by E. L. Todd
Volt studied my expression, and when he realized how much I was aching, his sternness waned. “You aren’t a bad teacher. That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Really? Sounds like it.” I drank half my glass and still wanted more.
“I know you care about these kids. It’s obvious just from watching you. I just think you’re channeling your knowledge and passion in the wrong way. We’ll get it right. Don’t worry about it.”
I rested my chin on my propped hand and stared down into my beer.
“Hey.” He nudged me playfully in the side.
I ignored him, depressed.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and leaned his face close to mine. That masculine scent washed over me, making my heart throb a little less. He gave me a gentle squeeze. “Taylor, you got this. I know you do.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. Every teacher struggles in their first year. There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“But the year has already started. I’m not sure if I can change the atmosphere of the classroom. After the first few weeks, it’s pretty much set.”
“We can change it,” he said firmly. “I’m here to help.”
I still lacked the motivation.
“You’re going to be the best teacher ever. I promise.”
“That’s a big promise to make.”
“Well, I was the best teacher ever at one point, and I can teach you my ways.”
I didn’t tease him for the comment because I was desperate. “Well, thanks for helping me. I appreciate it.”
“Of course.” He dropped his arm to the middle of my back and rubbed it gently. It was the most affection he’d ever given me, the sincere kind that actually meant something. In fact, it was the most affection I’d seen him give anyone. The lustful kiss he tried to give me once before was such a random blur. I felt like another nameless woman about to share his bed. But that condolence, that touch, actually meant something.
When he finally pulled away altogether, I suddenly felt cold, like a rainstorm just emerged over my head and released endless drops of water. It took several seconds for my body to heat up again.
“So, how’d it go with Skinny Boy?”
Time had slowed down for just a moment, and it took my brain a few seconds to speed up and catch the present. “His name isn’t Skinny Boy.”
“Then what’s his name?”
“Drew.”
“Eh.” He shrugged. “I’m still calling him Skinny Boy.”
“He’s a nice guy. I like him.”
“You do?” He seemed both surprised and disappointed. “That guy? Who wore a South Park shirt to a bar?”
“Hey, I like South Park.”
“Well, so do I, but I’m not blasting it with my attire.”
I liked Drew. He made me laugh, he was polite, and he wasn’t full of himself. He was the kind of man who opened every door, didn’t try to kiss me after we just met, and actually called when he said he would call. “We’re going out again on Friday.”
Volt drank his beer. “Did you sleep with him?”
“No.” I was surprised he would even ask that. “You of all people know I’m not a one-night stand kind of chick.”
“If you really like someone, things can change. Did you kiss him?”
“Why are you asking me all these personal questions? You asked me to not ask you anything.”
“No. I said don’t analyze me. You can ask me whatever you want. We’re friends.”
I decided to put him to the test. “Did you go home with anyone?”
“Some blonde.”
“This blonde doesn’t have a name?”
“I’m sure she does, but I never asked what it was.”
He was such a dick. Geez.
“So, did you kiss him?”
“No.” We had a few drinks, and he walked me home. He got my number and asked if we could go out again.
“Because he’s too skinny?” he teased.
I nudged him in the side. “Stop picking on him. He’s a very sweet guy.”
“You don’t know him well enough to say something like that.”
“Well, I’ll find out more on Friday.”
He drank his beer again, taking an extra large drink. “Tell me about him.”
“Why do you care?”
“Because.” He gripped his beer as he stared me down.
“Sorry, was that a complete sentence?”
“Because you deserve someone who’s good enough for you. You’re my friend, and I have to keep an eye out for you. No one knows the dogs better than I do, so you should trust my judgment.”
“I don’t need a protector. I’m doing just fine on my own.”
“But it doesn’t hurt, right? You’re trying to find Mr. Right, and I can save you some time.”
Despite the harsh way he was speaking, his concern was actually kind of sweet. It didn’t seem like Volt cared about anyone but himself and his students. Somehow, I made the cut. “In Drew’s defense, you haven’t met him. So you shouldn’t judge him.”
“Then tell me about him.”
“Alright.” I gathered up all my information before I spit it out. “He’s a lab scientist for NYU. He lives in a one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan. His dad passed away from a heart attack, and his mom is a chef for a steakhouse. He has one sister.”
Volt processed all of this without looking impressed. “What’s a lab scientist?”
“He takes samples and identifies diseases and microorganisms.”
“Sounds lame.”
I kicked him under the table. “It’s actually a really interesting job. You need a master’s to do it.”
“But it probably doesn’t pay anything.”
I scoffed because it was ridiculous. “He makes way more than I do. And I don’t care how much he makes. That’s irrelevant to me.”
“Well, if he’s going to take care of you, it should be relevant.”
“Are you like this with Natalie too?”
“Nah. She has Derek for that.”
“Well, I’m going to keep seeing him because I like him. What you think doesn’t matter.”
“You do care what I think.”
“I don’t remember saying that.”
“No. But I can tell.”
I grabbed a fry and shoved it into my mouth, wanting to talk about something else. “How was that girl you went home with?” I wondered if he would really answer such a question.
“Sex-wise?”
I nodded.
“She was okay. I did all the work, but that’s usually how it goes.” He talked about his sex life like it was a routine procedure he did at work. He even sounded a little bored.
“If you don’t like the sex that much, why do you hook up with strangers?”
“I’ve met a lot of really good lays doing it that way. They’re regular booty calls, when they aren’t in relationships and whatnot.”
So, he really would answer anything I asked. Our friendship had reached a new level. He must trust me. Or at least be comfortable with me. “Why don’t you do relationships?”
“Because I don’t do love.” He answered the question like he’d done it a hundred times. The indifference that emanated from him was heartbreaking. To feel loss was terrible, but to feel nothing was worse.
“Is there a reason why?”
“I don’t think people truly love each other. I think relationships are just about security. People don’t want to be alone, or they aren’t financially independent to be alone. They use each other until something better comes along. And there’s no such thing as monogamy. No one is ever faithful, and we’re all prey to our hormones.”
Damn, that was a dreary outlook. “I don’t agree with any of that.”
“Good for you.”
“That means you don’t think your parents love each other.”
He looked away and felt the top of his beer with his finger.
“And you don’t love them.”
“I do love them,” he argued. “There are different kinds of love that do exist. I just don’t believe in the romantic kind.”
“So, why are your parents together?”
When he didn’t meet my gaze, I knew I had him. “There are some people who truly love each other, but it’s so rare that it’s not worth depending on.”
“I think it happens more often than you think.”
“And I think we have a difference of opinion.”
Something did happen to him. Something made him this way. I didn’t know what it was, but I suspected a woman left him or cheated on him. It scarred his heart, and he never really recovered from it.
And that broke my heart. “When was the last time you were in a relationship?”
“So long ago I can’t even remember.” Finality was in his voice, telling me this subject had come to an end.
“I think you’re going to find a woman you can’t live without, and she’s going to make you so damn happy that you’ll forget what it was ever like to be sad. Every single day for the rest of your life, you’ll wonder how you got so lucky to find someone who completes you so utterly. You’ll have a long and happy life, and every woman of your past will become a ghost.”
His face turned to mine, and a new expression was there. It wasn’t stoic, but it wasn’t emotional either. His eyes turned an unusually bright blue, reminding me of the shallow waters of an exotic island. Time and space stretched endlessly through his eyes, showing a multitude of memories that seemed to go on forever. His entire soul was open and bare, but I couldn’t read a single thought or idea. Was it doubt I saw? Or was it hope?
***
“How’s teaching?” Drew asked from across the table. Our meals had been demolished, and all that remained was the endless basket of bread in front of us. We kept eating it, and the waitress kept bringing us more.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I’m struggling a bit right now.”
“You’ll get the hang of it. It’s a noble profession.” He wore a collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His forearms were slender, just as slender as mine. He was on the thinner side, and it must come from a fast metabolism because he ate just as much as I did.
“I hope so. I have a friend giving me some pointers. Maybe that will do the trick.”
“There’s no shame in asking for help.” He ripped the bread apart before he slathered it with butter.
I wish I could eat like that and stay thin. “How’s the lab?”
“The same,” he answered. “I sit at the microscope all day.”
“That’s still interesting.”
“Maybe I can come to your class and do a demonstration sometime.”
“The kids would love that. I’m always looking for ways for the students to learn about new careers. It might point them in the right direction.”
“When I was in college, I saw a presentation from a lab scientist. And that’s when I chose it for a profession.”
“There you go.”
We made small talk about TV shows and music. The conversation flowed well enough, and he was always polite. He didn’t talk about himself too much, and he always listened to anything I had to say. I think Volt would like him if he actually gave him a chance.
After dinner, Drew walked me to my door. “Thanks for going out with me again.”
“Thanks for taking me to dinner.”
“I didn’t mind in the least. Looking at a pretty girl over a good dinner is the perfect way to spend an evening.”
He was a smooth talker. And since he seemed sincere, it made me like him even more.
He eyed my door before he leaned in and gave me a PG kiss on the mouth. It was soft and sweet, and it lit me up in the right places. He may not be a body builder, but I cared more about what was on the inside than the outside. And Drew had the kind of qualities I liked.
“Can I take you out again?”
“You’ve already taken me out twice. How about I take you out?”
“Whoa, a beautiful woman wants to take me out on the town? Lucky me.”
“You deserve it.”
“I’m glad you asked me out in that bar. I thought you were pretty, but I also thought you were out of my league.”
My eyes softened at the comment. “That’s a sweet thing to say. But no, I’m not out of your league. No one is.”
***
Sara was getting on my nerves.
“Dude, you never want to do anything.” We were hanging out at her apartment, like we did every time I saw her. She never wanted to leave the shelter of her home, and she was practically living under a rock.
“I just don’t feel like going out.”
She needed to get over this breakup. It’d been a year, for crying out loud. I texted Drew. What are you doing?
Playing COD.
Am I supposed to know what that means?
Sorry, Call of Duty. It’s a video game.
Oh, cool.
Why?
Well, my best friend is a turd who needs to get out of the house. Do you have a friend I can set her up with? We can go on a double date.
Actually, I have a few friends.
Great. Can we go out tonight?
I’ll have to check with them, but I’m sure that works.
Thank you. You’re a lifesaver.
Maybe you can give me a kiss as a thank you.
Score.
I turned to Sara. “Get dressed. We’re going out to dinner.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Well, get hungry. ’Cause we’re going.”
***
Sara wasn’t pleased about the double date, but since there was nothing she could do about it, she got over it and was tolerable. The guy Drew picked out for her was Rick, and he seemed nice enough.
Drew and I talked quietly to each other on our side of the table.
“I think Rick likes her.”
“How can you tell?” I asked.
“He likes blondes.”
“Hope he likes the heartbroken ones, specifically.”
He shrugged. “We’ll find out.”
Sara and Rick talked quietly among themselves, and it was mostly Rick asking all the questions and participating in their conversation. It took Sara nearly an hour to break out of her shell. By the end of dinner, she was actually laughing and having a good time.
Thank god.
“Sometimes you need someone to push you to get back on the horse,” Drew said. “I’ve been there.”
“Yeah?”
“I got out of a relationship a few years ago, and it was hard for me to get back in the game.”
“Why did you break up?” I asked.
“We just fell out of love,” he said with a shrug. “Sometimes that happens.”
I’d seen it happen, but I’d never experienced it myself.
After the guys split the bill, we went our separate ways. When Rick said he was going to walk Sara home, I almost did a backflip right on the sidewalk. She was finally living her life, letting the sun shine through. Maybe Rick wasn’t her future husband, but at least he was a start.
Drew walked me to my door like he had several times. He gave me a kiss goodnight, but when he pulled away, it seemed like he didn’t want to leave. He stared at my lips like he wanted to kiss me again—and not in a PG way. I hadn’t had a good lay in a long time, and I liked Drew. I could see it going somewhere. Maybe we wouldn’t make it to the altar, but we would make it somewhere. “Want to come inside?”
He grinned from ear to ear. “Definitely.”
***
“This week has definitely been an improvement compared to last week.” Volt met me at the front of the classroom once the students were gone. “I think you’re getting the hang of it.”
The students still weren’t responding as well as I wanted, but it would take them a while to adjust to my new teaching methods. “I have a lot of emails from parents. Really don’t want to answer them.”
“Don’t i
gnore them. That’s the worst possible thing you can do. The parents have all the power, especially in private schools since they’re paying top dollar for their child’s education.”
“That shouldn’t matter.”
“But it does. If they don’t like a teacher, they can get them fired with a snap of a finger.”
That was ridiculous.
“That’s why it’s so important to be tenured.”
“So you don’t have to worry about getting fired all the time?” I asked incredulously.
“Pretty much.” He straightened his tie then grabbed my folder. “Let’s work on your lesson plan. Want to come to my place?”
I’d never been there before. “Sure. Do you have food?”
“I have food and beer.”
“Excellent.”
We left the campus then walked to his apartment a few blocks away. He lived in a nice building overlooking Central Park. We took the elevator to the top floor then walked into his apartment.
The second I walked inside, I knew it was his place. Leather sofas were arranged in the living room with dark, cherry wood furniture. A large flat screen was on the wall, and the balcony connected to the kitchen overlooked the park. A round table sat there, the place where he probably had breakfast every morning. It was the size of a palace compared to mine.
“This is where all the magic happens.” He tossed his jacket on the couch then loosened his tie as he walked to the table. He threw the fabric over the chair then walked into his kitchen. “What are you in the mood for?”
“Depends. What do you have?”
He poked his head into the fridge. “Bud Light.”
“Yuck. That’s piss.”
“I know.”
“If you know, why do you have it?”
“Someone must have left it here. How about Corona?”
“Eh. Do you have any wine?”
“Cabernet?”
“Yes.” Finally, something that didn’t taste like a Fourth of July party.
He pulled out the bottle and poured two glasses. “All I have left is some leftover pizza.”
“Any kind of pizza is good with me.”
He pulled out the box, and we sat at the kitchen table. We didn’t bother using plates. We ate the cold pizza right out of the box and with our elbows on the table. We looked over my lesson plan for the following week and made the appropriate changes.