by Holly Jacobs
That was the thing with his brother, every time Stephan thought he’d figured him out, George would surprise him with some glimpse of a more serious side, one that he worked hard to hide.
“Emma’s better. The doctors had written her off, but Carolyn didn’t. I think her certainty, more than anything medical, is why Emma came out of the coma. And I believe it’s why she’ll totally recover. Carolyn won’t settle for less. She’s already walking—”
“With a walker,” George stressed. “I saw her today.”
“Yeah. With a walker. But that, in itself, is a miracle. And she’s talking, too, though she has problems with that. Emma gets frustrated when she messes up words, but she’s doing so much better. Carolyn will help her all the way.”
“What if she can’t? What if this is all Emma’s going to be? Can Carolyn deal with that?”
“Carolyn will help her as far as she can, but she’ll be able to accept her, even if she doesn’t recover every skill or syllable. Carolyn would do anything for her daughter. Anything.”
As he said the words, Stephan realized it was true. Carolyn would do anything for Emma. He thought again of Ross’s appearance, about his need to talk to Carolyn. What if…?
No, Stephan was being silly.
Carolyn loved him, not Ross.
Tomorrow, they’d talk about the future.
Their future, together.
CHAPTER TWELVE
CAROLYN HAD A RESTLESS night’s sleep. In her heart, she had her answer for Ross, but in her head, she kept hearing her mother’s lectures saying marriage is forever, hearing Ross ask for another chance. But the worst memory was of Emma crying when she’d told her that she and Ross were getting a divorce.
So Carolyn was bleary-eyed and a bit fuzzy as she walked into the kitchen, which is why she thought she was hallucinating. Her mother was at the stove.
She was thankful no one but her mother was up yet. She needed a cup of coffee to clear her sleep-deprived mind.
“I made pancakes,” her mother practically sang out.
“You cooked?” Carolyn asked as she poured coffee into a mug.
“Shh, your dad’s still sleeping and so are Emma and Ross.” She shot Carolyn a speculative look, then continued, “I can cook.” Her mother punctuated the sentence with a good-natured harumph.
Carolyn ignored her mom’s questioning look and focused on her cooking claims. “Mom, you’re more at home grading your students’ term papers than cooking. Do you remember that Thanksgiving we came out here and you promised to cook us a meal we’d never forget?” Charred turkey and mashed potatoes that had the consistency of glue. “You were right—I still remember it in every minute detail.”
“Well, maybe a Thanksgiving meal was a bit ambitious, but breakfast is within my skill-set. Just because I don’t do it often doesn’t mean I can’t.”
Carolyn speculated on what her mother’s newfound interest in cooking was about as she took the merest sip of coffee. A sip that was interrupted as Emma shuffled excitedly into the room, and called, “Mom, Mom, Daddy’s here. I got up…found him on the, on the…”
“Couch?” Carolyn guessed.
Emma nodded.
Ross trailed into the room after Emma. “She got up a half hour ago. Let me, for the record, point out,” Ross grumbled, “this is an ungodly hour of the morning.”
Emma laughed. “Mom says if the…sun’s up, I can get out of bed.”
“That’s because your mom’s always been a morning person. It’s one of her greatest flaws, in my opinion. But your dear old dad, however, is not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination.”
“What are you, then?” Emma wheeled the walker to her chair and sat down.
Ross helped himself to a cup of coffee and after a sip, said decisively, “A night owl.”
“I’m a morning person, like Mom,” Emma said, decision made.
“It’s wrong, just wrong,” Ross muttered, taking another sip of his coffee. He sat down at the table and shot Carolyn a grin.
Instantly, she remembered why she’d fallen in love with Ross. She remembered their teasing and laughter. How long had it been since they’d had a moment like this?
Emma asked Ross, “How long are you…?”
“Here?” he supplied. “Just the day, pumpkin. I’ve got to get back to work. But maybe I’ll drive up again, if that’s okay with your mom.”
Carolyn pulled herself back from the past and smiled at her ex and daughter. “You’re always welcome to see Emma whenever you like.”
“I’d like to see her every day,” Ross said, his underlying meaning apparent to her.
Carolyn shot him another look she hoped he’d understood, telling him in no uncertain terms not to go there in front of an audience, especially this audience.
Her mother brought a huge plate of pancakes over, and said, “Eat, everyone.
Ross must have caught Carolyn’s warning because he dropped the subject, speared a stack of pancakes, and hummed in pleasure as he ate them. “Sandy, don’t let Carolyn tell you that you can’t cook. These are delicious.”
Emma took some, as well, and said, “Grandma can cook?”
Carolyn and Ross laughed, and her mother tried to look insulted, but finally gave it up and laughed, as well.
Emma, her mouth stuffed with pancakes, asked, “Mommy, Daddy said we could go into town and he’d buy me that…boat.”
“That boat I told you that you were too young for?” Carolyn had never said no with ease, and since Emma’s accident, her first instinct was to give her daughter whatever she wanted, but she knew she couldn’t do that.
Just as she couldn’t allow Emma to play her off against Ross.
Emma looked crestfallen and nodded.
“You said no?” Ross asked.
“Yes. It’s an expensive, adult, remote-controlled boat, not a toy designed for someone Emma’s age.” She turned to her daughter. “And when you ask your father for something I already said no to, without telling him that I said no, it’s like a lie. You know that, don’t you?”
Again, Emma nodded.
“I told you we’d see if we could find a boat that was more fitting for a girl your age, but now—”
“I do-don’t even get that one.”
“I’m sorry, Emma, but you’re right, you don’t even get that one. Your father and I are still a team, and you can’t try to trick us.”
“I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m sorry, Daddy.”
“Don’t you think you’re being harsh, Carolyn?” her mother asked. “After all, she’s been through—”
“Mom, a very wise woman once told me, there’s right and there’s wrong. Doesn’t matter how you equivocate, there are no excuses, no circumstances that alter the basics of that right and wrong. Emma was wrong.”
Her mother looked as if she might argue the point, so Carolyn continued, “You and Dad raised me to believe that, and that’s all Ross and I want to do with Emma.” She turned and took Emma’s hand in hers.
She couldn’t help but remember all the times she’d held her hand like this in the hospital. And she so wanted to say yes, but knew that she couldn’t. So she squeezed Emma’s hand three times, slowly and deliberately, and said, “Emma, though we won’t buy a boat, it seems to me I remember your father used to make a mean paper boat.”
“Paper?”
She nodded. “Maybe he’ll teach you how, then you’ll have all the boats you need this summer.”
“Will you, Daddy?”
“Yes.” He turned to Carolyn. “You’ll join us?”
“No. You two could use some quality time together.” Ross was looking at Carolyn in a way that made her very uncomfortable, so she switched her attention to Emma. “Why don’t we get you dressed?”
“I can do it.”
Carolyn knew it would take Emma two or three times as long to get dressed on her own, but she also knew that her daughter needed to exert whatever independence she could. “Yes, you can,” she said. “Why don
’t you eat and then get dressed so you can have a day with your dad.”
Emma nodded.
“We still need to talk,” Ross reminded her over Emma’s head.
“I know. Later, if you like, though nothing’s changed.”
“Then maybe it’s better we wait until later. A few more hours of thinking might help.”
“Ross—” Carolyn didn’t know what to say to make this easier on him. Once upon a time she’d have been thrilled by his willingness to work on their marriage, but their marriage was over. She was ready to build a new life with Stephan.
“Later then.”
Her mother came to the table in time to hear the tail end of their conversation. She gave Carolyn a studied look, then took a bite of her pancakes. “And you say I can’t cook,” she proudly proclaimed.
They chatted their way through the meal, all three adults keeping the conversation light.
Her father entered the room. “Good morning, all. How’s my girl today?” He ruffled Emma’s hair.
“I’m going with Daddy. I can get myself…dressed now, mostly. Jill at therapy taught me how to, ’cause my…one side still doesn’t work too good.”
“You’re working hard,” her father said.
“Very hard,” Emma corrected him.
“Very hard,” he agreed with a smile.
Carolyn got Ross and Emma off for their day of boat-making and could scarcely contain her own excitement as she went to go find Stephan.
“I’m running over to the Fosters’,” she called to her mother as she hurried out the back door.
“Carolyn, about Ross?” her mother asked, following her.
She turned, not wanting to have this conversation with her mother. “What about Ross, Mom?”
“He wants you back, doesn’t he?”
“Mom, I divorced Ross,” she said gently.
“But he wants to come home, doesn’t he?” her mother pressed.
“Mom, sometimes there’s no going back.”
Her mother folded her arms over her chest. “And sometimes there is. You made a vow.”
“I don’t love him,” Carolyn quietly pointed out.
“You have a daughter with him. A daughter who is going to require a lot of support to get back to a normal sort of life. She needs both her parents.”
“And she’ll have both her parents. We just aren’t and won’t be married anymore.”
“You don’t think you owe it to Emma to give him another chance?” her mother asked.
“You don’t think I owe it to myself to find my own happiness?” Carolyn countered.
“Good parents never put their own happiness above their children’s welfare. Never.” That said, her mother walked back into the cottage.
Rather than running to Stephan’s, which had been her intent, Carolyn found herself walking toward Spencer’s Rock. She folded herself into a small ball on top of it. How many times had she sat here like this, looking out at Lake Erie, trying to figure out the question of the day?
Even when she wasn’t in Heritage Bay, she could picture this place, and she found solace.
She’d been raised to believe that marriage was forever. And she’d tried. Did she owe Ross another chance? No. She was sure of that.
But did she owe it to Emma?
Her mother’s words, Good parents never put their own happiness above their children’s welfare, echoed her own doubts. Was that what she’d be doing? Putting her own happiness above what was best for Emma?
She knew she should be with Stephan. Maybe she’d always known it? Maybe that’s why things with Ross had never quite worked out.
Round and round her mind went. Knowing what she wanted, but not knowing what was right. And she was so terribly afraid that no matter what she did, she’d choose wrong.
“Caro?”
She should have known he’d find her. “Stephan.”
“What are you doing out here?” He laughed. “Never mind. You’re thinking. Question is, what are you thinking about? Our future, I hope.” He took her hand, helped her off the rock and into his arms.
For a second she allowed herself to revel in the comfort of being held by Stephan. But the feeling was fleeting. She pulled back and blurted out, “Ross wants to give our marriage another try.”
Stephan dropped his arms to his side. “And?”
“I said no.” She hopped onto the rock.
His expression relaxed. “Good.” He pulled himself onto the top of the rock. It was a squeeze, but they’d always managed it.
“But Ross pressed, Stephan. I promised to think about it. That’s what I was doing.”
He moved as far away as the rock would allow. “What is there to think about? You love me. You said so.”
“If it were just you and me, I’d have no hesitation. But there’s Emma. What kind of mother would I be if I didn’t weigh how whatever decision I make would affect her?”
“Decision? You’re trying to make a decision, which means you’re seriously considering going back to Ross? Do you think getting together with Ross for Emma’s sake, while you love me, is in her best interest?”
“No. Maybe. I don’t know, Stephan. I need you to be patient. I didn’t expect Ross to ask to try again.”
“So what am I, the second string?”
She could hear the anger in his voice. Stephan had never been mad at her before. “No. Not second string. Never that. But I need—”
“Carolyn,” he interrupted. “I need. I need you. I’ve spent more than thirty years sharing just snippets of your time. I’ll confess, I’m tired of it. I want it all, and I need you to commit to me. I need you to tell me that you love me and can’t picture yourself spending your life with anyone but me.”
“I can tell you all of that because it’s the truth. I can honestly say that I can’t picture myself with Ross, but for Emma’s sake, I need to think about it. I’m her mother. When she was in the hospital, I promised myself, I promised her, that I’d do anything for her.”
“Even this?”
“I’m just asking for an afternoon to think, Stephan.”
He reached in his pocket and took out a ring box. “I told you I wanted to take things slow, and I do. But I know what I want for us. My grandmother left me this, and I asked my mom for it. I want you to wear it. I was going to wait, but this is where I saw us ending up.” He handed the box to her. “You keep it, hold on to it, and make your decision about what it is you want. I’m heading back to Detroit.”
“Stephan, I don’t want you to go.”
He jumped off the rock and looked up at her. “Don’t you see, Caro? I can’t stay and watch you considering building a life with another man. When you’ve decided, let me know.”
“Stephan.” She knew what she wanted. She wanted Stephan, though her mother’s words still rang in her ears. “Please.”
“Don’t call me until you’ve got an answer.” He started walking toward the cottages.
“I do love you,” she called after him.
He just turned, and in his expression, she could see his love, but she could also see the pain she’d caused him. “I’m sorry.”
“So am I, Caro.”
He walked away, and Carolyn knew there would be no solace from Spencer’s Rock. Not for her. Not today.
She tried to think of herself with Ross, but she couldn’t get the image to form. The only one that kept appearing was Stephan, standing here next to her, looking as if she’d cut him to the core.
She could see Stephan on this beach, the summer before her senior year. Stephan on the boat. Stephan in the water, blood pouring from his scalp, swimming to her.
Stephan.
It had always been Stephan.
She loved Emma, and she’d do anything for her daughter, but that didn’t include staying with Ross out of some sense of duty. There was no way that could be what was best for Emma.
Carolyn jumped off the rock, her momentary confusion gone.
Things were going to change,
and she hated the thought of more upheaval, but this was right. It was worth it.
Stephan was worth it.
The life they could build together was worth it.
STEPHAN STORMED AWAY FROM Spencer’s Rock. He needed to get out of here, get away from this place where everything reminded him of Carolyn. The rock, the beach, even the damn shadows.
He hurried into the cottage. He was just going to throw his things in his bag, and drive home to Detroit. Carolyn could take all the time she needed. He’d go back to his life and wait.
Waiting for Carolyn seemed to be what he did best, after all.
He stormed through the living room, into his bedroom and started tossing the contents of the closet into his bag with a lot more force than was necessary.
“Steph?” George asked.
“You know, for more than thirty years, I’ve met her here in the summer. I’ve had bits and pieces of her life. Bits and pieces of her love. And she needs time to think?”
George offered him a wry smile. “I assume we’re talking about Carolyn?”
Stephan had stuffed his first suitcase, and started dumping drawers into the second. “I took the bar exam for Ohio, did I tell you that?”
“No.” George leaned against the door frame.
Stephan closed the suitcase. “I planned on going back to Detroit, giving Dad my notice, and moving to Cleveland to be with her.”
“Why?” George asked.
“Because I love her.” Right now he was beyond angry at her hesitation, but even now, he knew he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. “I thought we should take things slowly. So I took the bar exam and thought I’d move to Cleveland and eventually, pop the question, because I want to spend the rest of my life with that infuriating woman.”
George nodded. “Yeah, that sounds like love.”
“It is. And now her ex is back, asking her to give them another chance. And I know that’s what her parents want, as well. They’ve made it clear they don’t approve of Carolyn and me.”
“They always loved you.”
Stephan picked up the suitcases. “But not as future son-in-law material, I guess. I know they never approved of her divorcing him. And now he’s here, wanting her back. She didn’t just say no, though she said she wanted to. She said she felt she owed it to him and to Emma to consider taking him back.”