by E. L. Todd
“We’re friends.” It didn’t feel weird saying that, not like it used to. She really was just a platonic friend, someone I hung out with. “We have a lot in common, and we have the same sense of humor.”
Instead of stuffing his face, he hung on to every word. “But you sleep with everybody. Why haven’t you slept with this one?”
I hadn’t slept with everybody. Natalie was another woman who’d never graced my bed—because that would be weird. There were a few rules I never broke. And one of them was screwing your friend’s sister unless you were in love with her. “Actually, I did try to go for it a while ago, but she turned me down.”
“Really?” he asked in surprise. His face slowly started to light up like the sun was rising in the distant background of his eyes. He didn’t hide the fact he had a thing for Taylor. I just wish he knew she didn’t have a thing for him.
“Yeah. She said she wasn’t that type of girl.”
“I know. She has some class.”
“Yeah,” I said in agreement. “She’s not a prude either. She doesn’t want to sleep with someone unless it might be going somewhere. And she knew I just wanted a one-night stand.”
“Then you become friends?” he asked with both of his eyebrows raised.
“Yeah. I’m not sure how that happened. I apologized to her, and then overnight, we were friends. Weird, huh?”
“I guess. You don’t have a thing for her?”
“No.” I was never going down that road again. I opened my heart to someone, and she made a complete fool out of me. I was humiliated, heartbroken, and ashamed all in one night. “She’s a great girl. Really. But she’s not for me.”
“Then maybe she’s for me.” He waggled his eyebrows.
Taylor already told me about her experience with Derek. I didn’t want him to waste his time on a woman he could never have, and I also didn’t want him to keep pestering Taylor. “She’s not interested, man.”
“What?” he said defensively. “How would you know?”
“Well, we went out the other night, and she left with some guy.” Who wasn’t anywhere near her level. She could have walked out with any guy of her choosing, but she chose some skinny nerd guy. I knew she didn’t care about looks, but come on, she could do better.
“She did?” he asked in disappointment.
“Yeah.”
“What happened?”
“Not sure. Haven’t talked to her yet.” I went home with the blonde woman who made a pass at me. She was an easy lay and didn’t talk much, so I couldn’t think of a reason not to go through with it. Besides, I didn’t want to go home alone—even if I didn’t remember the girl’s name the next morning.
“Damn.” He released a long and irritated sigh. “Maybe that guy was just in the right place at the right time.”
“It’s not random, dude. She liked him, so she made it happen.”
“But if she met me under different circumstances, things could have been different. Maybe it’s because I’m Natalie’s brother. She sees me as off-limits.”
Derek had been my friend for a long time, so I wasn’t going to laugh in his face. “Maybe. I think it’s safe to say she’s off-limits to both of us. But being friends isn’t the worst thing in the world.” Truthfully, I actually liked it. I hadn’t had that kind of relationship with someone in a long time. Derek and I used to be close, but I pulled away after my heart was broken. It was impossible for me to trust anyone. I didn’t exactly trust Taylor, but she pierced my inner circle pretty quickly—abnormally quickly.
“I was wondering when you were going to tell me about Taylor.” Now Derek stopped eating. The atmosphere was different, and I felt out of place. I was about to sip my iced tea but changed my mind.
Derek didn’t ask a question, but it felt like he did. The hostility was undeniable, but I didn’t have a clue where it came from. One moment, we were having a normal conversation. Then, out of nowhere, he attacked. I held my silence because I didn’t know how to cooperate.
“It just seems like you don’t tell me anything anymore.”
Again, it wasn’t a question. But now I knew for certain he was ticked about something. I didn’t have a clue what it could be, but something was obviously pinching at his side.
Derek tilted his head as he examined me, like I chose not to answer his direct question.
When the silence was no longer tolerable, I spoke up. “Dude, what’s up?”
“I’m telling you what’s up, but you haven’t answered any of my questions.”
I gave him the same stoic look, wishing he could remember exactly what he said and how he said it. “You didn’t ask me any questions.”
“I just feel like you don’t talk to me anymore. I admit we aren’t girlfriends or sisters, but we’ve never kept each other in the dark before. You don’t tell me anything, and I have to get my news secondhand. To this day, you still won’t tell me what happened with—”
“Don’t say her name.” I hated hearing it. If I were about to hook up with a girl with the same name, I’d send her packing. That’s how much I hated it.
“Whatever.” He continued on like he hadn’t been interrupted. “You called me and told me you were going to propose, and then a second later, you guys are broken up. What happened, man? Did she say no?”
I never got the chance to ask her—thankfully. “It’s nothing personal, Derek.”
“But it is personal. I thought I was your best friend.”
“You are.” Actually, I hadn’t had a best friend in a while. And if anyone came close to that title, it was Taylor. But he didn’t need to know that. “I’m just not that talkative anymore.”
“But you’ve completely shut me out. And for the past year, you’ve been a completely different person. It’s like night and day. I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine, I assure you.”
Derek’s eyes narrowed in frustration. “But you aren’t fine. If you can’t tell me what happened with—”
“What did I just say?”
“If you can’t even hear her name, then you aren’t fine.”
He had a point there—a big one.
His hostility disappeared instantly. Heartbeats passed before his voice came out gentle. “Did I do something? Did I push you away? Offend you?”
The sincerity in his voice made me feel like a dick. “Of course not, man.”
“Then what’s with the distance? What’s with the coldness?”
I couldn’t explain these feelings to someone else, not when I didn’t fully understand them myself. My life completely changed that night when I saw her in the bar with her ex. It was clear she didn’t just bump into him and the flames rekindled. They’d had a relationship—and for a long time. All those nights I made love to her and told her I loved her, she was lying and sneaking around behind my back. I questioned my intelligence and perception. This was going on right underneath my nose, and like a stupid idiot, I didn’t even realize it. I wasn’t just hurt, but mortified. I allowed someone to do this to me, to play me. How could I ever tell my friends what happened? It was embarrassing. “She and I had irreconcilable differences and—”
“Cut the shit.”
I stumbled in my speech. “I don’t want to talk about it, Derek. Plain and simple.”
Hurt slowly crept across his face.
“Like I said, it’s nothing personal.” The only people who knew what really happened were my parents. That was because I couldn’t lie to them. My mom would yank it out of me eventually, and since she won every battle we were in, I surrendered.
“How can it not be personal when I’m your best friend? Dude, what could have possibly happened that made you this way? Did she kill someone?”
Yes. Me. “I don’t want to be constantly reminded of it. If I told anyone, that truth would echo eternally. I could never shake it. It would always be there.”
“You think I’m going to think less of you?” he asked incredulously.
If he didn’t, he sh
ould. “Just drop it, man. You have your secrets too.”
“Not big secrets. Just the kind where I wipe the history on my phone when I’m done jerking off.”
He wouldn’t let this go, and I wondered if he ever would.
“Volt, come on.”
“Just drop it, okay?” I wasn’t going to budge, not on this. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
Derek stared at me coldly, like he had a lot more he wanted to say.
I stared back, standing up to him in my silence.
“Whatever the reason is, I guess it doesn’t really matter.” He leaned over the table and lowered his voice. “But this is different.” He pointed between us, his chest to mine. “And I don’t like that.”
I didn’t like it either. “You’re right.”
“Can we at least move forward? And let it be different this time?”
I could try, but I definitely couldn’t make a promise. “Yeah.”
“Alright.” He leaned back in the booth and stared across the restaurant. His eyes lingered there for a while before he turned back to me. Heavy silence filled the air, and the tension was still there. “So, you really don’t think I have a shot with Tayz?”
Chapter Seven
Taylor
The graded essays were sitting on my desk in alphabetical order. Like every day, the students grabbed their work before they sat at their desks and silently waited for class to start. I stayed up late the night before getting through these essays about the pasteurization process of milk and how that technique was discovered by Louis Pasteur.
I had a long week, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit I was tired. I loved my job and my students. Pushing them to be better learners and human beings was something I innately loved.
But damn, it was exhausting.
My classroom door was opened, but no footsteps sounded in the hallway. It was too early for the students to arrive. It was even too early for most teachers. Someone knocked on my open door and caught me by surprise.
Volt walked into my office, a visitor badge pressed onto his black suit. He wore a gray collared shirt with a black tie, looking like a powerful man who had complete dominance over the city. I didn’t see him in a suit very often, and when I did, I was always impressed. He had the perfect body to fill it out, all hard muscle. Even though I just saw him as a friend at this point, I couldn’t deny he was still hot.
Like, really hot.
“Can I come in?” He was already inside my classroom so that was a moot point.
“Sure. But what are you doing here?”
“I came to help with your class. Or do you not remember my offer?” He leaned against one of the desks, his arms across his chest. He just shaved that morning, so his chin was free of hair. He looked good that way, but I actually preferred the slight scruff that usually covered his chin.
“I remember. But a heads-up would have been nice.”
The corner of his lips rose in a smile, and that same smile reached his eyes. “Do friends really need to give each other a heads-up?”
“When they stop by your job, I think so.”
“Do you want me to leave, then?” he asked like a smartass.
“No.” I hated to admit it, but I needed him. “I could use your expertise.”
“Still having a hard time, huh?”
“I’m not sure what the problem is. Do they not respect me? Do they think I’m incompetent with the subject? Am I too stern? I have to say, classroom management is a lot different in real life than it is in theory.”
“I know what you mean. I had a hard time my first year too. Honestly, every teacher does.”
“But I’m doing everything right…” At least I thought I was.
“We’ll get to the bottom of it. Just relax.”
“I am relaxed,” I argued.
“You sound defensive to me.” That same smile was there, rugged and mixed with boyish charm.
I shot him a glare.
“How’d it go with Skinny Boy?”
“Skinny Boy?” Was I supposed to know who that was?
“That guy from the bar.”
“He has a name.” And it definitely wasn’t Skinny Boy.
“Well, that’s how I know him,” he said. “And that’s how I’ll keep referring to him.”
“Don’t be an ass—” I spotted the first student of the day file into the classroom, and judging the smirk on his lips, he knew exactly what I said. He approached the desk and took his essay before he sat in his seat at the back of the classroom.
Volt grinned, enjoying every second of the tension.
I tried to keep the embarrassment out of my face, knowing if I gave into it that would make it worse. “Well, Mr.…” I faltered when I realized I didn’t know Volt’s last name.
“Rosenthal,” he answered. “I’ll be in the back of the class.” He walked to the rear and took a seat at the large wooden table. He rested one ankle on the opposite knee and continued to give me that irritating smile.
***
Once the last student walked out, I was relieved the school day was over. Having Volt watch my every move was unnerving, to say the least. During my student teaching, my advisor evaluated me, but that was different.
Volt left the table he was occupying and joined me at the front of the room. He hadn’t taken any notes. All he did was stare.
I met his gaze and waited for him to speak, but his mouth was shut.
His thin lips led to his stern jaw, making his stoic face impossible to decipher.
“So…what do you think?”
“I think a lot of things. But how about we get something to eat while we talk it over? I’m starving.”
I was hungry too. I didn’t have a prep period, and I didn’t get a lunch because some of my students stuck around to discuss the grades on their essays. “And I’m thirsty.”
“For a shot?” he teased.
“A lot of shots, actually.”
We left the school grounds then headed to a pub just a few blocks over. Their food was decent, but their beer was awesome. I got a huge glass of ale and didn’t feel guilty for drinking at three in the afternoon.
Volt didn’t care either. In fact, he’d probably drink at ten in the morning and still wouldn’t give a damn.
I got a burger with onion rings and cheese and the greasiest French fries known to man.
Volt got a salad.
I rolled my eyes when I looked at his food, shaming him for eating healthy all the time. The only time he didn’t was when he ordered alcohol. I didn’t give a damn and inhaled everything placed in front of me. “So, what did you think?”
“How sensitive are you?” He drank his beer while his eyes watched the baseball game in the corner.
“I have a backbone of steel.”
“Are you sure?”
How bad of a teacher was I? “Yes.”
“Alright.” He set his beer down and turned his head my way. We were sitting right at the bar, side by side on the stools. “You’re all over the place, Tayz.”
All over the place?
“You jump around so much that the kids are having a hard time keeping up. One moment it’s micro, and the next, it’s evolution.”
I admit it was unorthodox, but a lot of the subjects were intertwined. “But that makes it interesting. If the curriculum was predictable, they would get bored.”
“But they should be bored, Tayz. It’s school. They aren’t supposed to like it.”
“But I don’t want them to feel that way. Learning can be fun.”
“Then make it fun. But don’t throw them off balance all the time. Students learn better when pathways are predictable.”
“But that’s not how it is in real life.” How would these students ever succeed if they were so pampered?
“Look, you’re wasting time by throwing them off. Their concentration can only last so long. And maybe you think you’re making it complicated, but the kids just think you’re confused.”
“
But—”
“You asked for my advice, and I’m giving it to you.” His blue eyes were calculating, almost threatening. “You have a hard backbone or not?”
“Of course I do. But—”
“The kids were passing notes in the back of the class, and you didn’t even notice.”
Now I tried not to be hurt. “I was busy—”
“You’re paying more attention to what you’re doing at the front of the classroom rather than what your students are doing in the back. Your focus should always be on how they’re responding to what you’re doing. You’re in your own little world up there.”
Maybe my backbone wasn’t as hard as I thought. I felt like an idiot.
“You need to move around the classroom, stand in places they don’t expect. That will force them to behave because they never know what’s going to happen. Also, I suggest making a seating chart.”
“I did make a seating chart.”
“Based on where they sat on the first day. Of course they’re going to sit next to their friends. And when they sit next to their friends, they’re going to fool around. Make a new seating chart and put them next to people they don’t know. That will limit classroom disruption.”
Why hadn’t I thought of that?
“We’re going to go through your lesson plans and change things around. Also, what field trips have you gone on?”
“None.”
“Really?” He seemed to be most surprised by that.
“Yeah. They aren’t succeeding enough and don’t deserve it.”
He was about to take a drink of his beer but stopped. “Tayz, parents of this school expect at least four field trips a year. That’s what they’re paying big bucks for. They want their kids to be cultured and broad.”
“I know, but—”
“Also, all the other teachers at this school are masters of their craft. You’re sticking out like a sore thumb in comparison. The kids notice stuff like that. And that’s why they don’t respect you.”
This whole time, I thought I was a good teacher. But in reality, I was a joke. I was doing my best to give them a great experience and make learning fun, but I was just making an idiot out of myself. I stopped eating because my appetite evaporated quicker than a drop of water in the hot sun. All my motivation to do better ceased because I felt incompetent. How did I get this job in the first place?