, you know everyone I employ represents me. That also includes my daughters. I know you’re somewhat... Hurt. That man broke your heart didn’t he? And believe me Olivia, if I ever get my hands on him, I’ll show him what a broken heart can feel like...”
I look up at him a little taken back. Now he wants to act the compassionate father?
"What I’m trying to say is, when we get back, I want this shit to stop. I don’t want to continue seeing your miserable face. I don’t want you going to work, to a job most people dream of, representing me and sitting there despondent. This shit stops, do you hear me? It ends today."
I refuse to listen to this. How dare he? He pulls me back as I try to break free from his grip.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. You got your own way haven’t you? You got me working for you. Back to doing what you want me to do. And now you think you can you tell me how to feel along with everything else?”
Mauricio becomes irate towards me, his face twists in fury, but Gulia his sister, dances her way over merrily with a cocktail in one hand. He quickly releases me displaying a phony broad smile.
"Olivia, finally. You’re trying to enjoy yourself."
My face is still fixed on Mauricio, finding myself hating him all over again. He hasn't got a clue how I’m feeling.
"Actually Gulia, I’m going to my hotel room. Goodnight."
Chapter Two*
January 2014. A new year, new start and all that. Ha, what does that even stand for? Just something that people say to make themselves feel better? When truth is, it makes us feel worse for not actually carrying out a fresh start for the New Year like we said we would. For not sticking to our new year’s resolutions, as promised.
Yes, I’m still categorically depressed.
This winter in Chicago has been the worse since I can ever remember. Lake Michigan is like ice, with ice boulders washing up onto shore. That’s how cold it is. I used to love going to sit on the beach, just reminding myself of happier times, but even the beach, the waves, the sand, all of Chicago seems to have frozen along with my feelings.
My life right now is one big replication; Have an awful night sleep, get up, go to work, come home, go up to my room after picking at my food, and try to sleep again. I have no friends around me, Tyler won't answer my calls. Madison hasn’t spoke to me since that row over Calvin, and Sophia is too wrapped up in Ryan and managing Rita’s for anything else. Mauricio is away a lot at the moment as he has new business’s in Brooklyn so he’s been busy, which I love. My mom follows him around like a lost lamb so I don’t see her much either. I do however have Mayra. She’s as crazy as always and most of the time puts a smile back on my face, but I don’t like talking much lately, so I don't want to bore anyone with my intangible company.
Today is Sunday. I have no plans so I decide to get dressed for the gym and head out in the snow. I must be crazy. I haven’t been in a while, well months, actually. It used to be mine and Madison’s gym day, a Sunday, but that’s dead and buried now as well.
A run on the treadmill might help, and god knows I need all the help I can get to try and free my mind.
At first I use to plead with myself, beg my own mind just to have five minutes of emptiness. Now, my mind is empty and lonely. I don’t know which is worse.
I chuck on my blue Hollister hooded jumper, a matching pair of sweat pants, my sketchers, scrap my auburn hair back into a high pony tail and head out with my woolly hat and gloves in tow.
I put my head phones in press play to love somebody by Maroon 5 and walk.
As I head into the gym, I make small talk with the gym owner Russell about not seeing each other in a while then go to set up a treadmill. As I’m about to jump on I see a familiar face setting up on the cross trainer. It's Madison. I’d spot them pink skin tight leggings and pink crop top anywhere. It feels almost strange seeing her. It shouldn’t feel like is, after all, she's my best friend isn’t she? Why does she feel a mere stranger to me? I hate this. She looks over the same time as I do and appears a little shocked. Her facial expressions are warm though which settles my nerves a little.
I take my earphones out as she walks towards me.
"Hey Livs, fancy seeing you here."
I know she's finding this as awkward as I am and I hate that it's come to this.
"Yeah, pretty mad huh?" I reply, not really knowing what else to say. She twists her fingers together nervously. I know she's dying to say something. Me too
.
"I heard about you and Calvin," she tells me, her voice is soft and full of sympathy.
I purse my lips and nod. Yeah, it sucks." I shrug and give an apathetic smile otherwise I’d cry.
Madison shifts on her feet then finally deflates letting go. “Oh, Olivia, come here."
She almost pounces on me, bringing me into an overbearing, unexpected hug.
"I feel for you I really do. I’m so sorry. I thought you two were the real deal, ya know."
She lets me go shaking her head in anger. "What an asshole, it was so cruel what he did. From what I heard."
I narrow my eyes at her. "What have you heard?"
She wraps her pony tail around her fingers a little unnerved, not expecting me to ask that question. "Oh, you know, people talk."
I don't have the energy to question her. I couldn't give a shit what people are saying.
I’m sure they are perfect and have never fallen in love have they?
Madison changes the subject realizing it's still a sensitive topic for me.
"So, do you see much of Tyler since he moved?"
"Tyler?" I scoff. "Nope. He hates my guts and who can blame him? The way I spoke to him Mads, I hurt him real bad."
"You know he's home right?"
"Tyler? He's home? Since when?"
"He came home for Christmas and hasn’t been able to drive back because of the snow."
I tilt my head a little in confusion. "He's spoken to you?"
"Yeah, I saw him out with Jamie. He acted like he didn’t miss you but your all he asked about. He told me not to tell you that he’s home though." She looks on apologetically.
He didn’t want me knowing he was home? Does he hate me that much?
I grab my things and get ready to leave.
"Olivia, you’ve just got here, where are you going?"
"I need to see Tyler, Mads. I can’t go any longer without speaking to him. I need to put it right."
I rush past her making my priority getting to Tyler before he does another moonlight flit.
Confessions and Olivia (Olivia #2) Page 1