Renegade

by J. A. Souders

  It hurts to see it.

  With a glance at the door, I sneak a peek at the photograph. It’s a picture of a blond woman sitting in front of some kind of stone wall with a hole in it—a fireplace, I think—and there’s a young child sitting in her lap. Curious, I flip it over. Written on the back are the words, “Never forget.”

  With no time to figure it out, I shove the data cube I’m still holding into my bra. Taking a deep breath, I stick my head out into the hall, then sneak as quickly as I can back to the door I came in from. Festival is still going on, but I’m still pretty recognizable. Besides, I haven’t made sure the turrets are completely turned off. No sense in testing it out where innocent people could get hurt.

  I stick as close to the original path as I can, only taking a detour when I hear voices of workers. They seem to be in a hurry. I wonder whether they’re late for Festival or looking for me.

  Since I know my way this time, it takes only half the time to get back to Macie’s as it did to get to the Palace Wing and I’m grateful for that. The episode with Mother weighs on my nerves. I can’t wait to share this information with Gavin.

  I push through the door and lean on it to close it. It’s completely silent in the apartment, and my instincts immediately begin to hum. Why is it so quiet? It’s not like I expected them to have a party while I was gone, but I did expect some kind of noise. Like talking.

  Creeping toward the living room, I check every room along the way for something amiss. There aren’t many to check—only a bedroom and bathroom. I peer around the corner to the living room and knit my brows together. Nothing appears to be wrong. They’re both sitting and staring into space. Macie sits on her couch, her arms resting in her lap. She keeps glancing at the clock and wringing her hands.

  Gavin sits in the armchair. There’s a tick in his jaw, just a tiny flutter every few seconds. His hands keep fisting and then unfisting, crumpling the material of his slacks.

  I step through the doorway and both of their gazes fly over to me. At first there is relief in both of them, but Gavin’s quickly fades to anger. He shoves off the chair, stomps over to me, and grabs me.

  My heart flutters a little, but I stand my ground. I’m not sure if it’s fear or something else that causes the flutter.

  “What the hell were you thinking? Have you lost your damn mind? Do you realize what you just put me through? You could have been killed. I thought we were in this together. We were going to get out of here together. Remember?”

  When he finally releases me, I wobble. We stare at each other, then he spins on his heel and disappears down the hall. A few seconds later the bathroom door shuts. It’s so close to a slam, I wince.

  Macie clears her throat. She glances back at the hallway. “He was quite angry.”

  “I thought he would be,” I say. Suddenly tired right down to my toes, I sit on the couch and rest my head on the back of it, closing my lids. “But it needed to be done.”

  The couch squeaks when she sits next to me. “I take it you fixed the problem?”

  “Yes.” I open my eyes and look at her. “Yours, too.”

  She knits her brows together. “What are you talking about?”

  “Your problem with the coupling. I fixed it. You and Nick are now re-approved for coupling. And I even assigned you quarters already.”

  She draws in a breath and her eyes start to water when she smiles. “Truly? You did that for me?” Then her euphoric expression fades and is replaced by a mask of anger. “You mean you spent time helping me!” she yells, standing and forcing me to do the same. “For Mother’s sake, Evie! What is wrong with you? Gavin is right: You could’ve gotten yourself killed. You were just supposed to go in and fix the computer. Not play matchmaker.”

  Gavin runs back in. “What’s going on?” He looks between the two of us.

  We ignore him.

  “I was right there! What did you expect me to do? Just ignore it and walk away?” I yell back, fuming. Here I’d risked my neck to fix something I’d broken and she was yelling at me?

  “Yes. I did. It wasn’t worth the risk.” She places her hands on her hips and pins me with her eyes.

  Gavin turns to her. “What wasn’t worth the risk?”

  Again we ignore him. “You’re my best friend,” I say. “One of my only friends. I caused that to happen and you’re right. I was selfish. I didn’t think of the risks you were taking. I only thought of Gavin and myself. Getting him out of here so he could leave us far behind. It’s not exactly what best friends do. So I fixed it.”

  Gavin’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t say anything.

  Macie looks down at her feet. “I was wrong to say that. You weren’t selfish. You were desperate. Besides, that’s what friends are for.”

  I shake my head. “I was going to leave you to deal with the consequences. It was selfish and wrong. And I’m sorry.” I smile at her. “And now I’ve fixed it. Congratulations. You and Nick will be very happy, I’m sure. Consider this your coupling present.”

  She growls low in her throat. “You’re so damned stubborn!” She spins on her heel and stamps off.

  Well, that makes two for two. I’m on a roll.

  “I guess you took the time to get her authorization for coupling back?” Gavin asks.

  I look at him from the corner of my eye. “Are you going to lecture me, too?”

  “She’s right, Evie. What in the hell were you thinking?”

  “You’ve asked that already. Are you going to let me answer this time?”

  He pulls in a breath through his teeth and makes a hissing sound. “I don’t know. Do you have an answer that doesn’t use the words, ‘I had to. You would have just hindered me’?”

  “I could come up with something,” I say, and try a smile.

  He bangs a hand on the end table, making the lamp wobble back and forth. “Damn it, Evie. This isn’t funny. You could have died and I would have never known.”

  “That’s not true. Mother would have…” I trail off and look to my hands when his eyes flash.

  “Oh, yeah. That’s exactly how I want to find out you died. Don’t you care about anyone but yourself?”

  His words steal my breath. I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach and I cross my arms around it. His words are so close to what Macie said.

  “I care about you,” I whisper, blinking back tears.

  “Do you? Because you haven’t shown it.”

  Haven’t shown it? Haven’t shown it? “I’ve risked my life to help you escape, haven’t I? I’m giving up my home to help you. Isn’t that enough?”

  “No!” he says.

  “What else do you want from me?”

  “I want you to—” He cuts himself off and thins his lips.

  “What?”

  “I want you to … trust me. To let me help you when you need it.”

  I weave my brows together. I’m sure that’s not what he was going to say, but he’s crossed his arms over his chest and I doubt I’ll get the real answer.

  “I want to know I can trust you, too. That you won’t leave me behind like some incompetent ass that can’t take care of himself, let alone his girl.”

  His voice is quiet now and I can hear so much sadness behind it, I immediately feel ashamed for not trusting him, when he trusted me.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry,” I finally say. “I trust you. I won’t do it again.”

  He looks up at me, suspicion clouding his eyes. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. You and me. Together. Until the end. For better or worse.”

  He raises an eyebrow, and he gives me a tilted smile. “Until the end,” he repeats. Then he’s pulling me in for a shaky hug, squeezing so tightly I squeak when I try to breathe. When he hears the squeak, he releases me a fraction.

  “I’m sorry, Gavin,” I say. “I really am. I can’t imagine what it was like waiting for me.”

  He pulls back and I’m sure I’m in for another lecture, but then his mouth crushes down on mi
ne, his hands traveling over every available space on my body.

  I’m so shocked I don’t do anything. This kiss is different from our others. Way different. My heart thunders in my ears and kicks in my chest. My breaths turn ragged. My head spins, but this time there’s no panic. Only surprise. And pleasure.

  When he finally releases me, I wobble.

  We stare at each other, until Macie clears her throat. “Touching by unCoupleds is against the law. Unless, of course, you’d like to share something with me.”

  I turn my attention to her. She’s standing now, and although her stance is wary, there’s a hint of amusement in her eyes, and the corner of her lips quiver with a smile.

  “You’re one to talk,” I blurt out, and then frown. How did I know that?

  She only continues to smile, not even pretending to correct me.

  Gavin flashes me a grin. “So, you going to show me what’s under your dress?” he asks with a look toward my chest.

  Huh? “Under my … Oh!” I laugh when I realize he felt the data cube in my bra. I pull it out and hand it to him.

  “What is this?” he says, studying it.

  “It’s a data cube. It’s got some information I think we can use.” Finally, I say, “Have you forgiven me, then? For leaving you here?”

  “No,” he says bluntly, without even looking at me.

  “Oh.”

  “But I understand why you did it.” He turns to face me. “I suppose I would have done the same thing.” He takes the hands I’m clenching at my sides and clasps them between his. “And you promised to never do it again. I trust you.”

  “You do?” I ask, completely shocked. “Still?”

  “Yes. I do.”

  Macie clears her throat again and I look at her. Her eyes are red, and I’m sure it’s from crying. In order to preserve her dignity, I ignore it and hope Gavin does, too.

  I step back from Gavin and hold up the data cube. “I brought back some interesting goodies. Feel like doing some analysis for me?” I ask.

  She sniffles, then nods and takes the data cube. “What is this?”

  I gesture for her to sit, then tell them about what had happened with Mother in her quarters. They’re both leaning forward by the end of it.

  “Who was the picture of?” Gavin asks.

  “I don’t know. It was a woman, and she was holding a small child on her lap.”

  Macie pops the cube into her computer system and a section of her wall lights up to reveal a holographic display. Gavin’s eyes just about pop out of his head.

  “That is wicked!” he says. “I wish we had something like this, but we’ve only got these crappy things that don’t work most of the time.”

  Macie and I share a smile before going back to look through the files. She takes half and moves them over to another screen and I stay on the first. We look through them for what feels like forever until I find what I’m looking for.

  It’s a diary. Mother’s diary.

  I almost shut it down, thinking it’s too personal and probably of no use to us, when something catches my eye. It’s an entry from when Mother was a child.

  FEBRUARY 1

  Daddy says it’s time to go. He can’t stand the thought of losing me, too, so he’s going to go to the only place he knows is safe. We’re going to move to his resort. Elysium! That’s the one under the ocean! Mother never much cared for that one. She was much too afraid of being underwater, so I’ve only been there once. But it’s beautiful.

  Daddy’s asked me for a list of my friends and their families to come with us, but I don’t want anyone there but Daddy and I. No one else deserves to live in such a lovely place. They didn’t care that Mother died. They didn’t even try calling to see if I was all right! Even when they knew I saw those awful people shoot her just because she was wearing some gold necklaces! They even took my favorite hairband! The one with all the diamonds on it.

  I don’t care that Daddy said my friends just didn’t know what to say or do. Mother always said that ignorance is no excuse for bad manners. But he’s inviting his friends and I suppose I don’t want to be around people older than me all the time, so I’ll make the stupid list.

  The next eight years of entries talk about how much she idolized her “perfect” father, how he could never do any wrong, and reminiscing about her “perfect” mother. How she’s surprised about what Father allows to happen, and how her mother would never have tolerated some of the goings-on. And more and more rants about the Surface and the Surface Dwellers as she’s started calling them. Nothing all that important or surprising, just the incoherent ramblings of someone becoming increasingly hostile to the happenings on the Surface, so I just scroll through them, scanning for important information until I find what I was looking for: the day Mother took control of Elysium.

  JUNE 6

  Father has gone out of his mind. He actually wants to return to the Surface. He says they’ve changed. The people who live up there. The ones who started the War.

  Even after it ended, they still tore apart the land with their manipulations, greed, and hostilities. Worst yet, he seems to have forgotten that they are the ones who took Mother from us.

  He says he misses the sky and fresh air. That he wants to look at more than just the walls of this complex. How utterly ridiculous. What’s prettier than the sea and its inhabitants? I asked him, but he just says it’s because I don’t remember the Surface. I remember the Surface, all right. It was filthy and disgusting and lawless.

  How a civilized person is expected to live, let alone thrive up there, I have no idea, but I know that it’s my responsibility to talk sense into Father.

  JUNE 7

  Father refused to listen to reason and insists that all his guests—and that includes me—must return to the Surface. I consider this nothing short of betrayal of Mother and myself and have rectified the situation in the only way befitting a betrayer.

  JULY 1

  I have taken official control of the city. There is much to be done to cleanse the taint of the Surface Dweller from my fair city. Elysium has remained mostly disconnected from the Surface and we have the capability to become fully self-sufficient with minimal effort and changes. All we need is the addition of a fully equipped medical center, agricultural sector, and a separate residential area. I refuse to live in the same space as those that Father deemed acceptable.

  The taint from the Surface has infiltrated farther than I thought. However, the situation should be easily rectified with stricter rules and harsher punishments. I will rule with an “iron fist,” as they say. This will no longer be a relaxing resort, but a thriving city. No matter the cost.

  I’m certain there will be those who resist, but any further betrayals will not be tolerated. Dissenters will meet the same punishment as Father.

  I must remain forward-thinking. And the first step into making this city perfect is to “purify” the city, by removing all carriers of unwanted genetics and preserving those that fit the model of perfection I’m striving for.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Subject 121, Evelyn Winters: It appears she is resistant to normal Conditioning techniques. All methods have failed, seemingly at an increased rate each treatment. I believe a full medical evaluation will be needed to determine the cause.

  —DR. FRIAR, PROGRESS NOTE TO MOTHER

  My gaze moves over to Gavin, shock rendering me mute. He was right. Mother lied about who founded the city, and why the city was founded. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised he was right. The real question is, when has he been wrong?

  He must sense me staring at him, because he turns and smiles at me. It slips when he sees my face.

  “What’s wrong?” He jumps up from his seat.

  Macie turns and frowns at me. “Sweetie? What’s wrong?”

  I only gesture back to the screen. I can’t make myself say the words. I’m not sure why this surprises me so much. It only makes sense. Her hatred for the Surface. Her obsession with everyone being perfect
. Her words in her room. Gavin and Macie crowd behind me, and I know the minute they realize what they’re seeing as their mouths drop open. It would be comical if not for the foreboding feeling I’ve got in the pit of my stomach.

  “No way!” Macie says. “The city isn’t that old. Our history teachers said so. We are the first children.”

  “Think about it,” I say quietly. “You said it yourself. She’s the one in charge of the curriculum. If I said the water was purple, she’d change it. She changed the lessons to state her truth.”

  “But why?” Macie asks.

  I exchange a look with Gavin. “Because she didn’t want anyone to challenge her authority.”

  “I don’t understand.” She tugs on her hair in a way I’ve seen dozens of times before whenever she’s frustrated. I can’t say I don’t know how she feels. I want to pull my own hair out, but I know it won’t do any good.

  “Haven’t you ever wondered why there isn’t a Sector One?” I ask.

  She shakes her head. “I always thought that was the Palace Wing.”

  Fair enough. “Okay, well, Gavin and I found an abandoned Sector. And it looks identical to Sector Two. I think that’s Sector One.”

  Her eyes widen. “What?”

  “There’s no one living there. Hasn’t been for a long time, if the dust is any indication. About thirty years or so.”

  “What happened to all the people?”

  I open my mouth to tell her, but no sound comes out. I can’t force myself to tell her. I look down at the floor instead.

  Gavin squeezes my shoulder. “We think they were killed.”

  She sinks down so she’s sitting on the couch again. “Why?”