I give Macy one of the girls that I work with a ride home after work, then drive home myself. I do often wonder whilst driving; what would it be like if I just left? What if I kept on driving, then where ever my gas ran out, that's where I’d stay. But I never have the balls to go through with it and I always end up going home.
After my shower I chuck on my long sleeved red flannel pajamas and head downstairs. As I reach the bottom the doorbell rings.
"I’ll get it," Sophia calls from upstairs. “It’s Tyler."
Tyler?
Sophia urges me into the living room as she gets the door.
I hear Tyler greet her in the distance and make his way in. I sit in the living room wondering suspiciously. What the hell are they up to?
It suddenly becomes clear to me what their intentions are when Tyler comes prancing in with a large bag of goodies and a huge pile of peanut butter flavor chocolates.
"We’re going to have a sister-friends bonding time. God knows we all need it before I go away again. All hell breaks loose when I’m gone," Tyler announces holding the goodie bag up in one hand and the chocolates in the other. "And I’ve made this night into a no man talking zone."
I manage a giggle. "Who wants to talk about them anyway?"
"What's this about men?" Sophia comes in dressed in her pink fluffy pyjamas. I wait for the verbal attack about Calvin but there isn’t one. I think Tyler must have previously warned her. I’m so relieved.
Instead Sophia hands me a small tub off Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream.
My favorite.
"Here, this normally helps me." She smiles with compassion holding out three spoons in delight.
"My best friend, my sister, peanut chocolate and ice cream, perfect." I smile, appreciating what they’re doing for me.
"I already warned Sophia, Livs. No talking about men, that's if she can manage it," he scoffs. Just as I thought.
"Nope, I’ll keep my mouth zipped." Sophia agrees throwing away an imaginary key.
"Let’s not let this ice-cream go to waste." Tyler takes the ice cream tub from Sophia and finally tears off the lid. They both dig in and share theirs but Sophia has gave me my own one.
Bless her.
"This should take your mind of things, a nice girly night in."
I manage a small smile between my spoons full of ice cream. "I hope," I sigh looking downcast. "I need to give my mind a rest, it hurts from so much crying and thinking. I wish I could take my brain out and lock it away for the day ease the pain a little, ha, imagine that."
I look up at them both as I come back from day dreaming. "Sorry." I glance into my lap.
"No it’s Okay, just get whatever you want off your chest whenever you feel like."
Tyler’s sympathizes while I know by Sophia's red face she's dying to let one rip on Calvin but instead she presses play on her favorite film for the three of us to watch. The Notebook. I swear she wants me to cry even harder.
“Right girls, let all swoon over Mr. Gosling, he’s my future husband you know?”
“What happened to George Clooney, Ty?” I smirk pointing with my spoon.
“Clooney’s my cheeky bit on the side.”
I stare into oblivion for most of the film feeling listless. I have no control over the situation and that's what I hate the most. I want nothing more than to text Calvin. I’ve had so many urges to, but I forced myself to stop. I’ve even written out texts then deleted them again. I know if I text him once and he ignores me, it would kill me even more.
I watch on as Tyler chuckles to himself while watching Sophia mime every single word to the film. I can't even manage that. Normally we would sit here secretly recording her on one of our phones but I haven’t got it in me to laugh.
When the film finishes Sophia’s already up on her feet declaring the next activity for us.
"Keeping busy Liv’s, that’s the aim of the game. I have lots of practice. Now, up to my room the both of you while I get the face masks ready."
I look over at Tyler worried.
"Brace yourself." He teases as we get to our feet.
Sophia has a habit of making her own face masks with organic ingredients. She finds them all off the internet and swears by them. They must work giving her that silky smooth flawless complexion of hers. So we do as we’re told and head upstairs.
"Is it taking your mind off things Missy?" Tyler asks as he pours us both a glass of wine Sophia has supplied us with. They have banned me from vodka. God knows I’d abuse it.
We make our self’s comfy the chaise lounge Sophia has in her bedroom and I pull her throw over my legs.
"It comes and goes," I shrug taking a long sip of crisp cold white wine.
"I needed that," I nod to myself after the face I make from hating it, looking into the bottom of the glass.
“You know, you might feel better if you have a good chat?”
I disagree. "I don't want to bore you to death by it. I just want to keep it to myself."
Tyler goes into inquisitive mode ignoring my preference. "It's the way he finished with you, it was so cruel and way out of character don't you think?" Tyler's thinking to himself rather than speaking to me. Why does he think it’s strange?
“I saw the temper he had in him that day at his apartment when he found out about Mauricio hitting you, but not for one second would I think he would hurt you. Physically or mentally. It's hard for you because he didn't give you answers did he?"
I nod my head and sigh deeply. It’s so painful to hear the truth. "He said he didn’t love me but the sighs were there. If he didn’t love me then he was a fucking good actor. No wonder he’s so god damn good as poker!”
Tyler fills my glass back up not taking his eyes off me and remains silent leaving space for me to open up.
"I’m finding it so hard to try to come to terms with the fact it’s over. I mean, how can I accept something I don't want to? I never want to forget the happy times we shared. When he gave me this necklace,” I hold the heart pendant between my fingers, “he told me he was giving me his heart, how could he say that? Oh and when he left me he said he would do anything to protect me. I have no idea what that meant. I can't get over something I don’t understand."
I look up at Tyler who is listening intrigued in my every word. I rub my eyes angrily trying to stop tears falling. Why am I still crying for him!
Tyler points to me, his features brooding. "He told you he would do anything to protect you? And he leaves you?"
I look at Tyler wondering where he's going with this. “Do you think he left you to protect you from something?"
I scoff at how ridiculous that sounds. "Leaving me to protect me from what? Him breaking my heart a little more?"
Tyler shrugs acting like he agrees but I can see his mind working overtime, his eyes are grave and in deep thought.
I mean, Calvin leaving me to protect me from something? How could that be? Shouldn’t he be here protecting me himself if there was something for me to be protected from?
“You know what they say, bad boys ain’t no good, but we have no fun with a good boy. We can’t win.” Tyler wonders over to Sophia's bed and I follow crossing my legs underneath me in the middle of the bed. “Ty, Calvin was not a bad boy,” Tyler's brown rises. “Are you kidding me? He called, you ran, you said you had a special thing, yet he broke your heart.”
I pull my hair up out of my face feeling flustered and pull it up in a hair tie that I keep around my wrist. “We had loads of special things, things that he made special. Come to think of it, I never did anything special for him. He gave it all to me.”
Sophia comes into the bedroom a moment later causing our conversation to stop. She has a mixing up her bowl cradled in her arms of what looks like green slime with bits in.
She notices the look on my face and smiles mischievously. “Don’t ask, just know that it works wonders."
Tyler grumbles inspecting it. “It looks like frog spawn,” then his face lights up in horr
or. “Don’t go putting no frog’s sperm on my face Sophia. Men’s I allow, frogs no way!”
I burst out laughing and Sophia’s up-to-no-good grin doesn’t make me feel any more optimistic.
“It’s not frog’s sperm Tyler, now you’re being ridiculous.”
“Sophia, if it was shit with sugar on and someone swore blind it could make you look ten years younger, you’d buy the damn stuff in bulk!”
"Anyway Livs," she adds ignoring Tyler as he studies the green slime. “it’ll sort them dark circles under your eyes you've got since…Well you know." She hesitates after realizing what she's about to say and stops herself.
"Sophia, you can say his name, he's not Voldemort."
She looks at me and purses her lips, then begins to laugh at my dry comment.
"Well he may as well be. He’s evil." He is not evil.
“Voldemort’s quite hot in a weird way.”
I stare at Tyler impassively as he shrugs. “What?” I don’t think he actually realizes what comes out of his mouth sometimes.
Sophia has taken the bowl away from Tyler. He doubtfully agrees pouting. "Go on then. I don't care what it is, as long as it makes me look fabulous."
"Come on then you two, lay down and I’ll get to work."
We do as we’re told again as Sophia thinks she's ever the professional.
After wiping all the green slime off my face and listening to how much Tyler misses Jamie when he’s away, I have to admit, my skin does feel much softer and I do feel more relaxed. But now I’ve became fatigued, I just want to lie down.
"I’m going to call it a night guy’s do you mind?" I ask Tyler and Sophia who don’t challenge me.
"Sure. I hope I made you feel better, even for a tiny bit." Sophia makes a gesture with her fingers and talks in her baby voice making me laugh a little.
"You have, both of you. Thank you."
I hug her for the effort she’s made for me tonight and give Tyler another tight hug, then laugh because he still has the green slime on his face keeping it on longer for a better effect.
"Love you Missy."
"Love you Ty."
My step dad calls me into his and my mom’s bedroom when I walk past on my way to my own room.
My mom nods to me in reassurance as I look in a little eerie. She's about to head downstairs with her luggage.
"He just wants to say goodbye." She whispers, rubbing my shoulder, urging me to go in as she makes her way downstairs.
I’m yet to tell my mom about Mauricio’s attack on me a few weeks back. I highly doubt she would believe me now. Our relationship still hasn’t mended and right now, I don’t care.
He's zipping up his suitcase when I enter, then he stands and stares at me when I come into eye contact with him, making me feel extremely uneasy.
"Shut the door," he demands but quietly. I frown at his request hesitating. “Shut the fucking door." He says it a little louder this time startling me so I turn pushing it shut, but not tightly.
What the hell does he want now?
"Did you have fun tonight? With everyone making a fuss of you?" He snarls pointing at me. I go to ask what this is about but he doesn’t let me speak. He walks towards me belligerently and presses his finger against my lips, closing my mouth with force. "I told you before we got home from Italy I didn't want any more of your bullshit. This family’s been torn apart these last couple of months because of you."
I knock his finger away from my lips in disgust. "Because of me?"
He looks me up and down sordidly. "Yeah you and your big fucking mouth. I don’t why, but everything seems to have fucked up these past few months and all my conclusions have come down to you, since you've been seeing that 'boy'.”
I’m stunned by his insult and my expression shows it. "What are you talking about? What has any of this got to do with Calvin, he's been gone months."
I am totally speechless and more so hurt by his accusations, but most of all scared of my step father’s threats. This isn’t normal and this isn’t who I know anymore. He's completely gone off the rails.
"I don't know yet, but I will find out, like I found out everything and when I come back from vacation, I want everything back to normal, understand? If I see you crying and moping about this house once more when I’m back, you’re out." He growls.
"I don't know what you’re taking about, tell me how any of your business has anything to do with me or Calvin? I don't understand what you’re accusing me of?"
"Oh, you will." He barks, brushing past me irritably opening his bedroom door and leaving me standing there in complete dismay.
After the initial shock I run downstairs trying to catch my mom but she’s linked to him and ready to leave.
My mom walks up to me and gives me an unusually stiff, quick hug, then steps back to view me holding me by my shoulders,
"Are you alright darling? You look like you’ve seen a ghost?"
Mauricio’s eyes burn into mine, silently warning me. I stare back at him, narrow my eyes and look back at my mom.
I lose my bottle and sigh. "I’m fine mom, have a nice time."
"I’ll see you on the weekend darling."
What an absolute asshole. I’m going to bed.
Chapter Four*
It's Wednesday and since our girl’s night in the other night, I have woken up feeling a little better and refreshed in the mornings. I still wake up feeling numb regardless, but I think I needed that small boost.
I sit at my desk at work. I’m currently working on a gallery for Mauricio’s website. I’m quite enjoying this today though. I booked a photographer as I’m going to be holding auditions for male models in the coming week so I can put some of MF suits on the website. Myself and Macy are very much looking forward to that. I know I’m definitely grateful for the distraction. It’s taking my mind off having to go out tonight for Tyler and Jamie’s birthday, at a casino night? I hate all of it but I suppose I should get out. Tyler would never forgive me if I missed a night out for his birthday. His 18th birthday I was ill and couldn’t make his party he never spoke to me for three months, so I will not let that happen again. Even though it was unavoidable. Ty loves a drama.
After work I give Macy her usual ride home in my beloved red Mini and head home to get ready for the night ahead.
***
We stand at the bar waiting for the barmen to come take our drink orders. We’ve already had a go at black jack, without me having any clue how to play. Even though the game was explained so simple, my mind isn’t with it. I can’t concentrate. Tyler and Sophia have won a few hundred dollars and Elise was only playing for the fun, whilst looking over me to tell me what my cards were.
I’m dressed in a gold glittered long sleeved, mini body-con dress, which belongs to Sophia and huge heels. I despise the heal ordeal.
I swear I’m walking like John Wayne. How the hell did I get forced into this?
I have full makeup on with gold eye shadow courtesy of Tyler thinking I need to shine like a star tonight. Literally. While Elise looked on at them getting me ready not pleased at all. She's not very happy with me coming out and drinking.
They surprised me with Elise coming along, but she said she only came to keep an eye on me. Wanting to make sure I didn’t get carried away with myself. Paralytic more like.
I feel nothing like a star. I could get dressed up in the most expensive designer dress there is and still feel like crap. I just want to be home. Everyone else looks beautiful tonight though. Elise chose a black sleeveless lace dress and black bowler hat. Sophia has a red loose dress on with matching heels and her red lipstick and Tyler looks amazing as usual in a tight fitted light denim shirt, chinos and brown brogues.
I feel tipsy already with the shots I was made to have before we even left the house. But in all fairness I needed them for some energy and to calm my nerves. The thought of being around so many people tonight brought on a little anxiety.
But now I’m on a drinking roll and I’m not st
opping. Now I’m out I’m going to make the most of this night. Plus it takes away a lot of pain the more I drink.
The more I drink the less I think.
Tyler has ordered me to scan the room for "potentials" as he orders drinks with my sisters.
I’m not looking for any potentials, obviously, but I’d rather put on a poker face than have Tyler go on at me.
We finally find an empty table to place our drinks on. This club is amazing and so big. They have pulled off a very impressive old casino style club. Everything red, white, black and green. The Tables are in an L shape, with amazing views of the whole night club. Roulette wheels, poker, games tables, slot machines they have the lot. It's not as glamorous as the one I went to with Calvin in Vegas obviously, but it's for fun. They also have gorgeous dancers in show cases behind the huge oak curved bar. The decor is elegant all the same, with chandeliers over our tables and light music playing in the background. There is also a separate part of the club for dancing. I know that’s where we will end up as the night progresses.
I keep scanning the room while I continue to drink my vodka and lemonade from a straw. I’m not really listening to what the others are talking about. I know it's bad that I’m not socializing but I’m just not interested in making any kind of talk. My intention in coming out tonight was to get drunk, forgetting for a while, and then go to bed.
As we sit down Jamie finally makes his entrance along with Ryan, Sophia’s boyfriend. Great. I roll my eyes at his casual approach while he holds a drink in his hand. Who does he think he is, James bond?
"You had to be fashionable late didn’t you, drama queen." Tyler reprimands Jamie playfully bringing him in for a kiss.
"Happy birthday Jamie." I stand kissing him twice on both cheeks.
"Thank you Olivia. Damn you look hot tonight, are you on the prowl now you’re single?"
Tyler taps Jamie’s shoulder to make him back down but I don't mind.
"Hey you never no." I wink, falling back into my seat off balance.
I nod to Ryan in acknowledgment, feeling I have to, with a tipsy head. He warily takes a seat next to me.
Confessions and Olivia (Olivia #2) Page 3